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RE: getting to know you - 1/31/2009 12:48:42 AM   
GoddessTeaze


Posts: 1125
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: The Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lateralist1

Thankyou for your contributions everyone.
We read so many times of relationships that go sour because people go into them too quickly before they know the person well enough.
I have made that mistake in the past and am trying to avoid it in the future.
But maybe it just isn't possible to know someone before we commit to them.
Maybe the act of commitment helps in the getting to know one another process.

Hello lateralist,
I so understand where you're coming from.
To step to quick at times, and then in a while it seems
then they aren't the one you thought they we're.

So give yourself time to get to know the person,
before you jump into commitments.
It's a battle of the heart versus Mind.

But when it's meant to B,
it better last a lifetime to enjoy.

I wish you enough.

GoddezzT`




_____________________________

~* The only disability in life is a bad attitude. ~Scott Hamilton*~

~*Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. ~Kahlil Gibran*~

(in reply to lateralist1)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: getting to know you - 1/31/2009 4:33:14 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		The thing to "know" is if the other person has the same relationship goals as you.   We choose to get on an airplane without knowing a single thing about the pilot other than he/she passed enough qualifications to be a pilot.  We get on that airplane because the pilot is taking it to where we want to go.  We could fly with our bestest buddy the pilot but if he's going to New York and you want to go to Orlando, the trip is a disaster no matter how smooth the flight.  We don't get on the eastbound freeway when we want to go west. 

As others have said, getting to know someone is an on-going process, an adventure! 

It is said, what you think about is what you bring about.  My life turned around when I was talking to my adult offspring about someone I'd met and liked and did my usual "Oh, what if it doesn't work out???" and my daughter said, "Oh yeah??? Well, what if it DOES?"

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to lateralist1)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: getting to know you - 1/31/2009 4:47:00 AM   
JustDarkness


Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lateralist1

For those who are in a D/s relationship. How long did it take you to really get to know your partner?


With some it took a year..with others a week.
IF you really know a person then..I don't know. I guess it more about the feeling you have.

(in reply to lateralist1)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: getting to know you - 1/31/2009 4:53:00 AM   
MissMorrigan


Posts: 2309
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: T1981
I've been with my husband for 10 years and I'm still getting to know him....hope it never ends!


and

quote:

ORIGINAL: T1981
Since I see notice that my girls are always changing... I believe getting to know my partner is a continual process and not a destination!


Echos the above

above

above

above
 

In getting to know someone is really dependent on the kind of relationship one has and whether longevity is a factor. We have an idea of base compatabilities initially to determine if we want to proceed to emotional intimacy, but getting to know someone is more about learning to live with tangible differences

_____________________________

The Tooth Fairy who teaches kids to sell body parts for money.

A free society is a society where it is safe to find one's self unpopular and where history has shown that exceptions are not that exceptional.

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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: getting to know you - 1/31/2009 5:19:59 AM   
RealSub58


Posts: 1073
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lateralist1

For those who are in a D/s relationship. How long did it take you to really get to know your partner?

Darn Lateralist, I thought this was gonna be a youtube  moment of you singing !!Attempting to sing?
quote:

ORIGINAL: laterialist1
Maybe the act of commitment helps in the getting to know one another process.


I am pretty sure I can say this is how it is with Sir and I.

< Message edited by RealSub58 -- 1/31/2009 5:25:10 AM >

(in reply to lateralist1)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: getting to know you - 1/31/2009 5:27:17 AM   
Serenelysmiles


Posts: 46
Joined: 11/7/2008
Status: offline 		I've been with my Master for over a year now.  Took six months for us to meet offline, two minutes to jump into bed together after I got off the plane and we got home.  Now we have a lifetime to get to know one another, and I hope we never stop the learning process.


< Message edited by Serenelysmiles -- 1/31/2009 5:28:28 AM >

_____________________________

Peace, love and light.

Namaste',

serene

"Though art to me a delicious torment." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson~

"Wit is well-bred insolence."~Aristotle~

(in reply to lateralist1)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: getting to know you - 1/31/2009 6:32:37 AM   
kallisto


Posts: 1185
Status: offline 		The getting to know and learning about each other is a never ending journey through the relationship.   

 


(in reply to Serenelysmiles)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: getting to know you - 1/31/2009 7:29:36 AM   
bamagirl4u


Posts: 151
Joined: 12/25/2008
Status: offline 		I think as relationships evolve and change over time you are always learning new things about each other.  

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~Don't settle for the One you can live with~~Wait for the One you can't live without.~
~To thine own self be true~~no compromise.~

(in reply to MaamJay)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: getting to know you - 1/31/2009 9:10:47 AM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		Put me in the crowd that once I have someone figured out that there are rarely any future surprises. (Don't believe there is a crowd that feels this way) We like to think that everyone soooo mystical and intriguing.  These great Doms are like onions...One layer only reveals a more mysterious layer lying beneath.

People are people. Most are fairly boring as well s predictable.

_____________________________



(in reply to bamagirl4u)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: getting to know you - 1/31/2009 9:33:51 AM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		In regards to getting to know someone, I personally do not take any relationship commitment serious for the first 6 months if not more. That to me is the rose-color glass effect and just doesnt touch reality. I might know from the beginning there is a serious possibility, but to commit comes a lot later for me.

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: getting to know you - 1/31/2009 12:37:42 PM   
lateralist1


Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		Thanks again everyone.
Domiguy you need a good Domme lol.
I'll let you all know when my next gig is if you wish.
Although they are so small that I doubt if I'd get you in lol.
Just beginning to move from sound engineer to singer.
Didn't get many gigs as a sound engineer either.
The music world is a tough place to be.
Hate you tube.
If there is anyone out there who can arrange a tour of the states for me then get in touch but you guys don't make it easy for us Brits.
Anyway back to the subject in hand.
You are all really helping me I've been feeling a bit like a outsider.
I've been told I'm not a Domme if I don't have a sub.
What's all that about?
I don't 'play' I dominate so I have to have the TPE D/s relationship in place before I indulge in physical BDSM cause it's my sexuality.
I'm just beginning to think it's too hard.
Maybe the world recession is just affecting everyone so much that if your not already in a relationship it's just too scary financially. Whereas two can live almost as cheaply as one and more can live even cheaper.
Then it seems most people are looking for an equal in vanilla life.
Hasn't anyone ever heard of potential.
At 55 I'm only just starting to understand my potential.
Part of getting to know someone is understanding their potential as a human being.
Subs who want to know what I am going to do to them rather than getting to know me as a person really annoy me.
It's the vanilla bit that is far more important than the kink. If your going to allow someone to have your life in their hands don't yo think you should know who they are?
The pilot analogy is a good one. One of my past subs was a pilot. I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him with another dominant woman but I would trust him to fly me anywhere.
However you have to trust that the airlines know what they are doing but you don't have to trust a Dom/me. We have to care for our subs. If we don't what does that say abut us?



(in reply to oceanwynds)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: getting to know you - 1/31/2009 1:12:24 PM   
MsMillgrove


Posts: 260
Joined: 5/27/2008
Status: offline 		Knight of Mists wrote:
"I do believe that the act of commitment does further the depth of knowledge we learn of each other.  I also agree that we can not "Know" everything of a person before we commit.  However.. I think we can "know enough"... the question is.. how much is enough?"
 
This is where I find a collar designation so handy.  I learned of it some years ago as I began this journey. When explaining to a potential sub.. I equate with the vanilla example of
1. friendship ring 
2. promise ring
3. wedding ring.
 
With the consideration collar, the sub/slave-dom have agreed to spend a time together, exclusively to see if they can establish a good d/s dynamic that suits them both. a time of exploration and understanding. The commitment is only to a specific length of time...which could be cut short or extended according the the couple. 

With the training collar, the d/s dynamic, the basic "match" is felt by both to be sound...and the exploration of the two... goes along.. again for a time period.

By the time the eternal collar comes up for approval--both individuals have commited to one another in increments and feel they can make a final lifetime commitment.  How long?  I think two years is about right.  Obviously, depends on the couple.

This collar system is not esp popular at this time, but I think it has much merit.
Because you can start at a  low level of knowledge, a certain faith aspect.. You've both identified enough common ground to believe that the relationship has possibilities that should be explored.  It allows the sub to submit and the domme to exert some control.. so that both can express themselves together without promises that are too big for them to make.

The symbolism of coloring the collars and upgrading the materials is also sweet for the romantics.  The consideration is pale blue leather, the training often a dark blue or black leather and the eternal is sometimes a collar made or designed by the dom/me unique to the slave/sub. A Jewel or precious metal often included.

Since I mention this before and no one particularly sees the merit.. well I try again.. as it is a solution to the problem of commitment vs. good sense. 
In this scenario you are submitting-committing in increments, gaining the benefits of  both without having to promise a lifetime too early the process.

 



(in reply to MaamJay)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: getting to know you - 1/31/2009 2:05:30 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsMillgrove

Knight of Mists wrote:
"I do believe that the act of commitment does further the depth of knowledge we learn of each other.  I also agree that we can not "Know" everything of a person before we commit.  However.. I think we can "know enough"... the question is.. how much is enough?"
 
This is where I find a collar designation so handy.  I learned of it some years ago as I began this journey. When explaining to a potential sub.. I equate with the vanilla example of
1. friendship ring 
2. promise ring
3. wedding ring.
 


I agree. 

1) The friendship ring: You are my friend. I get to fuck you but I don't have to buy you dinner.

2) The promise ring:  I promise not to fuck your best friend....in front of you.
 
3) The wedding ring:  It is fairly expensive. The average cost is usually about half of your shit.

_____________________________



(in reply to MsMillgrove)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: getting to know you - 1/31/2009 2:15:28 PM   
BondageBarbieX


Posts: 495
Joined: 4/1/2008
Status: offline 		I met my MasterDaddy and moved in with him the day we met..married him a couple of months later and stayed with him till he passed away in 2004.My current Daddy I met at the mall and we have been together awhile...I feel I know him very well and we are pretty much unseparable. It did not take me long to really get to know either of them.

(in reply to lateralist1)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: getting to know you - 1/31/2009 4:22:00 PM   
lateralist1


Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		My take on it.
1 Friendship/service without BDSM or sex but with D/s.
2 Vaniila sex when you both want it or when the Domme allows.
3 Add BDSM leading to collar.
4 Branding.
Each stage takes as long as it takes.

(in reply to BondageBarbieX)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: getting to know you - 1/31/2009 4:31:29 PM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline 		I can't really give a time frame for this.  I'm always finding out new things about my partner, myself and the world around me.  This keeps me from getting bored.

Furthermore, The things I think I know about someone changes as the relationship between us changes.  Somethings are inconsequential in a friendship, but become significant in the context of a committed relationship or one that involves co-habitation.  A 'forever' committment is different from a 'so long as it works for both of us' kind of commitment and those differences changes the significance of the particular facts I think I know about my partner.  I might know someone as a friend and then find myself clueless about them when I move in with them because the act of moving in discloses a whole other side of them that wasn't apparant when we lived apart.   So, I'm usually not surprised to always be finding out new things about someone I'm involved with.  Its better when those new things I discover seem like things that make me feel good about being with them and enhance our relationship and its possibilities rather than things that make me feel bad about being with them or that detract from our relationship. 

_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin


(in reply to lateralist1)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: getting to know you - 2/1/2009 12:10:33 AM   
chezzy71


Posts: 412
Joined: 4/19/2008
Status: offline 		It took five plus years for Mistress and i but that is because it wasn't in the cards at an earlier time.She has always been there for me..whether the news be bad or good and whether i have had to weather my share of ups and downs.She is a beautiful person is all i can say.

(in reply to gypsygrl)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: getting to know you - 2/1/2009 3:00:12 AM   
VioletAshes


Posts: 101
Joined: 1/16/2008
Status: offline 		My Husband and I were friends for 3 years before embarking on a relationship. It was important to both of us that we got to know each other and that the time felt right for both of us before pursuing anything more serious. It has worked for us. Having said that, we both knew quickly from when we met that there was something special there and the most important thing became having each other in our lives no matter what even if we were not involved in a physical way.

_____________________________

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I'm not like other girls that you know
but I believe I'm worth coming home to"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(in reply to MaamJay)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: getting to know you - 2/1/2009 3:12:33 AM   
lateralist1


Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		Thankyou everyone for your contributions. It is really nice to hear some good news about relationships. Domiguy excluded of course lol.
Gypsygrl you make so much sense. That's my experience. Living together puts a whole new slant on a relationship of any kind.
Lets face it how many of us would like to go back to live with our parents.
My big thing at the moment apart from finding a sub is to try and make the relationships I have better.
Chezzy71 Thanks for your contribution. I hope your life will be a little smoother in the future. Very few people's lives are free of some kind of turmoil but to have someone steadfastly on your side makes everything so much easier to bear.
I short while ago I was literally suicidal but everything is changing.
Some of the people on this site have really helped.
I wish you all the best. Yes even you Domiguy.

(in reply to chezzy71)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: getting to know you - 2/1/2009 7:44:24 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		Ex husband? Knew him in the biblical sense on our 2nd date (like.. 2 weeks). Moved in with him at 3 months, married him at 5 months, never really knew or -understood- each other for 13 years of marriage, despite full disclosure on both our parts... we knew the topics, but didn't grasp the impact, if you know what I mean.

Current household.. six months before I moved in, then a year before I went from being "in consideration" to inclusion as a full member of the family.

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to MaamJay)
Profile   Post #: 40
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