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RE: Sub/Dom? - 9/30/2009 5:39:36 PM   
ShaunG


Posts: 10
Joined: 9/28/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

As long as it is a mutual agreement then no worries. However I would not suggest trying to overpower a Domme in scene without an agreement first. I had a sub that pulled that and he ended up in the hospital and no he wasn't a little wimpy guy, he was quite large actually. He just found out that some women do not melt like in the books when a man tries to over power them physically, some will fight back.

~Lashra



I don't think i'll ever be in a position where rolls are taken that seriously... and when I say words like "force" and "resistance" it's still along the consensual lines.

I think just finding a good switch would be good.

I think it's especially fun to switch rolls during one session...

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Sub/Dom? - 9/30/2009 10:25:09 PM   
abuddingdom


Posts: 158
Joined: 3/8/2007
Status: offline 		Whew!  Of the handful of Dommes that I know personally I don't think any of them would be into it, even the ones who came into the lifestyle as submissives. I know I wouldn't be the one to suggest it to any of them ( smiling).....I'd opine that a Domme who would want or consent to be topped or Dommed(which are 2 different things) is actually a switch? Anyone correct me of I'm wrong on that. Op suggests that " just finding a switch would be good" , and I think it would be more realistic than finding a died in the wool Domme to submit to you.

I'm into forceplay and have done it with a number of women who were strongwilled and / or even dominant by nature yet  submissive in the bedroom, which  as we know isn't unusual.  Before I ever really got into it, action-wise, I fantasized a lot about it and sometimes the fantasies would indeed consist of overpowering and humiliating  strong women, but not always by any means. My ex and I got seriously into roleplaying and over about a 10 year period acted out many, many kidnap/hostage/thugplay scenes and we made up all kinds of scenarios. In most of them her role was that of a strong  rather than a weak personality, which  was actually integral as that added to the humiliationplay part of it. A relevent example of the games we played consisted of her being an overbearing boss who had comeuppance coming to her, but just as often I played her boss who punished her for  some infraction. But, importantly, our relationship was pretty equal - we were  top / bottom and she submitted in the bedroom but by no means were we D/s. This could be an entire different topic for discussion, though the op did mention forceplay. I'll stop here rather than hijack the thread unless you folks want to go in this direction.........

(in reply to ShaunG)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Sub/Dom? - 10/1/2009 12:01:41 AM   
TurboJugend


Posts: 481
Joined: 6/15/2009
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quote:

under the "square peg/round hole" theory of life.


a small square peg will fit in a bigger round hole.
That is what the OP wants.




< Message edited by TurboJugend -- 10/1/2009 12:03:01 AM >

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RE: Sub/Dom? - 10/1/2009 1:11:00 AM   
MistressRouge


Posts: 876
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Birmingham West Midlands UK
Status: offline 		It is interesting that many think that Dominant women, are also Dominant in the bedroom

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RE: Sub/Dom? - 10/1/2009 1:29:24 AM   
StoneFox


Posts: 131
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		If we're talking just sex for a moment...I think lots of Dommes like to get pounded silly. I know I do ;) It may just be because I'm lazy though and like the man to do all the work so my hips don't get tired, lol.

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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Sub/Dom? - 10/1/2009 4:09:51 AM   
TurboJugend


Posts: 481
Joined: 6/15/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressRouge

It is interesting that many think that Dominant women, are also Dominant in the bedroom


I feel a topping from the bottom topic comming up soon  lol

but...tells us more...

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Sub/Dom? - 10/1/2009 6:25:04 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

Does anyone else like Doming the Dominatrix?


This is actually, apparently, a pretty common male fantasy. The problem that you may very well run into is the same issue that many of the men with that fantasy who have encountered me have run into -- I am not submissive, so attempting to dominate me and push me 'down' so you can take control would be... uncomfortable to me to the point where it would make our relationship completely unsatisfying, and I doubt that I would stay with someone in that situation long enough to -have- sex. In fact, you probably wouldn't make it on the radar.

It isn't that I don't like having strong, effective companions, or sharing dominant space with men, because over the years, I've had a number of companions who were male and dominant in their own right. I've even had awesome, companionable, and effective relationships with the man who was head of our household and to whom I deferred as such. Heck, I've even had ONE situation where I chose to yield, in order to learn what I needed to know to get me to where I wanted to be (ok... that one was a bit of a nightmare on both sides of the kneel, but we did it anyway). However, at the point at which they would have tried to force my submission -- that would have been the end between us. I know that it has ended a couple of my companion, SR's relationships as well... and that's a big risk when trying to impress submission on an individual who isn't already inclined to being open to submission.

I bottom to my tattoo artist... and I've bottomed for piercing scenes and some other high-intensity stuff (because I'm an intensity fiend, doncha know)... but I guess I'd just be cautious to make sure that everyone is talking about the same thing, because some folks get a "mite techy" when someone talks about 'forcing' them into submission... even in jest. *winks*

Dame Calla

< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 10/1/2009 6:30:05 AM >

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RE: Sub/Dom? - 10/1/2009 6:36:27 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: StoneFox

If we're talking just sex for a moment...I think lots of Dommes like to get pounded silly. I know I do ;) It may just be because I'm lazy though and like the man to do all the work so my hips don't get tired, lol.


Careful now or you all will totally ruin the common misconception that the insertee is always the submissive one and the inserter is always the dominant one......


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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Sub/Dom? - 10/1/2009 6:43:53 AM   
sissylover22


Posts: 26
Joined: 1/13/2009
Status: offline 		MistressRouge and abuddingdom:  If a woman is strong and dominant outside the bedroom but inside the bedroom she likes to submit, is she really submitting to her own desires or is she really submitting to the dom?  I mean, if her preference is to submit in sex, how is that really submission?

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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Sub/Dom? - 10/1/2009 8:08:43 AM   
Chimortis


Posts: 39
Joined: 8/29/2009
From: Morgantown, WV
Status: offline 		It depends on the partner. I'm not genuinely submissive at all, but with a partner whom I genuinely respect and trust, I can definitely enjoy a lot of different types of play.

I think, if you're anything like me, then what you're looking for is passion instead of passiveness. A lot of submissives are also genuinely passive, and that isn't something that I personally find appealing.

What I really like is someone who's stronger and more dominant than everyone in the room except for me, and knows it. ;)


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RE: Sub/Dom? - 10/1/2009 8:14:15 AM   
MistressRouge


Posts: 876
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Birmingham West Midlands UK
Status: offline 		Submit, is quite strong, personally I am more passive sexually :)

People must think I throw My man around the chandeliers lol, not the case in My relationship.


quote:

ORIGINAL: sissylover22

MistressRouge and abuddingdom:  If a woman is strong and dominant outside the bedroom but inside the bedroom she likes to submit, is she really submitting to her own desires or is she really submitting to the dom?  I mean, if her preference is to submit in sex, how is that really submission?



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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Sub/Dom? - 10/1/2009 9:26:35 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

...Does anyone relate?...


damn near every male (who doesn't identify as submissive)this slave has ever met desires the EXACT same thing---a strong dominant woman who is somehow magically inspired (only by you) to forgo her natural inclination and allow you to forcefully take her---as she struggles, resists, etc.
 
the vast majority of females this slave has met (who don't identify as Dominant) are just as turned on by the same scenario.

(in reply to ShaunG)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Sub/Dom? - 10/1/2009 10:16:53 AM   
sissylover22


Posts: 26
Joined: 1/13/2009
Status: offline 		    So, these women submit to their own sexual preferences and the guy performs his dominance for these women.  I don't get why you call these women submissive then?   If they want the guy to dom them in bed, aren't they running the show alone or with him in the very least?

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Sub/Dom? - 10/1/2009 10:22:34 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sissylover22
So, these women submit to their own sexual preferences and the guy performs his dominance for these women.  I don't get why you call these women submissive then?   If they want the guy to dom them in bed, aren't they running the show alone or with him in the very least?

Why indeed?

One of the most dominant woman we've ever met labeled herself a submissive. When meeting her and her 'dom', she informed us she allowed him to spank her. Nothing else was allowed, no service, no bondage, no power exchange; but she enjoyed submitting to that sensation so she called herself 'submissive'.

Why be hung up on labels at all? They are only reference points. You have to observe and/or be involved with the relationship to know what any label represents.

< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 10/1/2009 10:31:39 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Sub/Dom? - 10/1/2009 10:26:31 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaunG

I think thats why I'm a switch, because I like strong dominant women, yet I also like taking that power away by force.


i understand what you're saying, but i never experienced the same. when i was on the other side of the fence there was no way i would have permitted myself to be dominated in the manner you're suggesting. however, it can be implied in some respects sexually and that was fine. but in terms of submission and all the neat things that follow including pain, absolutely not. i felt putrid being restrained and the idea of a woman ever topping me is unthinkable. i cannot get into that head space and i never bottom to them. of course i can do this with men and i'm strictly divided in this fashion.

taking power can exist on both sides. there's a smug enjoyment found in conquering your prey. in cases such as these i find that i generally see them in a more objectifying manner, which feeds the feelings that follow. i don't believe you need to be the controlling party to do this.

porcelaine


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RE: Sub/Dom? - 10/1/2009 12:23:11 PM   
abuddingdom


Posts: 158
Joined: 3/8/2007
Status: offline 		MistressRouge : I don't think that at all, speaking from my experience. I even said that it " isn't unusual" for strong or even dominant women to submit in the bedroom. Of course, my afore mentioned experience is  over 3 1/2 decades of kink and topping in vanilla(yet another label which can be debated forever, & one which I don't use derogatorily)life and only about 3 years in the world of true power exchange and less than 2 years of real D/s experience.

Sissylover22 : aren't we all acting on our "desires"? Dom;s desire to dom, bottoms to bottom, masochists to recieve pain, etc. I don't know about the  "submitting to our desires" part, though. It can be argued that people who make their choices re sexuality are stepping up to what they are / want to be. As far as one submitting in sex actually submitting to their desires but not to the dom, again I can only speak from my experience and knowledge - I'd answer that it's both. It doesn't have to be either / or.  The women who have submitted to me sexually (bottomed), had some kind of bond with me, whether  very strong such as my ex-wife in an almost 20 year relationship, or  more casual or even tenuous  few month or a  week long relationship,  or even a  one night stand kind of  thing. I think they chose to submit to me, among other reasons, because they wanted to submit to me - for their own reasons.

Even the definition of submitting can be debated to death, no?

(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Sub/Dom? - 10/1/2009 12:34:04 PM   
abuddingdom


Posts: 158
Joined: 3/8/2007
Status: offline 		MistressRouge : I like your profile, and the site......

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Sub/Dom? - 10/1/2009 1:14:17 PM   
sweetcheeksbbw


Posts: 13
Joined: 9/9/2009
Status: offline 		I enjoy turning my power over to a man every once in a whille but never to my sub.

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Sub/Dom? - 10/1/2009 2:27:50 PM   
MistressRouge


Posts: 876
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Birmingham West Midlands UK
Status: offline 		Thankyou :)


quote:

ORIGINAL: abuddingdom

MistressRouge : I like your profile, and the site......



< Message edited by MistressRouge -- 10/1/2009 2:28:16 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Sub/Dom? - 10/1/2009 3:11:02 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressRouge
It is interesting that many think that Dominant women, are also Dominant in the bedroom
*chuckles* That's why I like to use top/bottom in the bedroom and dom/sub outside. Near as I can tell, they are two entirely different animals which only happen to line-up sometimes. And, at least in my marraige, the dom/sub thing is pretty fixed but we can go back and forth on top/bottom several times in one evening.

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Profile   Post #: 40
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