Rituals and Proper Form versus Raw Barbaric Passion (Full Version)

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MidMichCowboy -> Rituals and Proper Form versus Raw Barbaric Passion (3/6/2009 3:43:41 AM)

I am not into rituals. I don't feel I need them to exert control. But I have been told by many, that they need a structure to their relationship. That they need rules, protocols and a rigid form for the relationship. They need certain language constraints, titles and scripts.
I prefer to let the passions run wild. I know there are many times during the day, when we have to exist in a world that involves others. But a simple squeeze of her throat, to let her know, "you are mine". Grabbing her and forcing her into your embrace, to let her know you control her. Watching her eyes flash with anger, as you interrupt her, just because you can, and then seeing the surrender in her eyes as you "force" her attention on you for a few minutes. Grabbing her, ripping her clothes off, and taking her, spanking her, using her .. because you can.
I don't need rules and protocols. I don't want to script out a "scene". I just need her.
Does this have a place in this "lifestyle".



persephonee -> RE: Rituals and Proper Form versus Raw Barbaric Passion (3/6/2009 3:45:03 AM)

Yep....right over here, Cowboy! im still waiting....



zero69u2 -> RE: Rituals and Proper Form versus Raw Barbaric Passion (3/6/2009 4:23:44 AM)

If you try that with someone new or nonconsentual. who does'nt want that much barbarian affection..
here's whats going to happen. First She's going to get Wrist control. and peel your hand away from her throat.. and  Second She's going to Pull out her gun.. This is very important that she pulls out her gun and then She's going to stop you from raping her...  next she's going to take that knife and put it in your hand and call the police.

Being a serial rape artist unconsentually is not any part of this lifestyle.

consentual rape play maybe okay.. but if you rip her clothes everytime you come home from work.. Pretty soon she's going to get the idea or not have any clothes left  and walk around the house naked..*WEG*  is this your goal ?













Christinestill -> RE: Rituals and Proper Form versus Raw Barbaric Passion (3/6/2009 4:25:15 AM)

i think raw passion should be a big part of any relationship and that rituals and passion can exist together.  personally i lean towards the less rituals and rules the better, but i'm not one who follows strict protocol very well.

eta:  i'm assuming that midmich is talking of a consentual relationship.  i think he has enough brain to know what would happen if he tried this on someone who was clueless about his likes.  [8|]



crumbledwater -> RE: Rituals and Proper Form versus Raw Barbaric Passion (3/6/2009 4:34:48 AM)

I think the 'lifestyle' is what you choose to make it. I was having an interesting discussion this week with a friend and we came to the conclusion that it's all about taking what works for you  and exploring that, and that no two D/s relationships are ever the same. I don't want a guide book telling me how I should be living my life and enjoying my sex life. Vanilla relationships don't come with one so why should a D/s relationship be any different? Personally, I like Mich's approach. That sort of raw dominance works for me and reading his initial post certainly made me sit up and pay attention!



Aileen1968 -> RE: Rituals and Proper Form versus Raw Barbaric Passion (3/6/2009 4:46:41 AM)

We like things raw and unscripted. We play off of each others energy which is always completely different every time he walks through the door. The more organic and animalistic, the better. We keep our dynamic simple. I do what he requires and it leaves it open for us to put our energies into just enjoying our time together instead of worrying about following a whole set of rules and protocol.



FelineFae -> RE: Rituals and Proper Form versus Raw Barbaric Passion (3/6/2009 4:56:21 AM)

Life would be very dull if every thing all ways happened by the book. But on the other hand, the bonds that develope from creating those little rituals are priceless.
And on the third hand, nothing beats a great random display of passion. When Master or Pomme reached out to give a hard bite on my neck or shoulder... swoon/thud.
It really does summerize, without a doubt, who is who, no words needed.
i love that we have both in our relationship.



mc1234 -> RE: Rituals and Proper Form versus Raw Barbaric Passion (3/6/2009 4:56:47 AM)

I thought when I started out that I needed the protocol, the rituals, the titles.  It formed a structure for me within something that was fresh and new and a bit scary.  Now I'm learning to just be myself, to follow, to just simply 'be' for him and it's kinda cool.  And I've also realized that a lot of the men I've talked with or been with over the years have had rituals and protocol which they enjoyed which were specific for them, and they would talk about or require these things of me ... but they had nothing to do with me, you know?  I felt I was being fit into a role, versus being enjoyed for who I was.  Of course, everyone has preferences, but if any ole' willing body will do, why would I feel special in that relationship?

And besides, raw passion makes me feel alive....



eyesopened -> RE: Rituals and Proper Form versus Raw Barbaric Passion (3/6/2009 5:35:02 AM)

I used to need protocol, rules, ritual.... until I fell in love.  I found that with relationships based solely on bdsm, that the protocol was necessary to get my head in the right place. 

My Master likes things raw and unscripted.  There are times when things are more ritualistic but that is at His whim, and changing things up keeps it all new and fresh and exciting.

At the same time, I guess I have my own 'ritual'.  Every morning when I wake up I take a moment to admire His sleeping form and I fall in love with Him all over again. 



feydeplume -> RE: Rituals and Proper Form versus Raw Barbaric Passion (3/6/2009 5:48:55 AM)

quote:

But I have been told by many, that they need a structure to their relationship. That they need rules, protocols and a rigid form for the relationship. They need certain language constraints, titles and scripts.


Call me Devil's Advocate here, but shut up and listen to 'em. It is a relationship after all, a give and take, and when you are too tired or to busy to suddenly, spontaneous sex, rituals and protocols will keep them warm and loved.

They are asking that you give shape and form and a freaking road map to life and to being the other half of you and all you have to offer is "don't resist when I want sex"? Surely you want more than that from a partner, surely you have more to give than that. Surely you are willing to work with their sexual and mental wants too? Surely you want some sign or means for THEM to reach out to you and say "I AM YOURS" when the day is full of other people and pressures.

Imagine just for a moment her going up on tip toe to kiss you on the cheek and whisper "yes Sir" when you ask her to do something or get something cause you are busy and there are people around. Imagine just for a moment her meeting your eyes fork waiting inches from her lips as she waits for you to take a bite of dinner first. Imagine how many little ways those oh so awful rituals give her to I AM YOURS!

PS----I got my hands on espresso this morning!





subangi -> RE: Rituals and Proper Form versus Raw Barbaric Passion (3/6/2009 5:59:28 AM)

Rules, protocols and rituals all have there place and give a form of structure to a D/s relationship. But, yes, the barbaric, the surprise attack, the animal instinct....THAT blows the numbers off the meter. Brb, need a cold shower now.



Missokyst -> RE: Rituals and Proper Form versus Raw Barbaric Passion (3/6/2009 6:13:04 AM)

ohhhhhhhhh hell yes!  Dang it.. now I have to take a long shower.  A very long shower..
Kyst



Missokyst -> RE: Rituals and Proper Form versus Raw Barbaric Passion (3/6/2009 6:16:39 AM)

You just clarified for me why I never got into that protocal, ritual stuff.  Thanks,
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: mc1234
have had rituals and protocol which they enjoyed which were specific for them, and they would talk about or require these things of me ... but they had nothing to do with me, you know?  I felt I was being fit into a role, versus being enjoyed for who I was. 



NYLass -> RE: Rituals and Proper Form versus Raw Barbaric Passion (3/6/2009 6:34:27 AM)

For me having a family dinner every night at 5:30 was a kind of ritual.  Even though we didn't have a master/slave or dom/sub dynamic, having the family gather around the evening meal every night was a comfort.   Rituals are what you make of them.  Certain things were done at certain times.  Unless something else came up, we enjoyed the "routine".   Now when the young un was at Nana's on the weekends, all bets were off!!!!



CatdeMedici -> RE: Rituals and Proper Form versus Raw Barbaric Passion (3/6/2009 6:50:09 AM)

I require and expect a combination of both.



beargonewild -> RE: Rituals and Proper Form versus Raw Barbaric Passion (3/6/2009 6:55:06 AM)

Quite often, an unscripted scene, much in the manner that you wrote can and is extremely arousing for both the dom and the sub. Not all people enjoy having their play sessions scripted and every detail known beforehand. Scripted play has it's own time and place. That raw passion/lust/desire is what fans the deeper flames of desire in the person and to me, that leaves a lasting impression in a very positive way.

ETA:  to all others - this applies to an established relationship where both parties have consented to the guidelines they established.



mistoferin -> RE: Rituals and Proper Form versus Raw Barbaric Passion (3/6/2009 7:04:34 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MidMichCowboy
Does this have a place in this "lifestyle".


I think you will remember a post I wrote several weeks back about "Invisible Dominance" and how some people don't see a power exchange relationship if the visible interactions are not wrapped in "Pomp and Circumstance". For many it must be an ongoing dog and pony show or they can't feel like it's real.

On the flip side of the coin, some of us just live it because it's who we are....no need for "the show". I must say that of all my lifestyle friends, I find that I fit better with folks in the latter group....and I have a LOT of friends. So yes...there is definitely a place....and some of us prefer it.



MissIsis -> RE: Rituals and Proper Form versus Raw Barbaric Passion (3/6/2009 7:13:23 AM)

Some people seem to really need them.  We all have our own little rituals.  The things you describe, probably become rituals with a life that you have brought to them.  Grabbing her a certain way, a certain look you give her, your mannerisms in certain moments.  As she gets to know you, & what your require, these little things, at least in my book, are your own special signs of what is expected of her.   Personally, I prefer not worrying about drawn out details that are followed to the letter.  It becomes an awful lot of extra work for the dominant, at least in my opinion.  I prefer following the spirit of the letter, or the spirit of what the dominant intends, & that comes from interaction & getting to know each other.  You learn what you need to do to get her attention focused where you want her too, & she quickly learns what you want, by learning to read you.   I prefer the second group, myself. 



Mercnbeth -> RE: Rituals and Proper Form versus Raw Barbaric Passion (3/6/2009 7:18:10 AM)

~ Fast Reply ~
 
"Rituals and Proper Form versus Raw Barbaric Passion"
 
One is foreplay for the other. Developing simple standing rules, and a daily ritual or two insure there's always an undercurrent of simmering passion and sensuality which at any moment can bubble over into boiling passion. To a caveman, hitting their partner over the head may be perceived as raw barbaric passion, but the act stands as a precursor, a ritual,  to whatever passion is to be exchanged.
 
Everyone likes to say and represent that they are spontaneous. Look closer and you'll see that before the spontaneous raw passion there has been some ritual, proper form, and protocol. Subtle protocol and ritual takes place all around us and we rarely notice. We may only see two people holding hands and miss the intercourse between fingers. We see people walking arm there arms around each others waste and don't appreciate the extra squeeze or rub. We, who consider ourselves 'lifestyle' take it up a notch; no underwear, a collar representing necklace, a tinkling ankle bracelet. What are these but ritual and form? I'll answer my own question - Foreplay.
 
Back when I had my own profile one of my disclosures was that I was a 'habitual groper'. I love touching, squeezing, fondling; maybe not necessarily ritual, but meant to be disclose it would be a fundamental 'proper form' of behavior to expect from me. One of the first indications of compatibility between beth and me was that she didn't mind being the 'grop-ee' from the first minute we met. That was only the beginning of our life together filled with rituals, form, and protocol. We don't even notice all of them now - not because they've become routine but because happen without effort - they are 'treats' we share. I consider myself very fortunate to have a partner who shares with me a passion for a life filled with rituals, form, and protocol. It's led to a lot of spontaneous, raw passion. One facilitates the other. If you put 10 spontaneous people in a room, nothing happens until the first one does something to start the action. Put it in terms of 'in-prov'. Improvising actors and/or comedians bring their talent into the scene; however there is always a subject or a situation required to make the exchange work. Reno 911 is filmed on this basis. No script, but the foundation of 'ritual' and 'form' illustrated by police uniforms and the situations encountered. That's not to say it always works and develops into a 'passionate' result every time, but the possibility of raw passion exists all the time. 
 
Rituals, protocol, proper form and raw barbaric passion; these two concepts are mutually exclusive and at odds with one another? I didn't know! I guess I've missed a meeting or two...



IronBear -> RE: Rituals and Proper Form versus Raw Barbaric Passion (3/6/2009 7:33:44 AM)

I have no NEED for protocols other than as a guide of what is acceptable and what isn't (Mostly for formal social occasions). However protocols are also part of my life and certainly my comfort zone. However when it comes to intimacy including sexual activities:
  1. There is a time and place for using protocols and taking time to get where you want to go (Called seduction).
  2. There is a time for raw inhibited animalistic sex (Never sure who is the rapist and rapee of is both are doing both).
  3. There is a time for free flowing and letting things happen as they will (usually just enjoying the company which may or may not end up in a naked romp and fun after or not. 



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