On sub drop

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Prinsexx -> On sub drop (6/27/2009 8:13:56 AM)
i don't understand. i absolutely really honestly simply do not. i was perved. i was mailed here. i was given a yahoo addy. it took me a while to resurrect my yahoo messenger. long distance, time differences. But chatting ensued. Great chats actually. Matched perversions and interests. Quick witted. Obviously intelligent. Pictures exchanged. Some contact everyday for two weeks. i was asked to go on web cam. Ok. Apparently i'm hotter he thinks than he thought i was going to be. Invitation for a holiday ovet there. now to be honest there is some emotional attachment on my behalf. Great guy and time well spent. Or time wasted? Suddenly he's not reading my mail. Although he's logging on. Then after two days reads my mail. But no response. No messages left on yahoo. Suddenly i'm dropped. Anyway i went into London to do some consultatoion work today. I know i'm hot... both in the world of work and as it happens in terms of being a slave. I'm an awesome slave apparently. But i was crying on the way back home on the M25. Not very safe that driving with tears in my eyes. No ethics. No follow through. No explantion. Just DROPPED. And i've had a little bit too much gried this last couple of weeks. It's not me. It's just look have a heart. Don't do all that wooing stuff and then drop me or drop anyone please like that. It really is horrible. Perhaps interms of what might have happened... for example he might have not met me at the airport. Or he might have drpopped me at the airport on my way home here..i've experienced that.... in terms of a relative value of where and when and how one experiences sub drop....it's all just horrible, a bummer and does nothing for my trust in thos i might 'meet' here. Wailing over.. thoughts please and flaming me on top of being dropped like this isn't going to support me. It just isn't. Two days later reads my mail. My mail says: please be honest. Where are you?

Prinsexx -> RE: On sub drop (6/27/2009 9:22:19 AM)
It's not just that. It's the bigger picture.

xiam -> RE: On sub drop (6/27/2009 9:30:12 AM)
I don't get some people's behaviour at all! I have had this happen a couple times, real life, not online, and it is the absolute worst! At least have the courtesy of a message, a phone call, anything. Now that i have experienced it on more than one occasion and in both romantic and platonic relationships, i have this irrational paranoia that it's going to happen again. An unreturned phone call, email, etc has the ability to set my head siwmming (ie, s/he is never going to speak to me again), and i hate that. Sorry i don't have any good advice, but i totally know how you feel. :(

variation30 -> RE: On sub drop (6/27/2009 9:32:15 AM)
people do that all the time in a all types of relationships. it doesn't trike me as being very courteous but, it happens.

Prinsexx -> RE: On sub drop (6/27/2009 9:42:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: xiam I don't get some people's behaviour at all! I have had this happen a couple times, real life, not online, and it is the absolute worst! At least have the courtesy of a message, a phone call, anything. Now that i have experienced it on more than one occasion and in both romantic and platonic relationships, i have this irrational paranoia that it's going to happen again. An unreturned phone call, email, etc has the ability to set my head siwmming (ie, s/he is never going to speak to me again), and i hate that. Sorry i don't have any good advice, but i totally know how you feel. :( When it happens i can handle it withing the context of a relationship. You know the disparaging looks, the ignoring... i'm an emotional masochist so being brought to tears is ok for a certain length of time. You know until I hit a sincerety of begging. And i've gone through my limit on that many times and it's like a 'row' in the vanilla world. The making up makes up for it. But blanking out!!! Like what the fuck. The worst cast happened to me after I had travelled by plane and on the day due for my return he blanked me in the car taking me to the airport. Threw my cases outside and got in his car and drove away. Looking back I was made to feel grateful for being taken to the air port. There's masochism and there's masochism. I thought I had learned the line between masochism and stupidity but maybe not as I just crossed it AGAIN.

frazzle -> RE: On sub drop (6/27/2009 9:43:18 AM)
Sorry things didnt work. Maybe he just decided long distance was too hard, maybe he hadnt actually realised how far away you were. Its the internet it happens, move on and maybe try and find someone a bit more local.

Prinsexx -> RE: On sub drop (6/27/2009 9:51:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: frazzle Sorry things didnt work. Maybe he just decided long distance was too hard, maybe he hadnt actually realised how far away you were. Its the internet it happens, move on and maybe try and find someone a bit more local. You see that was it. The lure. Mine was the Vietnam v Thetford thread. I'm bored bored bored with local. Sameness. Going over the same coffe shops and topics pf conversation...what ramging from football to Big Brother. God how nored I am. I want long distance for a while. With the possibility of re-locating for 6 months of the year. I want it and I deserve it... now...where IN THE WORLD IS A DOM WHO IS HONEST AND CAN KEEP HIS WORD?? Shouting very very loud and hope he is listening.

curiousINct -> RE: On sub drop (6/27/2009 10:03:03 AM)
Can you find a way to not get attached quite so quickly? What you are describing is foreign to me in terms of a new relationship, I don't trust easily enough to experience that emotional low after such a short period of time. By reading your posts, you've been through a lot recently. Perhaps a little time to take care of you, to center yourself, will help.

Prinsexx -> RE: On sub drop (6/27/2009 10:11:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: curiousINct Can you find a way to not get attached quite so quickly? What you are describing is foreign to me in terms of a new relationship, I don't trust easily enough to experience that emotional low after such a short period of time. By reading your posts, you've been through a lot recently. Perhaps a little time to take care of you, to center yourself, will help. This is a very sweet thought. I wish I could change my personality but I can't. I do everything at the speed of light. Create rapport. Lead meetings. Write books. Write courses. Clean a house. Learn a new task; say creating a web site. I can't do slow. I think faster than i can act also. Have the answer to math as well as the structure of a complex argument ahead of the game. I just expect people to keep their word and to be sincere that's akk. If I put an iron curtain of either or deflection or protection around me I just feel I miss out on life. The upset is not wholly personal. I mean I haven't done that oh my god what's wrong with me: too thin, too fat, too old, insecurity stuff. It's part and parcel of being a slave type in relationship that I'm in the mindset. I have like a radar for dominant males. They are all welcome in my air space. It just throws me off guard when they sky dive or crash or burn or self detonate when they had signalled to land.

Screwtape -> RE: On sub drop (6/27/2009 10:18:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx where IN THE WORLD IS A DOM WHO IS HONEST AND CAN KEEP HIS WORD?? Most of them are in a relationship and in the process of keeping their word currently. I would have to agree with 'curiousINct'. Taking some time to refocus on yourself might be just what you need. When your ideal Dom comes along you will need to be mentally and emotionally prepared to receive them. I hope you don't become too jaded by the apparently cowardly way your last Dom ended your relationship. I have read the same sentiments in the Dom community. Many of them wonder where all the honest subs are hiding. I am sure it is just a matter of time until you meet the right person.

xiam -> RE: On sub drop (6/27/2009 10:26:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx ...There's masochism and there's masochism. I thought I had learned the line between masochism and stupidity but maybe not as I just crossed it AGAIN. Ha! I work on this everyday. :)

DesFIP -> RE: On sub drop (6/27/2009 11:42:47 AM)
I'm not sure how you can be dropped if you were never picked to begin with. It does appear that you wildly overinvested in a few email/chats. Why did you do that? Why did you decide on the basis of two weeks that he was your soul mate? Because if you were slower to attach then things like this wouldn't affect you so severely.

lizi -> RE: On sub drop (6/27/2009 11:57:14 AM)
That stinks, sorry that it happened. Even when I get mail I'll at least say if I'm not interested...I always answer one way or another unless it's just rude. I also won't do the disappearing act since I hate it when it happens to me. It seems to happen to everyone now and then and of course you'll never know the reason why since you don't ever hear from the other person again. I also have reservations now about getting involved with someone because I'm always afraid the disappearance is around the corner - it's hard for me to overcome that. They always seem so steady and reliable right up to the time where you never hear from them again.

Prinsexx -> RE: On sub drop (6/27/2009 12:10:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Screwtape quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx where IN THE WORLD IS A DOM WHO IS HONEST AND CAN KEEP HIS WORD?? Most of them are in a relationship and in the process of keeping their word currently. I would have to agree with 'curiousINct'. Taking some time to refocus on yourself might be just what you need. When your ideal Dom comes along you will need to be mentally and emotionally prepared to receive them. I hope you don't become too jaded by the apparently cowardly way your last Dom ended your relationship. I have read the same sentiments in the Dom community. Many of them wonder where all the honest subs are hiding. I am sure it is just a matter of time until you meet the right person. You are absolutely right about those who can keep their word being in relationship right now, already. It would make me wonder what's 'wrong' with someone who was on here single then except of course I am on here single yet again. With regard to time: time doesn't heal for me. Time just gives me more time to think about stuff. I don't do the depth psychology, subconscious taking care of issues model at all. Time itself, with time on its hands, drives me even more crazy. I've reconciled the big issues that many people haven't like death, ageing, self-worth, predilections, intellect, creativity. On the Maslow hierarchy i place myself pretty mush near the self-actualisation end and having a dom to exchange my power with would be the icing on that hierarchical cake. Here are some of the drops I have taken, for what they are worth, and ok so I exposed myself to the height from which i was pushed so I'm not blaming anyone else but me; I will wait for you..... but they are living with someone else I want to marry you... but drop off your suitcase at the air port I can spend quality time with you every month...which then becomes 6 weeks or longer If I had money I would give you everything i have... but then buy me a twenty pence bag of sweets from Marks and Spencer whilst having an overdraft capacity of seven grand Tell me I'm their girl, invite me over to another country...then go silent Tell me their grandparents are ill and they need more help but don't even introduce me Instruct me to go over, get me to clean the flat, cook and then say I cannot stay the night when there are no trains available in London The list goes on. I mean I refuse to get jaded. But please doms: keep your word and make me feel like my submission is worth something to you.

Prinsexx -> RE: On sub drop (6/27/2009 12:20:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lizi That stinks, sorry that it happened. Even when I get mail I'll at least say if I'm not interested...I always answer one way or another unless it's just rude. I also won't do the disappearing act since I hate it when it happens to me. It seems to happen to everyone now and then and of course you'll never know the reason why since you don't ever hear from the other person again. I also have reservations now about getting involved with someone because I'm always afraid the disappearance is around the corner - it's hard for me to overcome that. They always seem so steady and reliable right up to the time where you never hear from them again. Yes that's absolutely my experience as well. Totally into you until the push. 'Just not that into you' as a film confused the fuck out of me. I mean it was just so la-la-land even as fiction. It does get harder, not easier, to trust. Especially as someone like myself, who, in relationship to a dominant, is, by immediate instinct, submissive. I mean there are no breaks once the breaks come off. I don't know how to partially submit. Psychologically I don't know how to partially submit I mean. This leads naturally to being a no limits girl so the degree of trust i go into things with is worth what it's worth. I'm not saying: look I'm the greatest because I totaly submit. I don't objectify my submission and use it as situational power in a kind of look i submitted therefore you owe me. I have never 'lived of' my submission in that sense, I am absolutely self-sufficient in all areas except bdsm relationsip. To me it's a relationship with someone else and there is no self-sufficieny involved. It's real for me at least even if it is a jerk off for someone else.

playfulotter -> RE: On sub drop (6/27/2009 12:20:44 PM)
I was going to type something almost exactly like what curiousINct wrote to you. I saw what you wrote back to her and I don't think you have to change your personality just the choices you make in how you allow a relationship to progress...everyone whether a slave or not has to take certain responsibility for their actions in what happens to them ...but that is only my humble opinion.

Prinsexx -> RE: On sub drop (6/27/2009 12:30:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: playfulotter I was going to type something almost exactly like what curiousINct wrote to you. I saw what you wrote back to her and I don't think you have to change your personality just the choices you make in how you allow a relationship to progress...everyone whether a slave or not has to take certain responsibility for their actions in what happens to them ...but that is only my humble opinion. Then i value your opinion. But i am not willing to take responsibility for someone else's actions. In other words I am not willing to respond to their not-willing-to-respond by waiting and being passive and giving out a signal that I will take anything in the name of submission. I don't do passive submission. I know this seems a paradox..it is THE paradox. I serve and i can serve it over being taken out to dinner, I can serve it like i am on a cat walk. I can serve haute cuisine, clean like a clinical nurse, dress like a nurse, a school girl, a whore, a slut, meet your mom, check typos in your thesis, get tranced out clubing it all night... whatever whatever. Test the limits of my limits...there aren't any or many at least that I know of. But i will not suck up rudeness, insincerity, lies.Above all I will not suck up lies. And yes taking responsibility these feelings right now. Hopefully supporting others. PS That just came out wrong i think..look it's simple: no drop please. If you are just not that into me, don't suggest a sub plot. Just say: hon, i'm just not that into you I just needed to jerk off.

lizi -> RE: On sub drop (6/27/2009 12:52:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx Yes that's absolutely my experience as well. Totally into you until the push. 'Just not that into you' as a film confused the fuck out of me. I mean it was just so la-la-land even as fiction. It does get harder, not easier, to trust. Especially as someone like myself, who, in relationship to a dominant, is, by immediate instinct, submissive. I mean there are no breaks once the breaks come off. I don't know how to partially submit. Psychologically I don't know how to partially submit I mean. This leads naturally to being a no limits girl so the degree of trust i go into things with is worth what it's worth. I'm not saying: look I'm the greatest because I totaly submit. I don't objectify my submission and use it as situational power in a kind of look i submitted therefore you owe me. I have never 'lived of' my submission in that sense, I am absolutely self-sufficient in all areas except bdsm relationsip. To me it's a relationship with someone else and there is no self-sufficieny involved. It's real for me at least even if it is a jerk off for someone else. To me this is a very interesting question that you have posed...the why of disappearing. It's something I've puzzled about myself many times and I never get any clarity with it so it keeps coming back as a subject to ponder. I suppose that the reasons people do it are many and probably related to their situations - married or whatever. For me though I keep looking for the underlying theme as I'm convinced there is one for some reason. I've been completely fooled at times listening to what's coming out of these men's mouths and also what they do. They support their verbal promises and assurances with RL action. I don't get it. I think I don't get it because I never do it myself so there is something fundamental I am missing here and until I get it perhaps I will keep repeating the experience...? I hope not as it takes something out of me with every occurance. When you start a relationship the time and effort spent counts for something and I'd like to keep it around and not toss it in when it didn't amuse me anymore unless it didn't work out for bigger reasons. What I believe you are saying is that these men are beyond the amusment stage - there is real effort put in. That in my mind makes it a bigger mystery.

califsue -> RE: On sub drop (6/27/2009 12:52:49 PM)
Prinsexx..Frist off..I am sorry...for what you are going through and I have no answers for you. I know a Dom contacted me from the east coast and within a week he wanted me to proclaim my love for him. Of course, I am much more the skeptic that one can chat/cam/email exchanges and fall for someone who lives many miles from me. However, 2 months later we are still in contact with a few bumps in the road. I think those that give themselves so quickly are a different breed and still believe in the 'one'. They are around and I trust you will find the one that will leave you thrilled, not bored and who is will allow you to serve him in all ways. It just takes time and patience which is hard when we are looking/wanting for it to happen NOW. You have had lots of things going on in the last few months and who knows why the universe makes us wait or bring folks to us who we think we are a fit and then don't answer emails. I have had the same thing happen to me and/or probably done it to Doms where I stopped responding. I don't have the answer for that but maybe just finding someone to get the physical needs met may be a way to approach the circuit of Master/Doms that are on this site and in your location. I know for me and my journey it is much more my preference to get the physical needs met instead of the whole package. Of course, that is slowly changing but it is not an easy change for me. I wish you all the best.

Prinsexx -> RE: On sub drop (6/27/2009 1:33:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lizi When you start a relationship the time and effort spent counts for something and I'd like to keep it around and not toss it in when it didn't amuse me anymore unless it didn't work out for bigger reasons. What I believe you are saying is that these men are beyond the amusment stage - there is real effort put in. That in my mind makes it a bigger mystery. There was real effort. I checked out some stuff. His old face book. He gave his real name (so I believe anyway) on his yahoo. Even said, as we were both highly intelligent, (according to the tests at least) our minds worked very fast and we should take our time. But it was the scene setting of a possible future. A level of emotional support. A semblance of it anyway. Promises. Promises. (You know in that kind of skeptical Eminem voice). Saying: I have never had such a connection and been able to talk so freely with anyone else before...(funny how many men have said that one to me). I know I'm like a bat outta hell. Well I'm like a formula one through a Monaco tunnel. Or magnesium on water. Whatever the analogy. I'm fast into a guy. It's my empathy levels. But then ahh then I'm like an oil tanker in mid Atlantic. Difficult to stop, or turn and the wreckage and spillage reaks havoc. Don't promise me nuttin ok? I used to think I liked the guts who were difficult to get. This was different. I actaully thought he was hooked on the power he had over me. I'm going to repeat that to myself because I sima;ltaeneously learned something and then nothing. I thought he was hooked on the power he had over me. Derrrrrrrrrrrrr...............

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