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Normal? - 9/28/2009 5:00:41 PM   
ShaunG


Posts: 10
Joined: 9/28/2009
Status: offline 		I hate to use the word normal, but I'm just a regular guy into good food, photography, hiking, sitting and talking, sitting and not talking, movies, music... etc.

However, bondage, leather and violence are also on the agenda, and it is off-putting to most people. I've always liked girls with dark hair that wear leather boots, chokers, corsets, leather etc... I'm definitely a closet kink so I don't meet to many other people like me. I'm not afraid to admit it, it's just not something you can always talk about.

The thing is, it's either one extreme or the other... I'm not looking for a lifestyle, or even something predominantly sexual. I'm passionate about tying up, getting tied up, gags, leather and some pain... but inside the bedroom, and events only. Is there anyone out there that can be laid back, chill with a movie, cook or do anything... I guess I could say someone else who dresses kinky sometimes and is mostly unassuming.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Normal? - 9/28/2009 5:05:55 PM   
daintydimples


Posts: 967
Joined: 7/6/2009
Status: offline 		Welcome to the CM forums.

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RE: Normal? - 9/28/2009 5:14:47 PM   
ShaunG


Posts: 10
Joined: 9/28/2009
Status: offline 		How do you change the little symbol under your name?

I am most definitely not vanilla as it claims.

(in reply to daintydimples)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Normal? - 9/28/2009 5:44:06 PM   
Coemgen


Posts: 20
Joined: 3/13/2007
Status: offline 		I think the majority of people keep it in the bedroom and live the rest of their lives "normally". Kudos to those who live the lifestyle 24/7, but most of us have normal jobs to go to and family and friends who don't need to know (and want to know) what we are into.

(in reply to ShaunG)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Normal? - 9/28/2009 6:19:16 PM   
CarrieO


Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaunG

I hate to use the word normal, but I'm just a regular guy into good food, photography, hiking, sitting and talking, sitting and not talking, movies, music... etc.

Ahhh, so this is what makes a person normal.  Or is this conforming to an image of normalcy?

However, bondage, leather and violence are also on the agenda, and it is off-putting to most people. I've always liked girls with dark hair that wear leather boots, chokers, corsets, leather etc... I'm definitely a closet kink so I don't meet to many other people like me. I'm not afraid to admit it, it's just not something you can always talk about.

Depends on the people you choose to discuss these things with...the company you keep.

The thing is, it's either one extreme or the other... I'm not looking for a lifestyle, or even something predominantly sexual. I'm passionate about tying up, getting tied up, gags, leather and some pain... but inside the bedroom, and events only. Is there anyone out there that can be laid back, chill with a movie, cook or do anything... I guess I could say someone else who dresses kinky sometimes and is mostly unassuming.

So, this is your normal.  Would it have to be extreme...would I be too extreme...if this wasn't my normal?  Would one be more acceptable than the other?


What was the question?

*edited to add....You change your vanilla status by posting more on the forums. 

< Message edited by CarrieO -- 9/28/2009 6:25:54 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Normal? - 9/28/2009 6:26:44 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		*stopping in to stalk my dear friend Carrie O - Hey girl!

To the OP:
The vanilla cone disappears as your number of posts go up.  Don't sweat it. 

I looked at your profile - great photos.  I do want to disagree with you about something though.  I don't find it hard to meet people "like us" at all.  I'm pretty open minded and fairly open about being sensually adventurous.  Somehow they just slip out of the woodwork to come to me.  *Yes, that's generally true. 

But Carrie is right.  What's the question?  You might want to spend some times here on the forums.  I've been to the chat rooms, tried to find folks through the "search" feature, but in the end here on the forums, we tend to get to know each other quite well.  Many of us have met real life (some of the lucky suckers have married each other real life), we talk on the phone and on chat, and generally have a good time together - silliness and serious are both de riguer.  However, it's about what you are comfortable with.  I wouldn't expect you to take my word for it... Just sharing my own experience.

By the way, anyone seen DV?  I'm planning to have dinner with her and her man this week.  If you see her, tell her I'm looking for her, will you?  Bah, I'll just give her a call.

Well wishes, and welcome to the forums.


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Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Normal? - 9/28/2009 6:34:28 PM   
Musicmystery


Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaunG

How do you change the little symbol under your name?

I am most definitely not vanilla as it claims.


It changes on its own, reflecting how many posts you have.

On post #26, you'll move on to new symbols.

(in reply to ShaunG)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Normal? - 9/28/2009 6:36:44 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Well I'm a slave 24/7 to Master but that doesn't mean I don't lead a normal life.

We go to museums, restaurants, festivals, hang out with friends who aren't bdsm types, go hiking, listen to music, watch movies, etc...just like everyone else on the planet.

Just because you enjoy bdsm doesn't mean you can't lead a normal life.


(in reply to Musicmystery)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Normal? - 9/28/2009 6:45:21 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Coemgen
I think the majority of people keep it in the bedroom and live the rest of their lives "normally". Kudos to those who live the lifestyle 24/7, but most of us have normal jobs to go to and family and friends who don't need to know (and want to know) what we are into.
Not onlly do I agree with this, but I need to point out that the vast majority of my 24/7 lifestyle life is pretty "normal" too. Like, right now for instance, the dishes need to be done. You know, kind of by it's very nature, normal is everywhere.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Coemgen)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Normal? - 9/28/2009 8:15:52 PM   
Elipsis


Posts: 301
Joined: 7/8/2009
Status: offline 		It's out there.  I've read a few profiles of people who specifically discuss "bedroom only"submission and the like.



(in reply to ShaunG)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Normal? - 9/28/2009 8:42:16 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		What you are looking for is a bottom. Someone who will enjoy keeping the kink in the bedroom only, as you do.

There are tons of them, I'm sure. Just state clearly that that's what you want, because you yourself only want to top her in the bedroom (read: for sex). Make certain she knows this and is not seeking lifestyle D/s, before you proceed. You should do just fine.



_____________________________

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(in reply to ShaunG)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Normal? - 9/28/2009 8:43:42 PM   
Elipsis


Posts: 301
Joined: 7/8/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming

What you are looking for is a bottom. Someone who will enjoy keeping the kink in the bedroom only, as you do.

There are tons of them, I'm sure. Just state clearly that that's what you want, because you yourself only want to top her in the bedroom (read: for sex). Make certain she knows this and is not seeking lifestyle D/s, before you proceed. You should do just fine.




He's a switch.

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Normal? - 9/28/2009 8:47:24 PM   
feathersnfire


Posts: 2
Joined: 8/14/2009
Status: offline 		I am seeking a top.  Want a "bedroom" dom, who is willing to have a poly relationship in private.  But in "real" life, I want it vanilla.  

(in reply to Elipsis)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Normal? - 9/28/2009 8:47:40 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Elipsis

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming

What you are looking for is a bottom. Someone who will enjoy keeping the kink in the bedroom only, as you do.

There are tons of them, I'm sure. Just state clearly that that's what you want, because you yourself only want to top her in the bedroom (read: for sex). Make certain she knows this and is not seeking lifestyle D/s, before you proceed. You should do just fine.




He's a switch.



Oh. I missed that.

I stand corrected, thank you Elipsis.


_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to Elipsis)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Normal? - 9/28/2009 9:10:03 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

Speaking from the femdom POV, yes, there are women that are interested in kinky exporation, or that have bondage fetishes and the like.  Like anything, you just have to be patient and seek the woman first and foremost, and the play partner second.  Lots of men line up, literally, to be the guinea pig of a femdom.   Since you are easy on the eyes and appear well rounded and like you have a personality, you may move quickly up the food chain, but you should also work on becoming a good bottom for a sensual and/or sadistic femdom top. Play close attention to what constitutes a sensual, exciting and engaging bottoming -- that is to say, it's not just about being bound & gagged and tormented, it's about what you bring to the whole experience, and how your surrender and vulnerability makes your femdom's heart pound.

Hope that makes sense!

Akasha


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Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to ShaunG)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Normal? - 9/28/2009 9:28:25 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		Sounds like you're looking for a relationship.  Things aren't as polar as you may initially think: vanilla vs kinky.  Just as you have diversified interests, so too do those who you may consider for partnership. 
Good luck and welcome, 
Davan

< Message edited by DavanKael -- 9/28/2009 9:30:19 PM >

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
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It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Normal? - 9/28/2009 10:25:11 PM   
Acer49


Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaunG

I hate to use the word normal, but I'm just a regular guy into good food, photography, hiking, sitting and talking, sitting and not talking, movies, music... etc.

However, bondage, leather and violence are also on the agenda, and it is off-putting to most people. I've always liked girls with dark hair that wear leather boots, chokers, corsets, leather etc... I'm definitely a closet kink so I don't meet to many other people like me. I'm not afraid to admit it, it's just not something you can always talk about.

The thing is, it's either one extreme or the other... I'm not looking for a lifestyle, or even something predominantly sexual. I'm passionate about tying up, getting tied up, gags, leather and some pain... but inside the bedroom, and events only. Is there anyone out there that can be laid back, chill with a movie, cook or do anything... I guess I could say someone else who dresses kinky sometimes and is mostly unassuming.


If this is what you desire then I suggest you put in your profile. the forums are not a place for personal ads

_____________________________

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

(in reply to ShaunG)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Normal? - 9/28/2009 10:34:19 PM   
roughleather


Posts: 232
Joined: 11/11/2004
Status: offline 		What you want is totally normal, and lots of fun.

You're in SF, where it ought to be easy to find what you want. Try Bondage a Go Go, Wednesday nights at the Glas Kat. You'll definitely see girls with dark hair in leather and boots. BAGG is fun because it's a dance club. BAGG also has a few strippers. Some of the scantily clad dancers work there, some are just there for fun, and it's not obvious which are which. That make it interesting.

Go to Death Guild there on a Monday if you like dressy goth. The outfits are fantastic, but the woman in black leather and spike-heeled boots may not be kinky at all. However, it's OK to ask. That's an SF thing, by the way. It's OK to ask someone you just met in a club if they're kinky, and in what way.

Bear in mind the goth slogan: "Beautiful, single, sane - pick two". It's easy to meet beautiful, hot, kinky women in SF who are seriously mental. They're single because their previous partners got fed up with them. If you can stand the drama, there's fun to be had there. But those types become a pain after a short while.

There's also a Serious Fetish Crowd. They go to the Citadel, organize events like the Leather Leadership Conference, give classes, and generally overcomplicate the whole thing. If you like sitting in metal folding chairs while being lectured on knotwork, go for it.


(in reply to ShaunG)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Normal? - 9/28/2009 10:41:38 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline 		you appear diverse in your interests and able to convey what you like. the balance you possess between the bedroom interests and normal day to day stuff is good. most will find this approach more appealing than the more stringent ones you might encounter. add in your age and appearance and you have a lot going for you. perhaps your desires will change with more experience. keep an open mind. welcome to cm and best of luck.

porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Normal? - 9/29/2009 1:20:47 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaunG

How do you change the little symbol under your name?

I am most definitely not vanilla as it claims.


I wish i still had a vanilla cone, i think vanilla is lovely

eventually you might have a forest of paddles under your name and the word 'deranged'... and what comes after that? Evil?
how does that possibly translate to any subs here?
i will change my nickname when that happens and start afresh with lovely vanilla again...

(in reply to ShaunG)
Profile   Post #: 20
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