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RE: Show me the Money - 7/11/2009 12:57:11 PM

justme1980

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RE: Show me the Money - 7/11/2009 1:02:29 PM

IrishMist

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Get your panties out of a twist; I understood perfectly what you had said and what you were referring to.

It does not change the fact though that your umm...statements...are generalized, and obviously biased...it was to those generalizations and biases that I was placing my questions.

go back and re-read what YOU wrote in your oringinal OP....and then, try and comprehend what you wrote and you might understand why everyone is snickering at you.

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RE: Show me the Money - 7/11/2009 1:10:57 PM

Missokyst

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I agree. lol besides if the master is getting all the perks of ownership why would the sub be in there at all?
And exactly HOW do you know it will be long term? Got a fortuneteller I am unaware of?
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RE: Show me the Money - 7/11/2009 1:14:59 PM

agirl

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No, you assume wrongly. I don't work and don't need to and I'm not kept, either. If I did work, he'd encourage that, too.

Not only has he *allowed* me not to work, he's allowed me to keep my own home, clean it, see to it's upkeep, raise my children, do the gardening, drive the car and generally do all the things that we both think are a jolly good idea.

There are more permeatations in relationships and people's lives than *going to work if *allowed** ...or *staying at home when *ordered**.

He has access and authority over anything that's *mine* and I have none to his.

agirl

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RE: Show me the Money - 7/11/2009 1:19:42 PM

favesclava

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Once upon a time this girl was out of work. Master took care of her financially. Once upon a time this girl got very sick, Master took care of her physically, emotionally and spiritually.
Nowadays i get little gifts that make me smile but i would never buy for myself.
A girl serves in many ways.
A Master takes care of His girls in many ways.

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RE: Show me the Money - 7/11/2009 1:21:17 PM

oceanwinds

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I am going to speak from another angle. Though my marriage was vanilla and very long term, we had everything in place for him to take care of me. He was 15 years older then me and we basically had the typical 50's marriage. I didn't work outside the home while married. I was a stay at home mom, which to this day my daughter is very grateful for. He had everything planned for retirement, then illness took a hold. During that time we lost everything, it was a long illness, and the only thing left was his life insurance, which did not allowed me to live comfortably for a long time. Thank goodness for mom, she had a condo that just became available so we moved there, and I am still there. When he died I was 55, which is too young to get widows benifits. My hubby did everything possible and the 'right' way here, but in the end I was in a different state with very little resources. Life happens, so I made a pledge to myself never again. Through the help of my friend, I learned how to discipline myself and work. I learning how to budget and save. I am proud of myself in doing this, because the only other alternatives would have been to find someone to take care fo me. I had a great marriage with an absolute fantastic person. Now I am taking care of me with a good sense of pride, and not finding a master to support me or the government. Perhaps my words might sound cruel, but this is my point of view. I am proud of what i became, and I know hubby and my friend both are smiling at me. Ata girl!!

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RE: Show me the Money - 7/11/2009 1:34:48 PM

kyraofMists

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When did this become about a submissive staying at home and not working? I had to go back and re-read the original post to see if I missed something, but it seems the topic has changed somewhat.

I am required to work outside of the house. The money that is put in the bank accounts in my name are funds that are earned at my job... or what is left after he uses it for our entertainment.

While I appreciate the comments on honour; I think they are a little misguided on your part. I am sure that I could tell you aspects about him and our relationship that would change that opinion real quick. He is a man of integrity and honour; he follows his own code and the rest of the world be damned. However, it is a little foolish to base your opinion of him on one small aspect of our life.

The things he has put in place are as much serving his interests as they are serving mine. They are a practical and convenient way to handle things in the event that he dies or is disabled in any way.

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RE: Show me the Money - 7/11/2009 1:35:58 PM

LaTigresse

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I am not wealthy. Anyone that comes into my life is either going to have to be wealthy enough to provide for themself or work. I will not allow someone to go without good medical care (health insurance) or a retirement plan in addition to a savings account/nest egg.

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RE: Show me the Money - 7/11/2009 1:41:05 PM

whiteslavebitch

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I work full time, put money in my 401K every pay period. MasterK expects me to manage my money so that all my bills are paid and that I save what I can.

And as for perks, I feel like I get many more "perks" than he does. This relationship fulfills my needs and desires like no other previous relationship.

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RE: Show me the Money - 7/11/2009 3:16:41 PM

OsideGirl

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I wouldn't be with a D type who required me to quit my job and become a homemaker. It's my idea of hell.

My view is this is something that gets negotiated before a committment gets made. I'd be wary of someone that expected me to give up my base of support right from the get go, unless there was some serious items put in place. We've all seen the submissives that get dumped and suddenly have no place to live and no means of support. In this depressed economy, finding a job is not guaranteed.

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RE: Show me the Money - 7/11/2009 3:46:41 PM

krikket

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My situation was somewhat similar to oceanwinds, only instead of getting sick, my vanilla husband lost his job, his self-respect, honor, loyalty and discovered that he enjoyed being a "kept" man. He also enjoyed having many subs/slaves on the Internet. By the time we split, there wasn't any money left. i was working 2 jobs, that fortunately came with medical insurance, and my recently widowed father was able to help more than i wanted him to, but had no choice in. The OP is right -- as a vanilla dom he did get all of the perks, what i received we won't go into here..lol. It took a few years to get the bills paid and get on my feet financially, emotionally and spiritually. i promised myself that i would never again be dependant on anyone like i was him. i thought he cared enough to make sure we were secure in our lives, not just financially but in every way, but circumstances change. As responsible adults, imho, it's up to each of us to make sure our own future (and those we love) is as secure as possible. With today's economy that's no longer as easy as it was, which is why it's also, again imho, that we need to work together, be help mates as well as soul mates, D/s or any other label we care to use. Living Wills, Powers of Attorney, Wills, life/medica insurance, organ donor wishes and someone who knows what's important to us are all very important. Having all of that in place doesn't make us more or less doms and/or subs. It's just smart.

< Message edited by krikket -- 7/11/2009 3:49:29 PM >

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RE: Show me the Money - 7/11/2009 4:13:37 PM

IronBear

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So much depends on the dynamic. If the girl is working and has an income, she will perhaps contribute to the financial running of the home, (Phone, internet and utilities as well as possibly food). She will be permitted to keep an allowance for necessities and the rest placed in a saving account so if anything happens, she has a nest egg. If our financial circumstances are such that we are able to fully support her even if she is a student, then financial arrangements are made so money is paid into a savings account in her name if paid in regularly (weekly or monthly). This is especially so if her sole work obligation is to serve as a domestic at which time she would have an employment contract and she gets paid the award wage (or more) into her account which she can not access whilst she stays with us, thus enforcing her finances are sufficient to keep her going in needs be. In any case her health and general well-being including transport and studies are my responsibility.. As I said at the start, so much depends on the individual dynamic.

I was trying to locate the whole manifesto i have written explaining all the variations to the last tee (checked by my legal folk), but me being me in hibernation season have forgotten where I put the blessed disk.

< Message edited by IronBear -- 7/11/2009 4:16:50 PM >

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RE: Show me the Money - 7/11/2009 4:52:22 PM

robertolapiedra

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Hello justme1980. We all know that subs enjoy all the perks of submission also! It is exactly the same as vanilla relationships, it is simply what you both agree to. There is such a thing as a financial ''limit'' to the power exchange. In my case we are married which does not necessarily guarantee financial independence to the level of a millionaire. If I kick the bucket it is half pension + life insurance to my subbie.. Other couples have other arrangements and it has absolutely nothing to do with BDSM.

The dominants ethical and moral obligation is adherence to what was agreed to by the two consenting adults, no more no less. The submissives ethical and moral obligation is the same, not unfounded expectations that these things will work themselves out just by some magic honor code that all dominants sign in blood in some obscure ceremony. Dominants do not owe submissives a living, even after death. Life partners owe each other what they have contracted to owe each other, and again it has nothing to do with lifestyle per se. Just my opinion. RL.

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RE: Show me the Money - 7/11/2009 5:07:18 PM

frazzle

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to the Op as ive never worked out this thing.

My Master got a tad annoyed last week. we were discussing incomes. I thought mine was crud. Seems i earn more than Him and as i run my own business, do a lot less work.

We have now spoken about it, if this works long term, I will still be his slave, but will end up supporting both of us.

It doesnt alter the dynamic.

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RE: Show me the Money - 7/11/2009 5:21:32 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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In my opinion, it's not his job or his ethical duty t o make sure I am financially well off, it's mine. so there for he does not need to do anything to see to my fiancial well being. Other than n ot be a leaching no good good for nothing, and then again it's my job to not get involved with leaches, so again it comes down to my job not his.

And I would be careful not to use such generalizations as "we all know" and to generalize what doms enjoy or that all doms are into ownership and own their girl. Since I can tell you right now, Nobody own me, I'm not a dog or a piece of property I am an independant freethinking woman, and there for personally do not believe in ownership, so I would choose a partner who believed the same thing.

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RE: Show me the Money - 7/11/2009 6:23:32 PM

sweetsub1957

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Are you saying that submissives/slaves don't enjoy our part of the relationship? If I didn't totally enjoy being owned, I would not be IN the relationship at all. As for my financial security, I have my own income and I do not expect Him to set aside and provide for me. That's my own responsibility. I may be a submissive, but I can also take care of myself.

If He required that I quit my job and be a stay-at-home sub, then I would hope that He'd provide for my future, but your original post said nothing to that effect.

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RE: Show me the Money - 7/11/2009 7:01:13 PM

AlexandraLynch

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Currently all our subs do not live with us. If he dies, I am legally his heir, as his legal wife. If I die, he's mine. Very standard sort of thing.

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RE: Show me the Money - 7/11/2009 10:36:40 PM

islandgyrl

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I am the dominant in our relationship. We both work and take care of our own finances. Extra goodies are taken care of by him because he has more disposable income and earns double the amount that I earn. We are planning a vacation and he will pay. If I made more I would pay. I wouldn't put myself in a position to depend on anyone to plan my financial future. What if feelings change? You could be out in the street without any resources. I have seen too many people trust in their partner and when feelings change promises are forgotten. What was "ours" or "yours" can easily become "theirs" or "mine". Unless you can afford a good attorney to protect you, forgetaboutit!

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RE: Show me the Money - 7/11/2009 10:52:53 PM

MrNicko

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Money, it's a gas !

Anyway, if you're financially well off enough to "Own" someone then their well being should be at the top or very near the top of the list of things that your ownership entails. Not just in the present but in the future.
If you are not financially able to do this then "Owning" someone should see you have enough sense to plan for that persons future and will involve them working to supplememnt the plans for their future.

It's not rocket science, neither is it brain surgery.

Once again another thread with people thinking too much instead of focussing on the obvious !

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RE: Show me the Money - 7/11/2009 10:54:48 PM

CallaFirestormBW

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I deal with this by discussing, frankly, how money will be dealt with when in a relationship with me. I'm not a wealthy woman in material goods, and individuals in my life have to contribute to the household, and plan or not for their future as they see fit -- but I am explicit in stating what I consider my responsibilities in a given relationship and what I don't (and those responsibilities are not the same from one person to another in my life... and sometimes shift, by mutual agreement, into new permutations.)

As the dominant individual in a relationship, I think that it is my responsibility to make sure the matter gets -discussed-, but the "perks" of ownership are two-sided, or at least they'd better be if the relationship is going to work -- because if it's going to work, then everyone is getting 'perks' out of it, and which side of the kneel one leans towards has nothing to do with whether 'perks' are happening or not. I don't think that being dominant means that I automatically have to have sole responsibility for covering future funding, unless it is specifically negotiated within the relationship that I'm in (authority-exchange or otherwise).

Dame Calla

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