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Humiliation - 6/21/2009 10:50:00 AM

justme1980

Posts: 169
Joined: 6/20/2009
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I desire a Master who could provide a kind and nurturing enviorment I have browsed and found many that express that same desire, but then their profile lists activities revolving around humiliation. would someone please explain how activities involving humilation could possibly equate to nurturing and caring?

Post #: 1

RE: Humiliation - 6/21/2009 11:07:10 AM

gentlemanprince

Posts: 127
Joined: 5/19/2008
Status: offline

In my experience, humiliation play comes in two varieties, depending mostly on the intent of the dominant. The variety of which you seem to thinking is that which is intended to degrade and hurt the submissive. Although some submissives appear to want this, I agree with you that it doesn't seem to be nuturing or caring.

The other variety is more on the order of embarrassing the submissive and can be part of a game that both enjoy. It is like teasing between friends or lovers and can be a way of expressing that close relationship and can my both feel closer.

Unfortunately, many people refer to both by the same name.

(in reply to justme1980)

Post #: 2

RE: Humiliation - 6/21/2009 11:34:29 AM

justme1980

Posts: 169
Joined: 6/20/2009
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the only thing is does is reaffirm the subs misguided belief that she has no value and any dominant worth his/her salt should never do that in play or in life

< Message edited by justme1980 -- 6/21/2009 11:35:27 AM >

(in reply to gentlemanprince)

Post #: 3

RE: Humiliation - 6/21/2009 11:35:08 AM

BarnacleBill

Posts: 51
Joined: 6/12/2009
Status: offline

Some people want it and it is part of their kink that gets them off. At the opposite side it Can be used to help them change for the better when used wisely and carefully. IE to get them to change habits that are bad for them but they wont change with out a little push.

(in reply to gentlemanprince)

Post #: 4

RE: Humiliation - 6/21/2009 11:36:25 AM

onlyfreelycaged

Posts: 254
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

I fell about the same with that justme...unless the Dom takes care to build me up first and second.

(in reply to justme1980)

Post #: 5

RE: Humiliation - 6/21/2009 11:39:35 AM

justme1980

Posts: 169
Joined: 6/20/2009
Status: offline

as far as kink each to their own. And as my daddy always said "while you may have done a bad thing, you will never be a bad girl"

(in reply to BarnacleBill)

Post #: 6

RE: Humiliation - 6/21/2009 11:53:59 AM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

justme1980,

My Kink does not define me. I happen to not care for Humiliation play however some would think I like to do things designed to humiliate and I would say they are mistaken.

I will offten tell andi to Strip. Always in a safe surrounding and at first she was always self concious and said at times it was humiliating and it took me some amount of time to get her to understand that the Humiliation she was feeling was all because of her self image and that we needed to work on that.

Today my wife knows she is beautiful to me and I am the only opinion that matters so when she is nude in front of many people it is as natural as anything else because she knows I find her beautiful and in that she is beautiful.

My Goal as a Dominant is to show my ward how wonderful and special they really are to show them their worth so that they can understand just how valuable they really are to me.

Steel

_____________________________

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(in reply to justme1980)

Post #: 7

RE: Humiliation - 6/21/2009 12:30:49 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: justme1980

I desire a Master who could provide a kind and nurturing enviorment I have browsed and found many that express that same desire, but then their profile lists activities revolving around humiliation. would someone please explain how activities involving humilation could possibly equate to nurturing and caring?

Most of those i know who are still in vanilla marriages seem to combine humiliation and caring in everyday situations most days of the week.

_____________________________

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To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to justme1980)

Post #: 8

RE: Humiliation - 6/21/2009 12:48:10 PM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

The same way a sadistic dominant can whip me, cane me, bruise and bloody me, and still be nurturing and caring.
Humiliation is a form of emotional S + M.
My dominants nurture and provide care (emotional grounding) after a humiliation scene. They do not think less of me and express pride in my willingness to ‘go that low’ for them.

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to justme1980)

Post #: 9

RE: Humiliation - 6/21/2009 1:01:55 PM

LovingMistress45

Posts: 271
Joined: 2/7/2009
Status: offline

To the OP - Humiliation sounds as if it is a hard limit for you. You need to express that to any doms you talk with so they will know. What one finds humiliating another may find erotic. To say a dom worth his salt shouldn't play a certain way based on your personal preferences seems a bit much. There are many things in this lifestyle that I won't participate in because they hold no appeal to me, but as long as they occur between consenting adults I have no need to judge them or decide what a dom worth his/her salt would do.

(in reply to catize)

Post #: 10

RE: Humiliation - 6/21/2009 5:19:24 PM

KateyCaine

Posts: 274
Joined: 5/7/2009
Status: offline

It all depends on what is in the heart of the Dominant/Master, and whether the humiliation is coming from a loving place, an expression of a D/s or M/s relationship; or whether it comes from a place of wanting the submissive/slave to feel worthless and doubt him or herself.

It certainly appears to you that humiliation is not so much of a hard limit for you, as it is something that makes you apprehensive because it is something unknown to you. When you find yourself in a relationship with a Dominant, where there is enough trust between the two of you to talk about the aspects of humiliation your find scary of daunting; or the connotations it may have for you, be open with Him or Her. You might be pleasant ly surprised at how submissive and nurtured and protected it actually makes you feel.

k.

_____________________________

Proud to be owned and cherished by Master Charles (Gauge)

i wear His collar on my heart; and wherever i am, i know He is with me.

His love and my devotion and service to Him are stronger than leather or steel.

(in reply to LovingMistress45)

Post #: 11

RE: Humiliation - 6/21/2009 5:41:32 PM

naughtysubK

Posts: 62
Joined: 5/2/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LovingMistress45

To the OP - Humiliation sounds as if it is a hard limit for you. You need to express that to any doms you talk with so they will know. What one finds humiliating another may find erotic. To say a dom worth his salt shouldn't play a certain way based on your personal preferences seems a bit much. There are many things in this lifestyle that I won't participate in because they hold no appeal to me, but as long as they occur between consenting adults I have no need to judge them or decide what a dom worth his/her salt would do.

yeah that. really can't add anything, but completely agree

(in reply to LovingMistress45)

Post #: 12

RE: Humiliation - 6/21/2009 6:06:20 PM

AlexandraLynch

Posts: 778
Joined: 3/24/2008
Status: offline

Personally, as a dominant, humiliation is a hard limit. I do not play the game that says that a man wearing women's clothing is degraded (after all, I wear women's clothing all the time...) and I grew up with relentless humiliation. Part of getting out of it was swearing I'd never do that to someone else. I know how to break someone down and manipulate them into total uselessness. But I refuse to do that to someone I love, because I don't see it as a loving act.

_____________________________

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(in reply to naughtysubK)

Post #: 13

RE: Humiliation - 6/21/2009 6:15:28 PM

LadySweetOrSour

Posts: 1415
Joined: 3/21/2009
Status: offline

Being emotionally sensitive myself, I don't find humiliating someone a turn on or a useful tool in training and I don't find it a caring thing to do. But that is just me and I know many wonderful dominants who do like humiliating their sub fulfilling. It's not for me though.

(in reply to AlexandraLynch)

Post #: 14

RE: Humiliation - 6/21/2009 7:29:31 PM

BeIgnited

Posts: 191
Joined: 6/23/2008
Status: offline

I'm into humiliation and I do not suffer from the misguided belief that I have no value (to my Dom or in general).

I believe there's a distinct difference between humiliation play in the context of a scene and actual humiliation, just like there would be with racial play and racism. My Dom engages in humiliation play with me because we both enjoy it. If I didn't find it enjoyable, either we wouldn't do it, or we wouldn't be together. I also know that in his heart of hearts he doesn't believe the things he might say about me.

As to why I'm into it--it's freeing for me. Calling me certain names allows me to act in a way that I wouldn't otherwise, but that I really really want to.

(in reply to LadySweetOrSour)

Post #: 15

RE: Humiliation - 6/21/2009 10:06:27 PM

variation30

Posts: 1190
Joined: 12/1/2007
From: Alabama
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: justme1980

I desire a Master who could provide a kind and nurturing enviorment I have browsed and found many that express that same desire, but then their profile lists activities revolving around humiliation. would someone please explain how activities involving humilation could possibly equate to nurturing and caring?

perhaps humiliation is a means to an end. perhaps a certain woman, deep down, is a depraved whore and in order to bring that about requires the utter destruction of the facade she hides it behind. perhaps embarrassing and humiliating spectacles force her to come to terms with what she wants to be and allows her to eventually revel in it. perhaps a strong hand cultivates her in a way that she alone did not have the courage to do.

and perhaps it's just plain fun to strip your ex-girlfriend down at a take back the night afterparty and ride her around like a little pony amongst appalled mfa students yelling 'YAH BITCH YAH, FASTER OR I'LL WHIP YOU'.

_____________________________

all the good ones are collared or lesbians.

or old.

(in reply to justme1980)

Post #: 16

RE: Humiliation - 6/21/2009 10:25:29 PM

kdsub

Posts: 12180
Joined: 8/16/2007
Status: offline

Do you remember that feeling when you were truly...deeply embarrassed? The hot flash and red face... the tingling of your nerves... Many people like and need to feel those reactions. After all a Dom’s job is more than just nurturing… it is to also provide pleasure... And it is pleasure to many.

Yes there is the other side of humiliation but it is no less needed or desired. Some feel a need to be humiliated… it is almost a justification for their position as a submissive… or a punishment they feel they deserve.

Still it is desired and there is nothing wrong with a Dom providing ..if they are of the mind to do it.

Butch

_____________________________

Mark Twain:

I don't see any use in having a uniform and arbitrary way of spelling words. We might as well make all clothes alike and cook all dishes alike. Sameness is tiresome; variety is pleasing

(in reply to variation30)

Post #: 17

RE: Humiliation - 6/21/2009 10:40:30 PM

TANTRADD

Posts: 22
Joined: 6/12/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: variation30

quote:

ORIGINAL: justme1980

I desire a Master who could provide a kind and nurturing enviorment

and perhaps it's just plain fun to strip your ex-girlfriend down at a take back the night afterparty and ride her around like a little pony amongst appalled mfa students yelling 'YAH BITCH YAH, FASTER OR I'LL WHIP YOU'.

How does this help the OP?
TO tell someone new to this..that you would use such tactics..
at an INTERNATIONAL CAUSE TO END SEXUAL VIOLENCE..in all its forms is really....
unbelievabally crass and sick

That you would say that you would do it in front of the
general public and those at the party which have to have survivors of abuse there is
quite frightening..and IF YOU DID IT...it is not BDSM it is
ABUSE...

If you said it all to make a point to her that she may need humiliation...to get her "depraved whore" out it is still
uncalled for...........

T

< Message edited by TANTRADD -- 6/21/2009 10:41:38 PM >

(in reply to variation30)

Post #: 18

RE: Humiliation - 6/21/2009 11:07:47 PM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

I am very much of the "nurturing and caring" school of Dominants and as a sub, i looked for, and found just that, in Master. I definitely seek to build a sub up, to nurture them, to help them in any way I can to have a healthy and fulfilling life. I don't think that all subs are by definition "broken" or need mending ... though I find most people of any persuasion have various aspects of brokenness or baggage. However, a sub who entrusts themself to Me will find an ally who will help them work on any areas of brokenness they may have that they want to tackle. And I hope to work on My own too!

However, humiliation is just too much of a blanket word to have much meaning. What one person finds humiliating, is to someone else erotic, to a third person intimate, and to a fourth just boring! An eg ... golden showers. Some male subs seem to find it humiliating (but often still want to have it done to them), some find it erotic, I view it as a very intimate, almost sacred act of sharing ... and to others it's ho hum! I don't choose to engage much in verbal humiliation, but some absolutely love to be called slut etc. What's important is to define what YOU find as humiliating and then clearly express that to a potential Dominant. It's really a case where you have to get down to nitty gritty specifics. For eg, it might be acceptable for your Dom to croon "Who's My little slut?" during sex, but unacceptable for Him to say "Get and wash My clothes you filthy whore!" So just saying "I don't want to be called names" is nowhere near specific enough.

So OP, don't make a blanket judgement against a Dom because He mentions humiliation, if the rest of His profile seems to indicate that He is a loving and caring type, then open up the topic for discussion. Find out what He thinks is humiliation that He would want to do, tell Him what you have thought through for yourself. Then see if there is enough common ground!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to BeIgnited)

Post #: 19

RE: Humiliation - 6/21/2009 11:13:23 PM

cagliostro

Posts: 128
Joined: 12/29/2007
Status: offline

OP: some masters use humiliation in order to break you so that they can build you up. Jay Weisman wrote a couple books on BDSM and he suggests that it is a very dangerous thing. I don't do it, but I guess there are those who do.

(in reply to MaamJay)

Post #: 20

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