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Definition of cheating? - 5/23/2009 4:40:54 AM

fuzzywumpas

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This is hopefully to be a discussion of how individuals define "cheating" for themselves and not a flame war. From reading the boards, i see that it can get quite hot and snarky and i would like to avoid that, if possible.

What is your view of cheating and if you'd care to share, how did you come to that viewpoint? i would like to hear from other people because i view cheating as obtaining sexual pleasure with anyone other than your stated "monogamous" partner, including through cybering and camming. i have been told that i am judgmental because i view cybering as a form of cheating, when it was agreed upon between my Master and i that we would be mutually monogamous. He is very strict with me about who i can talk with and what i can talk about yet talks with anyone and everyone He wants to about anything, including cybering.

Just looking for input and viewpoints.

Thanks.

Post #: 1

RE: Definition of cheating? - 5/23/2009 4:50:07 AM

DarkSteven

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Does our opinion even matter?

The issue is that you DO consider it cheating, and he intends to still do it. There are only two people whose opinions do matter, and none of the people you asked are either of them.

Is the cybering something that you can live with, even if not being happy about it? If not, give him an ultimatum.

_____________________________

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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(in reply to fuzzywumpas)

Post #: 2

RE: Definition of cheating? - 5/23/2009 4:52:03 AM

Mezrem

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IMO cheating is going behind my parter's back to play, have sex. We have agreed that relationships with others is fine so long as both know. This covers anything from phone calls, to bdsm play to sexual encounters. As to the last part of your post I will just add that I am held to this same standard. I would expect her to be just as hurt.. just as well pissed off as I would be if I was caught with my hand in the cookie jar.

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RE: Definition of cheating? - 5/23/2009 5:00:27 AM

missturbation

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I agree with Darksteven.

I also have to wonder if you really want other opinions or you are just looking for others to validate the way you feel about cheating. To hear we agree with you what cheating is so you can feel right.

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If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

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Post #: 4

RE: Definition of cheating? - 5/23/2009 5:05:16 AM

BitaTruble

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fr

Cheating = lying about fucking. If there's no fucking, then it's not cheating, it's just lying.

MMV

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Rock, paper, scissors."

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Post #: 5

RE: Definition of cheating? - 5/23/2009 5:08:56 AM

littlewonder

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Anytime you do anything behind the other's back, when you intentionally keep something from another or deceive them...it could be cybering, giving affection to another, talking intimately to another...doesn't have to involve just sex.

That is what defines cheating for me.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 6

RE: Definition of cheating? - 5/23/2009 5:09:56 AM

Prinsexx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: fuzzywumpas

This is hopefully to be a discussion of how individuals define "cheating" for themselves and not a flame war. From reading the boards, i see that it can get quite hot and snarky and i would like to avoid that, if possible.

What is your view of cheating and if you'd care to share, how did you come to that viewpoint? i would like to hear from other people because i view cheating as obtaining sexual pleasure with anyone other than your stated "monogamous" partner, including through cybering and camming. i have been told that i am judgmental because i view cybering as a form of cheating, when it was agreed upon between my Master and i that we would be mutually monogamous. He is very strict with me about who i can talk with and what i can talk about yet talks with anyone and everyone He wants to about anything, including cybering.

Just looking for input and viewpoints.

Thanks.

Cheating does not have a prescriptive definition. It's a question of individual conscience.

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Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
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To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

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Post #: 7

RE: Definition of cheating? - 5/23/2009 5:14:30 AM

LadyPact

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By My definition, cheating is the hiding and/or lying about intimacy. It does not necessarily have to equate physical sex.

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Post #: 8

RE: Definition of cheating? - 5/23/2009 5:17:21 AM

CatdeMedici

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I am not mature enough to answer this question responsibly so I will let Bita and Prinsexx speak for Me.

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Post #: 9

RE: Definition of cheating? - 5/23/2009 5:26:22 AM

SlyStone

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quote:

This is hopefully to be a discussion of how individuals define "cheating"

Defining it is easy, it is a break of trust. The hard part is dealing with the consequences.

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Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.

Anais Nin

(in reply to fuzzywumpas)

Post #: 10

RE: Definition of cheating? - 5/23/2009 5:35:44 AM

fuzzywumpas

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From: A galaxy far, far away...
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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

I agree with Darksteven.

I also have to wonder if you really want other opinions or you are just looking for others to validate the way you feel about cheating. To hear we agree with you what cheating is so you can feel right.

Nope, don't give a rat's ass about validation, but i've always been open to learning and trying to see other viewpoints. i can't change or learn if i don't bother talking with other people, listening to them, and then make up my own mind. Otherwise i am just a judgmental asshole with blinders on thinking "i'm right, you're wrong, so there." This is a serious attempt to learn and think for me.

In the words of Ripley... "believe it or not."

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 11

RE: Definition of cheating? - 5/23/2009 5:49:33 AM

LadyLetalis

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When the two of you entered into an agreed mutually monogamous relationship you either had different definitions of monogamy that were not discussed or he now wants his cake and to eat it to. Now you two have discussed it and know of your differences. This has to be resolved for the relationship to be healthy and happy because it is a big issue for you both. He has made it clear by his actions he is not going to do anything different and has even belittled you for your opinion. You have made it clear you do not want this dynamic in your life. What will the two of you do? One will have to change. He apparently, from his belittling remark to you, is not going to. Can you? If not you will be in a miserable relationship.

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 12

RE: Definition of cheating? - 5/23/2009 5:50:45 AM

missturbation

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quote:

Nope, don't give a rat's ass about validation, but i've always been open to learning and trying to see other viewpoints. i can't change or learn if i don't bother talking with other people, listening to them, and then make up my own mind. Otherwise i am just a judgmental asshole with blinders on thinking "i'm right, you're wrong, so there." This is a serious attempt to learn and think for me.

In the words of Ripley... "believe it or not."

The only viewpoints that matter on this occasion are yours and your master's. He doesn't see cybering as cheating, you do. Now either you change your view and accept he isn't cheating or you don't and decide where you go from there.
Are you seriously considering changing your morals and what you feel is right and wrong on the words of a few posters here?

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to fuzzywumpas)

Post #: 13

RE: Definition of cheating? - 5/23/2009 5:57:39 AM

RedMagic1

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You're cheating if your your partner would say, "You cheated on me," if s/he ever finds out.

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 14

RE: Definition of cheating? - 5/23/2009 5:59:28 AM

Viridana

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To me cheating is a unilateral violation of a previously agreed intimacy with a third party.

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 15

RE: Definition of cheating? - 5/23/2009 6:04:53 AM

lronitulstahp

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my definition of cheating is engaging in any deceitful acts of intimacy shared outside of agreed upon relationship boundaries...

my definition of realism, is knowing that for whatever reason these things tend to happen, and knowing i must decide for myself whether the decision to stay would hurt more than the decision to leave. If part of your question is really tied into the choice of "do i stay or do i go?", the only opinion that counts is yours. Not even your master can make that decision for you. You posses your own moral barometer.

Best wishes....'

eta...i liked barometer better....so i went with it.

< Message edited by lronitulstahp -- 5/23/2009 6:06:39 AM >

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Post #: 16

RE: Definition of cheating? - 5/23/2009 6:18:17 AM

Firebirdseeking

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To me, cheating is betrayal..that betrayal can be face to face or on line. While cyber may be "fantasy", I wonder how the partner feels when his or her One is having cyber sex or talking erotically; or revealing intimate material of any kind. Yeah.

(in reply to lronitulstahp)

Post #: 17

RE: Definition of cheating? - 5/23/2009 6:18:36 AM

antipode

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quote:

He is very strict with me about who i can talk with and what i can talk about

Cheating is what someone finds cheating, I don't really understand how other's opinions would benefit you. Cheating isn't defined any more in the non-existent rulebooks than is love, or the taste of vanilla.

I would like to add that I always wonder about men who have to control their sub's communications as part of their "dominance". I don't give a hoot who my sub talks to, or what about. I might limit her online privileges, if they take too much time, but if she can find men whose sex lives play out on a computer keyboard, good luck. People who spend significant amounts of time online "talking about it" have neither lives, nor sex lives.

(in reply to fuzzywumpas)

Post #: 18

RE: Definition of cheating? - 5/23/2009 6:31:22 AM

oceanwinds

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Cheating for me is a person who is lying to me about what they are doing. Sir loves to banter, and i know occassionally he will enter chatrooms to do such. He's a flirt and that is part of who he is. i do not consider that cheating.

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RE: Definition of cheating? - 5/23/2009 6:47:20 AM

MarsBonfire

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"Cheating" is when you violate the agreed upon rules. Not nessiccarily when you ignore the rules that "scociety" forces upon you, or the behavior that it expects from you. Rather, it's when you've discussed what the boundries of your relationshhip is with your partner, come to an agreement, but then you betray that agreement by acting outside of it.

Sounds pretty simple, but like everything involving human beings, there's a lot of gray area involved, and things get messed up and sloppy.

The best you can do, when either someone has cheated on you, or if you've cheated yourself, is to be honest about it, and keep talking. In my expereince, it's the lying that is the real corrosive to your relationship... not the fact that you've been fucking around.

(in reply to oceanwinds)

Post #: 20

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