Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Stockholm to Lima


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Stockholm to Lima Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Stockholm to Lima - 12/8/2009 11:53:29 PM   
Malkinius


Posts: 1814
Joined: 1/9/2004
Status: offline
Greetings CaringandReal....

quote:

ORIGINAL: CaringandReal
But are the "things which are/can be used to cause SS" actually abuse? And is abuse an essential ingredient required for SS?


I am going to define a couple of terms first so that you understand me. They are mostly my own definitions that I use to describe what I have found and how it can be implemented. The main two are engine or mechanism and tool.

The engine is what drives a process. It is how it actually happens. The engine of sunlight to sugar is, in a short form, photosynthesis. That is the mechanism by which something happens. How you take a memory and store it long term involves neurotransmitters and hormonal and chemical reactions. They are the biological engine of memory.

A tool is something that is used to achieve a result. A hammer achieves the result of a nail holding two boards together. A look is a tool that achieves the transmission of a warning message. A whip is a tool that achieves the activation of pain receptors via striking someone.

These terms are descriptive and value neutral. What you use a tool for and how you use it is what imparts value and meaning to the result. A hammer can build something or destroy something. It is still the same hammer.

Now I can answer your question a bit easier. Some of the tools that are common to SS, abuse, enslavement include separation from others, restrictions of movement and speech, denial of something normally allowed, lack of privacy, punishment for disobedience and domination by force of personality and violence.

quote:

The second statement is what I hear other posters saying. I agree with you about domestic abuse situations. And of course abuse can be a part of bad bdsm relationships (ones in which one partner is not fulfilled or essentially satisfied in some way). But I think LovingPet is talking about either consensual relationships (or ones that start out that way) and also possibly bdsm relationships, whatever their consensuality status, that are "positive" in some manner for both partners. Are you saying that abuse, which I define as something someone truly at their core hates, so much that they would try to escape from it permanently if they could, is not an essential ingredient to producing SS?


When you have a consensual relationship for the usage of, for example, the tools listed above, you do not have abuse. You will also not produce SS. The latter is because you have a level of self-reinforcement that is mostly absent in SS but common in IE. You do get it somewhat in abuse situations. That is an odd hybrid between the two.

There are many cases where a SS victim is allowed to move freely and even trusted to not run or fight back after time. Patty Hurst for example. In many of the kidnap and hold for years cases, the victim has at times been allowed to do things on their own without supervision and they could have run but did not. In a consensual IE situation, the slave self-reinforces that she wants to be where she is because she chose to be there and barring an otherwise abusive situation will stay. They often will stay even if it turns abusive which in BDSM can and sometimes does happen as it does in marriages and mundane relationships. You will just have to trust me that a person's mind can be changed to the point where they don't want to leave the situation they are in even tho they don't want to be there.

Does this help?

Be well....

Malkinius


_____________________________

A questioner by inclination...An Auctioneer for the fun of it
http://www.HouseMalkinius.com    The goal is community.

(in reply to CaringandReal)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Stockholm to Lima - 12/8/2009 11:58:45 PM   
Malkinius


Posts: 1814
Joined: 1/9/2004
Status: offline
Greetings lovingpet...

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet
Could you elaborate on these mechanisms and how they are similar and different? That is my interest here. Thanks!

lovingpet


Some of this has been answered in my most recent reply to CaringandReal. The main difference is not in the tools but in the consent of all parties to the relationship and the intention of the results of using the tools. Call it a value thing, but that is probably the best answer. If all parties are consenting, the intentions are good, the results are desired and it worked, it is a good thing. Otherwise it is a bad thing.

To fully explain the details would take something too long for here and besides I haven't finished writing it yet. <grins> I also haven't finished the research either.

Be well....

Malkinius


_____________________________

A questioner by inclination...An Auctioneer for the fun of it
http://www.HouseMalkinius.com    The goal is community.

(in reply to lovingpet)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Stockholm to Lima - 12/9/2009 2:30:48 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline
How about the possibility that he might make you eat his bogies in his dark forest... will you be able to fantasize an end to things now?

I agree with the.dark... i like my relationships a bit lighter rather than darker too... not to say that i cannot enjoy shady patches of course...
anyway i have been in rather dark places as well and indeed empathy or rather pity was what kept me there.... emotional blackmail if you like...

I think this is the case for the people who are abducted at a relatively young age and kept for so long... it is not that the abductor has the Lima thing... it is that the poor victim is convinced that somehow they are responsible for this creep...

i know that is how twisted my line of thinking became after suffering 3+ years of insane jealousy... i never considered stockholm or internal enslavement as a syndrome i was batteling with though... i was busy fooling myself romantically by believing him that he could not live without me (which he obviously could) ... and not listening to that little voice inside of me telling me everything was wrong and i should get out... sometimes people are too numb or too dumb to jump through the open window to escape...

in many ways i felt superior to him as i knew he was so weak suffering all this rediculous jealousy and insecurity... this is what i have heard from others who have suffered with abuse too... many are very strong (but misguided) people... maybe even the tough doormat type? Staying because the abusive partner is so weak and 'needs' them... it is a very twisted Ds thing if you try to do some comparing, because in effect the abuser should really be the equivalent of the Dom but he is not... the abuser is actually the weakest of the pair and the 'victim' the strongest, until they get out or it all goes so wrong that someone gets killed.

i still think internal enslavement and tpe is a romantic notion

(in reply to lovingpet)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Stockholm to Lima - 12/9/2009 12:02:42 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline
Thank you Malkinius! That helps some. My cmail is open for more indepth info.

ranja: I think it is because I, too, have been in an abuse dynamic (more than once) that I take such an interest in these kinds of parallels. I appreciate you sharing your experience. I know it isn't always easy to talk about such things.

As for the bogeys, I can't say I'd be thrilled with the feeding, but alas, where he leads.... Even if it does make me go

When I talk about the dark forest, I mean he set me down smack in the middle of all the "kink" or whatever you'd like to call it and pretty much just said take it or leave it. This was a very quick period at the beginning of the relationship where he just laid it all out there. After he saw that I was really trying to work through how I felt about everything and not just running off blindly, we both got to know each other on all those other critical levels. I would say, despite the more or less immediate talk of kink, we have talked less about kink than any other subject. This isn't a darkness of his own private hell and failings. It is just the kinky rainforest.

lovingpet

_____________________________

If you put your head into more, you'd have to put your back into less. ~Me

10 Fluffy pts.


(in reply to ranja)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Stockholm to Lima - 12/9/2009 11:57:08 PM   
Malkinius


Posts: 1814
Joined: 1/9/2004
Status: offline
Greetings lovingpet....

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

Thank you Malkinius! That helps some. My cmail is open for more indepth info.


If you really want to take it to more depth I am willing to talk, but it will go places you won't expect. Ask and I will answer.

Be well....

Malkinius


_____________________________

A questioner by inclination...An Auctioneer for the fun of it
http://www.HouseMalkinius.com    The goal is community.

(in reply to lovingpet)
Profile   Post #: 45
Page:   <<   < prev  1 2 [3]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Stockholm to Lima Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094