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RE: My girlfriend/sub is having trouble climaxing.... - 2/16/2009 10:09:25 PM

devotedinSD

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I love that you used the word "climax". That is all

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RE: My girlfriend/sub is having trouble climaxing.... - 2/22/2009 2:28:14 PM

pynkspydrz

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have you ruled out medical or medicine related issues?
several anti depressants can make orgasm virtually unacheivable. I know it was that way for me. And even the med I am on now which is reported to have the least occurence of sexual disfunction has halted me still at times.
Sedatives as well, of any sort from mood stabilizers to sleeping aids work at suppressing the CNS.
Medical conditions such as diabetes, thyroid issues, MD, MS can all cause the body to respond poorly to certain stimulus or to react in an unanticipated fashion.

harping on it won't help. as I was wading through my depression meds my own Hubby became discouraged because our previously very explosive sexual relationship became stunted. It wasn't Him.

as the others have said, the o is not always the purpose of intamacy.
smile love her and accept what she can give, not what You feel You can't

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RE: My girlfriend/sub is having trouble climaxing.... - 2/23/2009 7:57:10 AM

Knottydad

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TreasureKY

quote:

ORIGINAL: Knottydad

I cant' agree with you TreasureKY, on this one. Maybe your partner(s) are or were not perfect, but... did you really expect them to guess what you like ?? Discovering what you like without any form of discussion or expression or exchange, being moans or groans or anything, might take ages ! Unless he really doesn't care ??

Sorry, but you assume much more than I wrote. I never said anything about guessing or not having any kind of discussion or communication.

Her communicating her needs is only half of the deal... my point was emphasizing his part: listening, learning, and applying without judging.

And, so what if it does take ages?

I just understood what you let us understand, not more. Which does not - hopefully - prevent me to understand what you've just added.

If it takes ages then all right, my own point being only : they are two in this couple. If she doesn't have orgasms and has a problem with this, then she has to do something for the situation to evolve, not just wait for him to modify his behaviour...

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RE: My girlfriend/sub is having trouble climaxing.... - 2/23/2009 10:23:29 AM

Prinsexx

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A women's body is a complex thing. There are many types of orgasm. And stimulation ranges from the porely physical to the psychological. With regard to getting an orgasm, in my experience, it is rarely solely physical OR psychological but a combination of both In other words it's not just scart plug friction it;s fabtasy fulfilment as well.
There will be so many reasons why she isn't having prgasm. But what fascinates me and makes me slightly worried is what and how you think a forum could help you?
If it has blown your seof-esteem in the bedroom that's going to have a knock0on effect isn't it?
Some form of therapy would be hekpful. I don't know what it's like in your area but it's difficult almost anywhere to find a good sex therapist.
The solution has to be in communication though imo.

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RE: My girlfriend/sub is having trouble climaxing.... - 2/23/2009 10:41:28 AM

RealSub58

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It doesn't matter how experienced YOU are, YOUR education, YOUR past partnersits all about HER. It's not about YOU. I happened to find an awesome book "SATISFACTION The Art of the Female Orgasm"by Kim Cattrall and Mark Levinson. You might read it together.
"I learn by going where I have to go." ~~ Theodore Roethke from "The Waking"

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RE: My girlfriend/sub is having trouble climaxing.... - 2/23/2009 12:41:14 PM

TreasureKY

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Knottydad

I just understood what you let us understand, not more. Which does not - hopefully - prevent me to understand what you've just added.

If it takes ages then all right, my own point being only : they are two in this couple. If she doesn't have orgasms and has a problem with this, then she has to do something for the situation to evolve, not just wait for him to modify his behaviour...

If the op had asked what his girlfriend needs to do, then I'd have no problem agreeing. That wasn't the case.

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RE: My girlfriend/sub is having trouble climaxing.... - 2/23/2009 12:54:57 PM

domiguy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dominsideyou

Having said all that, I have never had trouble bringing a woman to orgasm. Even if there was trouble, I have discussed it and overcome it somehow. Every woman I have been with has climaxed on an almost regular basis.

Then I wouldn't worry about it.

I'm pretty sure every woman that I have been with has experienced a mind blowing orgasm. I am confident that ol' what's her face came all of the time...But then again, I'm not sure how any of them ever managed to get home. Did they even have homes? Puzzling.

But they all came. Probably. I did, I think.....Cum to Domiguy!!!!

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RE: My girlfriend/sub is having trouble climaxing.... - 2/23/2009 3:11:09 PM

porcelain26

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I haven't read all the other replies, so please forgive me if I'm repeating someone else. I know that for me personally, orgasms really aren't a big deal...mostly because I've only been with one person who has actually made me climax. To me, sex is far more about satisfying my partner...it's very possible, that due to the nature of your relationship, your girlfriend feels the same. That for her, the satisfaction and pleasure is in YOUR responses, not her own.

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RE: My girlfriend/sub is having trouble climaxing.... - 2/23/2009 5:49:23 PM

Jeptha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dominsideyou
... I have had less than 6 REAL relationships in my life (3 of them true submissives), and a number of sexual partners, subs, slaves, etc.

Women can be very idiosyncratic in the ways that get them off.
What works for one is anathema to another, and vise versa.

6 isn't a lot. If she is similarly young and inexperienced, even she may not yet have found all the ways that she likes to get off.

But that just means you can have fun experimenting. Ask her about fantasies, masturbatory habits, etc. Use your imagination to see if you can picture yourself in those scenes, or helping her masturbate....

Or just plain tell her that you'd like to be a part of that somehow, and ask her if that would be possible.

And, maybe lead by example and use her for your pleasure.

I consider vibrators to be my friend, and one of the greatest inventions of mankind. There are a smorgasbord of varieties which can be very distinct in the sensation they deliver.
Again; some women love them, and some remain unmoved.

I used to have a saying, that I "never regretted buying a tool"...that applies to vibrators as well, even though some are relegated to the back of the closet most of the time.

Ok - maybe that was too workmanlike a metaphor.
Strike that from the record.

As others have told you, and as you've said yourself, it isn't always about getting off.
But it's a nice thing to share sometimes, if one can swing it.

< Message edited by Jeptha -- 2/23/2009 5:54:05 PM >

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RE: My girlfriend/sub is having trouble climaxing.... - 2/23/2009 5:52:38 PM

Sandyshores29718

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*quick reply*

I'm a little late coming to the thread and did not take the time to read all's replies..so if this has been said..oops! lol

Does your girl happen to be on any anti-depression meds? I started taking them about a month go and it made it where I could not climax with Sir..and believe me..it was NOT his fault. He was taking my breath away with pleasure. I got the approval from him to masturbate to see if it was the meds and even with a toy the amount of time it too me to reach climax was insane and even then it was nothing like the normal boom I am use to. I finally trashed the pills and I'm not having any issues reaching a climax with Sir again. If your girl is on these type of meds or really any meds for a matter of fact she needs to look at the side effect and see what they are. If they can cause this maybe she needs to talk to her doctor about other type of meds. Hope this helps.

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RE: My girlfriend/sub is having trouble climaxing.... - 2/23/2009 7:16:44 PM

Crueltobekind

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I think the key here might be 'albeit we do more BDSM related activities then she ever has experienced in her life'. If she reached orgasm without issue before you came into her life and she had far, far less BDSM in her diet in doing so, logic would suggest that her current difficulty might be nothing more than an extended period of adjustment, mentally and physically. If this was the case, even though 5 months or so might seem enough time to adjust, no period of time is more or less relevant than other.

It's difficult to say because, of course, any core issues behind this (assuming there are any) relate to her more than you. From what you've said it seems she's quite comfortable with this situation and doesn't see it as a problem, so I think that unless you feel it becoming an issue for her (not you; her) then take her at her word. Remember there may be absolutely nothing wrong whatsoever, with you, with her or with the relationship between you; after all, you do seem far more concerned by the status quo than she is.

It's also worth pointing out that even if you do not feel you're pressurising her or making a big deal out of this, I'd be very surprised if she shares that sentiment and could be actually trying to reinforce your own perception of this. Trying different techniques, after discussing them with her, to bring her to orgasm is adding pressure, no matter how unspoken or subtle.

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RE: My girlfriend/sub is having trouble climaxing.... - 2/23/2009 9:28:31 PM

Aly055

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Like all the others have said there are several things that could be going on. I've been with my boyfriend for 6 months now and I still haven't had an orgasm, but I really enjoy the sex. I mentioned it to my friend and she's the same way. It's like the pleasure keeps increasing as the sex goes then you reach a plateau it feels really great, but you just can't quite tip over the edge into an orgasm. That dosen't mean we're not enjoying ourselves.

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RE: My girlfriend/sub is having trouble climaxing.... - 2/24/2009 8:06:17 AM

happypervert

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If you really want her to have orgasms, just send her to me.

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RE: My girlfriend/sub is having trouble climaxing.... - 2/24/2009 10:05:17 AM

feydeplume

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I am sure there would be many volunteers to "help" her get over your (to the OP) problem.

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RE: My girlfriend/sub is having trouble climaxing.... - 2/24/2009 10:13:07 AM

domiguy

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I haven't read all of the replies so this may be a repeat...Is she gross? I won't take the time to get someone I am disgusted by "off." The best I can do is nail'em and then bolt.

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RE: My girlfriend/sub is having trouble climaxing.... - 2/24/2009 10:34:29 AM

feydeplume

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i'll put the bag over her head for ya. and turn out the lights, just in case.

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RE: My girlfriend/sub is having trouble climaxing.... - 2/24/2009 3:12:20 PM

takemeforyourown

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I can only orgasm using a "back massager" called the Acuvibe. Ahhhhhhh. I don't consider myself 'broken' in any way. If I am really intent on having an orgasm during sex, I ask if I can use it. Sex without orgasm is still pleasurable to me, so it's ok if I have to save the big O for solo play too.

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