RE: Style of attachment, meeting and maintaining a dynamic

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RE: Style of attachment, meeting and maintaining a dynamic - 8/24/2009 5:10:48 AM

Aileen1968

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My attachment style in all of my life relationships was and is secure. I attempted to not attach like that within a bdsm relationship. I purposely chose the types of people that I could not and would not give a second thought about when not in their presence. I was then amazed at how unfulfilling and sad I was and how none of those relationships ever lasted long. They were a tremendous amount of work mentally. It wasn't until I entered into a bdsm relationship in that secure mode that things fell into place for me. I've learned in the course of the last five years that I need that secure feeling in all of my relationships in order for them to be successful.

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RE: Style o attachment, meeting and maintaining a dynamic - 8/24/2009 5:11:29 AM

Prinsexx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leiren

I don't mean to be hurtful, Prinsexx. But in the short time I've been registered here at CM, most of your posts come across as distrustful and unwilling to engage in the alternative life styles that most of us thrive on.

Whatever your particular hurt is, I sincerely hope you can heal it without being so 'in people's faces'.

I wish you well.

Oh please.. will you just let it go with these 'online personality/psychology assessments' as a way of putting other posters down and either post on the topic of the thread or go elsewhere?

Or is that the reason you come here, to make other posters feel uncomfortable?

Stella: thank you for your support on the board and off the board.
(If I wasn't such a masochist I would feel uncomfortable but hey guess what: flame me! flame me! I thrive on it.)
This is the very reason though why so many are leaving 'boards' and doing social networking via live blogging. The very assumption that we know each other deeply and personally through a forum is quite absurd.
Anyway: in the context of attachment styles. We 'attach' to strangers in the same way as we sustain attachment the theory goes. Inded it is the process of how we attached to strangers that is thought to be the asis of how we sustain relatuonships. In my way of thinking how we initate attachments on the internet in a modality such as ths IS a study predomiantly of how we attach TO STRANGERS. The assumptions we come loaded with here carry through into real time and vice versa. I'm ambivalent (preoccupied) as I have said and I will be the first to admit to beig both engaged and dismissive AT THE SAME TIME. Wary is a good word.
In real life of course, as you know, I am an empath and powerfully intuitive. It's a way of being on-the look-out in my wariness. Makes for being a great service submissive.
Anyway rambling..... thanks for the support. Let's hope it becomes the way to go on the forums here.
prin x

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RE: Style o attachment, meeting and maintaining a dynamic - 8/24/2009 7:13:36 AM

Falkenstein

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Stella,

you are speaking my mind. I also wonder why some people cannot just ignore the mail they do not like.

Kinky regards,

Henry

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RE: Style of attachment, meeting and maintaining a dynamic - 8/24/2009 7:40:58 AM

LillyoftheVally

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Ahh Bowlby, I did a really difficult assignment on my attachment as a child using the ecological model, I came to the conclusion that I had too dependent an attachment on my mother which i believe has impacted some of my relationship formation in later life. Trust levels and all that kind of stuff. Thing is as with all theoretical framework there are flaws, and actually my attachment changed and developed throughout my childhood. Also it is important to realise that squeezing people into these styles is limiting, especially as very few people would find they actually had 'healthy' attachment and yet are able to develop healthy relationships

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RE: Style of attachment, meeting and maintaining a dynamic - 8/24/2009 9:41:05 AM

Prinsexx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally

Ahh Bowlby, I did a really difficult assignment on my attachment as a child using the ecological model, I came to the conclusion that I had too dependent an attachment on my mother which i believe has impacted some of my relationship formation in later life. Trust levels and all that kind of stuff. Thing is as with all theoretical framework there are flaws, and actually my attachment changed and developed throughout my childhood. Also it is important to realise that squeezing people into these styles is limiting, especially as very few people would find they actually had 'healthy' attachment and yet are able to develop healthy relationships

Not Bowlby (ecological) so much as Ainsworth but I take your point.
I was just really interested in 'internet' attaching.....
as I have had so many run-ins with dismissers and pre-occupiers....or is that the way internet doms like to come across?
I understand as well the investment in learning how to sustain realtionships in contradiction to how we remember attaching. Indded as a incubated baby (for many moths apparently) and of a birth weight of 3ibs I am lucky to have survived. More like a Harlow monkey than a human being.
No wonder I am so fascinated by nipples....

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 8/24/2009 9:42:07 AM >

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RE: Style of attachment, meeting and maintaining a dynamic - 8/24/2009 9:43:47 AM

LillyoftheVally

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx
Not Bowlby (ecological)

I was meaning Brofenbrenner in terms of ecological, the wheel of influence

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RE: Style of attachment, meeting and maintaining a dynamic - 8/24/2009 9:53:00 AM

Prinsexx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx
Not Bowlby (ecological)

I was meaning Brofenbrenner in terms of ecological, the wheel of influence

Sorry Lils I was jumping to conclusions. I see the word ecological and I just go whizzy.....(whizzy??) anyway I just think that looked at ecologically I would have been one of those who would have not survived, have died, had it ot been for the miracle of the NHS, anti-biotics, oxygen and so on.
Also what the hell did i imprint on? A light bulb? Bright lights still hurt my eyes and everything tat is ok sound levels t everyone else far far too noisy for me.
Shut me in a cage or a cupborad and give me some of that sensory deprivation an i am in seventh heaven.
The first sphere of influence family) was entiry missing/dysfunctional for me.
Then when I finally went to school (aged seven) as a twin I was just freaked out at why there ws only one of everyone else.
No wonder once i attach as an s type I'm like a limpet on a stone.

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