RE: For The Dominants, Why Do You Care?

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RE: For The Dominants, Why Do You Care? - 11/23/2009 12:41:28 PM

leadership527

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Joined: 6/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Please take the time to read the original again, Jeff. (I hope Carol is doing well, btw.) Not that I doubt your comprehension skills, but I think some folks are losing the point.

I'm honestly not asking about the exchange of information and ideas. That part I get. What confuses Me on the issue is why it appears at times that those who chose to have the authority in any particular dynamic, can't simply have the courage of their convictions. I don't see it very often in committed dynamics. It's enough for a Dominant to say that is the decision that they have made and it works in their situation.

For example, we've discussed at various times on a number of threads that we have different styles. Yet, while having exchanges on the differences, we don't seem to have an issue with saying that it's very interesting to notice those differences, even though it wouldn't work in the other's situation. This I see as clearly not the situation that I'm asking about. That would be more a case of, while having those discussions on those differences, hypothetically, you would no longer be confident in what you and Carol have that works because Lady Pact said it doesn't work that way for her. See what I mean?

Ahhhh.... possibly reading comprehension issues *laughs*... or just old age setting in.

It's worth noting that when I was much newer to all of this I needed to get my footing under me. Then, I cared a great deal more about what people thought than I do now... as befits a student learning a new topic. So sometimes people care because they don't know themselves and so are hoping to learn. Perhaps the answer to your question is that people care more when their own footing is uncertain and less when it is not. I would call that behavior a strength when done appropriately.

PS: Carol and I are doing fine. We've come through our recent turmoil quite nicely (under the that which does not kill you makes you stronger proviso of life). I hope you and Clip are both doing well... or as well as can be expected given the separation.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to LadyPact)

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Post #: 41

RE: For The Dominants, Why Do You Care? - 11/23/2009 12:48:18 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Cuffkinks

Quick answer: I don't. It doesn't. They don't.

To each their own. There are many things I read on these boards that don't go along with my thoughts. That's just fine. I wouldn't tell someone how they should run their relationship, and I certainly won't let anyone tell me how to run mine. I really don't care how the next couple do it.
If I want advice, I'll ask. Then I'll make my decision. I certainly don't claim to know it all, and I'm far from being closed-minded, but I do know what's best for my relationship. My concern is my little girl, not whether mine is the most popular opinion.
So...There's my

Hi Mr. Cuffkinks,
I think you ought to add a little more sunshine to your relationship.
*nod nod nod....

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Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

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Post #: 42

RE: For The Dominants, Why Do You Care? - 11/23/2009 12:54:51 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
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Now on a serious note....

Lady Pact,
I think that there is a certain struggle that happens with people. We want to be liked - we are social creatures after all. We want people to accept us. And on rough days, we want a little validation. Maybe not that "WE" are ok, but that a situation will become ok. Not only do we want the people we care for to think well of us, but on some level we need to fit in ... somewhere.

The other side, though, is that at some point, I think most mature people go through a stage of "I don't care what you think, THIS is what I'm doing." It is an important step in the process of creating our own authority. *Not just for domly types, by the way. To be secure in who we are, we need to go through that stage otherwise we will live in a certain amount of discomfort, worry about our place in society, etc.

The ones who matter to us, the ones we love and / or respect, will have the ability to push us in ways that will make us rethink an opinion, a way of doing things, etc. It is not that the opinion matters - it is the source that matters.

Best,
sunshine

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Post #: 43

RE: For The Dominants, Why Do You Care? - 11/23/2009 1:01:08 PM

EbonyWood

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