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Revealing Kink- when? - 11/10/2009 12:06:32 PM

fungasm

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So when you are beginning to date someone you met in a realm that had no kink connection, when do you reveal that your prurient interests are more diverse?

Do you speak up before you even meet for coffee or lunch, or do you wait until....?

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RE: Revealing Kink- when? - 11/10/2009 12:11:24 PM

mnottertail

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since I consider it natural, I would discuss it when it naturally unfolds itself into the conversation......by example, because someone asks you out, do you find out if they are homosexual before you go out? Or if they have had your 3 dates, do you say, I need to take it in the ass, before we can continue?

Hey....think about it.

Ron

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RE: Revealing Kink- when? - 11/10/2009 12:11:24 PM

RCdc

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Whenever you feel happy yourself and depending on the person. You are a photographer aren't you? It's pretty easy to bring that kind of thing up. Worked for us.

the.dark.

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RE: Revealing Kink- when? - 11/10/2009 12:21:37 PM

fungasm

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I'm not asking advice... I'm asking how others do things....

I'm curious...

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RE: Revealing Kink- when? - 11/10/2009 12:23:51 PM

RCdc

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And I answered.

the.dark.

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RE: Revealing Kink- when? - 11/10/2009 12:29:02 PM

AAkasha

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As the dominant partner I think it's a lot easier, because it can be expressed through growing physical intimacy. For me, it just started to become evident as early as kissing and physical flirtation, because my style of affection is more predatory and demanding, and not ambiguous at all. I can't tell me how many times a man asked me before I said anything, "Are you kinky?" or "You must be into S&M or something!" as a joke, and all I had to say is, "Actually, yes. is that going to be a problem for you?"

I can only think of a few times in my life I actually "hid" it, or kept my femdomish flirtation style on the down low, and it caused a lot of internal conflict and drama. I don't recommend it. Having to have a difficult "conversation" about it, rather than just letting it evolve, leaves so much more open for disaster. I also think that as part of "defining chemistry" -- if a man doesn't respond favorably to my dominant style of affection - hair pulling when kissing, holding his wrists down, taking him by the chin and holding him still while I kiss his neck -- then he's clearly not the guy for me. We'd never have to have that conversation. If I am physically leading during the early stages of intimacy and he's resisting and trying to take back control, then I know it's not the guy for me.

edit: I have a story I wrote, inspired by one of these real life situations where I "hid" it, and I'll go post the story in the creative writing section if anyone is curious about how I dealt with the internal conflict and uncomfortable conversation. The story is called "Trey."

Akasha

< Message edited by AAkasha -- 11/10/2009 12:31:01 PM >

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RE: Revealing Kink- when? - 11/10/2009 12:29:26 PM

LadyPact

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I'm not sure My answer applies here. I don't "date".

If I'm meeting someone, it is for the purposes of kink. That's established before I ever meet them. It's either someone that I want to meet on a friendly basis because we have it in common or because I am looking at them for a potential play partner.

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RE: Revealing Kink- when? - 11/10/2009 1:09:44 PM

NihilusZero

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

And I answered.

the.dark.

That's what I thought too. *scratches head*

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RE: Revealing Kink- when? - 11/10/2009 1:32:45 PM

lizi

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Bringing up my sexual preferences has been a pretty easy thing to do in my life. Since I've been dating men will usually try to get to the sexy stuff asap - I usually have to hold them off of that for a while. I just think it's good to get to know one another and see if there is any common ground there outside of sex. Makes sense for me anyway. But once I 'allow' discussions of a more intimate nature to begin I just bring up my own proclivities as soon as it's a comfortable thing to do.

All of these discussions take place before a meeting and most men want to jump right into talking about sex on the first conversation so it doesn't take too long to find out if we match sexually.

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RE: Revealing Kink- when? - 11/10/2009 1:33:29 PM

littlewonder

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I've never had to tell someone. It just seems to happen when we're having sex. I date dominant personality men. 9 times out of 10 he's usually forceful and aggressive in bed so it's never been something I've had to bring up in conversation.

I guess if you have some of the stranger kinks then yeah I could see where you may need to eventually bring it up when you feel comfortable with the person but before you become too attached.

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RE: Revealing Kink- when? - 11/10/2009 2:00:28 PM

antipode

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quote:

I'm asking how others do things....

Depends...

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RE: Revealing Kink- when? - 11/10/2009 3:50:04 PM

DomImus

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail
since I consider it natural, I would discuss it when it naturally unfolds itself into the conversation......by example, because someone asks you out, do you find out if they are homosexual before you go out? Or if they have had your 3 dates, do you say, I need to take it in the ass, before we can continue?

Hey....think about it.

Actually I have always assumed anytime a guy asks me out he is gay. Somehow we never seem to get to the kink discussion.

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RE: Revealing Kink- when? - 11/10/2009 3:51:20 PM

mnottertail

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quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

quote:

I'm asking how others do things....

Depends...

Ja. you should be right up front about diaper kinks, no shit.

Ron

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RE: Revealing Kink- when? - 11/10/2009 3:55:32 PM

bitchy00maze

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.

< Message edited by bitchy00maze -- 11/10/2009 3:56:18 PM >

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RE: Revealing Kink- when? - 11/10/2009 4:05:48 PM

DomImus

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I spent literally two decades cultivating kinky play partners from relationships that were seemingly vanilla from the outset or really were basically vanilla with the exception that the other party indulged my kink fetishes. Granted it was just basically simple bondage, gags and blindfolds with none of the heavy duty stuff I am into these days. I don't know if I had really good radar for that sort of thing but I only remember being looked at oddly and waved off one time when I made the suggestion. People are so different one to the next that I couldn't even begin to suggest a pattern.

Sometimes I knew right out of the gate and we were into kinky play in fairly short order. Others it took a while to get to the point of broaching the subject. Back in those days it wasn't the deal breaker for me that it is today. What really surprised me were a few women who outwardly didn't send off kinky vibes and (I believe) genuinely got nothing out of the activity or even disliked it but did it to make me happy. To this day those "vanilla" women are some of the most truly submissive women I have ever met even though they would not meet the submissive criteria of most people here.

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RE: Revealing Kink- when? - 11/10/2009 4:53:41 PM

sunshinemiss

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Anybody who knows me knows that my tastes run to the more ... spicy. It just is part of who I am... like ... I'm feminine or I'm intelligent or I'm silly. It's just obvious. I believe in living completely, living juicy, living honestly. Honest is more than just words for me.

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RE: Revealing Kink- when? - 11/10/2009 8:33:32 PM

lucylucy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

quote:

I'm asking how others do things....

Depends...

Antipode, I don’t mean to single you out because I’ve noticed others doing this, but I have to wonder why you would simply post “depends.” Why not explain what it depends on? “Depends” doesn’t really further any discussion or give me any insight.

Or are you letting us know about your incontinence issues?

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RE: Revealing Kink- when? - 11/10/2009 8:50:15 PM

Andalusite

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I've dated a few people I've met in vanilla circumstances, most I'd already known for months before our first date. It usually came up around the 3rd date, sometimes before. Nobody has turned me down over it.

I'm in a relationship with someone I met here, so we discussed it in some detail on the first and second dates, and knew before we met that we were both kinky. My female submissive playpartner and I met at a kinky discussion group, and had known each other for a few months before the first time we played.

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RE: Revealing Kink- when? - 11/10/2009 9:16:13 PM

LPslittleclip

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im collared now so i dont date. it does come up in conversation in the army with those that i serve with. i am open with the fact that i like bdsm and have a wife and a mistress.

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RE: Revealing Kink- when? - 11/11/2009 5:43:28 AM

Lucienne

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Usually when naked. Although I guess I give off a vibe, because my partners normally understand that I'm kinky, the only question is just how kinky.

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