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RE: Domme Perception - 9/1/2009 6:35:57 AM   
NibbyJibby


Posts: 85
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		SpanketySpanks, thanks for Your words of insight. As i have not yet served Her, it is as You say, to keep seeking. I have been caught up in my preconceived notions and am beginning to see the light, a new perspective.

(in reply to SpanketySpanks)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Domme Perception - 9/1/2009 6:46:48 AM   
NibbyJibby


Posts: 85
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		Venatrix, appreciate you reading and understanding i speak from context of not yet having served Her. I think others have missed that point and assume i am already in service to Mistress. For me there is big difference between introduction/laying out of parameters and expectations... and in already being in service to a Mistress.

Refreshing to hear you comment both sub and Domme will have their turn-ons and turn-offs. In posting my query i am beginning to see i have stereotyped too much and that i can overlook it and accept. Your advice is sage... either i accept or i move on.

(in reply to Venatrix)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Domme Perception - 9/1/2009 6:54:27 AM   
NibbyJibby


Posts: 85
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		LaTigresse, at what point have i ever said i am right and if you consider my words big and fancy, i fail to understand how that is with relevance to my query and curiosity.

Although your comment has not enlightened it is a comment.  Thanks.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Domme Perception - 9/1/2009 10:32:37 AM   
MistressDevito


Posts: 17
Joined: 8/26/2009
Status: offline 		NibbY:
 
Sometimes there is too much formality in this lifestyle regarding titles; however, from what I read, you have very different ideas in what you want from a Mistress than what she is doing.  She will not change.  It is up to you to make that decision to change to a Domme who will meet your needs. 
 
Respectfully,
 
MistressDevito




quote:

ORIGINAL: NibbyJibby

Have been sub/slave for many years and in recent chat with a Mistress i aspired to serve, i found myself perplexed at the concept of a partner(Her other half) cumming on Her and/or him watching our inteactions and watching as i do the same. To read such i also am with difficulty in viewing Her as a Mistress although in every other aspect She portrays what i view to be dominance and Mistress. To my way of thinking a slave does not cum on a Mistress especially as her partner watches. Also i see a heirarchy and difference between Domme, Mistress and Goddess.

In response to my reaction i was informed... "you are or were taught things that are of old guard...I am not in this, I live in the now" and "hear it so often, i believe it to be a normal thing". also was informed  others see no distinction between Domme, Mistress, Goddess.

My curiosity is if at my ripe old age am i old guard  and outdated with my beliefs and perceptions?  I can not fathom idea for a slave to cum on a Mistress as power exchange or of respect for Her. My sense is She is subservient to Her partner.

Mostly curious to know what the heck is normal now-a-days... are my values outdated, but i think not and i intend to abide by them as they have served me well... but i am sincerely perplexed and curious. 

(in reply to NibbyJibby)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Domme Perception - 9/1/2009 11:41:07 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		NibbyJibby, I do have to say, it's nice to see you opening up to some new ways of thinking on all of this! Kudo's!

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


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Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Domme Perception - 9/1/2009 12:03:44 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		I agree with what most of what others have said. 
This thread reminded me of a couple of things: 
It reminded me of the dumb threads that say a man can't be Dominant if he enjoys being fucked by a woman. 
It also reminded me of a cute, educated sub to whom I spoke who asserted, related to my profile notation of liking facial hair, that subs don't have facial hair.  Really; what's mine would do as I wish! 
Both of those examples are, in my view, what you're doing: adhering to dogma and living in boxes. 
Perhaps that is important to you.  If it is, you're incompatible. 
I would also propose that if you're ever going to actually have a relationship with someone (As opposed to transitory 'scenes'), you're gonna compromise somewhere sometime and I don't think that compromising sometimes is being 'untrue' to one's self: it's valuing the relationship and the one you're with enough to be flexible. 
  Davan
(Who is going back to applying herself to nachos and salad, yum!)

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Domme Perception - 9/1/2009 12:05:33 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		Okay, so somehow this didn't come to mind.  Couple of weeks ago, saw someone who is quite submissive to me, got him off (All over his belly) and took great glee in cleaning him up with my fingers and licking my fingers clean...because that is what I wanted.  See, intent, not act. 
  Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to DavanKael)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Domme Perception - 9/1/2009 1:03:46 PM   
NibbyJibby


Posts: 85
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		Lockit, thank you for the kudo.s ;-)  This particular dynamic i had not encountered before and right or wrong i was already with a preconceived opinion/perception. Needless to say, having progressed thus far Mistress was upset. Found myself not only with doubts but also some guilt. It was not my purpose to come here to critisize, to vent or to justify my aspect as a few have alluded... truly i desire to address my doubt and curiosity... to gain constructive input and perspective from others. Those that offered constructive insight and opinion i am appreciative to and i realize my previous perception was not in sync. I do not know if my previous outlook was outdated or old guard as i called it, but i do realize previously i was with blinders on and ignorant of other realities.

To learn, discover and be enlightened is always good :-)  It is why i came to the message board. Although there were a few with sarcasm or preferance to bite heads off, vast majority accepted my sincerity and gave of themselves and were helplul in giving me new insight. I am appreciative... thank you. 

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Domme Perception - 9/1/2009 1:25:46 PM   
NibbyJibby


Posts: 85
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		DavanKael, true with the cum/Dom partner scenario i was adhering to dogma and living in boxes... as another had commented... i was with a "cookie cutter" aspect.

The compromise aspect typically is not a issue with me as it is my character to be open and extrovert, also i crave to explore my submission. Realize that sounds conflicting as it is obvious i had also was stereotyping which created boundaries. I agree wholeheartily with your words "don't think compromising is being untrue to oneself". I think it takes a solid person, a strong person to compromise.


(in reply to DavanKael)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Domme Perception - 9/1/2009 8:38:36 PM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		Count Me in as a Domme who loves to have a sub boy cum on Me ... precisely where and when I say to of course. Which is what makes it a Dominant thing in that instance ... as opposed to when Master cums on me precisely where and when HE wants to! Then my receiving it is a submissive act. To reiterate, it's not the act itself, it's who is in control of it that matters.

Good to see the OP is open to broadening his mind on such things. There are far too many "subs" locked into particular mindsets.

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to NibbyJibby)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Domme Perception - 9/1/2009 9:38:53 PM   
LadyNTrainer


Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NibbyJibby
To my way of thinking a slave does not cum on a Mistress especially as her partner watches. Also i see a heirarchy and difference between Domme, Mistress and Goddess.


While I respect your right to decide what your kinks are and how you want to participate in a D/s relationship, I also reserve the right to do what I personally find hot and sexy and fun in my own D/s relationships.  I mean, duuh, one of the basic perks of being the dom is that you get what you want sexually when you want it.  If a dominant happens to be gloriously perverse and completely sex-positive, reveling in all fun and healthy expressions of sexuality, it's going to be a whole different scenario than with a dominant who is basically sex-negative and who thinks sex is nasty or dirty.

A lot of people's ideas of femdom are pretty stereotyped to be sex-negative.  Frankly I consider this to be just as oppressive as the idea that women shouldn't be dominant.  It is normal and healthy for a straight woman (or a gay man for that matter) to like the dick.  And if you like the dick, you probably also like what comes out of it, and hopefully you like what it's attached to.  Being dominant absolutely does *not* mean you have to be sex negative. Of course a dominant can be sex-negative and into denial or chastity if that is really their personal thing.  Some dominant women (and a few gay men) are more into chastity and punishment for sexual expression than in enjoying sex.  That's fine for them, but don't expect all dominants to be that way. 

There's this whole stereotyped idea that a man's sexual desire, his cock and his cum are somehow "dirty" or "nasty", and putting them in or on a woman is "degrading" or "lowering" her.  I'm sorry, but that's a fundamentally religious, prudish, unhealthy, sex negative, total bullshit meme.  I don't buy into it, not even for two cents worth.  I consider the whole idea to be oppressive and degrading to both women and men, not to mention unhealthy as hell.  What you're basically saying is, "Good girls (good Dommes) don't like sex and think sex is dirty and nasty."  Well, fuck that noise.  And fuck anybody who tries to oppress me with that line of garbage.  The 1950's called; they want their morals back. 

Fortunately, I was raised in a Pagan poly household, and I never caught that particular mental illness.   I think that sex is wonderful and good and healthy, and that cocks and cum are hot and sexy and fun.  I am normal and healthy; I like the dick.  I'm also the dominant, so I get the dick I want, when I want it and how I want it.  If I found it amusing or sexy for him to come on me, I'd make him do it.  I get to use his dick any way I like, and there's a lot of things that I like.  A cum bath would be kind of hot actually, and I may order one up now that I'm thinking about it.

Now that my political rant is over, obviously there are safety issues with body fluids.  I do not recommend being exposed to the body fluids of anyone other than your tested, fluid-bonded partners in a closed relationship.  So if that's the issue, you have a legitimate concern.  If it's not, please try to keep your 1950's morals out of other people's D/s relationships.  You do what you want in your relationship and I'll do what I want in mine.  It doesn't make either of us wrong or not real, just coming from deeply different perspectives. 

< Message edited by LadyNTrainer -- 9/1/2009 9:41:47 PM >

_____________________________

Your dominant Personal Trainer for fitness and body shaping in the lifestyle. Let my fetish be your motivation.

(in reply to NibbyJibby)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Domme Perception - 9/1/2009 10:15:06 PM   
LadyNTrainer


Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael
It also reminded me of a cute, educated sub to whom I spoke who asserted, related to my profile notation of liking facial hair, that subs don't have facial hair.  Really; what's mine would do as I wish! 


Exactly.  My personal subby would rather trim his facial hair; I'm not letting him as I happen to like it.  Now I'm picturing some yahoo walking up to me and explaining didactically that he's not a REAL TWUE SUB and I'm not a REAL TWUE DOMME because he has facial hair. 

Shhh.  Do you hear that sound?  It's my eyes rolling.  


_____________________________

Your dominant Personal Trainer for fitness and body shaping in the lifestyle. Let my fetish be your motivation.

(in reply to DavanKael)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Domme Perception - 9/2/2009 3:58:45 AM   
NibbyJibby


Posts: 85
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		MaamJay, i much appreciate Your input. For me to hear direct from You and other Dommes that they partake and enjoy to be cummed on and maintain it is a act of control has much impact on me. This i could understand with a life partner/lover yes, but from a sub that is not a life partner/lover, i understood it not. Your words clarify much, as You say "it is not the act itself, it is who is in control that matters!"
 
Truly i am open to opening my mind and broadening my horizons, It is my strong conviction power exchange is a ever-learning process and can be limitless in that it can encompass and grow in any tangent we desire to be. I have explored much but there remains much that i shall never experience. It's as if i am at a candy store and as much as i crave, i know i shall never sample all the flavors; but step one is to keep a open mind and to get the lid off the candy jar :-) 

I agree, many are locked into their own mindsets, sad as it is their loss. I feel the same with those who are quick to judge but fail to offer input or guidance.

Thank for Your insight as it renforces my new perception as i open my mind further and continue on my journey. 




(in reply to MaamJay)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Domme Perception - 9/2/2009 11:36:34 AM   
NibbyJibby


Posts: 85
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		LadyNTrainer, i absolute agree one should do and pursue what is a turn-on and pleases the most. Supposedly we live only once... may as well make the most of it. I do not judge others but yes i do have my own perceptions, quirks and character attributes which guide me.

Your terminology of sex-negative and sex-positve is excellent description i can identify with immediately. it made me realize with exception of two life-style relationships all my power exchange experiences have been sex negative. My first real-time experience was many yeares ago in my late teens with a pro-domme. That initiation was sex-negative as were subsequent pro-domme experiences. In owning a CB3000 i have many times experienced chastity.

My perspecitive has been stereotyped via personal experiences as sex-negative and others herer have made me realize i have been too generic in opinion with my cookie cutter/exist in boxes perception.

Sounds foolish now, but originally i saw cumming on Mistress as taking away Her dominance. Response from other Dommes and yourself have demonstrated this is not so and have given me a new awareness. Obviously what works with lifestyle is also applicable with non-lifestyle... do not know why i had not considered such earlier.


(in reply to LadyNTrainer)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Domme Perception - 9/2/2009 8:28:35 PM   
LadyNTrainer


Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NibbyJibby
My first real-time experience was many yeares ago in my late teens with a pro-domme. That initiation was sex-negative as were subsequent pro-domme experiences. In owning a CB3000 i have many times experienced chastity.


There is nothing wrong with consciously choosing to engage in chastity, denial or a "sex as naughty and nasty" mindset if that is what turns you on and that is what you want to do for fun.  It is very much worth examining *why* you want to play that way, and deciding whether the reasons are good or bad, healthy or unhealthy for you.  It's not a good idea to assume that everybody will have the same mindset as you, or the same fundamental beliefs about sex, or the same ideas of what works in a D/s relationship.

Pro dommes don't (if they are smart) have sex or direct sexual contact with their clients anyhow, so it may actually be easier to cater to the sex-negative stereotype that a lot of guys have been thoroughly imprinted with.  Most of those same pro dommes, if they are also lifestylers with personal subs/slaves, are likely to make much better use of the cocks that personally belong to them.  ;)  But no, they're not gonna do it with random clients; that would be pretty stupid, not to mention unsafe and illegal.


quote:

Sounds foolish now, but originally i saw cumming on Mistress as taking away Her dominance. Response from other Dommes and yourself have demonstrated this is not so and have given me a new awareness.


I'm impressed; you learned something.  :) 

In a prudish, conservative religious world where sex is bad and something that is "done to" or "scored off of" women, automatically degrading or lowering them because nice girls don't like sex, that would be true.  In such a world, a dominant woman would chastise men for their dirty, filthy, nasty sexual desires and never let them have any sex.  They would certainly never want a man to put his yucky old stuff on them.  Nice girls think that sex is gross and they don't take any enjoyment from it at all.      Does this sound like a world you want to live in?  Does this sound like a world that a sexually aggressive, confident dominant woman would want to live in?

I have to ask, how dominant is a woman if she has been brainwashed by religious patriarchs into denying her own normal and healthy sexuality?    Fuck that "nice girls" shit.  That's why I'm a domme; I'm not into letting old dead Jewish guys dictate how I must behave myself sexually.  Or old dead Catholic guys either.  Those self-righteous assholes can go bugger each other and keep their unhealthy attitudes off of my sexuality.  That whole stereotyped sex-negative concept is seriously insulting and oppressive to women. 

Actually when they're not buggering each other, they're quite likely to be fiddling with kiddies.  The one profession in the world with the highest incidence of convicted molesters is the priesthood, because that whole "sex is sinful and dirty" viewpoint is just that unhealthy.  Repress normal healthy feelings and make them shameful and painful, and predictably, they tend to come bubbling up in fairly horrible ways. 

Playing in a conscious way with some of these feelings and scenarios isn't a bad thing, if you are voluntarily choosing what you are doing and you happen to find it hot or fun or personally fulfilling.  But not everybody is going to share the "sex is dirty; nice girls don't like sex" viewpoint, or even find it remotely amusing as a headspace to play in for awhile.


_____________________________

Your dominant Personal Trainer for fitness and body shaping in the lifestyle. Let my fetish be your motivation.

(in reply to NibbyJibby)
Profile   Post #: 55
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