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Maxwell67 -> RE: Honest Questions About Online D/s and BDSM. (1/21/2009 11:53:04 AM)
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ORIGINAL: Shylahgirl
I want to know why so many out there are so into online D/s?
Well, for one thing, it is a whole lot easier to do. Trying to find someone local who is into the kink you are into can be very disheartening, but when you open your search up to a global community, finding a match is not nearly so daunting.
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What is it that you really get out of submitting to someone on the other side of the country?
I can't really answer this, as I am the Dominant in those online relationships I have (this is in addition to the M/s relationship I have with my wife). I would hope that what they get out of it is something they need. That is what I am trying to give them, after all. My girls (I have two online) and I work toward common goals as designers in a very social virtual reality community. I have a strong vision for our future in this community and I am steering us all toward that. In addition to a sense of artistic satisfaction they get from following my directives in their design work, there is also a sense of family as a member of my virtual household. I listen to them, ask the right questions, and help them to work out problems that affect them daily. I have assigned them programs of study and exercise to enhance their personal growth, and I am their disciplinary touchstone, seeing to it that they do not fall into (or back into) bad habits. I am quite demanding and I do not let them get away with self-deception. I am their confessor and adviser, their artistic and social director and occasionally, their trainer in other disciplines, some of which have sexual aspects.
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I've heard people talk about online D/s. My usually response is "What's fulfilling about someone on web cam and IM telling you to do your own dishes?" I cant see being happy in a D/s or any deep long term relationship with out the physical contact on a regular basis. You must understand that it's very confusing to me to see subs who are attached to a online Master/ Mistress who they have served for years and never seen in person.
Some people do not get much physical contact even in relationships which take place on a local level and they are not too proud to take what they can get, even if it is happening in a world that is not accessible to all their senses. There is a popular philosophical view that even this world is really an illusion. If that is the case, by your logic, no one should bother to do anything at all. My profession is the creation of worlds for an audience to experience, both in theater and online. I can say with absolute confidence that on some level the interaction I have with mine online is just as powerful and intense as anything you might have experienced, and even more so in some ways, as it is more carefully controlled, and crystallized in much the same way that what happens in theater or on film can be a condensed/crystallized version of what happens in the mundane world.
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I'm just wondering what's appealing for others about online BDSM. Be it just online play or a cyber D/s relationship.
It is appealing because it is a new direction for social interaction, and one which is only just starting to be really explored. That makes those of us who do it pioneers and knowing that we are helping to shape the future of a global community is a real thrill. Oh certainly there is more, but that one concept ought to be explanation enough.
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Is it all just a fantasy?
No. One of mine, online is preparing to visit my wife and I soon. And what I expect of them and talk about with them affects their lives in a very real way.
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Is it safer for some?
I am sure it is, but it can also cause just as much heartache as any other relationship. It depends on how you look at it. Certainly the experiences we create there are sometimes things which would be far too dangerous to attempt outside the virtual world, so I suppose that makes it safer.
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Why do so many enjoy it?
I can only speak to why I enjoy it. I think I have done that fairly adequately already.
On a side note: If a person were blind or deaf, would you consider them less able to have a relationship because they are unable to experience it in the same way you do? What connection can be made online need not be any more limiting. We as humans certainly cannot use our senses as fully as some other creatures on the planet, and hell, there are most certainty senses other creatures have that we do not. But we still have relationships with each other despite those limits. What yo are talking about is really the lack of a sensate element, and a reliance on a level of trust and honesty which many do not have. Some of us are able to maintain that honesty and trust over the miles between us. We all do what we can. If our abilities differ that does not make us lesser or greater. Just different.
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