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RE: Humiliation - 6/23/2009 7:09:02 AM

janiebelle

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ACryFromTheSoul

I happen to be very shy/reserved, and therefore have a harder time admitting that I loved something that I previously could not admit to/did not know it was an interest of mine.

So for me begging for something that I wouldn't normally ask for, having it happen and admitting that I loved it is goes against my grain. Which for me can be a very humiliating experience, hitting the very core of my being.

but then again, as you said to each their own.. soft smile

And with that, I think you have touched on a major point in the humiliation debate.
It takes a very skilled Dtype to read the stype, determine what is humiliating to them, and apply the same. And some do that well, some do not. And some subs are receptive, and others are not.
it's such a wildly variable thing, possibly moreso than many of the things we do.
j

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RE: Humiliation - 6/23/2009 11:51:04 AM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
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From: Georgia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: janiebelle

quote:

ORIGINAL: ACryFromTheSoul

I happen to be very shy/reserved, and therefore have a harder time admitting that I loved something that I previously could not admit to/did not know it was an interest of mine.

So for me begging for something that I wouldn't normally ask for, having it happen and admitting that I loved it is goes against my grain. Which for me can be a very humiliating experience, hitting the very core of my being.

but then again, as you said to each their own.. soft smile

And with that, I think you have touched on a major point in the humiliation debate.
It takes a very skilled Dtype to read the stype, determine what is humiliating to them, and apply the same. And some do that well, some do not. And some subs are receptive, and others are not.
it's such a wildly variable thing, possibly moreso than many of the things we do.
j

As a Dom who humiliates on occassion, that describes it well. It is acting in a sense is how Oprah might describe it. But it is acting done because it turns me on to do it...and her. I want her to feel it. It also has to be done in the appropriate place and time.

What's there not to get? 75% of D/s play is like this.

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Post #: 42

RE: Humiliation - 6/23/2009 1:15:57 PM

VirginPotty

Posts: 11624
Joined: 7/16/2008
From: Virginville
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

justme1980,

My Kink does not define me. I happen to not care for Humiliation play however some would think I like to do things designed to humiliate and I would say they are mistaken.

I will offten tell andi to Strip. Always in a safe surrounding and at first she was always self concious and said at times it was humiliating and it took me some amount of time to get her to understand that the Humiliation she was feeling was all because of her self image and that we needed to work on that.

Today my wife knows she is beautiful to me and I am the only opinion that matters so when she is nude in front of many people it is as natural as anything else because she knows I find her beautiful and in that she is beautiful.

My Goal as a Dominant is to show my ward how wonderful and special they really are to show them their worth so that they can understand just how valuable they really are to me.

Steel

How that brings back memories, Steel! I enjoy being on the receiving end of humiliation but I'd rather have anything else done to me than strip in front of strangers! Kudo's to Andi for overcoming that fear and MORE kudos to you for being such a nurturing & caring Master!

OP, when a sub is subject to humiliation like Steel mentions and the Dom knows the sub would rather have his/her eyes gouged out than be subjected to nudity whether it's in front of the Dom or multiple people, it reinforces the fact that the sub will do anything for the Dom and that will bring about nurturing & caring afterwards.

Just my

< Message edited by VirginPotty -- 6/23/2009 1:16:55 PM >

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Post #: 43

RE: Humiliation - 6/23/2009 1:49:45 PM

HappyEnglishdom

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What a simply marvelous thread.

I do appreciate the collation of opinion & perspective regarding 'Humiliation' - very interesting, especially as it just re-inforces my view that it truly is utterly subjective to THE DUO. Many thanks to all contributors, regardless of whether I 'agree' or 'disagree' with the views articulated here

Many Thanks to all

Steven

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Post #: 44

RE: Humiliation - 6/23/2009 2:12:09 PM

SimplyMichael

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ACryFromTheSoul
So for me begging for something that I wouldn't normally ask for, having it happen and admitting that I loved it is goes against my grain. Which for me can be a very humiliating experience, hitting the very core of my being.

Very interesting...

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Post #: 45

RE: Humiliation - 6/23/2009 2:48:51 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: HappyEnglishdom

What a simply marvelous thread.

I do appreciate the collation of opinion & perspective regarding 'Humiliation' - very interesting, especially as it just re-inforces my view that it truly is utterly subjective to THE DUO. Many thanks to all contributors, regardless of whether I 'agree' or 'disagree' with the views articulated here

Many Thanks to all

Steven

Or the trio or the quad.
Welcome to the boards.

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Post #: 46

RE: Humiliation - 6/23/2009 2:56:04 PM

Prinsexx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

quote:

ORIGINAL: ACryFromTheSoul
So for me begging for something that I wouldn't normally ask for, having it happen and admitting that I loved it is goes against my grain. Which for me can be a very humiliating experience, hitting the very core of my being.

Very interesting...

Yes it is interesting and there's an internal dynamic (a psychological one0 as well as the external dynamic of the relationship.
The internal dynamic is like a pendulum. A kind of i can take this (but will resist looking like i enjoy it) to no i can't take this (but will look as though i can). Other internal arguments can also accrue.
It's like a dialectic for me: a yes I can, no I can't that happens with both physical pain and humiliation.
I always know it's hit the spot when the dialectic shuts the fuck up and I just get sub spaced.

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Post #: 47

RE: Humiliation - 6/23/2009 3:44:26 PM

ACryFromTheSoul

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why thank you (I am making the assumption that very interesting is a good thing, please let me know if it is other wise)

For me: I love it when am able to trust someone so much that I allow them into the internal workings of my mind. And they in turn posses the ability to affect me on a very deep emotional/mental level that is indescribable. By pushing me against my grain, I become more exposed to him/more vulnerable... thus more submissive and malleable.

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Post #: 48

RE: Humiliation - 6/23/2009 3:54:53 PM

ACryFromTheSoul

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Well said. I couldn't have said it better.

smile

< Message edited by ACryFromTheSoul -- 6/23/2009 3:55:38 PM >

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Post #: 49

RE: Humiliation - 6/23/2009 5:44:23 PM

subsuze

Posts: 3
Joined: 3/22/2009
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quote:

he only thing is does is reaffirm the subs misguided belief that she has no value and any dominant worth his/her salt should never do that in play or in life

< Message edited by justme1980 -- 6/21/2009 11:35:27 AM >

I think humiliation is a very loose term, like the word submission and lots of things, depending on the context. The root word means humble. Humiliation can cause a loss of pride, be a lowering of one's opinion of oneself (humility, meekness), mortification, death of one's "self," ego, desires. It can be a form of penance, punishment or discipline. It can be degradation and abuse. It depends on the relationship, as well.

To many, the very label submissive is humiliating.

It isn't always easy to give up my desires, my ego. Yet when I do surrender to my Dominant, I find that it's my humility and surrender that pleases. For example, I hate wearing panties, and I hate being displeasing. When I'm asked to write lines and post a picture of it as penance for being late, or wear two pairs of panties below my ass all day...I feel humiliated. The surrender to which allows me to be guided by Him, to be absolved, and to reinforce my humility - bringing me to right standing in Master’s eyes.

When I'm asked not to cum without permission, or required to ask for permission for anything, I'm humbled. It's part of the relationship as we understand it. The gift of myself means I have to die to myself, which is another of those broad phrases I'm still thinking about.

Many women (or men) would consider asking permission for anything an insult. Same for giving up my right to decide things or being told what to do. Someone has to be in charge. That doesn't make me incompetent, just pleasing to my Authority. Sometimes I have a hard time with the word "no" when I ask for permission. I'm a work in progress. Some people feel saying, "yes Sir" is humiliating. Asked to write “slut” on my breasts and color my nipples with lipstick so my Dominant can watch, I’m pleased to please Him with such a small favor.

There are many more areas, such as just "dirty talking," or actually enduring physical or psychological abuse. Just saying the definition of the subject isn't black and white. It never hurts to ask what someone means by humiliation, if you're interested in their profile.

~subsuze

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Post #: 50