Mercnbeth
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There hasn't been a munch group that I've attended that didn't have some agenda behind it. You should know that before attending. Not that having an agenda is a bad thing. Without the underlining agendas there'd be no munches to attend.
Based upon the comments, it seems that if the undercurrent agenda is compatible it's 'good'; while a conflicting agenda is 'bad'. It's personal perspective that makes it so. Sometimes the agenda is easy. One in particular was very refreshing to hear. After a few years hiatus, a dormant munch was suddenly revived. The revival night was full of enthusiasm and many people were happy to have an opportunity to see each other. When I asked why the leader revived it, his honesty was to be admired; "I lost my Mistress and organizing a local munch seemed to be the best way to meet a new one." It must have worked, because once again, after about 6 months, the group is dormant again.
Other agendas, are more insidious and hidden. Some organize munches as splinter groups. Others, use them to expand their 'harem', solicit paying students for their 'lifestyle educational programs', or their 'mentoring classes'; the reasons are limitless and different as the personalities involved. Keep in mind, every attendee has an agenda too; knowledge, communion, camaraderie, partners, inclusion, relief from boredom. Ours is simple, we enjoy having fun and meeting people, and going out. A munch provides a set date to do so, with people who claim to enjoy similar activities that fall under the broad umbrella 'lifestyle'.
Just like reading the specific details on CM, sometimes apparent compatibility is not accurate when all the facts are known. You only get the 'known' over time; creating the tidal ebb and flow of munch participation. The reality is, 'lifestyle interest' is the base of the pyramid that everyone can claim inclusion. By the time you get near the top, a group of people, the compatible surface area is much smaller. By the time you get to the perfectly compatible partner, its as sharp and pointed as a needle.
So they have agendas - so what? These people should be appreciated for their efforts. I don't have a problem with the apparent hypocrisy of a public representation of 'giving back to the 'community''; while pushing any agenda. Although sometimes the nature of the personalities of those interested in the 'lifestyle' makes them more vulnerable to manipulation than under other situations. A self identified 'submissive' better be going in to a munch with the strength and intelligence to appreciate the agendas all around them, or they can easily become one of the 'munch victims' you see referenced on this thread.
Gossip, back-stabbing, rumor, and innuendo; it's the nature of the beast. Similar to the stuff you read on-line, if stuff you hear bothers you to the point of depression or anger - it's time to leave. The same advice applies if your personal agenda doesn't match the predominant munch agenda. It's advice I apply to myself too. No fun - no go.
The bottom line is that any munch organizer works to get a group together. I know I couldn't organize and maintain a munch even with the 'agenda' of fun, because I have a very low 'bull-shit' tolerance, and my subtlety skills at this point of my life, are virtually nonexistent. I know my limitations, and would never be able to suppress a smirk if someone required me to introduce and refer to them as 'lord', 'sir', or 'goddess', 'master', or whatever. I think my shortest tenure of any munch group was in a group where everyone introduced had some title - by the time the introductions got around to me, I didn't want to feel left out and instead of giving my actual first name as I usually do, I said I wanted to be referred to as 'emperor'; being LA, nobody got the joke. But that's another downside to me leading a munch - I have enough difficulty remember one name per person. Keeping track of on-line persona names, and 'community' titles, is just too much for this old senile mind to handle.
Still - Munches are a good tool and entry point beyond the internet if your goal is to be 'social'. Without that desire, people there are good first hand referral sources for clubs to go to, vendors, and events. The best they offer is the opportunity to get out behind the computer and see real people. You may not like who and what you see and hear, but a night out, beats a night in surfing the profiles for the 100th time.
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