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If one has a bad experience with someone from here... - 2/23/2009 7:33:59 AM   
oddgirloutxxx


Posts: 1
Joined: 9/29/2008
Status: offline 		Like a Dom who does not respect a sub's limits, does one have a duty to make it known somehow so he cannot abuse others? And how would someone do that? This is the kind of guy who gives the whole scene a bad name. I had no idea he was capable of this behavior.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: If one has a bad experience with someone from here... - 2/23/2009 7:37:49 AM   
Aynne88


Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline 		No you don't have a duty nor is it allowed, it is a violation of TOS.  I am sorry you had a bad experience but what you find appalling might be perfect for another girl. Chalk it up to a bad match, get to know the next person better if you can, and let it go. 

_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)



(in reply to oddgirloutxxx)
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RE: If one has a bad experience with someone from here... - 2/23/2009 7:42:16 AM   
peppermint


Posts: 5175
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		Sorry you met a bad egg.  However, this site doesn't have enough people to play judge and jury and decide who is telling the truth and who is lying. Basically it would be his word against yours.  That's why we emphasize to be careful when meeting people and meet in a safe place.  Have a safe call set up.  You are not the only person to have a bad experience from this or other online sites.  You've learned a lesson and will be much more careful about those you meet from now on.  Others will have to learn that lesson on their own.  

(in reply to oddgirloutxxx)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: If one has a bad experience with someone from here... - 2/23/2009 7:51:44 AM   
Sfortzando


Posts: 174
Joined: 1/30/2009
Status: offline 		Invariably, mentioning names leads to major drama, he said she said battles, and nothing productive ever gets accomplished. It's why CM doesn't have a blacklist.

This is the intarwebs - there is no life guard on duty, so swim at your own risk. Unfortunately for you, you had a bad experience. Learn from it, and move on. Everyone else will have to learn themselves.

(in reply to oddgirloutxxx)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: If one has a bad experience with someone from here... - 2/23/2009 7:58:41 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Post more details, allow us to be sucked in to your drama.  Just know that we won't believe half of what you say.  And the entire time we'll be hoping the dom in question pops in and tells his side.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to oddgirloutxxx)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: If one has a bad experience with someone from here... - 2/23/2009 8:14:04 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: oddgirloutxxx

Like a Dom who does not respect a sub's limits, does one have a duty to make it known somehow so he cannot abuse others? And how would someone do that? This is the kind of guy who gives the whole scene a bad name. I had no idea he was capable of this behavior.


No, you don't.

You don't because we don't know you and we don't know what you define as abuse. What you may define as abuse, I may define as a great evening. I've been warned off potential mates/friends by people I actually know in real life and who know me. Yet I've often found their reasons to be fundementally flawed.

If he has done something illegal (kidnapped you, raped you, etc) alert the police. If he does something at an event, tell the DM. Otherwise, I'd suggest not trying to give him a bad rap unless asked about him.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 2/23/2009 8:15:14 AM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to oddgirloutxxx)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: If one has a bad experience with someone from here... - 2/23/2009 10:00:35 AM   
MissEnchanted


Posts: 510
Status: offline 		oddgirlout:

Your profile is down. Hope you didn't disappear.

I know how it sucks to have a really bad scene and feel abused by an asshat.
I recently helped a fem sub who had been abused by a Dom. Turns out there were three more fem subs who had been non-consensually abused by this Dom in the recent past.
I am hoping you will join a local group where a Dungeon Master can help you and or a group leader who will protect you and keep an eye on any person that does not inform subs they will be raped, or beaten beyond a subs ability to cope.

In the meantime please get help if you feel you have been seriously traumatized by the experience. Find a kink friend to talk to or a therapist if it effected you greatly.

We have that in my local group and we all feel protected from 'bad eggs'

Abusers are out there, Non-consensual-hunting for victims.
I don't think they should get away with it!

I know about the he said: she said,

Some people who have been abused are deeply scarred, leave the scene etc.

You can private me on the other side if you so desire,

ME

< Message edited by MissEnchanted -- 2/23/2009 10:02:27 AM >

(in reply to oddgirloutxxx)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: If one has a bad experience with someone from here... - 2/23/2009 10:12:05 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

does one have a duty to make it known somehow so he cannot abuse others?

NO, you have no duty whatsoever.
Furthermore, I personally, would look down on YOU if you were to start spreading such tales, no matter if they were true or not.
quote:

  This is the kind of guy who gives the whole scene a bad name

According to YOU.

Not everyone will agree with your idea of 'giving the scene a bad name'. Just because you were not compatible with him, does not mean others are not. Nor does it mean that he is, as YOU say, abusive.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to oddgirloutxxx)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: If one has a bad experience with someone from here... - 2/23/2009 12:22:35 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		If you met a guy in a bar and had a bad experience, would you expect the bar to post a notice about the guy? No, you'd simply tell your friends and get the cops involved if necessary. The same works here.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to oddgirloutxxx)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: If one has a bad experience with someone from here... - 2/23/2009 12:27:02 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: oddgirloutxxx

Like a Dom who does not respect a sub's limits, does one have a duty to make it known somehow so he cannot abuse others? And how would someone do that? This is the kind of guy who gives the whole scene a bad name. I had no idea he was capable of this behavior.


But did he really NOT respect your limits?  Or were you one of those vague submissives who says "I'm not sure where my limits are...giggle"?
But did he really abuse you?  Or was he spanking/flogging/fucking you in a way that you had told him he could, told him you wanted, and then for whatever reason, you decided that you didn't LIKE his way of spanking/flogging/fucking you?

As has been said by others, what you've decided is abuse or disrespect of your limits could be explained by him as a girl who was all gung-ho right up to, and beyond, the point where fantasy became reality.  We don't know and until we hear the full story told from both points of view, we won't know.  And even then, it is going to be a "he said, she said, he did, she did" situation...one that becomes even harder to believe as people new to each other have a tendency to exaggerate their own rightness and the "other's" wrongness.

You learned something hopefully.  Realize that not all dominants are assholes...IF this one was...and take a minute to look in the mirror and ask yourself what your part in all that went wrong was.  And that doesn't mean answers like "well, I was wrong to go out with such a jerk".  That still leaves all the blame elsewhere.  If you are honest, you will find at least one thing that helped to lead to the situation.

(in reply to oddgirloutxxx)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: If one has a bad experience with someone from here... - 2/23/2009 12:32:49 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		Like others have said, what is horrible to one is wonderful to another.  If it was criminal in nature, the police are better to help you than folks on a forum or even the administration here.  I am careful who I meet, where, and know what is going to be expected going in.  If things fall beyond those parameters, then I would want to find my way out quickly and as gracefully as possible.  Like any other aspect of life, be careful and exercise common sense when meeting people.  Best of luck!

lovingpet

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: If one has a bad experience with someone from here... - 2/23/2009 12:45:43 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		Why do some ppl want to air their dirty laundry to a bunch of ppl they don't know and for the most part could give a shit less about?

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to lovingpet)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: If one has a bad experience with someone from here... - 2/23/2009 12:46:33 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline 		Ah, no profile. How exciting. Not.

(in reply to oddgirloutxxx)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: If one has a bad experience with someone from here... - 2/23/2009 1:27:11 PM   
BondageBarbieX


Posts: 495
Joined: 4/1/2008
Status: offline 		It is actually against the TOS of this site to name names in a profile or forum...

(in reply to oddgirloutxxx)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: If one has a bad experience with someone from here... - 2/23/2009 3:32:13 PM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline
quote:

Like a Dom who does not respect a sub's limits, does one have a duty to make it known somehow so he cannot abuse others? And how would someone do that? This is the kind of guy who gives the whole scene a bad name. I had no idea he was capable of this behavior.


lemme guess? spoke to him a few days/weeks/months before meeting him in person?  Whos to blame in that case?  Try making a guy go into great detail of his past and present life for an extended period of time.  Likely within a few hours he would cause you to 'drop it' so you wouldn't have to meet to find out he is a goof.  You would have known he was capable if you had spoken to him longer.  Deep down, when you look back, you saw the signs didn't ya?

(in reply to BondageBarbieX)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: If one has a bad experience with someone from here... - 2/23/2009 6:43:41 PM   
ExKat


Posts: 300
Joined: 8/25/2008
Status: offline 		  At best, you can post your story, sans names and details, as a warning to other subs. However, you can also hope that the rest of the bdsm scene is smart enough to pay attention to the red flags that you probably were ignoring  before you hopped into the dungeon with this guy.

_____________________________

~*~ The amalgam of Exquemelin and Katie978~*~
In the forums, it'll usually be Katie you're speaking to.
testing
"That's the plan/ Rule the world/ You and me/ Anyday ::wink::"

(in reply to BondageBarbieX)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: If one has a bad experience with someone from here... - 2/23/2009 6:48:50 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		Abuse is soo subjective on the internet.The other person is not here to defend themselves so no it isn't a good thing to do. Learn from this experience and move on.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to oddgirloutxxx)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: If one has a bad experience with someone from here... - 2/23/2009 7:14:22 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		You have no duty or obligation and will most likely backfire right in your face.

Scratch it up to incompatibility and just move on.

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: If one has a bad experience with someone from here... - 2/23/2009 10:05:43 PM   
Calandra


Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: oddgirloutxxx

Like a Dom who does not respect a sub's limits, does one have a duty to make it known somehow so he cannot abuse others? And how would someone do that? This is the kind of guy who gives the whole scene a bad name. I had no idea he was capable of this behavior.


Did you ask the Dom in question for references? Not just friends or fellow Doms - previous submissives who had scened with this guy?

If you didn't do your homework, then you have no RIGHT to complain in the first place - publically or privately.

_____________________________

Lady Kathryn
Athens, Ga.
House of Phoenix

"Nothing is ever final until you're dead - and even then I'm sure God negotiates" Anjelica Huston in Everafter

(in reply to oddgirloutxxx)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: If one has a bad experience with someone from here... - 2/23/2009 10:12:24 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Calandra

quote:

ORIGINAL: oddgirloutxxx

Like a Dom who does not respect a sub's limits, does one have a duty to make it known somehow so he cannot abuse others? And how would someone do that? This is the kind of guy who gives the whole scene a bad name. I had no idea he was capable of this behavior.


Did you ask the Dom in question for references? Not just friends or fellow Doms - previous submissives who had scened with this guy?

If you didn't do your homework, then you have no RIGHT to complain in the first place - publically or privately.


But then she has to do her homework on the references! They might simply be paid off!

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Calandra)
Profile   Post #: 20
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