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RE: Questioning Competency - 6/24/2009 2:38:48 PM   
lobodomslavery


Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline 		i respectfully disagree. i think the difficulty is people jump to assumptions about people based on their own information at the time. i think people should educate themselves about said others before they make any conclusions
kevin

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Questioning Competency - 6/24/2009 5:54:57 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GYPZYQUEEN

OP: and others...

sooooooooo Van Gogh couldn't post here?...Plath...?Woolfe?...



No....(but....that's only 'cause they're overwhelmingly dead).

(in reply to GYPZYQUEEN)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Questioning Competency - 6/24/2009 8:12:37 PM   
DemonKia


Posts: 5521
Joined: 10/13/2007
From: Chico, Nor-Cali
Status: offline 		FR, after read thru

Attending a munch is one thing, but play parties & other 'public' BDSM play is, to my mind, a whole other thing . . . . In the case of something like Down's syndrome the mental capacity issues are visible, & as Gypzy/Tantra pointed out not all mental capacity issues are similarly visible . . . . As someone who has hosted parties this issue, both at the extreme end of questions of capacity to consent (due to maturity, disability, intoxicants, etc) & the milder end of 'craziness' & inappropriate expectations & so on, are important issues to me . . . . . .

I cannot & mostly do not want to get involved in people's private lives (I'm busy enough as it is, & I've not chosen that set of superpowers), but when it comes to the more 'public' face of BDSM & my part in that, I do feel somewhat proactive about the whole thing . . . . . . I embrace a 'screening' role in hosting parties, for instance. & I feel more comfortable knowing the hosts at any party I might attend also exercise diligence in screening party attendees . . . .

It's a mark of how sincerely people take this issue that there aren't big public scandals about behaviors & outcomes from 'public' dungeons & private play parties (that I'm aware of; please post or send me links if you know of such) . . . . .

When I was running parties I networked with our munch leader & other members of our community about who was appropriate to invite & who wasn't -- we have people who attend our munches who weren't getting invites to my parties because I ultimately judged & decided that there is a high probability that they wouldn't have enhanced the party &/or would've made others uncomfortable . . . . Attending a BDSM play party is most definitely a privilege, in my book, with pretty stringent rules of behavior. My preference is to err on the side of caution . . . . .

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Questioning Competency - 6/25/2009 3:22:50 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DemonKia

FR, after read thru

Attending a munch is one thing, but play parties & other 'public' BDSM play is, to my mind, a whole other thing . . . . In the case of something like Down's syndrome the mental capacity issues are visible, & as Gypzy/Tantra pointed out not all mental capacity issues are similarly visible . . . . As someone who has hosted parties this issue, both at the extreme end of questions of capacity to consent (due to maturity, disability, intoxicants, etc) & the milder end of 'craziness' & inappropriate expectations & so on, are important issues to me . . . . . .

I cannot & mostly do not want to get involved in people's private lives (I'm busy enough as it is, & I've not chosen that set of superpowers), but when it comes to the more 'public' face of BDSM & my part in that, I do feel somewhat proactive about the whole thing . . . . . . I embrace a 'screening' role in hosting parties, for instance. & I feel more comfortable knowing the hosts at any party I might attend also exercise diligence in screening party attendees . . . .

It's a mark of how sincerely people take this issue that there aren't big public scandals about behaviors & outcomes from 'public' dungeons & private play parties (that I'm aware of; please post or send me links if you know of such) . . . . .

When I was running parties I networked with our munch leader & other members of our community about who was appropriate to invite & who wasn't -- we have people who attend our munches who weren't getting invites to my parties because I ultimately judged & decided that there is a high probability that they wouldn't have enhanced the party &/or would've made others uncomfortable . . . . Attending a BDSM play party is most definitely a privilege, in my book, with pretty stringent rules of behavior. My preference is to err on the side of caution . . . . .


Thats all good and well for the smaller parties but much more difficult when your running a venue with a capacity for 500 people. All one can do for the bigger parties is vet on the door, make sure people understand the rules and have enough Dungeon Monitors on the night.


_____________________________

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Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to DemonKia)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Questioning Competency - 6/25/2009 4:14:13 AM   
DemonKia


Posts: 5521
Joined: 10/13/2007
From: Chico, Nor-Cali
Status: offline 		No disagreement from me, I was speaking to & from my experience with running 'private play parties' . . . . 'Public' venues are a much more complicated deal . . . . .

quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

Thats all good and well for the smaller parties but much more difficult when your running a venue with a capacity for 500 people. All one can do for the bigger parties is vet on the door, make sure people understand the rules and have enough Dungeon Monitors on the night.


(in reply to allthatjaz)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Questioning Competency - 6/25/2009 4:50:53 AM   
mydestiny2043


Posts: 714
Joined: 10/15/2005
From: Southern California
Status: offline 		One thing I notice that complicates these kinds of discussions is conflating the choice with the person, ie, making a stupid choice does not necessarily mean a stupid person, making a crazy choice does not have to mean a crazy person . . . . . Sometimes the spot indicator is telling, sometimes it's not . . . . . . I try to avoid characterizing people by their choices, ie, I try to avoid calling people stupid, crazy, et alia, even when I feel like that is indicated by the evidence . . . . .

& not just because of the above logic chain, but also because, in my mind, it creates a box in my head into which I'm then trying to stuff that person (from previous experience) . . . . . There's a Goethe quote that speaks to this:

Treat people as if they were what they should be, and you help them become what they are capable of becoming. - Johannn von Goethe ........................................Very eloquently stated.

_____________________________

Fate determines who will come into your life...................
You decide who stays,and who goes !!!!

(in reply to DemonKia)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Questioning Competency - 6/25/2009 6:01:27 AM   
GYPZYQUEEN


Posts: 730
Joined: 4/14/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie

quote:

ORIGINAL: GYPZYQUEEN

OP: and others...

sooooooooo Van Gogh couldn't post here?...Plath...?Woolfe?...



No....(but....that's only 'cause they're overwhelmingly dead).



I said couldn't  NOT can't..but does that mean

"Art Deco" can't post here either.???


GQ

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Questioning Competency - 6/25/2009 9:21:48 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		 Coolo... Must mean I am not nuts. 
quote:

ORIGINAL: DemonKia

When I was running parties I networked with our munch leader & other members of our community about who was appropriate to invite & who wasn't -- we have people who attend our munches who weren't getting invites to my parties because I ultimately judged & decided that there is a high probability that they wouldn't have enhanced the party &/or would've made others uncomfortable . . . . Attending a BDSM play party is most definitely a privilege, in my book, with pretty stringent rules of behavior. My preference is to err on the side of caution . . . . .

(in reply to DemonKia)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Questioning Competency - 6/25/2009 9:35:37 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lobodomslavery

i respectfully disagree. i think the difficulty is people jump to assumptions about people based on their own information at the time. i think people should educate themselves about said others before they make any conclusions
kevin



What you say kevin is reasonable for an ideal situation where people have the time and indeed the inclination to do so. In the real world however, most people will instinctively make assessments based on several criteria of which personal experience is possibly the first and foremost followed closely often by what others who are respected for their judgements say about people or events. Of course many people make snap judgements rather than assessments about events and people often with a large failure rate to get it right.


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to lobodomslavery)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Questioning Competency - 6/25/2009 9:12:54 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GYPZYQUEEN

quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie

quote:

ORIGINAL: GYPZYQUEEN

OP: and others...

sooooooooo Van Gogh couldn't post here?...Plath...?Woolfe?...



No....(but....that's only 'cause they're overwhelmingly dead).



I said couldn't  NOT can't..but does that mean

"Art Deco" can't post here either.???

GQ


(Excellent point....I sit corrected).

(in reply to GYPZYQUEEN)
Profile   Post #: 50
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