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Domme Perception - 8/31/2009 11:58:05 AM   
NibbyJibby


Posts: 85
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		Have been sub/slave for many years and in recent chat with a Mistress i aspired to serve, i found myself perplexed at the concept of a partner(Her other half) cumming on Her and/or him watching our inteactions and watching as i do the same. To read such i also am with difficulty in viewing Her as a Mistress although in every other aspect She portrays what i view to be dominance and Mistress. To my way of thinking a slave does not cum on a Mistress especially as her partner watches. Also i see a heirarchy and difference between Domme, Mistress and Goddess.

In response to my reaction i was informed... "you are or were taught things that are of old guard...I am not in this, I live in the now" and "hear it so often, i believe it to be a normal thing". also was informed  others see no distinction between Domme, Mistress, Goddess.

My curiosity is if at my ripe old age am i old guard  and outdated with my beliefs and perceptions?  I can not fathom idea for a slave to cum on a Mistress as power exchange or of respect for Her. My sense is She is subservient to Her partner.

Mostly curious to know what the heck is normal now-a-days... are my values outdated, but i think not and i intend to abide by them as they have served me well... but i am sincerely perplexed and curious. 

< Message edited by NibbyJibby -- 8/31/2009 12:02:33 PM >
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RE: Domme Perception - 8/31/2009 12:22:56 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NibbyJibby

My curiosity is if at my ripe old age am i old guard  and outdated with my beliefs and perceptions?  I can not fathom idea for a slave to cum on a Mistress as power exchange or of respect for Her. My sense is She is subservient to Her partner.

Mostly curious to know what the heck is normal now-a-days... are my values outdated, but i think not and i intend to abide by them as they have served me well... but i am sincerely perplexed and curious. 


first of all the concept of old guard is largely overdone. it would be impossible for you to be this, particularly given your age. perhaps she was referencing the ideologies of the movement, but i don't concur with it being utilized in this context. so allow me to simplify her comments for you.

she has a partner and wishes to have her submissive participate in play. which would include him performing certain acts that she deems pleasing. the other aspect involves watching or participating in acts in tandem with her partner. you take exception to both situations and question her role and also remarked on the differences you possess on the variances in the titles mentioned. which is to say...

you're not compatible. you are a submissive and that usually involves submitting. which can mean opening yourself up to doing things you otherwise wouldn't do on your own. you have decided what is considered a submissive act. which in truth isn't yours to determine. otherwise you'd be on the other side of the paddle.

furthermore, you believe she is subservient to the other party. your words, not mine. i wonder if you view her less than because of this. i'm uncertain if your discomfort involves the other person or merely the fact that you wish no engagement with him. you haven't indicated. but i would suggest that you rethink some of your comments. if doing what she requested approaches a limit you should be upfront about it.

if you feel it is important for you to define what submission means to you and you have a list of things that are not considered submissive acts, you'll spend a very long time searching for someone that will match up. the hallmark of submission is yielding and service. can you honestly state you've attempted to do so for the one you've supposedly chosen? based upon the things you've stated thus far i would think not.

porcelaine


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(in reply to NibbyJibby)
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RE: Domme Perception - 8/31/2009 12:37:08 PM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NibbyJibby

To my way of thinking a slave does not cum on a Mistress especially as her partner watches. Also i see a heirarchy and difference between Domme, Mistress and Goddess.



To my way of thinking a slave does what his Mistress tells him and he doesn't pass judgment on either what she tells him or her behaviour.

Also it doesn't matter how the slave sees the hierarchy, but it's as how the dominant sees it.




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RE: Domme Perception - 8/31/2009 1:00:22 PM   
SillySwitch


Posts: 1
Joined: 8/28/2009
Status: offline 		I think you are thinking in a very cookie cutter way. If I order a pet to cum on me, it is because it arouses me to watch him/her cum. I enjoy feeling this. I may make him/her lick me clean afterward or punish him/her for not thanking me fast enough. It the part of the slave to just do as you are told.

Speaking as a switch, I also enjoy serving my husband (who is a "nicer" Dom than I am a Mistress, but I digress). I believe you could stand to have a great experience submitting for someone who has been there, but clearly you need to think outside the box OR simply find someone else to serve.
Take care

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RE: Domme Perception - 8/31/2009 1:00:35 PM   
ErikaTate1


Posts: 23
Joined: 11/19/2007
Status: offline 		It strikes Me as ironic that a 'sub/slave' is making the determination of what is Dominant or not!  Sometime ago,  a similiar situation occured with a submissive  indicating to Me that something  was "not Domme!" 
I told him that when he was submissive enough,  he would beg for it.  Time passed.  he became submissive enough and begged....

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RE: Domme Perception - 8/31/2009 1:00:51 PM   
MissCake


Posts: 149
Joined: 9/18/2008
Status: offline 		I play in many ways with many people.  I am not subservient to my lover at all, but I do like his cum.  I like it inside me, and I like when he comes on my body.  (Not my face or hair.  And I don't like bukkake.)  His cum is a gift to me - shows how much he is enjoying our congress, how open he is to me, how much he wants to share.  One need not see cum as an insult, or a nuisance.

To your mistress, your cum may be your tribute to her.

Part of what we do - is expand our notions of what dominance and submission can be.  I can be engaged in a dynamic with my lover that is not a D/s dynamic, and at the same time, have a boy or girl serving me or us together.

(in reply to stella41b)
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RE: Domme Perception - 8/31/2009 1:31:01 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Bottom line: What does she want and enjoy physically? As the Dominant, she has the right to dictate how and when she gets that. As the submissive, you have the right to agree or not. If you do, go with it, if you don't, find another partner.

Who we are is not always defined by what we do.

Master Fire


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RE: Domme Perception - 8/31/2009 1:38:49 PM   
switch84


Posts: 6
Joined: 8/23/2009
Status: offline 		as a submissive it is your place to please your dom. if that means cumming on her or fucking her brains out it doesnt matter no sexual act can be confined to the label of dominant or submissive. if she tells you to jump you jump you dont ask how high you dont ask why...you just jump

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RE: Domme Perception - 8/31/2009 1:41:46 PM   
NibbyJibby


Posts: 85
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		porcelaine, thank you for your articulate insight. you have caused me to think and to ponder deeper. Absolute true the hallmark of submission is yielding and service, i concur and sincerely believe i do uphold this hallmark.

My  concern or discomfort is in wondering if i would be serving Mistress or would She and i be serving his pleasures. My hopes and aspirations were high but as we converse and revelations come forthy it is as you say... we are not compatable. Still i am curious and seeking opinions of others. Again thank you for your wisdom and insight... and most importantly for making me think and contemplate deeper still. 


(in reply to porcelaine)
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RE: Domme Perception - 8/31/2009 1:42:08 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Cumming on someone is not a dominant act. It can be used by a dominant who is dominanting but isn't in itself an act of dominance as far as I am concerned. I might just like to use that act to bring in some other dominance or in mind tripping him. A lot of acts have nothing to do with dominance. It is how the act is done that can be the dominant factor.

When you set the stage for what a dominant is supposed to be, you are limiting the exploration that can be between a dominant and submissive. You cannot see someone as dominant unless they fit this view that you have. Many have said I wasn't dominant and walked away believing that because I didn't act like a dominant in their view. Some have hung around as friends and have one day emailed or called and said... wow... you are a dominant, I finally saw it! Gee... guys... I am who I am and dominant is not all I am nor will ever just be and I dominante who I have a d/s relationship with.

If you are going to limit, project or judge a dominant by what you think is dominance, I feel for any dominant that is with you because sooner or later they are going to hit on something you don't see as dominant. If you can find someone who shares your views... great... I hope it happens, but I think it is sad to say that any person should be this or that to be dominant or submissive. As you have shared with us your feelings.. how would you like it if people stated that you were not a real submissive because you seem to be topping or calling the shots on what dominance should be to every person?

When you limit people, you also limit yourself. I don't see that as a very happy place or one that would bring much exploration.

< Message edited by Lockit -- 8/31/2009 1:46:05 PM >

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RE: Domme Perception - 8/31/2009 1:45:19 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I'll just say this.  If you were Mine and I told you to do something, you would obey or you wouldn't be Mine anymore.

Is that Old Guard enough for you?


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Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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RE: Domme Perception - 8/31/2009 1:51:31 PM   
NibbyJibby


Posts: 85
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		stella41b, true but perhaps i should have clarified we are at introductory stage and have not yet met... only chat conversation thus far... setting of ground rules, expectations, discussion of interests, etc.

Desire to serve and submit was strong and without doubt, but now i am with doubt or perhaps discomfort. Of course that means we shall not meet and events will not progress further as we each search out another. Our expectations of each other, and perceptions appear to have drifted apart, still i desire input and to widen my horizons via input of others.

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RE: Domme Perception - 8/31/2009 1:57:07 PM   
inquizitivesub


Posts: 11
Joined: 5/25/2009
Status: offline 		I am new to the lifestyle and my experience is lacking any skill and depth. Maybe I shouldn't post to this.
However  I'm finding myself asking...Is there always such a clash.(An alpha male pissing contest) 

All Doms and Dommes are not of the same mold? But all subs are not either.

God forbid a hand book:  D/s for Dummies.--that defined who and what? No variations...none whatso ever---ahh that wouldn't work out either.

Please don't bite my head off....I was just thinking outloud.



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RE: Domme Perception - 8/31/2009 3:20:45 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I'll just say this.  If you were Mine and I told you to do something, you would obey or you wouldn't be Mine anymore.

Is that Old Guard enough for you?



Thank you, Lady Pact!  I will add that I don't accept any snippy little "weal and twue" judgements from My property, either.

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RE: Domme Perception - 8/31/2009 3:30:57 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		What LadyPact and LadyHib already said.

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Domme Perception - 8/31/2009 3:38:14 PM   
SpanketySpanks


Posts: 3
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline 		This is going to come out sounding very cliche sounding but...

If you keep seeking, you will find a woman whose heart dominates your heart, and then you will not feel concerned about what she asks you to do and whether it is dominant enough.  You will simply do.

Until then, there are no wrong questions to ask and nothing that is wrong for you to ponder.  We all can and do get caught up in preconceived notions and stereotypes, and frankly, some of those stereotypes are precisely what makes our fantasies so delicious.

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RE: Domme Perception - 8/31/2009 3:39:29 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Then you aren't compatible with her.

If she enjoys it, it is a dominant thing because she's telling him to do so.
Beyond that, are you sure he is her slave? It is not uncommon for dommes to submit as well or to be in equal power relationships with spouses while having a different, frequently nonsexual, relationship as well. Or perhaps this is his favorite activity done in order to prove to other slaves that he is above them in the relationship and she lets him do this because of how much she cares for him. Partners frequently do things they don't much love in order to make the other partner happy. That's love.

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RE: Domme Perception - 8/31/2009 3:44:25 PM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline 		I think it's important to acknowledge that the sub will have his turn-ons and -offs just as much as the dominant.  Given that you have yet to agree to submit to this woman, your decision now is whether the things you have in common can cause you to overlook the things you don't.  I must say that it crossed my mind that this whole scenario was, at least in some measure, about pleasing her partner.  If that's not something you can get your brain around, the best thing would be for you to move on.

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RE: Domme Perception - 8/31/2009 3:49:00 PM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NibbyJibby

stella41b, true but perhaps i should have clarified we are at introductory stage and have not yet met... only chat conversation thus far... setting of ground rules, expectations, discussion of interests, etc.



Hang on a minute here..I thought this was your Mistress? Or is this a Mistress you're aspiring to serving? What does this mean? A Mistress you've been in contact with? A woman you came across on in a chatroom? There's been no dynamic set up?

You haven't even worked out any sort of relationship or dynamic and yet in your head it's already Mistress slave?

Old Guard? Well yes, but it seems more like Senile Guard to me.


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RE: Domme Perception - 8/31/2009 3:50:22 PM   
NibbyJibby


Posts: 85
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		SillySwitch, you open my eyes as the thought of a slave cumming on his Mistress was foriegn to me. Thus far responses all go against my beliefs and perception. Your cookie cutter analogy is more correct than i perhaps dare admit... perhaps i do have to start thinking outside the box.

(in reply to SillySwitch)
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