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RE: getting to know you - 2/1/2009 9:47:10 AM   
lateralist1


Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		Yes CellaFirestormBW I know exactly what you mean. My ex and I were like that.
My present husband and I were for years but finally we are getting onto the same page.
I have 'played' with lots of subs where everything could have been great but it was like we were talking past one another. They had one view of BDSM relationships I had another. Partly cultural differences. Partly mindset. The main problem being that in my experience  men come into the lifestyle to find satisfaction in their kinks women come into the lifestyle to find a partner. The two can come together but they rarely do.

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: getting to know you - 2/1/2009 9:57:49 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: lateralist1

For those who are in a D/s relationship. How long did it take you to really get to know your partner?


Since I see notice that my girls are always changing... I believe getting to know my partner is a continual process and not a destination!



smiles and nods in agreement. Steve always used to talk about our journey and I hated that because a journey has a destination but like you I believe its a continual process.

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(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: getting to know you - 2/1/2009 10:06:54 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JustDarkness


quote:

ORIGINAL: lateralist1

For those who are in a D/s relationship. How long did it take you to really get to know your partner?


With some it took a year..with others a week.
IF you really know a person then..I don't know. I guess it more about the feeling you have.


I agree with this too.
I don't believe we can put a time scale on getting to know someone.
I was married for years but there is so much I didn't know or understand about my ex husband. For a start I never knew what he was thinking when we were making love and he never knew what I was thinking either.


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Profile   Post #: 43
RE: getting to know you - 2/1/2009 10:36:48 AM   
chiaThePet


Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
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"Getting to know you, getting to know all about you."
"Getting to like you, getting to hope you like me."



DAMN YOU! MAKE IT STOP!


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You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to lateralist1)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: getting to know you - 2/1/2009 1:16:06 PM   
lateralist1


Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		Thankyou for picking up the reference chia but you will have to explain the rest I'm afraid.

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Profile   Post #: 45
RE: getting to know you - 2/1/2009 1:56:32 PM   
feydeplume


Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline 		*has been trying to get that song out of her head for HOURS now thank you chia*

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(in reply to lateralist1)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: getting to know you - 2/1/2009 3:44:33 PM   
NCNutCase


Posts: 129
Joined: 2/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lateralist1
For those who are in a D/s relationship. How long did it take you to really get to know your partner?


This question is a bit vague, so responses are sure to be varied... also people are different therefore even more variety will be there...

Add to that the fact people are forever getting to know themselves better and changing through their experiences/thoughts... and the ultimate answer is getting to know someone is an ongoing process...

I think there is a bit of a 'danger' in assuming we fully know anyone.

(in reply to lateralist1)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: getting to know you - 2/1/2009 3:47:32 PM   
MyWorldCT


Posts: 98
Joined: 1/23/2009
Status: offline 		I have only really had 2 long term relationships, one with a slave and one with a sub ("Yes Martha, there is a difference").  Anways, I have had quite a few "play partners", most on a long-term basis, but not 24/7.  With the "play partners" it was on ly a few weeks, before we worked out all the "details" and started the ride.

However, with my ex-slave, it took about 2 months of meeting at a local clun in LA, then 2 months of phone chatter and dinners, then 6 months of intimacy for us to move in together.  She was fantastic in every respect and it took longer, because I needed extra time to figure out if she was for "real" ("too goodo to be true", was echoing in my head everytime we were together).  It was not and she would still be with me today if I had the choice, but God's will is stronger than me.

It took me about a year for my sub to move in and be collared by me.  It was more like a vanilla dating scenario, as we both worked together, and we talked about "the lifestyle" one afternoon at lunch and she wanted to know more and more about it.  I took her to a club and she knew that this was the life for her.  I thought she was going to find a Dom, but turned to me one day and told me she wanted to be mine.  I actually dropped my ice cream cone (and jaw) and did not know what to say.  It took me a few weeks to consider it and we went to dinner, movies, etc. for 6 months until she felt comfortable enough to get intimate.  I would love to have here here in CT, but her career, family, and life in LA is more important than me, so I released her, even with her protests.  That broke my heart into a pink mist.

But life goes on...

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: getting to know you - 2/1/2009 3:47:34 PM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

I think there is a bit of a 'danger' in assuming we fully know anyone.

absolutely agree with that statement.

(in reply to NCNutCase)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: getting to know you - 2/1/2009 4:42:20 PM   
sparkyRBF


Posts: 157
Joined: 2/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

Put me in the crowd that once I have someone figured out that there are rarely any future surprises. (Don't believe there is a crowd that feels this way) We like to think that everyone soooo mystical and intriguing.  These great Doms are like onions...One layer only reveals a more mysterious layer lying beneath.

People are people. Most are fairly boring as well s predictable.


you mean like shrek?


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Profile   Post #: 50
RE: getting to know you - 2/2/2009 10:23:46 AM   
Jeptha


Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

The thing to "know" is if the other person has the same relationship goals as you...



That's a good point.
And, of course you have the goal, and then you have the journey of getting there.

I think I can figure out if I have some significant things in common within a couple of weeks.
Maybe a month, depending on how often we hang out together.
But to trust fully, that part of the equasion takes a little while longer to put in place because it can only be demonstrated over time.

(in reply to eyesopened)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: getting to know you - 2/2/2009 10:36:07 AM   
CharmingDeceit


Posts: 18
Joined: 6/17/2007
From: Pine Grove, PA
Status: offline 		I will never 100% know my submissive; and I hope I never do.  That's the fun in it.   

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Profile   Post #: 52
RE: getting to know you - 2/2/2009 10:37:54 AM   
daddysprop247


Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline 		about 9 yrs and counting...still learning something new about Him everyday.

(in reply to MaamJay)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: getting to know you - 2/2/2009 11:45:35 AM   
lateralist1


Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		Yes the question is a bit vague on purpose.
That way people feel free to express themelves.
Thankyou everyone for being so upfront about yourselves.
What we are all saying, I think, is that it isnt easy.
It takes time and patience and sometimes with the best will in the world it isn;t going to work out for ordinary reasons. Just like in vanilla relationships.
But would we want it to be easy?

(in reply to daddysprop247)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: getting to know you - 2/2/2009 4:21:46 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lateralist1

For those who are in a D/s relationship. How long did it take you to really get to know your partner?

i think in theory each individual i have had a d/s relationship with must have been different but i have assumed i have got to know them pretty quickly. For me it takes about 24 hours of being with someone real time (a round the clock thing) and my intuition has usually been proven right all along.
i don't always act on my intuition though and the most costly errors have been where i have procrastinated and continued giving consent when deeper inside i knew not to.


< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 2/2/2009 4:23:07 PM >

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(in reply to lateralist1)
Profile   Post #: 55
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