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Dominant woman seeking more Dominant man= sub? - 6/23/2009 9:11:24 AM

rednicky

Posts: 313
Joined: 1/14/2009
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I'm not sure how this equation is supposed to work but what would you call a woman who is seemingly dominant at work, in social groups, in bed, but who still wants a more Dominant man to come along? Is she still considered a sub since she wants a Dominant man? I find myself being in this predicament. I am Dominant but I also want a Dominant man. But my own dominant nature seems to scare away Dominant men. They don't expect someone who labels themselves as a sub to be so outspoken or defiant at times. They expect me to just roll over. For submission to be automatic after I show the slightest hint of interest.

I want someone that makes me 'feel' submissive without actual submission on my part. I don't consider myself a Domme because I have no interest in Dominating others. I thought maybe this lifestyle was all wrong and I truly 'am' vanilla. But vanilla men do not interest me because they are not Dominant enough for me. They're more worried about keeping me happy so that I don't throw some sort of bitch fit. So what am I? If not a sub...or a Domme...or a vanilla...? Maybe I'm nothing.

_____________________________

Well if you would just stay away from my bridge...

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RE: Dominant woman seeking more Dominant man= sub? - 6/23/2009 9:17:45 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
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*sighs* imprecise language leads to faulty thinking and incorrect answers.

Have you stopped beating your wife yet?

I could go down any number of paths here and they wouldn't matter because the actual answers people give are more similar to religious arguments based on dogma than intellectual discussions based on rigor.

So what am I? If not a sub...or a Domme...or a vanilla...? Maybe I'm nothing. You are rednicky. Did you really expect a single label to describe you accurately?

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to rednicky)

Post #: 2

RE: Dominant woman seeking more Dominant man= sub? - 6/23/2009 9:21:10 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
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There are quite a few Dominant "couples" where the male is the agreed upon dominant. Perhaps this is where you fit in. Or perhaps your a very independent and spirited submissive who requires a certain type of male to bring out those submissive feelings. Keep searching you will find what it is that you seek. Labels sometimes can be confusing and misleading. Follow your brain and your heart.

Good luck,
~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to rednicky)

Post #: 3

RE: Dominant woman seeking more Dominant man= sub? - 6/23/2009 9:23:16 AM

rednicky

Posts: 313
Joined: 1/14/2009
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thanks lashra.

_____________________________

Well if you would just stay away from my bridge...

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Post #: 4

RE: Dominant woman seeking more Dominant man= sub? - 6/23/2009 9:24:54 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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There are also couples where both parties are dominant, neither submitting to the other. A partnership of two equal parties.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to rednicky)

Post #: 5

RE: Dominant woman seeking more Dominant man= sub? - 6/23/2009 9:28:32 AM

oceanwinds

Posts: 530
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

*sighs* imprecise language leads to faulty thinking and incorrect answers.

Have you stopped beating your wife yet?

I could go down any number of paths here and they wouldn't matter because the actual answers people give are more similar to religious arguments based on dogma than intellectual discussions based on rigor.

So what am I? If not a sub...or a Domme...or a vanilla...? Maybe I'm nothing. You are rednicky. Did you really expect a single label to describe you accurately?

Well put, Leadership.

Rednicky, find how to define yourself first. My definition of me will not fit in the labels offered here and I do not try to fit in to any said one. I know who I am and what I am able to bring to a person in a relationship. I know what I seek as well. I can only be me, and finding descriptive titles will only confuse others as well as myself.

Try to step out of defining yourself and just be. Do not be in a hurry to find Mr. Right. Be about living and being in the present moment, for tomorrow isn't here. When we are all living at the moment we have so much more to offer life in general, and in my view this goes for both sides of the kneel.

< Message edited by oceanwinds -- 6/23/2009 9:30:52 AM >

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I know where I came from and where I am today. I am forever grateful to all that touched my life. Thank you all and especially you, Goddess.

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 6

RE: Dominant woman seeking more Dominant man= sub? - 6/23/2009 9:29:01 AM

rednicky

Posts: 313
Joined: 1/14/2009
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That sounds too much like a vanilla relationship Tigre. I am Dominant and simply want a more Dominant man (if there is such a thing). I was hoping there'd be direct solution to this problem instead of a "keep looking and eventually you'll find the right guy" solution. 3 years of absolutely no progress is long enough.

_____________________________

Well if you would just stay away from my bridge...

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 7

RE: Dominant woman seeking more Dominant man= sub? - 6/23/2009 9:30:26 AM

LaTigresse

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I don't know if it is vanilla for those involved or not. One would have to ask them. I only mentioned it because I know it exists.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to rednicky)

Post #: 8

RE: Dominant woman seeking more Dominant man= sub? - 6/23/2009 9:42:48 AM

BOUNTYHUNTER

Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

There are also couples where both parties are dominant, neither submitting to the other. A partnership of two equal parties.

To the op...We are a married DOM couple, we respect each others opinions, she started as my slave wearing my collar but when the ring went on the collar came off,usual we discuss what we need to be discussed and most of the time we come to an equal solving of that particular problem, since I am much older the she, my baby usual defers too me but like most mrried couple we have our rip snorting blowouts smile..With time and experience you will find your place...bounty

_____________________________

US going to hell in a hand basket/

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 9

RE: Dominant woman seeking more Dominant man= sub? - 6/23/2009 9:48:03 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

rednicky, what you are referring to is found within the Gorean and Victorian Lifestyle where both partners are Dominant and the Man is the leader of the home. Both my wife and I are Dominants but I have for final say in all matters. That is part of what we are and our lifestyle.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to BOUNTYHUNTER)

Post #: 10

RE: Dominant woman seeking more Dominant man= sub? - 6/23/2009 10:21:18 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
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I once read a profile on another site and if I were one to steal other men's words I would have done so...but here it is.

I find the best slaves among the women other men find too powerful.

There are a number of dominants on this board who prefer their partners to be dominant women. I and others pontificate constantly to that end.

Now with that said, there are some definite issues with this. If you are expecting a man to subdue you constantly, you are setting both of you up for failure. Nobody wants to live in a 24/7 power struggle. How that relationship manifests is going to be unique with each partner, sometimes we don't even know how unique till we gain some perspective later. Worry less about labels and more about whether each of you are smiling when you go to bed.

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 11

RE: Dominant woman seeking more Dominant man= sub? - 6/23/2009 10:58:30 AM

Whenready

Posts: 319
Joined: 3/5/2009
Status: offline

I read the OP slightly differently perhaps. I would have no problem "labelling" you as submissive. Two past subs were high achiever go getter charismatic powerful women - so all the greater the gift when they did submit. Not an issue.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 12

RE: Dominant woman seeking more Dominant man= sub? - 6/23/2009 11:16:53 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

If you have no interest in taking the lead in your interpersonal relationships then you aren't dominant. Since you haven't proven yourself in any field, I personally wouldn't consider you an alpha either.

Perhaps someone who likes a lively interchange of ideas with a strong male counterpart?

Are you interested in service? Obedience? Emotional transparency? Pleasing your partner?

Maybe you just want to bottom during sex?

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Whenready)

Post #: 13

RE: Dominant woman seeking more Dominant man= sub? - 6/23/2009 11:17:35 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
I find the best slaves among the women other men find too powerful.

Not me. I find the best slaves among the women who bring the most sincerity, strength, and commitment to their choices. How other men find perceive them is not particularly relevant to me. How they operate outside the household is also not relevant to me.

I understand that your statement is really a backlash to the whole "subs/slaves must be/are weak" line of thought. But I find the opposite to be equally offensive. A woman is who she is and she behaves as she does within the relationship. I'll judge it on that alone.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 14

RE: Dominant woman seeking more Dominant man= sub? - 6/23/2009 11:24:56 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

My ideal slaves will be strong, reliable, loyal and quite able to subdue a man or woman both physically and mentally. I'd be happy if they had dominant personalities and will only submit to myself and Neets of course. I do not fear strong women and in fact if they are truly strong I am attracted to them as a person and usually sexually where as a doormat I seem to pity. Probably not the right thing to do but I am after all human with many faults.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 15

RE: Dominant woman seeking more Dominant man= sub? - 6/23/2009 12:31:34 PM

rednicky

Posts: 313
Joined: 1/14/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BOUNTYHUNTER

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

There are also couples where both parties are dominant, neither submitting to the other. A partnership of two equal parties.

To the op...We are a married DOM couple, we respect each others opinions, she started as my slave wearing my collar but when the ring went on the collar came off,usual we discuss what we need to be discussed and most of the time we come to an equal solving of that particular problem, since I am much older the she, my baby usual defers too me but like most mrried couple we have our rip snorting blowouts smile..With time and experience you will find your place...bounty

A Dom married couple? Now this sounds ideal. But are you participants in polygamy? Like are you two searching for a slave or sub? Is it that kind of relationship? I ask because I want to see how a D/D relationship works without there being a power struggle. Unless of course there is a third in which you both control.

Iron bear, I still don't understand What Gorean is and I dare not ask in that forum. Too many snap-jaws here. So I hadn't bothered since I figured I had nothing to do with it anyway. But now that you are saying I might, perhaps you can give me the long and short of it?

DesFIP, true I don't tell others what to do in real life. Have no interest in it. I'd rather be number 2. I have power but not the responsibility. Plus I have someone to look up to. But I am not really told what to do either. I know what I'm supposed to do so no one ever calls me as says "Hey you need to do this. We need it by tomorrow." I'm on top of what I need to do. So being second in command does not bother me. It's my niche in life. But being totally submissive to number 1 and subject to is commands is just not me.

_____________________________

Well if you would just stay away from my bridge...

(in reply to BOUNTYHUNTER)

Post #: 16

RE: Dominant woman seeking more Dominant man= sub? - 6/23/2009 12:48:31 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

Perhaps "dominant" male is not the right term. I think you probably desire a "competant" male. Someone you can rely on. Someone who's nature it is to negotiate with you, not one who waits for orders nor doles them out.

< Message edited by LotusSong -- 6/23/2009 12:50:51 PM >

(in reply to rednicky)

Post #: 17

RE: Dominant woman seeking more Dominant man= sub? - 6/23/2009 12:53:31 PM

CarrieO

Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: rednicky
.....are you participants in polygamy?

Do you mean polygamy..."The condition or practice of having more than one spouse at one time." or polyamory... "Participation in multiple and simultaneous loving or sexual relationships." ?

Just wanted some clarification on the term. Thanks.

As to your question...what are you? You're whatever you choose. I'd suggest you not worry so much about giving a label to what you are in a relationship and focus on the dynamics you're looking for instead. Try not to be bothered by labels, they're only words. Take the time to discover how you define yourself...not how others define you.

edited to add....How do you define submission? What does that term mean to you? Is submission a feeling or a state of being for you?

< Message edited by CarrieO -- 6/23/2009 12:56:42 PM >

_____________________________

"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~

(in reply to rednicky)

Post #: 18

RE: Dominant woman seeking more Dominant man= sub? - 6/23/2009 12:55:27 PM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

what would you call a woman who is seemingly dominant at work, in social groups, in bed, but who still wants a more Dominant man to come along?...

a dominant, albeit borderline vanilla woman...(for this slave to consider a woman to be dyed-in-the-wool vanilla, she would have to demand subservience from HER man from time to time---quid pro quo and all that)

quote:

...So what am I?...

whatever you decide fulfills you.

(in reply to rednicky)

Post #: 19

RE: Dominant woman seeking more Dominant man= sub? - 6/23/2009 1:23:54 PM

rednicky

Posts: 313
Joined: 1/14/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CarrieO

quote:

ORIGINAL: rednicky
.....are you participants in polygamy?

Do you mean polygamy..."The condition or practice of having more than one spouse at one time." or polyamory... "Participation in multiple and simultaneous loving or sexual relationships." ?

Just wanted some clarification on the term. Thanks.

As to your question...what are you? You're whatever you choose. I'd suggest you not worry so much about giving a label to what you are in a relationship and focus on the dynamics you're looking for instead. Try not to be bothered by labels, they're only words. Take the time to discover how you define yourself...not how others define you.

edited to add....How do you define submission? What does that term mean to you? Is submission a feeling or a state of being for you?

The only reason I put so much into labels is because it is labels that I have to use in order to convey who I am to those online. If I didn't label myself, people would always ask what I am. And if I say "I'm a dominant sub with vanilla tenancies"...well I'm sure that wouldn't answer much. Even if it seems that's what I am. I want others to know what I am so there is no confusion. The word 'dominant' might attract submissives, even though I don't seek one. The word 'vanilla' might invite a barrage of emails stating that "don't belong here." or that I "only want sex".

Edit: I almost forgot. When I say polygamy I mean more than 2 persons involved in sex. Not you have two wives or she has two husbands.

< Message edited by rednicky -- 6/23/2009 1:25:17 PM >

_____________________________

Well if you would just stay away from my bridge...

(in reply to CarrieO)

Post #: 20

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