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For The Dominants, Why Do You Care? - 11/18/2009 3:20:48 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

This is a question that keeps coming to Me over and over from reading the boards here. It could be that I'm missing something, and I'm hoping My fellow D folks can help Me out.

See, I have a little confusion on this matter because I tend to believe that I think differently than many people out there. As I assess My situation, I understand that I am the person in authority in a power dynamic. I happen to think it's a rather successful one. Not perfect by any means, but it's working for Me and it's working for My boy. To Me, logically, that means that in the past two and a half years since the beginnings of this dynamic formed, since the final authority rested with Me regarding decisions, minimally, I must have at least gotten some of it right. If I hadn't, I doubt that this dynamic would have formed and continued to exist.

This doesn't mean that I've never had a question about it or solicited advice. I absolutely have in those times that I thought I could gain more information or hear different perspectives. Once obtained, I use it to help Me base decisions that I had the original question on. Then, if no new information is presented to Me, I make My final decision, and move along. Until such time as things change, that is how things will be done. In other words, that's it. The committee is over.

Often, I have written things on these boards that have not been popular opinion. When I've been in the minority, I've simply shrugged My shoulders and said that's how things work around here for whatever it is and those who disagree with My opinion aren't involved in this dynamic, so it makes the point moot. That goes from everything to rituals, to writing style, to any other thing. It ain't broke, so your (general) opinion on it doesn't matter a lot to Me. I see this as being rational.

So, My question in turn to other Dominants is, why do you care about such things when it comes to your own world? What does it matter to you if someone has a different opinion than you when it concerns your dynamic? Why do the opinions of so many random strangers have such an impact?

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

Post #: 1

RE: For The Dominants, Why Do You Care? - 11/18/2009 3:42:05 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

Hi, LadyPact----
The only D-type I am is Davan (Swtchy self that I am) but I figured I would answer anyway. Hope all is well with you and yours, btw.
Honestly, I don't care what random strangers think in almost all regards, particularly about my conception of dynamics as related to myself and those I hold dear. That having been said, I have sometimes seen conversations of great efficacy and have gotten some interesting differing perspecitves on the boards. So, too, is it useful to see one's inclinations validated sometimes. Also, there are some folks, such as yourself, on here who I consider friends and whose opinions I respect greatly even though I know we don't always agree. Those opinions are of greatest note to me on the boards.
Davan

< Message edited by DavanKael -- 11/18/2009 3:44:25 PM >

_____________________________

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It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

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(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 2

RE: For The Dominants, Why Do You Care? - 11/18/2009 3:44:07 PM

Cuffkinks

Posts: 1780
Joined: 5/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

This is a question that keeps coming to Me over and over from reading the boards here. It could be that I'm missing something, and I'm hoping My fellow D folks can help Me out.

See, I have a little confusion on this matter because I tend to believe that I think differently than many people out there. As I assess My situation, I understand that I am the person in authority in a power dynamic. I happen to think it's a rather successful one. Not perfect by any means, but it's working for Me and it's working for My boy. To Me, logically, that means that in the past two and a half years since the beginnings of this dynamic formed, since the final authority rested with Me regarding decisions, minimally, I must have at least gotten some of it right. If I hadn't, I doubt that this dynamic would have formed and continued to exist.

This doesn't mean that I've never had a question about it or solicited advice. I absolutely have in those times that I thought I could gain more information or hear different perspectives. Once obtained, I use it to help Me base decisions that I had the original question on. Then, if no new information is presented to Me, I make My final decision, and move along. Until such time as things change, that is how things will be done. In other words, that's it. The committee is over.

Often, I have written things on these boards that have not been popular opinion. When I've been in the minority, I've simply shrugged My shoulders and said that's how things work around here for whatever it is and those who disagree with My opinion aren't involved in this dynamic, so it makes the point moot. That goes from everything to rituals, to writing style, to any other thing. It ain't broke, so your (general) opinion on it doesn't matter a lot to Me. I see this as being rational.

So, My question in turn to other Dominants is, why do you care about such things when it comes to your own world? What does it matter to you if someone has a different opinion than you when it concerns your dynamic? Why do the opinions of so many random strangers have such an impact?

Quick answer: I don't. It doesn't. They don't.

To each their own. There are many things I read on these boards that don't go along with my thoughts. That's just fine. I wouldn't tell someone how they should run their relationship, and I certainly won't let anyone tell me how to run mine. I really don't care how the next couple do it.
If I want advice, I'll ask. Then I'll make my decision. I certainly don't claim to know it all, and I'm far from being closed-minded, but I do know what's best for my relationship. My concern is my little girl, not whether mine is the most popular opinion.
So...There's my

_____________________________

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(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 3

RE: For The Dominants, Why Do You Care? - 11/18/2009 3:51:57 PM

lovingpet

Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline

Regardless of orientation, I have to wonder why it seems to matter so much, but I actually do kind of have an answer. It isn't so much that being of a minority opinion is a bad thing or inappropriate for one's own relationship, but the debate becomes a process of questioning previously held beliefs and standards for self evaluation. Will someone say something that will hit that aha switch? That sort of thing. When one is in a minority opinion, the question often becomes why and then if I am wrong it this, I would like to understand so I can correct the matter to the betterment of my relationships. I don't think there is a thing wrong with this. The more doggedly someone is debating something, I figure either they have a passionate stance or they are doing some pretty serious questioning of themselves and their practices. Introspection is good.

lovingpet

_____________________________

If you put your head into more, you'd have to put your back into less. ~Me

10 Fluffy pts.

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Post #: 4

RE: For The Dominants, Why Do You Care? - 11/18/2009 5:36:04 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

I care about My world.... but could careless about what others think that have little significance to me.

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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Post #: 5

RE: For The Dominants, Why Do You Care? - 11/18/2009 6:00:57 PM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

The only time someone else's opinion matters to me is if I respect that person; then, I weigh what they have to say, and go from there.

Very rarely does it cause me to change my mind, however.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 6

RE: For The Dominants, Why Do You Care? - 11/18/2009 6:07:47 PM

DomImus

Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline

I don't care. I can't recall ever having posted on this forum or any other forum any questions or solicitations of opinion regarding my private relationship. Truth be told I haven't needed any advice. It's been four years now and it's been a spectacular relationship 99% of the time with very few hiccups.

Secondly, I don't care. You will rarely see me revisit threads here. I tend to read posts and those I wish to respond to I respond and say my piece and move on. There are virtually no examples here of me going on for page after page of post after post in a back and forth manner like some folks do.

Thirdly, I don't care. If I read a thread and choose to comment that action should not be confused with concern. Sometimes someone makes a comment and I choose to respond. I respond, hit send and that's that.

Like yours, my relationship has been going on for a few years. I hope yours has been as enjoyable as mine. Don't mistake longevity in relationships for happiness, however.

_____________________________

"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." Sidney J. harris

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 7

RE: For The Dominants, Why Do You Care? - 11/18/2009 6:24:34 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

I care what people think of me... but not in a way that means I need them to think a certain thing and I need a certain result. As for how I live my life and how my relationships go... only someone I respect or is close to me would ever matter too much. I respect what people say and their experience and such and yet if I am not conducting my life the same way, it isn't a disrespect. It is simply becasue I know what is best for my life... most the time.

I can have some questions at times and I know I will have them more often as things are changing in my life. I will be thankful for any input, but it is my submissive partner and I that must live with whatever I decide to do and I will do what I think best.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to DomImus)

Post #: 8

RE: For The Dominants, Why Do You Care? - 11/18/2009 6:29:33 PM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

This is a question that keeps coming to Me over and over from reading the boards here. It could be that I'm missing something, and I'm hoping My fellow D folks can help Me out.

See, I have a little confusion on this matter because I tend to believe that I think differently than many people out there. As I assess My situation, I understand that I am the person in authority in a power dynamic. I happen to think it's a rather successful one. Not perfect by any means, but it's working for Me and it's working for My boy. To Me, logically, that means that in the past two and a half years since the beginnings of this dynamic formed, since the final authority rested with Me regarding decisions, minimally, I must have at least gotten some of it right. If I hadn't, I doubt that this dynamic would have formed and continued to exist.

This doesn't mean that I've never had a question about it or solicited advice. I absolutely have in those times that I thought I could gain more information or hear different perspectives. Once obtained, I use it to help Me base decisions that I had the original question on. Then, if no new information is presented to Me, I make My final decision, and move along. Until such time as things change, that is how things will be done. In other words, that's it. The committee is over.

Often, I have written things on these boards that have not been popular opinion. When I've been in the minority, I've simply shrugged My shoulders and said that's how things work around here for whatever it is and those who disagree with My opinion aren't involved in this dynamic, so it makes the point moot. That goes from everything to rituals, to writing style, to any other thing. It ain't broke, so your (general) opinion on it doesn't matter a lot to Me. I see this as being rational.

So, My question in turn to other Dominants is, why do you care about such things when it comes to your own world? What does it matter to you if someone has a different opinion than you when it concerns your dynamic? Why do the opinions of so many random strangers have such an impact?

You'll probably never see me ask for anything much on here. I usually like to figure things out for myself..I'm funny that way.

I don't think just because you post on the forums it's proof that you "care" all that much. I have plenty of people disagree with me and yet I'm still here annnnnnnnd still posting the same way I always have. If they affected me so much I think I might have changed in some way from interactions with them..It just aint so.

For that matter what do any of us come here for? I come here to express ideas, to discuss things. I also post when I see someone making statements that I believe to be full of shit or just plain irrational. In an attempt to throw a different way of looking at something out there. There are some people that post here who's opinion that matters to me a litttle but I as an adult don't put my faith in too many people. Nor should you I believe. What can you say..some people enjoy debating, talking about ides, expressing views and flaming of course.

I think you may even have some that believe they are teachers of sorts and have a duty to express their thoughts in hopes that others may gleam a bit of learning off of their brilliance. Hell pick another thing out of the 1000 other possibilities..

_____________________________

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(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 9

RE: For The Dominants, Why Do You Care? - 11/18/2009 6:36:31 PM

GYPSYMAMBO

Posts: 660
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

So, My question in turn to other Dominants is, why do you care about such things when it comes to your own world?
I care what others may see from ANOTHER point of view..if I missed something etc..
I love to learn..listen to other's experiences//
I take what I want and leave the rest..
CM is a community for me..and was there when I was in an isloated littel hick town up north.
What does it matter to you if someone has a different opinion than you when it concerns your dynamic?
It doesn't..it is interesting and worth thought and very good for the brain.
Why do the opinions of so many random strangers have such an impact?
THEY don't for me but for some ..it is like a FAMILY set up with the functioning and dysfunctioning..the clown..the rebel..the mom dadetc..and then MANY ppl set up their dysfunction immediately IN ANY SITUATION so if they are easily hurt..take things personal..can't communicate..are cranky..shit on ppl etc then they do it every where EVEN ON CM
** also most of you are not random to me anyway
To those where we are random...and they "CARE" as in have a fit or leave the site etc..then something else is going on..and we cannot know what baggage ppl bring with them

GM

< Message edited by GYPSYMAMBO -- 11/18/2009 6:41:58 PM >

_____________________________

"Better served women will better serve the world"

** ** **

"A turd is still a turd even if it is shellaced!"

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 10

RE: For The Dominants, Why Do You Care? - 11/18/2009 6:49:05 PM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline

quote:

So, My question in turn to other Dominants is, why do you care about such things when it comes to your own world? What does it matter to you if someone has a different opinion than you when it concerns your dynamic? Why do the opinions of so many random strangers have such an impact?

For me, I really don't care what strangers think of me or my situation. Most of the time, I don't really care what acquaintances or associates think about me or my situation -- with the exception of those with whom I am collaborating on a project, where we have to coordinate in order to be able to work together.

In general, I keep my own counsel, and trust my own counsel. If I need someone to bounce things off of, I am -much- more likely to go to someone I know who is experienced in the subject on which I am seeking perspective, but I also know that their opinion may not fit my situation, so I still evaluate and process and also accept responsibility for my own decisions. Some of the individuals here are people who have shown themselves to be knowledgeable and have experiences I haven't had, and that is valuable. In the end, though, even when I do ask advice, I keep my own counsel.

In terms of -offering- counsel... well, that's just what I do. I've been doing it in person for 3 decades, even when I was far younger than some of the people I've been counseling, and I do my best to give the most balanced advice I can, and still leave the door open to encourage the individuals to make their own decisions. I work very hard, even with my offspring, to try to make sure they understand that just because I recommend something doesn't mean they have to do it. I don't see that changing any time soon.

Calla

< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 11/18/2009 7:01:55 PM >

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 11

RE: For The Dominants, Why Do You Care? - 11/18/2009 7:28:35 PM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
So, My question in turn to other Dominants is, why do you care about such things when it comes to your own world? What does it matter to you if someone has a different opinion than you when it concerns your dynamic? Why do the opinions of so many random strangers have such an impact?

As others have already said, He doesn't care. At all. That's one of the main reasons He never posts here and very rarely ever reads the boards. He just...doesn't....care how others see what we do.................luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

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Post #: 12

RE: For The Dominants, Why Do You Care? - 11/18/2009 7:32:27 PM

MasterSlaveLA

Posts: 3991
Status: offline

This may piss off some, but I couldn't give a flippin' fuck what anyone thinks; let alone what those on a tiny chat board think. So for me, it's less about what others think and more about simply stating what I think; and in some instances, presenting facts over internet fantasy fluff for those who might be new to all the BDSM shhhhhtuff. Granted, my "style" of communication may be a bit too direct for some, but my beliefs are part of my core being and formed from years of real life experences, mistakes, and successes; and so, I'm quite comfortable in defending those beliefs. Personally, I could care less if someone has a position that's different from my own... I'm free to (i) share why I think another's position is wrong, and (ii) defend why I feel my position is correct; depending of course on the issue at hand... some of which, I feel, are important, and others insignificant.

_____________________________

It's only kinky the first time!!!

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Post #: 13

RE: For The Dominants, Why Do You Care? - 11/18/2009 8:02:18 PM

abuddingdom

Posts: 158
Joined: 3/8/2007
Status: offline

LP's 4th paragraph and the 2nd to last sentence of Calla's post sum up my feelings : exchanging views / ideas / opinions, sometimes giving or recieving advice or guidance, or most often just perusing these boards(and others) does not equal caring what anyone thinks. I'll ultimately go my own way and do what I decide is best for me and mine. Having said that, I don't come in here being shrill, argumentative, confrontative, superior, attention whoring, openly resistant to advice& guidance, etc or generally neurotic(I hope) so I guess I do care what others think.

(in reply to MasterSlaveLA)

Post #: 14

RE: For The Dominants, Why Do You Care? - 11/18/2009 8:49:30 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

Opinions don't matter that much to Us, but often, people outside of Our life and dynamic will see things that We don't... or offer viewpoints that We didn't even consider. It's helpful.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

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Post #: 15

RE: For The Dominants, Why Do You Care? - 11/18/2009 10:29:10 PM

MasterSlaveLA

Posts: 3991
Status: offline

The side-step maneuver is the only truly safe way to free underwear stuckage. It involves looking backward while taking a long step. The look-back acts as a classic misdirection, allowing the long step to free up said stuckage. It takes practice, but can be mastered; then again, there's always diapers?!!

_____________________________

It's only kinky the first time!!!

(in reply to abuddingdom)

Post #: 16

RE: For The Dominants, Why Do You Care? - 11/18/2009 10:47:19 PM

AQuietSimpleMan

Posts: 1410
Joined: 11/15/2009
Status: offline

At first I wanted to just ignore this thread. I wanted to say I won't even dignify it with a responce. Pishah! Me care what you think of me? Don't you know who I think I am?

Okay so back to reality. We are a social creature...Man (As in Human) we determine our social status by our social acceptance. Those who agree with us help to create a feeling of justification that what we are doing, the WAY that we are doing it is socially acceptable.

See most of us (Perhaps less) understand that this lifestyle is not something that will be accepted openly in the interactions of the day to day life. This is why we offten keep up appearances. This is why we seek collars that don't look like collars, this is why we have the toy bay stored in the closet and not having our toys hanging from the walls, this is why if we do have a play room it is under constant lock and key, this is why a vast majority of us have not told the members of the family who we know would not accept it or would take it poorly. I know there are exceptions to this rule and I am sure many of them will respond to this but truth is more people are hiding who they are then are walking the streets in full leather regalia.

So inside the social structure of the BDSM sphere, we do look to each other for justification...... Until we find our own way. That way is usually a patchwork of what one has seen others do and looked fun, what we have been taught by trial and error, and the education we get from every other person we come into contact with. We found in these things stability. We found in these actions an acceptance and we emulated our own path around it.

Today I wouldn't waste the time to ram my cock into the mouth of someone judging my methods, but there was a time in the early earlies where is I was dressed down about what I was doing I might make a puffy chested cocky show but I would go back and try to figure out how NOT to have that happen again. Once I figure it out I got it. No one ever put the Training wheels back on after they learned to ride a bike, they didn't need to the education was already there.

Dominants care. They Deny they care, but I believe they do. I know I love it when someone walks up to me and asks me about where I learned to do something, or how long it took me to get a particular technique down. And as much as I hate to admit it when someone questions how safe something I am doing is it bugs me a lot longer than if I really didn't give a shit. I'll double check myself make sure I'm being safe and if I really didn't give a shit I wouldn't do that.... I would like to think I would also be a cocky arrogant bastard. But that's Me.

QSM

_____________________________

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(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 17

RE: For The Dominants, Why Do You Care? - 11/18/2009 11:14:22 PM

SDFemDom4cuck

Posts: 2809
Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
Status: offline

I just look at it as...

What works for me and mine works for us. It may not work for others and that's fine. Their way might not work for us either. While I enjoy reading the boards and reading the input and opinion of others, in the end it's about My relationship and I base my decisions on what is best for that relationship. So I take whatever thoughts and ideas that I may not have realized before...look at what will work within my dynamic and discard the rest.

I'm know that others have different opinions and I respect their right to those opinions just as I have the right to the ones I hold. I am far more likely to simple agree to disagree with someone than to get pulled into a debate or argument about why my opinion may or may not be right/wrong. It is my opinion, my belief, and what works for Me. The only person whose opinion has an impact is the one I'm involved with and not anyone else.

In the end, I can only live the life that is best for Me.

It is what it is.

_____________________________

Ms Jo

She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 18

RE: For The Dominants, Why Do You Care? - 11/19/2009 3:27:37 AM

CNJDom

Posts: 186
Joined: 6/6/2006
From: Southern NJ
Status: offline

The opinions that others have concerning our dynamic, do not bother me. I can respect other people's dynamic, if it comes up or not. But if they can't respect mine, then it's not a big deal. What matters most is how things are between my submissive and myself. Secondly, how we treat others, and how others treat us. I don't know how things are with others, and wouldn't like to presume. I would hope that others would also respect that as a boundary.

_____________________________

“For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it. For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it. For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it.”
~Ivan Panin

(in reply to SDFemDom4cuck)

Post #: 19

RE: For The Dominants, Why Do You Care? - 11/19/2009 7:38:33 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I read this thread first thing this morning as I was having coffee and didn't have time to reply properly.

I think that for me, there are two separate issues. Of course, like most humans, I have a shallow interest in people thinking positively of me. No one wants to be hated, ridiculed, or any of the negative reactions a person can imagine. I would like people to think I am a reasonably sane, somewhat intelligent and functioning human being with an obnoxious sense of humour. I would like people to think I have some moral compass and usually act like I do. For them to see a consistency in all of that. That is my own personal humanity.

However, in my own personal life that has very little to do with this website. The people that are actually a physical part of my life, their opinions matter a great deal more. I have a serious investment of some sort in what they feel towards me and think about me. Whether it is a family member or a co-worker, there is a bigger reason I care what they think and feel.

But ultimately, at the very core of everything, it is MY opinion of MYSELF that matters most. I have to know that I am being the woman I want to be. All the rest, to some degree, I can fudge. I can find a way to cheat with all the others, but at the core of it all, I have to look at myself in the mirror and know whether or not I am living true to my own values and moral code.

You see, I can walk away from this site with very little life upheaval. I can find an excuse to quit a job, end a relationship, whatever........but I will know what is at the core of all of it. I will be the one that has to answer to my own feelings of whatever my actions have created.

At the end of it all, can I continue to look in the mirror and respect the woman I see looking back? Sometimes yes, and other times....not always. That's what I have to care most about.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 20

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