RE: Revealing Kink- when?

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RE: Revealing Kink- when? - 11/18/2009 6:56:46 AM

maugseros

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PainfullyCurious

Do you think that revealing a kink upfront, right away, gives the impression that you are saying you expect/want to go there tonight?

No... Not at all. Regardless, you still need to get to know someone before you do anything. It's just that if you kink/fetishes ARE your passions, then it's best to know right from the beginning that the person is also turned on by them. Which means that just "finding someone on the street" so to speak, and try to cultivate a relationship where you slowly introduce them to your kinks, you are more likely to scare the shit out of them, or at best find a partner who may every once in a while endulge in your desires with all the entusiasm of doing the dishes as if it's a choore. That's not good enough for me.

I know I am far better starting off with a woman who see the bondage device I designed over in the "bsdm gear" forum on this site who says "that's HOT", than to try to share something like that with just any woman out there. :)

it's like meeting someone in reverse. Instead of seeing all the surface crap that's really not important and then slowly getting to know someone deeper a little bit at a time, it's showing someone a peak at the deeper darker stuff first.. To make sure they can handle it, and better yet, may already love it, and then going back and starting with the surface stuff... Knowing that by the time you get to the deeper stuff.. It's only going to have expanded and grown, because you truly have someone who understands and feels you.. And needs you. ;)

< Message edited by maugseros -- 11/18/2009 7:03:02 AM >

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RE: Revealing Kink- when? - 11/18/2009 7:17:50 AM

maugseros

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Plus anymore.. If talking anything sexual/kink related to the average woman out there.. I feel like I'm speaking some alien language to her. So putting at least some of your kinks out on the table right at the beginning will show if she can, or at least would be able to learn, to speak my alien language. ;)

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RE: Revealing Kink- when? - 11/18/2009 9:39:45 AM

AQuietSimpleMan

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I like to believe that Kink is something that I do. Kink is the acts that I partake in. Dominance and the behavior of being dominant are things that are ingrained in my being. I cannot turn them off, I can only pretend they aren't there. If I am pretending that they aren't there I am being less than genuine. I want to give everything to the other party that I am expecting of them that way I can't say I am asking for something upfront that I myself am not giving.

For me I like things to escalate to the sexual pretty quickly so for me I tend to be very open about my sexual drive and the desires within it. The way this looks to me is that as soon as it has been determined that there is a mutual interest in both parties sexual or otherwise I feel it is important to disclose the fact that I am into the more macabre of activities and the use of Chain and Rope in the bedroom is more than a one night only fantasy. I also do the best I can to explain my desires without using the BDSM Dictionary but rather use regular words like I like being in control sexually and that I like when I am defered to in a relationship. Using these non-denominational words allows me to have regular relationships with women who might otherwise be considered vanilla and usualy are anything but.

I stand firm on the fact that anything I have to lie about or speak ambiguiously about are red flags to me, if the questions being asked are forcing me to be secretive or try harder to word things than they need to be then I believe that is the perfect point to practice full disclosure. If you are discussing sex it is usually a sign that you are at a comfort level that sex is okay to be talked about. If that is the case it should also be at a place in which you can discuss honestly what you are into. If this freaks them out well it would have freaked them out then or 6 weeks or 6 months from then might as well have found out sooner than later.

I am A Quiet Simple Man and I like to tie women up and have my way with them.

QSM

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RE: Revealing Kink- when? - 11/18/2009 9:40:09 AM

theRose4U

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quote:

ORIGINAL: maugseros

Plus anymore.. If talking anything sexual/kink related to the average woman out there.. I feel like I'm speaking some alien language to her. So putting at least some of your kinks out on the table right at the beginning will show if she can, or at least would be able to learn, to speak my alien language. ;)

LOL this made me think about a local toolbox posting for a "lifestyle girl". I asked him if he could narrow down exactly which "lifestyle" he was referring to? Kink? leather? gay? cross dressing? D/s? His rude response that didn't actually answer the question kind of made me giggle...at least I know why he's still looking.

Open conversation where you explain your own meanings of things can be a very important tool to actually locating what you seek. Finding out if you partner "speaks alien" can be fun unto itself.

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RE: Revealing Kink- when? - 11/18/2009 10:25:09 AM

maugseros

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quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

quote:

ORIGINAL: maugseros

Plus anymore.. If talking anything sexual/kink related to the average woman out there.. I feel like I'm speaking some alien language to her. So putting at least some of your kinks out on the table right at the beginning will show if she can, or at least would be able to learn, to speak my alien language. ;)

LOL this made me think about a local toolbox posting for a "lifestyle girl". I asked him if he could narrow down exactly which "lifestyle" he was referring to? Kink? leather? gay? cross dressing? D/s? His rude response that didn't actually answer the question kind of made me giggle...at least I know why he's still looking.

Open conversation where you explain your own meanings of things can be a very important tool to actually locating what you seek. Finding out if you partner "speaks alien" can be fun unto itself.

yea. But also.. I'm not talking about generally accepted bdsm terms... Or even fringe bdsm terms. I'm more talking about trying to explain something that there are no words powerful enough to do the trick.

Like feeling an "intensity", you could use ever adjative in the dictionary to try to explain just "how" intensly something burns within me, and inadequate doesn't do justice to how inadequate that is.

So the only way to try to describe it is to use thesis long analagies to even scratch the surface of how intensly I may feel/need something. And if that is then understood.. I have to make up a new word that means that 100 page analagy, so books worth of feelings Can be shared with just a few words.

Well, by now.. After having had been involved with someone for almost 10 years, I've practically created an entire new language, and I sometimes feel like in this arena, I'm the one who has to learn to speak English again. :) lol

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