lally2
Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
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quote:
ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant
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ORIGINAL: lally2
hey there CD  - lol!!
ok - but the way i see it as an emotionalist is that for me to find myself a partner in this lifestyle, 99.9% of Dominants are pragmatists - and to be honest, for me to submit to someone even slightly as emotional as me would be a complete disaster. I don't know that I agree with you there...as noted, someone completely pragmatic tends to be a machine or, as noted, a sociopath. With little emotion, unless a deliberate effort is made to understand their own emotions (what little there is) and others' emotions from an emotional P.O.V., then the pragmatic/romantic relationship is going to be combustible whether or not the emotionalist makes a sincere effort to be more pragmatic.
I had an interesting discussion about this fact last night...if an emotionalist submissive becomes more and more pragmatic, does that lead to more and more episodes of "over-thinking" rather than just submitting in the way you've agreed? Conversely, if a pragmatic dominant becomes more and more emotional, does that lead to "over-feeling" his submissive's pain rather than just dominating her in the way you've agreed?
i think that noone can change their spots, they can try for a time, but they will always be who they are and they should always be who they are.
an emotionalist will always be ruled by their emotions.
today i tried to be level headed about something, i couldnt. so i let rip, in my own time in my own space. i ranted, raved, stropped out and generally whooha'd for a time. i was angry, furious infact and i let the emotions go all out. then i settled down and started thinking about things more levelly and clearly.
a pragmatist will always be ruled by reason and logic.
Sir knows i am finding this new thing hard. He isnt budging, but He is helping me with it. There is no time line, there is no question of me failing so long as i do my best.
so i have ranted and raved but noone has been affected by my temper storm. the task is still there and it wont go away. in the end i have a clear choice and i choose to submit to it. noone has been compromised this time.
what youve said above does present as a real problem. the emotional submissive who over thinks and gets wound up and the pragmatic Dominant who ends up softening and becoming compromised. that is why i think its important for everyone to stay as they are but simply learn to understand how the other ticks.
Where is the balance? The balance, in my world anyway, is in being able to know and process what my submissive is feeling and empathize with it while knowing that good control is given when what is asked for meets the logical demands of the dynamic and the emotional needs of both my submissive and myself...the balance is in my submissive being able to know and process what I have stated and respond in a logical, submissive manner to it, all the while knowing that while not all I ask of her will be easy, not all of it will always strain and tear at the edge of her emotions and that her feelings are always taken into account and when the act of submission is done, she will find not just the logical, pragmatic dominant there to quiet her but the feeling dominant who remembers that while she is his submissive, she is also a human being with...at the very least...normal feelings.
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im happy to be the way i am, but i am also happy to adapt, in fact i believe its something i have to learn.
I'm a big believer in adaptability. What I've seen in my years though is that if the adaptation comes solely from one side when it is called for from both, the less chance there is of success. Part of what drove my marriage to the edge was too much adaptation on my part and not enough on the ex's part. And...to be fair...I've been guilty of doing the same thing in a couple of relationships prior to the marriage. Now, when I look back, I have to wonder if part of the reason that the adaptation did not take was because we'd let ourselves...or maybe we started that way and did not realize it...get too far from each other and too much adaptation was called for.
i think if focus gets fuzzy then everything goes to hell. if one leans over too much it creates an inbalance of either too much emotion for the pragmatist or too much pragmatism for the emotionalist. people have to stay true to type or it all gets a bit too much like shifting sands and no solidity
< Message edited by lally2 -- 5/7/2009 2:46:55 PM >
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RE: emotion and pragmatism balance - 
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