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RE: The BDSM Community - 1/28/2009 1:54:45 PM

pridedenied

Posts: 83
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Oh gawd! Yes this happens everywhere, even in lil old Missoula, Montana. It's almost like people enjoy making things into a bigger deal than they should be. They are not willing to talk to the source of their problem and instead talk to everybody else about how said person has wronged them. Yeesh! It's like highschool all over again.

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RE: The BDSM Community - 1/28/2009 1:56:00 PM

submissivexheart

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Joined: 1/8/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MidnightKat5000

Ok.. I have tried to get involved with local BDSM groups and such in two different cites, and it's all the same: Fucking politics. Is this common everywhere? I go to groups to try and try to network but mainly to learn but it never happens because everyone acts like first graders - and we're talking about the 30-60 year old range. WTF?! Why? Any ideas or reasons, suggestions?

no clue... lol i'm so new to this i dont even know where they are in my city..

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RE: The BDSM Community - 1/28/2009 2:00:51 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
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In some of the groups I've attended in the past, it's not politics, but personal pettyness and nit picking that proliferates the groups. And I don't know why , and I don't have any suggestions, except to stay away from the groups, or complain to the group host.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MidnightKat5000

Ok.. I have tried to get involved with local BDSM groups and such in two different cites, and it's all the same: Fucking politics. Is this common everywhere? I go to groups to try and try to network but mainly to learn but it never happens because everyone acts like first graders - and we're talking about the 30-60 year old range. WTF?! Why? Any ideas or reasons, suggestions?

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RE: The BDSM Community - 1/28/2009 2:14:08 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
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I find the whole thing rather appalling. Nothing better than participating in an event where the majority of the people attending have seen your gals asshole.

It leaves so little to talk about.

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Post #: 44

RE: The BDSM Community - 1/28/2009 2:41:04 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
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quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

I find the whole thing rather appalling. Nothing better than participating in an event where the majority of the people attending have seen your gals asshole.

No, most people there have not seen my now-thankfully-ex husband.

Cali

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RE: The BDSM Community - 1/28/2009 2:43:12 PM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

I find the whole thing rather appalling. Nothing better than participating in an event where the majority of the people attending have seen your gals asshole.

No, most people there have not seen my now-thankfully-ex husband.

Cali

Cali, that was good.

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RE: The BDSM Community - 1/28/2009 3:15:31 PM

akisha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

I find the whole thing rather appalling. Nothing better than participating in an event where the majority of the people attending have seen your gals asshole.

No, most people there have not seen my now-thankfully-ex husband.

Cali

That's hilarious and true for me too

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RE: The BDSM Community - 1/29/2009 1:14:39 AM

JustDarkness

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so Cali...when will you share him with us? lol

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RE: The BDSM Community - 1/29/2009 2:16:24 AM

allthatjaz

Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
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Munches can come over with a clique and it can take time to become or at least feel accepted as part of that clique, if you want to.
People will always talk about people and usually the very people they are talking about are not present. That happens when I go for coffee with my friends and that happens when I am down at the stables. Its no different.
The main reason I stopped going to my local munch was not because of the gossip but because of the over zealous ageplayer that spent the entire time attention seeking. She wanted her arse slapping but I just had this overiding desire the head butt her!

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

Still - Munches are a good tool and entry point beyond the internet if your goal is to be 'social'. Without that desire, people there are good first hand referral sources for clubs to go to, vendors, and events. The best they offer is the opportunity to get out behind the computer and see real people. You may not like who and what you see and hear, but a night out, beats a night in surfing the profiles for the 100th time.

This point needed to be made. Running and organizing a munch could be a thankless task. It takes time and effort and in the UK the organizer makes not a penny from it.
All one has to do is turn up, everything else is in place.
We can take out of it what we want. Sometimes that could be something and sometimes nothing but either way we should be thankful that we have the option to go to one or not.

Maria

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Post #: 49

RE: The BDSM Community - 1/29/2009 2:34:49 AM

JustDarkness

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I think one of the problems with groups is....that people don't dare to tell eachother or team up when 1 or 2 members piss off the rest.
If groups would do some self regulation..then it will be all fine.
A munch is a good way..don't let it be ruined by 1 or 2 bad people.

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RE: The BDSM Community - 1/29/2009 7:42:47 AM

allthatjaz

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JustDarkness

I think one of the problems with groups is....that people don't dare to tell eachother or team up when 1 or 2 members piss off the rest.
If groups would do some self regulation..then it will be all fine.
A munch is a good way..don't let it be ruined by 1 or 2 bad people.

Unfortunately thats human nature. The other part of human nature that is going to effect every club, munch, group friendship or meeting ground is the 'jumping on the bandwagon'.

As a club promoter I tend to watch the boards (not this site) for feedback. You can get page after page of good responses and then suddenly you may get someone complaining bitterly about what a crap night they had. No sooner has that been said than everyone but there uncle who have never even been to the club and probably never intend to are jumping on the band wagon and saying things like 'thats why I don't go to the London clubs' or 'oh this has really put me off'.
I have three rules.
1. never get involved in the politics.
2.understand that you can't please all of the people all of the time.
3. Remain friendly but distant.

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RE: The BDSM Community - 1/29/2009 9:19:04 AM

IronBear

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Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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FR

In general people like to gossip and when meeting up with people they haven't seen for a while they will hash over things and catch each other up with gossip about people they both know... One of the reasons I quit going to pagan coffee meets, pagans in the park or pagans in the pub was there was little discussed which had anything to do with paganism.. I have found over the years, I go to munches or their pagan equivalent to socialize with people and go to workshops to discuss and learn/teach things involving BDSM/Kink/Paganism

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RE: The BDSM Community - 1/29/2009 9:41:29 AM

NakedOnMyChain

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These are simply my thoughts on this subject, but here we go.

Yes, it does occur everywhere there are established groups with established ideas that profess to welcome new members. New members will often have new or different ideas, and therefore the two groups collide. If a group falls into the "One True Way" trap, this is much more likely to occur. I've noticed with many, many groups that have a long established membership that it is very difficult for a new person to break into. I've also noticed that factions, if you will, often form over differences of opinion. It's the whole, "This lifestyle ain't big enough for the both of us attitude," and frankly, it stinks.

There is always another option open to you, though. If you are unhappy with your local lifestyle groups, start a new one and run it by your rules. If you have a problem with people infighting you can then deal with it how you would like.

Our local community had that split last June, and we now have the Alt Lifestyles group and the established munch group. Both have their place, and do a great service to the community, but due to different aims and goals, the Alt Lifestyles group needed to be formed. I've been running the new group for the past several months, and we've done and do everything from demo nights to play parties to regular monthly pub nights. Our normal attendance rate is around twenty people. It takes some time and planning, and constant networking, but if it is important to you to create a drama-free welcoming space, it is possible to start an new, very successful lifestyle group.

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