CallaFirestormBW
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Joined: 6/29/2008
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quote:
Original: LadyPact
Where exactly is the line between groups being all inclusive, yet having to wonder about individuals as crazy as a loon?
You know, it's funny you should ask. I've had to ask myself this same question twice in the past week -- and the answer, unfortunately, is that the line ends at my front door -- I can't control what other people do or say, but I prefer not to stand around and listen to people promote things without knowing what the heck they're talking about. Twice in the past week, I've been sitting at meetings where the presenters (supposedly fine, upstanding members of the community) offered advice that was, at best, ignorant, and, at worst, -downright dangerous-. (None of these were BDSM events, BTW... though the one presenter, should his recommendations be followed, could certainly qualify as a torturer). Halfway through the second presentation, during the intermission, I got up and tried to talk to the presenter about some issues raised by hir presentation, only to be told that xhe was "experienced" in the field, and that I didn't need to read all that other material--it was just "confusing me" (un huh... just dismiss the peer-reviewed research)... that I should just "trust" hir and try hir methods and see how it worked out... shyeah, right... all y'all know me... like THAT was going to happen.... I packed up my stuff and left... and this, to me, is the ultimate in responsibility for the veracity of the "community"... if you know it's BS... then call it BS... and if the others want to dance in the BS, good for them, but I have no intention of stinking like cow-dung for a week and ruining my shoes.
quote:
Should sanity be a requirement for participation? On this point... I think that each of us has a responsibility to protect our own interests, but I think it's way too hard for a group to judge 'sanity'. What is completely unfathomable to one individual may be acceptable to someone else. I think that's why, if I have to use an acronym to talk to someone about making healthy choices, I'll choose RACK -- because RACK doesn't even imply that things that are on the fringes are somehow 'in-sane', or that things that are dangerous are automatically bad. I think that it's too hard to judge sanity -- but I -also- think that there need to be some elders in the community with a really solid reputation and the willingness to be tough and impartial who can help if there are issues of behavior that is non-consensual or where there are questions of whether the individuals involved understand enough of what is going on to even GIVE consent.
quote:
How do you feel about those who can not make the distinction between reality and fantasy in your local groups? I think that time heals most cases of idiocy--but if I see someone being given inaccurate information, and being asked to make a decision about their body, health, or life based on that inaccurate info, you can bet your sweet bippy I'm going to do what I can to provide the missing/corrected info. People can be idiots and consent without knowledge if that's their thing -- but I'd much rather give them the -chance- to have the info and let them dismiss it if they want, for no other reason than that it salves my conscience if everything goes to hell in a handbasket.
quote:
What about for personal play partners? I try to give my play partners good information to go on, and one of the reasons that I don't have any active servants at the moment is because I -do- insist on full disclosure and no longer accept the "yes, I have that as a hard limit, but for YOU, I'll do it anyway" or the "No, I know I said I -had- to have that, but I can serve you without it, if you'll just let me be yours!" as viable responses. I consider this part of -my- ethical boundary, so letting it slide is, in my mind, not only a crime against the poor fool who is willing to take up with anyone and try in the hopes that xhe'll change later, but a crime against myself and the ethical foundation on which I chose to make my stand.
quote:
Have you ever questioned your own sanity yourself while being involved in BDSM?
Yeah, as a matter of fact, I did. About 2 months after yielding in training to The Bladewing and House Bladewing, I sat up one morning, very stiff, very cold, very drained both emotionally and mentally, and VERY sore, and asked myself -what in the bloody blue blazes I had been thinking-. Of course, within seconds of that my trainer showed up, and I didn't have time to dwell on it for a couple more months... and by that time, the worst was over and I was settled in the routine, and the pain was at that point where it was such a constant that I didn't even really think about it any more... just a nagging 'noise' in the back of my mind, like when I ran track. Was I out of my mind? Maybe. Looking back, though, I went through the same thing when I entered the monastary for every single Elevation, and even when I took the job I'm in now... so yeah, I have wondered whether I was off my rocker on a couple of occasions or two... and maybe I still am, but I choose to live intensely, and pushing myself to the very edge of my limits tends to be a regular event for me -- it's consensual... I do it to myself... so I may be crazy, but in this case, crazy works for me (and I try not to foist it off on others without them being really clear that they love it, too).
Dame Calla
< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 6/22/2009 11:01:17 AM >
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Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"
"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer
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