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emotion and pragmatism balance - 5/4/2009 4:08:10 PM

InTonguesslut

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   Pragmatic.

         of or pertaining to a practical point of view or practical considerations.

Emotional.

       pertaining to or involving emotion or the emotions.
       subject to or easily affected by emotion.
       appealing to the emotions.
        actuated, effected, or determined by emotion rather than reason.
       governed by emotion.
      showing or revealing very strong emotions.

www.dictionary.com

I am definately more pragmatic than i am emotional. Sir is more pragmatic than he is emotional but not so much as me. Lally (always my sis) was far more emotional than she was pragmatic. At times these balances of pragmatism and emotion worked like a charm and at others it was like a train wreck.

It leads me to wonder :-

Can the balance of the two, emotion and pragmatism, however unequal make an equal balance on all parts for a relationship to work?

Does the balance of how pragmatic an individual person is and how emotional have to be reasonably closely balanced with those of your partner for the relationship to work?

Or can a mixture of them both however unequal work just as well?

And just out of curiosity which way do you lean, emotional or pragmatic?

* As an aside Lally has approved this post and is just as curious for answers as i am.

< Message edited by InTonguesslut -- 5/4/2009 4:09:53 PM >

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RE: emotion and pragmatism balance - 5/4/2009 4:25:42 PM

Whiplashsmile4

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I tend to focus upon both, the pragmatic (practical and logical side) along with the emotional side. As human beings both the practical and emotional aspects of life and our relationship occur.

All depends upon what is the center of the pragmatic or emotional focus at the time. Varies somewhat for me and anybody I've ever been with.

I have yet to find this to be totally set in stone.

(in reply to InTonguesslut)

Post #: 2

RE: emotion and pragmatism balance - 5/4/2009 4:35:20 PM

lovingpet

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Like anything else there has to be the overlapping circles and the area shared must be sufficient and in the right areas of importance to both. Sometimes we need a compliment to ourselves and sometimes a match and many times it really depends on what it is on which we want or need. I need a practical compliment to my emotional aspects when it comes to some things. In others I really want someone who will feel with me and through the experience in question. I like being the practical machine that makes others' passions a reality. I always hope I know when to set the logic aside and feel with them. Hope that makes sense.

lovingpet

(in reply to Whiplashsmile4)

Post #: 3

RE: emotion and pragmatism balance - 5/4/2009 4:58:01 PM

breatheasone

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i'm definitely more emotional, but i strive to have some measure of practicality.

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RE: emotion and pragmatism balance - 5/4/2009 5:06:02 PM

cantilena

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What a great set of questions... I'll be reading this thread with much interest... thank you! I have to ponder a bit, and also read others' thoughts, but my first reaction is:

quote:

Can the balance of the two, emotion and pragmatism, however unequal make an equal balance on all parts for a relationship to work?

I would say no, that it's not that cut and dried. Assuming for illustration purposes, someone is 100% pragmatic and the other person is 100% emotional, that in my opinion would lead only to misunderstanding and upsets rather than balance. It's a seductive idea that the qualities counteract each other in a healthy relationship, but I'm not sure that's the case. I'm not sure they're "compensating"; only that they're "opposite".

Since the traits illustrate (or potentially illustrate) an approach to relationships and problem resolution, drastic differences in personality along these lines might become polarizing in the long run. After the initial combustion fades away.

quote:

Does the balance of how pragmatic an individual person is and how emotional have to be reasonably closely balanced with those of your partner for the relationship to work?

I think the qualities need to be reasonably aligned for a long term relationship to work, yes. Again, it's lovely to think of the fairy tale romantic partnered in harmony with the number crunching realist... and it might work for a little while... but over many years, I tend to think drastic differences will not.

quote:

Or can a mixture of them both however unequal work just as well?

I think that depends on the mixture. Which brings me to the poly complication on the question... Since you're referring to a poly situation - which I have zero experience with - I can't speak to how that might impact the mixture in approaches. Hopefully someone else with the experience can shed light on it, because it *is* fascinating to me, especially right now (for personal reasons.)

quote:

And just out of curiosity which way do you lean, emotional or pragmatic?

Most who know me only in passing would swear on a stack of bibles I'm a die hard realist with little room in my closet for rose coloured glasses. It's the people who know me well that understand my closet is chock full of them!!! (And Prada ones, no less.

)

Thanks again. I'm reading with interest.

(in reply to lovingpet)

Post #: 5

RE: emotion and pragmatism balance - 5/4/2009 5:06:26 PM

oceanwinds

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I am way on the side of emotional trying to blend in some practicallity. Late hubby and Sir are pragmatic. It is interesting to see how we do balance each other out. We actually have been able to open the other side of the brain. I am right brain, creative and they are left brain pragmatic. Perhaps this has open the ability to see many sides of an idea, or at least not so quick to disgard each other's view. It's a great balance.

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RE: emotion and pragmatism balance - 5/4/2009 5:22:01 PM

NuevaVida

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I believe it is impossible for one person to be all pragmatic with no emotion (sans a sociopath and let's not get into that discussion again!) or all emotional with no pragmatism. We are all a blend of both. I would imagine finding just the right compliment to my own blend would balance things out nicely, but perhaps because I think I'm personally down the middle on this, it's hard to say how a "perfect balance" would be made up.

I was married to someone with very little emotion at a time when I was mostly emotion. In that case, it did not work well at all, as there was no way of relating to each other and too many needs went unmet.

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RE: emotion and pragmatism balance - 5/4/2009 5:46:27 PM

MsFlutter

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wow - made my head hurt to think about it but I'll take a go at it:

I grew up with 'those' people - the emo/prag mix. I can only describe what I saw. A emotional one reacts to fright by screaming. A pragmatist just produces an assessment - then a solution. if there's time, the prag may turn around and pop the emo to make them stop screaming.

The prag is startled by some of the emo reactions. The emo thinks the prag is numb and wishes a soul could be detected as easily as finding a pulses. I'm almost certain I've not seen enough successful relationships between the two to be able to identify the component percentages.

I'm definitely a pragmatist :)

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RE: emotion and pragmatism balance - 5/4/2009 5:49:23 PM

Fitznicely

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I'm pragmatic, but also very instinctive. My girl is pretty much the opposite.

We balance very well - she relies on My traits to steer her thru and I rely on her traits to keep things interesting.

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Post #: 9

RE: emotion and pragmatism balance - 5/4/2009 6:03:58 PM

CatdeMedici

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Wow, let me grab a G&T to answer this one---I tend to be pragmatic, I think to a fault--its My driving force as it keeps Me balanced and focused on reality. My emotions sadly (for some) stay very in check, when they leak out, they leak out in very small driplets that I can then stopper up.

I think that comes from age, experience and My warped belief in wisdom, not wisdom that I can give advice to someone else, but wisdom that I know what works and what doesn't in My life. My mother used to think I was too cold, I used to think she was too emotional--her emotionalism caused her to be filled with misconceptions for most of her later years, My pragmatism keeps My emotions about her loss behind a wall--right or wrong it is what it is. I do believe now that she sees My emotions.

I do not react well to anyone who is too emotional except for My child--that's why ownership for Me says more about My commitment than love.

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Post #: 10

RE: emotion and pragmatism balance - 5/4/2009 6:23:25 PM

littlewonder

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I think I'm pretty balanced on both. I live my life around it and I'm always thinking of outcomes before I act on things so that I can balance the two of them.

I'm not one to jump too much to either side. Imbalance for me is just not feasible.

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 11

RE: emotion and pragmatism balance - 5/4/2009 7:25:21 PM

Jeptha

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I'm pragmatic, but my pragmatism is all in the service of my emotions.

As far as a partner goes, I do need someone who isn't a complete romantic.

I want to have my cake and eat it too, in as much as that can be done, in that I want to be as pragmatic as I can manage and still have romance.

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RE: emotion and pragmatism balance - 5/4/2009 9:05:57 PM

Joseff

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I am a very emotional person, but I act and react according to logic. It is my pragmatic side that rules my life, enough so that others often consider me cold and unfeeling. My wife, on the other hand is mostly ruled by her emotions, and we definitely do not ballance out, mostly the difference just leads to contention. But somehow, we manage to get by and are very happy together.

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RE: emotion and pragmatism balance - 5/4/2009 10:57:15 PM

LyraLaLaurie

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I'm very pragmatic and I like to channel my emotions into literature or the arts, or SM.

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RE: emotion and pragmatism balance - 5/5/2009 12:13:46 PM

InTonguesslut

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quote:

I would say no, that it's not that cut and dried. Assuming for illustration purposes, someone is 100% pragmatic and the other person is 100% emotional, that in my opinion would lead only to misunderstanding and upsets rather than balance.

Agreed, however i do wonder if it's possible to learn how to deal with issues by recognising that on person is coming from an emotional point of view and the other a pragmatic one. For the emotional one to understand that the practicality and lack of emotion the pragmatist comes from is nothing personal its just how they deal and vice versa. If this can be done it really doesn't matter the two don't balance.

_____________________________

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It's not shopping if you buy 10 items or less.

If it fits in a toaster, i can cook it.

What you don't see with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Prov

(in reply to cantilena)

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RE: emotion and pragmatism balance - 5/5/2009 12:20:00 PM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

Wow, let me grab a G&T to answer this one---I tend to be pragmatic, I think to a fault--its My driving force as it keeps Me balanced and focused on reality. My emotions sadly (for some) stay very in check, when they leak out, they leak out in very small driplets that I can then stopper up.

I think that comes from age, experience and My warped belief in wisdom, not wisdom that I can give advice to someone else, but wisdom that I know what works and what doesn't in My life. My mother used to think I was too cold, I used to think she was too emotional--her emotionalism caused her to be filled with misconceptions for most of her later years, My pragmatism keeps My emotions about her loss behind a wall--right or wrong it is what it is. I do believe now that she sees My emotions.

I do not react well to anyone who is too emotional except for My child--that's why ownership for Me says more about My commitment than love.

Oh wow, I am beginning to think Cat and I were seperated at birth!

I am very emotional, under a really THICK layer of pragmatism. I can feel totally gutted over something yet never ever show it to even those close to me. If anything, I may seem just a little more quiet and withdrawn. Almost all of my decisions are made from a very non emotional, logical, thought process. Always thinking ahead at possible problems and outcomes.

I don't have the luxury to live my life through my emotions. I never have.

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RE: emotion and pragmatism balance - 5/5/2009 1:40:13 PM

agirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: InTonguesslut

quote:

I would say no, that it's not that cut and dried. Assuming for illustration purposes, someone is 100% pragmatic and the other person is 100% emotional, that in my opinion would lead only to misunderstanding and upsets rather than balance.

Agreed, however i do wonder if it's possible to learn how to deal with issues by recognising that on person is coming from an emotional point of view and the other a pragmatic one. For the emotional one to understand that the practicality and lack of emotion the pragmatist comes from is nothing personal its just how they deal and vice versa. If this can be done it really doesn't matter the two don't balance.

A pragmatic person isn't devoid of emotion and a person that has strong emotions isn't devoid of being able to see the practicalities of a situation, either. My owner simply doesn't *feel* things as strongly and wildy as I do. We SEE things in very much the same way ..we just FEEL in different ways.

I appreciate his way of seeing through the cloudiness and he gets pleasure from my strong responses to life.

I don't see it as anything like having an *emotional point of view* .......I share practically all the same views he has ...I FEEL sadder than he would, I FEEL more hurt than he would, I FEEL more amazingly joyous than he would about things...........but that doesn't mean I VIEW life that way in entirety.

In most relationships we have to learn how the other *deals* with life......their reactions, their responses, how it relates to us and how we interpret it. When you KNOW that someone cares about you, you KNOW how they do. It won't be a mirror of the way YOU care or express it.

agirl

(in reply to InTonguesslut)

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RE: emotion and pragmatism balance - 5/5/2009 1:59:37 PM

NorthernGent

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quote:

ORIGINAL: InTonguesslut

And just out of curiosity which way do you lean, emotional or pragmatic?

I'm reasonable and pragmatic with my emotions.

There's a time and a place for self-expression and a time and a place for pragmatism - horses for courses, which I suppose is a pragmatic stand point in and of itself.

You're in a relationship with a person with whom you think a lot and it's breaking down. Of course your emotions will run high, but I'm all for doing myself a favour and making the hard decision. That doesn't mean I'm not emotional; in fact, I could put my hand on my heart and say the opposite is true. I'd say it's the experience of knowing that the wise decision is to employ your reason, rather than allow your emotions to run wild.

Oh and edited to add: the best results in everything come from employing a balance; everything has its place; there's no one answer; there's only decisions and consequences, of which some will be positive and others negative (in any given decision).

< Message edited by NorthernGent -- 5/5/2009 2:01:59 PM >

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RE: emotion and pragmatism balance - 5/5/2009 3:38:58 PM

lally2

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quote:

ORIGINAL: InTonguesslut

quote:

I would say no, that it's not that cut and dried. Assuming for illustration purposes, someone is 100% pragmatic and the other person is 100% emotional, that in my opinion would lead only to misunderstanding and upsets rather than balance.

Agreed, however i do wonder if it's possible to learn how to deal with issues by recognising that on person is coming from an emotional point of view and the other a pragmatic one. For the emotional one to understand that the practicality and lack of emotion the pragmatist comes from is nothing personal its just how they deal and vice versa. If this can be done it really doesn't matter the two don't balance.

i was going to say that! -

and also that i think im chronically crippled by a lack of pragmatic know how. that said, i can or at least i am learning to appreciate the differences between a pragmatist and someone like me.

its easy to become overwhelmed when pouring youreself into something as pragmatic as enslavement. i call it pragmatic because it is largely about getting on with it rather than over thinking it or reading too much into each expectation, request, directive.

i know that i see the world in a hazy light, i always have. i go to see my horse and i goof about with him, call him darling and sweetheart and hug him and kiss him. my friend looks at me as if im completely gone in the head. im the sort of person who sees fairies at the bottom of her garden

- im pretty sure misst doesnt, but ill check

its who i am and im happy with that. but 'this' needs me to be more focused and to accept the cut and dry bottom line that seems to have little or nothing to do with emotion and everything to do with expectation. i dont need to change but i do need to accept this and to have better control over the emotions that govern me.

Sir and misst have agreed to give me another go, a months trial to see if i can do better and not warp-out on them. i see this as my big chance to actually get a grip on emotions that have controlled me and challenged me and at times really crippled me.

its going to be interesting! - well, its always been that - rollercoasters have nothing on this ride. its bumpy and it goes really fast. it twists and turns and He goes off at tangents you wouldnt believe. its all a bit scary for someone who talks to trees

- but here goes.

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RE: emotion and pragmatism balance - 5/5/2009 4:04:09 PM

pinkwind

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Andy and i work well together on all fronts because of the level of pragmatism in him counterbalancing the emotion in me.

We recognised early on that his practicality coupled with my more cerebral nature were counterpoints, at once illuminating our character differences as well as allowing us to work harmoniously together in our relationship.

There isn't so much a celebration of the difference as an acceptance that the natural and proportional balance of the two traits is what makes us work so well together.

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