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HeavansKeeper -> RE: The Dynamics of Others (3/23/2009 10:22:54 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: DesFIP
quote:
ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Sometimes, it does just boil down to that I'm happier living this way. I may not be on the type of terms with you (general you, not you specifically, HK) that I can express to you where that comes from or what it means to Me. It may be personal to Me, and on that premise, no, you wouldn't understand because I'm not willing to reveal it. The possibility does exist that a ritual was put in place for an reason too intimate to share.
Like Lady Pact, sometimes it does come down to "this is what works for me". Plus I don't feel that I owe anyone else any kind of explanation. If someone I didn't know, like HK, came up demanding explanations he wouldn't get them. I find his way of asking to be intrusive.
I don't have to have a logical explanation especially if someone else has deemed themselves the arbiter of what is a good explanation and what isn't. And that's the sense I get in a lot of HK's posts, that he is sitting back and judging. That's how he comes across to me, apologies if he doesn't mean to do that. To me, you can't learn with an open mind and judge at the same time.
I don't owe anyone any explanation. I won't give it if they have any attitude I distrust. And most likely it won't involve logic, but emotions. If you can't understand that I operate not from a logic based system but from one in which what makes us happiest, then it isn't worth talking to you.
Perhaps there is a stigma to being unapproachable. It's not a binary issue. My accountant at H&R Block is very approachable to questions about money. Not so approachable to questions about sexual preference (I assume, I haven't tried). This is because, as Lady Pact puts it, we're not on that type of terms. There's no problem with that. Not everyone is privy to everything. Every one has the right to judge for themselves what they are comfortable giving and what they're not (and it can change from moment to moment - it's very fluid).
Reasons like "I'm just happier this way" are, believe it or not, completely logical. While happiness may be hard to quantify (and impossible to properly objectify) it's (usually) easy to tell which of two options makes you happier. Speaking directly to Lady Pact, I don't think you've made any statements of closed minded ignorance. In saying...
quote:
Having said that, I can not help but to pause and say that there does happen to be My Way, which works for Me. Just like you have your way and it works for you. I'd be willing to wager that, for those who have been doing this for a while, you, like Me, have found your way over time, through trial and error, through where you have found your niche or your happiness. As someone else said in an unrelated thread, if you didn't think your way was the best way for you, you'd be doing it someone else's way.
You show a willingness to change and accept new ideas when they prove to be better. (No longer speaking directly to Lady Pact, but instead to everyone reading.) A better idea doesn't have to be the right idea. It doesn't have to be a universally better idea. It doesn't have to be better than the "old way" in every capacity. Understanding the merit of a new way and acting on it is growth (as is the opposite, understanding a lack of merit in an old way, and phasing it out).
DesFIP, we're all arbiters of what is a good explanation and what isn't. "Mom, I need money for a new notebook" is usually an acceptable justification for why. "Mom, I need money for kindling." is not. In this regard, the mother is the high arbiter. My posts should carry the feeling of judgment, because that's what I do (unless I'm offering a story or pointing out a pitfall, or asking rhetoric). I judge. But we all judge. You say "one cannot learn with an open mind and judge at the same time" but I say the opposite. To learn, we must judge everything. Not just as good or bad/ right or wrong... but every category in which a decision can be made. Color, weight, intrinsic value, relation to me, value to me, interest to me, material cost, rarity, effectiveness at given task, etc. And most importantly of all, we must judge which of the previous judgments don't matter right now. If a reader cannot remove the negative stigma to judging, call it "deciding without every last fact." Humans rarely have the pleasure of deducting. We often have to use inductive reasoning, which is a fallacy, and can be flawed. A willingness to change and admit when we're wrong usually makes up for these flaws. How many times does Frank have to rob from you before you consider him a threat to your stuff? Unless your answer is "infinite times", you judge him, and rightfully so.
Going back a bit, DesFIP, you don't owe me any explanations, and if I wanted to learn more about your dynamic I wouldn't come across as though you had. That'd be, as they say, a dick thing to do. Also, if I ask a question, I am fully aware a response can be "I'd rather not talk about that right now." Nothing wrong with that.
I've said before I struggle with emotions, but that doesn't make me a computer. I've cried, I've raged... I understand emotions as a response, but struggle to as an instigating/driving/starting force. I see "it makes me happier than the alternative" as a perfect reason to do something. (Example, thinking "maybe this new way will make me happier, I'll try that" is a non-emotional driver. "Wow, that new way made me happier" is an emotional response. Continuing to do the new way is just behaviorism). That's how my mind works.
tl;dr portion:
1) We all judge, almost all the time, and it's natural and normal.
2) People are entitled to release information as they see fit.
3) People can be approachable in different manners, in different quantities, concerning different factors, at different times. And it can always change.
4) What makes you happy is a reasonable measure of your willingness to do it.
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