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Dear Dominants - 12/29/2009 5:09:31 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Let Me go on record here (again) by first saying that I really enjoy CM. I like the layout. I like a good number of the regular posters here. Threads and discussion are pretty darn easy to follow. There aren't endless groups that can be created over and over with only two or three folks belonging to them. However, I tend to think at times that we may have benefited to an extent if some folks didn't take the gender lines quite so seriously when addressing topics to Dominants.

Yes, there are some topics that are gender specific. I don't think it's as many as other folks are led to believe. Often when reading a question that gets asked in the Ask A Master or Ask A Mistress section, I have to wonder why the person who posted the question only wants half the answers? After all, they are only addressing half of the Dominants when they are doing so. They can potentially be missing out on some of the answers they could have been provided had they asked all of the Dominants, rather than just those who happen to be male or happen to be female. The cross posting thing is a no-no (which I agree on) so this can be limiting on posting the same question on both boards.

I'm not suggesting that CM redesign itself. As I've said there are some topics that are gender specific. What I'm getting at is that there is so much out there related to Dominance that's not gender specific at all. Sadism, humiliation, control, authority, inspiring submission, punishment, on, and on, and on that honestly aren't related to whether or not the Dominant you are asking has a penis or not. In many cases, it's nothing but a benefit to ask both genders of Dominants, as you'll get a wider variety of answers from both perspectives.

I'm wondering about how other folks feel about this? Do you find that many of the topics posted to one gender board or another, would have been better suited to the main board where both would more likely be heard? In writing either questions or replies on CM, how seriously do you take the gender guidelines of the Master/Mistress boards?

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

Post #: 1

RE: Dear Dominants - 12/29/2009 5:14:17 PM

Ladynslave

Posts: 376
Joined: 7/30/2009
Status: offline

Not very seriously, I browse both boards and answer as the mood strikes. I also collect ideas from both.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 2

RE: Dear Dominants - 12/29/2009 5:14:19 PM

kiinkerbell

Posts: 19
Joined: 12/28/2009
Status: offline

I personally don't think theres anything wrong with asking for the opinion of a specific gender, or orientation (D-type, s-type). Having said that, i thinks its RIDICULOUS to complain on *an open forum* if you get in put from those other than what you asked for in your OP.

_____________________________

Be nice, because mean people just suck.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 3

RE: Dear Dominants - 12/29/2009 5:14:30 PM

SDFemDom4cuck

Posts: 2809
Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
Status: offline

I don't.

Just as with the ask a sub boards. I've jumped in regardless of to whom the board is addressed if I feel I have something useful to add regarding the subject itself.

The 1 board I will usually steer clear of is the Gor board. Simply my preference to stay out of it rather than give my .02. Otherwise it's all fair game to me.

_____________________________

Ms Jo

She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 4

RE: Dear Dominants - 12/29/2009 5:15:10 PM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

I may not be the ideal responder you are looking for.

If I see a topic that interests me in anyway, I will respond. Sometimes even seriously.

I pay absolutely no attention to the group it was started in. Your response in a recent thread was a perfect example.

If there is anything to be learned here, it is not wise to ignore any segment of the population.

Not really caring what anyone thinks can also be a great help.

Jeff

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 5

RE: Dear Dominants - 12/29/2009 5:16:12 PM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

it's rather curious isn't it?

the "Ask a switch" or "Ask a submissive/slave" sections aren't specific to gender...perhaps the folks that set up this site are of the mind that gender matters only if it's from a dominant's perspective?

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 6

RE: Dear Dominants - 12/29/2009 5:17:45 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

I'm wondering about how other folks feel about this? Do you find that many of the topics posted to one gender board or another, would have been better suited to the main board where both would more likely be heard? In writing either questions or replies on CM, how seriously do you take the gender guidelines of the Master/Mistress boards?

I've posted gender neutral topics in the General BDSM section and FemDom specific topics in Ask A Mistress.

I don't mind if Male Doms come to Ask A Mistress to give their opinion, in fact with people like DarkSteven and mnottertail (and others) I love their feedback! I just ask that men don't come in to the Ask A Mistress forum and mock FemDoms. Of course, I can't stop them. Doesn't mean I have to like it. I'll just have to work harder at ignoring them.

Other than that, I don't really go into any other forum. I might at some point post in Ask A Submissive.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 7

RE: Dear Dominants - 12/29/2009 5:19:40 PM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

LP?...... I am wondering why this was addressed to only Dominants?

:)

Jeff

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 8

RE: Dear Dominants - 12/29/2009 5:21:30 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

LP?...... I am wondering why this was addressed to only Dominants?

:)

Jeff

I see your point. Perhaps I should have named the thread Ask A Dominant, in keeping with the other board titles.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Jeffff)

Post #: 9

RE: Dear Dominants - 12/29/2009 5:24:30 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

If we're talking scening only, then what happens is more defined by the sub's body than the Dom/me's. So it'd make more sense to define things by the s type's gender.

Not that it matters. There are roving renegades that cross over forums.

< Message edited by DarkSteven -- 12/29/2009 5:25:03 PM >

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Jeffff)

Post #: 10

RE: Dear Dominants - 12/29/2009 5:26:26 PM

sweetsub1957

Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline

It makes no sense at all to me to just want half the answers. I enjoy reading them all. The more information the better. And everyone pretty much knows by now that I'm a sassy s-type and post anywhwere and everywhere. lol

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 11

RE: Dear Dominants - 12/29/2009 5:29:28 PM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Do you find that many of the topics posted to one gender board or another, would have been better suited to the main board where both would more likely be heard? In writing either questions or replies on CM, how seriously do you take the gender guidelines of the Master/Mistress boards?

I don't take the guidelines all that seriously. I've posted on the subs' board and the masters' board when the question was posed in such a way that it could just as easily have been asked on the general board. I don't usually post on the switches' board or the Gorean board. Those are mindsets that I find incomprehensible, distasteful, or both. In many cases, I agree there's something to be gained from a wide variety of experiences whether male or female and regardless which side of the kneel one prefers.

That being said, I understand why some people only want answers from people who identify a certain way. They're looking for a particular brand of insight in a format they find easy to relate to or that echoes the mindset of their partners or desired partners. There may not be gender specific questions, but sometimes I want gender specific answers. Likewise, I might want D/s specific answers.

In some ways, I wish more people would restrict themselves (or be forcibly restricted) to the boards designated for their biological sex and d/s status because then, if I were looking for a specific POV, I would know where to go and wouldn't have to wade through a lot of chaff to get to the wheat. Most of the time, however, I'm just as glad we can all post wherever we choose.

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl

"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 12

RE: Dear Dominants - 12/29/2009 5:40:36 PM

SirJohnMandevill

Posts: 546
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline

I, too, browse several of the boards without respect to presumed gender, and don't hesitate to post in any of them, regardless of orientation, if I feel i can contribute something. Gee, this male Dominant has even learned things from "Ask a Submissive!"

Imagine that! How often will you see the words "male Dominant" and "learn" in the same English sentence...?

Purveyor of Fine, handcrafted Kink

_____________________________

Iam an eroticist
I am a fully eroticized being
No more neuroses
I found my strip naked soul soup
With the deviant ingredient
---The B-52s

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 13

RE: Dear Dominants - 12/29/2009 5:49:58 PM

earthycouple

Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline

I read posts on all of the boards and give my opinions when I feel I can contribute in one way or another, regardless of the title of the board. I believe that if I'm shunned for that, then so be it. It matters little to me if someone chooses to be so set in their paradigms that they can't have a tolerance for everyone's view, whether they agree with it or not; or whether the poster is of a specific "title".

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to SirJohnMandevill)

Post #: 14

RE: Dear Dominants - 12/29/2009 7:14:52 PM

Wolf2Bear

Posts: 3204
Joined: 9/6/2009
Status: offline

We all can learn something regardless of the gender of the person who posted a query.

_____________________________

~Resident Sadist Approved~

Take the pain
Take the pleasure
I'm the master of both
Close your eyes, not your mind
Let me into your soul
I'm gonna work it 'til your totally blown

(in reply to earthycouple)

Post #: 15

RE: Dear Dominants - 12/29/2009 7:28:28 PM

Elisabella

Posts: 3939
Status: offline

-FR-

I think the questions asked in the "General BDSM" discussion are generally the ones that are meant to be answered by either gender.

I think if someone asks a question in the Master or Mistress section that isn't specifically related to one or the other (ie questions about CBT) that they're doing so because they're interested in things from either a maledom or femdomme perspective. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

If someone asks in the General BDSM board "Why do you enjoy humiliating your sub" they're looking for answers about why dominants enjoy humiliation. If they ask the same question on the Ask a Master board, they're looking for answers about why dominant men enjoy humiliating women.

A lot of the time the questions are asked in a specific section is because the asker is looking to draw parallels to his or her own relationship. Men and women tend to act differently, so if a female submissive is curious about humiliation from a maledom perspective, she won't be that interested in a femdomme's answer because she's not looking for a domme.

I'm not sure why the slave/sub board isn't divided up the same way, but personally I think a better reworking would be to make it into 2 different boards - ask a sub, and ask a slave. The slave dynamic is so different from the sub dynamic, and it leads to people asking questions like "should a sub/slave have no limits" which just makes me go WTF - are you asking about a SUB or are you asking about a SLAVE? Cuz at least for me the answer would be different.

I agree that it would make more sense to combine the other two into "ask a dominant" as well, and then allow people to specify in their question if they're looking for only one gender's side of it. Like in the sub/slave forum they have things like "a question for the male subs" or whatnot.

(in reply to Wolf2Bear)

Post #: 16

RE: Dear Dominants - 12/29/2009 7:45:14 PM

Wolf2Bear

Posts: 3204
Joined: 9/6/2009
Status: offline

Yet people who identify as a switch can often identify and relate to both sides of the slash. Also there are many who are newly exploring the less identified role so we frequent both 'ask a slave/sub' and 'ask a Master' sections to get a grasp on both POVs. Especially when we see first hand on "what not to do" LOL

_____________________________

~Resident Sadist Approved~

Take the pain
Take the pleasure
I'm the master of both
Close your eyes, not your mind
Let me into your soul
I'm gonna work it 'til your totally blown

(in reply to Elisabella)

Post #: 17

RE: Dear Dominants - 12/29/2009 7:57:38 PM

Elisabella

Posts: 3939
Status: offline

Oh definitely, Wolf. I think a lot of people have an idea that 'switch' is something totally unique, neither dominant nor submissive - I know I've been questioned for posting both from the domme side and from the sub side. But really all 'switch' means is that you do *both* so you'll have an opinion on either.

(in reply to Wolf2Bear)

Post #: 18

RE: Dear Dominants - 12/29/2009 8:34:23 PM

tiemeupSir02

Posts: 62
Joined: 10/23/2009
Status: offline

O/one should feel free to reply whether or not the thread was started in the ask a Mistress or ask a Master forum. i agree that O/one is only getting half of the answers, now and again O/one gets the threads that are started that ask for only either the Mistress' reply if it is started in that forum or either the Maters reply if started in that forum. i reply to any forum, should be free to do so.

(in reply to Elisabella)

Post #: 19

RE: Dear Dominants - 12/29/2009 9:38:10 PM

Rule

Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
In writing either questions or replies on CM, how seriously do you take the gender guidelines of the Master/Mistress boards?

At first I did not post in the Mistress board. This changed in 2006 when some dommes berated me for not doing so. Ever since I have occasionally replied to a post in the Mistress forum if I thought I had something to contribute.
I am more active in the lower forums, though; the upper forums I usually ignore.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 20

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