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RE: On sub drop - 6/28/2009 7:00:07 AM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

quote:

ORIGINAL: kallisto

I think others have said the same things that I would.   There are a myriad of reasons as to why this situation happens and it has probably happened to many more people than we even realize.  Some are too embarrassed or hurt to even talk about it.   It is probably a good thing that you do talk about it.  

Maybe you could  go back and read the things that you've posted ... your own words may give you some insight as to why this happened or they may give you something to reflect on about yourself.  

It seems as though you fall fast and hard.   Even to the "Domliest" of Doms, this could be an emotional rollercoaster to the other person that they just don't know how to handle.   Certainly the way is not to just up and leave, but many people (people, no matter what side of the slash they  are on) don't know what to do when their emotions are running full speed ahead.    They get caught up in the moment. 

I would certainly take some time to get myself in check ...before it happens again. 


Thats all I am saying.And if you think, I think I am better than you, I posted a simiar topic at Fet life last wednesday and have just realized I cant play in public as I took a scene and turned it into a relationship in my head. Men have a muh easier time with casual sex and casual play. Many of us are not wired that way.

I'm sorry you experienced that. And thank you for reminding about the difference between the past and the future.
I know I have raised two main issues here and convilited them both under the banner 'sub-drop'.
I know there's is a difference between the situation and what the dom does and my interpretation of what the dom does.
In other words: I may experience sub drop regardless of what the dom does.
I have played without emotional attachment when the then Master was in love openly with me and experienced sub-drop.
I have played with emotional attachment and have been in love, will always remain so with a Master who was very clear that heoffered me only play. It was not the play that 'caused' me the sub-drop it was simply comng out of the play into the mundaneity of every day life.
I have surprised myself and put myself through scenes (group) saism and come out feeling a high as a kite when I was expecting sub-drop because of the actions of those I was with who offered no remorse, no after care and puched my limits.
I have equated inner experience of the drop with some lufe experiences I have had here because I'm interested in seeing the patterns and the connections.
I run from the emotional relationship model. I really do. But there are certain actions that are unethical, bad communication (or total absence of it), sudden persomality change once the scene is over and they have had their release... I'm saying how could I not feel a drop... it's like having the rope suddenly cut when hanging from a hright.
As for assuming a relationship: I assume a collar bestowed and accepted to mean something.
And as for need? I'm a cheap date. And self-sufficient. At the expense of repeating myself my play activities are the only areas which involve a connection with another at that intimate and trusting level.
Need? I don't know I think I am more like a man than most men expect. What most men want is not my intelligence, my excellence as a mother or even my exceptional sexuality.. it's just a fuck hole or two or three to whip around for a couple a hours.


< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 6/28/2009 7:04:02 AM >

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: On sub drop - 6/28/2009 8:07:45 AM   
OneforOwning


Posts: 6
Joined: 6/27/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

ORIGINAL: OneforOwning

Be thankful you weren't collared before he disappeared. Talk about devastating! 

It didn't take me long to get a mail from another s type on here who had the exact  same experience with the same player.
But he played the wrong girl this time.
Solidarity helps.




All we can do is learn from our mistakes and keep on gettin it. It IS tough but the old cliche' time heals is quite true.

(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: On sub drop - 6/28/2009 11:38:36 AM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		I thought the title was a clever play on words and was disappointed to learn that it wasn't.  Kinda a sub drop all its own for me....Luckily, I wasn't all that invested, and will survive the disappointment. 

Best wishes in your continued search and much hope for  happiness for you.

WinD

(in reply to OneforOwning)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: On sub drop - 6/28/2009 11:44:18 AM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

I thought the title was a clever play on words and was disappointed to learn that it wasn't.  Kinda a sub drop all its own for me....Luckily, I wasn't all that invested, and will survive the disappointment. 

Best wishes in your continued search and much hope for  happiness for you.

WinD

Maybe I should have called the thread: on survival..
by which i mean the survival of repeated disappointment, For example I just had a mail that said: ~Your profile says you are a gypsy. If you are not then I am interested.....~
Pass.
I'll definitely survive that one.


_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: On sub drop - 6/28/2009 11:45:20 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx
As for cognitive behavioural therapy… I was two years in a group for that and ended up me running the group.


Yeah, I've deliberately sabotaged therapy in the past myself. Not something I'm proud of. But these days I do the work required to change or I don't change and accept it's my fault for what goes wrong.

You overinvest by spades way too early which will scare off any healthy person. Then you wonder why you only wind up with the unhealthy ones.

Insanity has been described as doing the same thing over and over while expecting a different result. But keep on  doing the wrong things and we'll keep on reading the results of your train wrecks.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: On sub drop - 6/28/2009 11:55:03 AM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx
As for cognitive behavioural therapy… I was two years in a group for that and ended up me running the group.


Yeah, I've deliberately sabotaged therapy in the past myself. Not something I'm proud of. But these days I do the work required to change or I don't change and accept it's my fault for what goes wrong.

You overinvest by spades way too early which will scare off any healthy person. Then you wonder why you only wind up with the unhealthy ones.

Insanity has been described as doing the same thing over and over while expecting a different result. But keep on  doing the wrong things and we'll keep on reading the results of your train wrecks.

I'm not alone in investing early. And I don't have an on and off switch for submission. It's just the way I am in relationship to males of the d type.

I hear that you have sabotaged therapy. Many do. It simply makes for richer therapists.
And I'm certainly not asking you to read my posts simply so you can sabotage those as well. Or attempt to. Unlike my or your essential nature, there is an off switch to a computer.

And although there are repeats and patterns in everything each experience is unique I believe. Otherwise I also am tying a person into knots they themselves don't actually have. Read up on experiential phenomenology. Cognitive behavioural therapy is a bit old hat to me... good for quitting smoking I guess.

Go well and as you're paying for therapy....why sabotage?



< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 6/28/2009 11:56:56 AM >

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: On sub drop - 6/28/2009 12:03:41 PM   
Antheia


Posts: 66
Joined: 2/11/2009
Status: offline 		Hello Prinsexx, I gotta say it, as others have here too. DON'T get attached so damn easily. You have been through this kind of bs how many times? You have been hurt how many times?  Sorry but you can't always blame the other party. You have to take responsibility for this attachment you seem to fall into so easily.
Come on woman , you know you deserve more than this. You obviously know you are "hot" and a damn good "slave" so take your time and find someone who actually can carry on a relationship with you.  Even if it takes years of talking, e mailing, etc etc. Isn't that half the fun of the experience - getting to know someone else. Can't say you won't get dropped even after years but at least you will give yourself some time.
I wish you all the luck.
A.

(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: On sub drop - 6/28/2009 12:54:22 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Antheia

Hello Prinsexx, I gotta say it, as others have here too. DON'T get attached so damn easily. You have been through this kind of bs how many times? You have been hurt how many times?  Sorry but you can't always blame the other party. You have to take responsibility for this attachment you seem to fall into so easily.
Come on woman , you know you deserve more than this. You obviously know you are "hot" and a damn good "slave" so take your time and find someone who actually can carry on a relationship with you.  Even if it takes years of talking, e mailing, etc etc. Isn't that half the fun of the experience - getting to know someone else. Can't say you won't get dropped even after years but at least you will give yourself some time.
I wish you all the luck.
A.


Hi Antheia
Ok look your kind words accepted.
I think I'm just going to have to say what my purpose was/is in posting.
I'm not a child. I'm not going to change my life, my modus operandi because of what another poster suggests on a forum.
There are real time friends I have whose opinions and perspectibes I value very much and whom I have rellied upon a great  deal. My purpose in posting is not to find a virtual forum as a substutute for libing breathing support. The purpose of this post is not asking what to do. It's merely sharing and discussing... hence general discussion posts....
do i post about my positive experiences? no although i suppose if I had more time then yes I would.
It's just more interesting, and given the amount of mail, and more supportive to others to raise issues within which i run the risk of looking wrecked and pergaps issues that others might not want to raise.
I'm noy into saving gace here. That doesn't really worry me. I'm not wrecked...doms who drop me, run like cowards, or whatever other tricks they have hidden, don't stop me sleeping, running my household, or working in three different directions either.
Ok. So I don't know how to invest partially in anything. If I partially invest then that would be me being cowardly. That's how I feel about things....as for investing early it's ironic that so many go straight into servitude, exchange body fluid, have instant rapport and just know when they have that eperience of meeting their one.
It's a willingness to take risk. It's a willngness to say: OK you want theperfect sub.. here I'll rocl your world... now what?
I think this resiliance aspect of being a submissive is often erased from the equation.



_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to Antheia)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: On sub drop - 6/28/2009 4:26:59 PM   
chronos1976


Posts: 23
Joined: 10/12/2008
Status: offline 		I'm sorry to hear things didn't work out.

I don't understand how anyone could just walk away from any kind of relationship or friendship without explanation. It is hurtful and leaves the person without closure.

I'm currently guiding a sub who was left suddenly by her Master - no closure at all. I think that is irresponsible and has caused the sub a *lot* of issues. I think, if they are going to walk away, better now than when there is an even higher emotional involvement. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but i would say you had a lucky escape.

_____________________________

You are unique, just like everyone else.

(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: On sub drop - 6/28/2009 4:49:20 PM   
scarlethiney


Posts: 492
Joined: 8/22/2008
Status: offline 		 Prinsexx,

I am so sorry your hurt.  It is horrible to not have answers, to wonder and never have closure. It is cruel.  I do believe some people are not capable of saying this doesn't work for me.  It is easier for them to just disappear and not deal with the feelings they have or share them.

I am a much more cautious person. It took me a long time tocompletely trust Master. I admire your openness, but feel you put so much of yourself out there that it is possibly overwhelming for the person on the receiving end. There doesn't seem to be much middle ground with you. It is all or nothing.  Please understand I do not mean this as a critique just an observation.
Sometimes a bit of boundary is a good thing.

I totally understand what you meant when you said time doesn't heal for you it just gives you more time think.  I agree. I know I have a tendency to over analyze things.When I am hurt or disappointed I do so for several days and then I just take a deep breath, cry my eyes out, isolate and then I am able to let it go. Especially when I realize how frazzled it makes me. I can't do frazzled. I have to find a place to be centered and calm and see something positive out of my disappointment or pain. I always get there one way or another. It's the getting there. It sucks.   I wish you peace and am sorry I haven't anything to give you that is helpful.

scarlet


_____________________________

"The words 'I am...' are potent words; be careful what you hitch them to. The thing you're claiming has a way of reaching back and claiming you." - A.L. Kitselman.


see my profile masterkspet

(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: On sub drop - 6/29/2009 1:23:35 AM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: scarlethiney

There doesn't seem to be much middle ground with you. It is all or nothing.  Please understand I do not mean this as a critique just an observation.
Sometimes a bit of boundary is a good thing.

scarlet


Got it.
And I have been thinking this through.
Here are some processes: the consideration, training, deepening of submission, pushing and extending limits. hese are terms that d types use and are using them to refer to procedures, processes, training, techniques and so forth that they might state as an intention on a profile or when meeting, or have written in a contract and so on.
These processes assume, that the s type needs the processes and, granted, each new relationship is new and they have every right to want that to happen as part of the establishment of the dynamic.
I accept as part of that 'belonging' that it is the Master's choice as to how they exert their control but it's me that;s bringing the consent to the table. And what I bring cannot be 'deepened' or indeed held back BY ME. Control of what I bring, its use, the extent to which service is encouraged, swayed, made best use of, is the remit of the Master.
If he can't handle it then yes, be compassionate, close the communication, state the incompatibility as perceived at that moment in time. Please don't simply not handle it, leave a girl hanging. Theres nothing worse then sudden and unepected freedom for a slave.






_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to scarlethiney)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: On sub drop - 6/29/2009 1:51:31 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline 		It is lovely to steam ahead at full speed and giving your all...fully and totally immerse yourself in the next adventure...i can totally relate to the all or nothing kinda stance...but...Cyber is a fairytale and you just have to accept from the start that it all might go up in a cloud of smoke at any time...because computers crash...people get accidents or die...also wifes come home.
The adventure is lovely, but put something in place if it all falls to pot...like throw yourself at the bathroom that still needed painting or some such thing...read a good book...

If you have aspirations to start a real relationship...don't do the Cyber thing at all... MEET FIRST and see if you like the person before engaging in a cyber game.

(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: On sub drop - 6/29/2009 7:52:29 AM   
Antheia


Posts: 66
Joined: 2/11/2009
Status: offline 		No one here has suggested you change your life or your modus operandi.  That is a choice only you can make. If you get a kick out of being hurt then hey go for it. We all have our little fetishes now don't we.;)
But sorry in two weeks there is no way you should even be thinking of becoming a slave to anyone. Now I can't say that doesn't happen because I have read from others on CM that that has happened. But it doesn't seem to be that way with you because you seem to always be setting yourself up for hurt , disappointment and anger. That too is you choice.
I hope someday you find what you are looking for or you find yourself. Whichever is most helpful to you and can bring you peace within.
Take care
A.

(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: On sub drop - 6/29/2009 7:54:34 AM   
Antheia


Posts: 66
Joined: 2/11/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

It is lovely to steam ahead at full speed and giving your all...fully and totally immerse yourself in the next adventure...i can totally relate to the all or nothing kinda stance...but...Cyber is a fairytale and you just have to accept from the start that it all might go up in a cloud of smoke at any time...because computers crash...people get accidents or die...also wifes come home.
The adventure is lovely, but put something in place if it all falls to pot...like throw yourself at the bathroom that still needed painting or some such thing...read a good book...

If you have aspirations to start a real relationship...don't do the Cyber thing at all... MEET FIRST and see if you like the person before engaging in a cyber game.





(in reply to ranja)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: On sub drop - 6/29/2009 8:41:57 AM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Antheia

No one here has suggested you change your life or your modus operandi.  That is a choice only you can make. If you get a kick out of being hurt then hey go for it. We all have our little fetishes now don't we.;)
But sorry in two weeks there is no way you should even be thinking of becoming a slave to anyone. Now I can't say that doesn't happen because I have read from others on CM that that has happened. But it doesn't seem to be that way with you because you seem to always be setting yourself up for hurt , disappointment and anger. That too is you choice.
I hope someday you find what you are looking for or you find yourself. Whichever is most helpful to you and can bring you peace within.
Take care
A.


Two hanging baskets to line and flower, a hose pipe to fix, ISBN numbers to arrange, a self-appraisal to write, a funeral to plan for, shopping for food, house full of teens, end of month accounts, dog to walk, cats to feed....... etc etc...
there's enough to do and i'm aware of the sillinesses of cyber and it's huge potential in sustaining otherwise impossible relationships over distances...this was not a debate on cyber because there's a thread for that.
This was just an 'on sub drop' thing.
It's over now anyway, any feelings whatsoever attached to the 'non' encounter. Puff!! Gone assigned to history.
The responsibilities of daily life flat line me sometimes and feeling something, frop or high, is sometimes better than feeling nothing and the mundanes of life.



< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 6/29/2009 8:42:42 AM >

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to Antheia)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: On sub drop - 6/29/2009 9:05:31 AM   
sublace


Posts: 201
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

[Two hanging baskets to line and flower, a hose pipe to fix, ISBN numbers to arrange, a self-appraisal to write, a funeral to plan for, shopping for food, house full of teens, end of month accounts, dog to walk, cats to feed.......



A fine case of beauty in the banal. Now that's a gift

Kudos to you Prinsexx


(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: On sub drop - 6/29/2009 3:03:58 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sublace


quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

[Two hanging baskets to line and flower, a hose pipe to fix, ISBN numbers to arrange, a self-appraisal to write, a funeral to plan for, shopping for food, house full of teens, end of month accounts, dog to walk, cats to feed.......



A fine case of beauty in the banal. Now that's a gift

Kudos to you Prinsexx



There were no trailing plants left but at least the wrought iron baskets came out of a skip...the hose pipe leaked in three places and sprayed the kitchen instead, ISBN numbers will cost a small fortune,the self-appraisal will have to wait until I feel more positive about myself, the funeral is planned (i'm not invited but the teens will have to go to the cremation on their own without me...so much for gorgive and forget)...black jeans and t shirts ironed, my son's ex girlfriend is referring to me as THAT WOMAN on the wall of her face book, shopping is easy as I have oral allergy syndrome verging on anaphylaxis, so it's spinach and brown rice, accounts can wait for yet another year, the dog got bathed not walked, the cats just won't eat in the heat...avoiding all media because of the jackson thang... and mail from doms here to answer... dumb stuff like are you going to give me a chance and then there's a blank profile....texts from ex Master saying i was divine...(was?)
Rejection, even inside my own mass cells, is the theme of the week
this sub drop is like free fall... hope my parachute opens
PS surprised I spelled anaphylaxis right first time... perhaps i could co-opt is as a new bdsm eperience...like feed this slave sweet corn and watch her choke...


< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 6/29/2009 3:05:05 PM >

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to sublace)
Profile   Post #: 57
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