RE: Does your assertive/controlling personality manifest itself in non BDSM situations

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RE: Does your assertive/controlling personality manifes... - 1/11/2009 5:25:14 PM

Maxwell67

Posts: 435
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline

I do not take control where it is not given to me. Strangely enough, it is given to me often. Go figure.

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Use your head can't you use your head? You're on Earth! There's no cure for that! - Samuel Beckett (Endgame)

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 21

RE: Does your assertive/controlling personality manifes... - 1/11/2009 5:34:39 PM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

We all pick our shots of when to speak up. I am Dom, but I damn sure don't try to be in charge all the time. Those kind of people are tedious. I think the key is being dominant in the appropriate circumstance, no matter who you are instead of having a one demeanor fits all type personality.

I do believe that I am thinking things through more than most from a people angle instead of letting the actual problem bother me. That means I don't have to act always.

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You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to lobodomslavery)

Post #: 22

RE: Does your assertive/controlling personality manifes... - 1/11/2009 5:47:48 PM

auburnvixen

Posts: 92
Joined: 11/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SageFemmexx

I demand respect. I will not assert myself into situations I don't have any reason to be in unless it's called for. But, a medical emergency, making a decision for a client--telling someone what I think, you bet.

It has nothing to do with dominance though. I am an older woman, I am a professional and by Golly, when I speak there's a reason.

I will not tolerate prejudice, humiliation or bullying. I stand up for the underdogs, it's my personality.

Sage.

Being a sub in WIITWD does not negate that I also act as Sage has so ably described.

_____________________________

"Submissive Alpha Female"
If you're not taking flak, you're not over the target.
'Change' is not a destination, just as 'hope' is not a strategy. - Rudy Giuliani

(in reply to SageFemmexx)

Post #: 23

RE: Does your assertive/controlling personality manifes... - 1/11/2009 6:05:31 PM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

I'm assertive, but not rude. (surprisingly enough. O.o ) The only time I actually get 'bossy' is when people are dicking around with my property, (in the haunty house?)or it's a medical situation. C says the med thing is hot though... so it's ok.

< Message edited by Lynnxz -- 1/11/2009 6:06:18 PM >

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Post #: 24

RE: Does your assertive/controlling personality manifes... - 1/11/2009 6:21:34 PM

MstrssScarlet

Posts: 633
Joined: 6/3/2005
From: Indianapolis, Indiana
Status: offline

One of the most important things I've learned as a domme is how to read people, and not just when I'm flailing away with a flogger. I've found this very useful in all areas of life. It also helps me know when to pick a battle and when to walk away from it. With some people, I can just sense that no matter what I do or say, it's not going to help the situation. I don't associate my dominance with bossiness or bitchiness. If anything, I've been told that I'm a downright social butterfly. Not many people want to be around you if you're in that "domme mode" all the time.
I take care of all the finances for the household. If anything kicks me into that domme mode, it's when I'm trying to get through to someone at the mortgage company who's made a mistake that's costing me money.

Of course, I'm sure there are plenty of subs out there who would act the same way given the same circumstances.
Mistress Scarlet

_____________________________

"Say, that hurts a little bit" "And you don't like to be hurt do ya?" "I don't know...kinda fun sometimes if it's done in the right spirit."
Jean Harlow in The Beast of the City

(in reply to Lynnxz)

Post #: 25

RE: Does your assertive/controlling personality manifes... - 1/11/2009 7:09:45 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Personality does not equate to orientation.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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Post #: 26

RE: Does your assertive/controlling personality manifes... - 1/11/2009 7:22:17 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

For me, the answer is yes, I have an overtly and gregarious dominant personality streak and it manifests in all aspects of my life. I am told I am even dominant while asleep and I will trap my partner in bed with a leg lock or arm lock.

Dayum, is it me or is that hotter than hell

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If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

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Post #: 27

RE: Does your assertive/controlling personality manifes... - 1/11/2009 7:26:37 PM

bamabbwsub

Posts: 566
Joined: 5/28/2007
Status: offline

Not just you, Irish. It IS hotter than hell. <swoon>

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I rescue animals. My pockets and gas tank are always empty. My home is always hairy and my inbox full of sadness, but my heart is full when seeing those that are saved.

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 28

RE: Does your assertive/controlling personality manifes... - 1/11/2009 7:28:00 PM

blacksword404

Posts: 2068
Joined: 1/4/2008
Status: offline

Well i tend to be demanding and unrelenting in things. Whether it's an answer to my question or getting something i want.

As far as a guy disrespecting me, i would simply tell him that i think he disrespected me and should apologize. If he decides not to then i will calmly explain to him what my next action will likely be. "Wait for you to conclude your bank business and grab you by the neck, punch you in the left rib at an inclined angle 3 times and then maybe an elbow to the head. Or you could apologize and we can both get on with our day" After hearing this he can decide.

< Message edited by blacksword404 -- 1/11/2009 7:31:51 PM >

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Ego sum erus.

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(in reply to lobodomslavery)

Post #: 29

RE: Does your assertive/controlling personality manifes... - 1/11/2009 10:16:33 PM

everhope

Posts: 2179
Joined: 8/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

Choosing the Dominant or submissive role in a BDSM style relationship does not mean that someone has a an overtly dominant or submissive personally trait. Your thread should produce some interesting results.

For me, the answer is yes, I have an overtly and gregarious dominant personality streak and it manifests in all aspects of my life. I am told I am even dominant while asleep and I will trap my partner in bed with a leg lock or arm lock.

there is a lot of grounding and comfort in being trapped beneath your leg, Sir. in a way more confining than your cage.

(fans the girls.... hotter and sweatier in Florida even in winter)

< Message edited by everhope -- 1/11/2009 10:17:25 PM >

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may we all find our bliss

Resident VWB

We all die.
The goal isn't to live forever.
The goal is to create something that will.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 30

RE: Does your assertive/controlling personality manifes... - 1/11/2009 10:31:16 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

By the very nature of My two relationships, I would have to say no. There is no D/s in My marriage to MisterP. I will admit that I get a bit "Toppy" with him from time to time. He reminds Me that he's not My sub. I adjust. By the same accord, My dynamic with clip is absolutely D/s based.

I have to agree with what someone else said about using My ability to read people well. Don't think for a second that I don't use it. If I have an issue outside of My personal life (work, etc.) I generally know the best way to deal with the person. Sometimes, that's being very assertive and sometimes it's not. You can't just roughly run over all people that you encounter in life.

The definite exception to this is in areas where I'm defending My family. I don't throw hiss fits if someone's steak comes out cooked differently than they ordered at a restaurant, but let Me think one of them is threatened. The claws come out and I hope for that person's sake that they have a very thick skin.

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The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to everhope)

Post #: 31

RE: Does your assertive/controlling personality manifes... - 1/11/2009 10:40:04 PM

bound4more

Posts: 128
Joined: 10/3/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lobodomslavery

Do you find it impossible to relax your assertive/controlling personality with subs/vanilla men you do not own. Are you assertive in non bdsm situations, example a man is less than disrespectful to you in a bank, a shop etc or do you reserve your dominance for scene only
kevin

It appears you are addressing Dominant women. I also don't quite get your question - a man is less than disrespectful?? huh? Sorry, just don't know exactly what you're meaning. It seems you mean if a man is either more than disrespectful or less than respectful. In any event, I am who I am - submissive to one, respectful to others and assertive when necessary.

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You can tell who someone really is by how they act

(in reply to lobodomslavery)

Post #: 32

RE: Does your assertive/controlling personality manifes... - 1/12/2009 12:09:08 AM

SirRussellP

Posts: 107
Joined: 1/10/2006
Status: offline

No one is all ways dominant, just as no one is all ways submissive. The mouse when cornered will turn to fight the cat.

Dominance requires being in control of yourself, not physically forcing your will on others but being the person that is true control. Many times my dominance is very subtle and the others do what I want or expect without even knowing it. It is a look, a word spoken softly or an action that shows the way and others find themselves following.

That is not to say that a Dominant never has to be violent or reduced to physical force but at those time he or she is not a Dominant just a person in that has been push into having to fight, not in control at all.

(in reply to bound4more)

Post #: 33

RE: Does your assertive/controlling personality manifes... - 1/12/2009 12:40:22 AM

FullfigRIMAAM1

Posts: 1160
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress
I'm not sure what you are aiming at with that question. It sounds as if you think that a dominant goes around bitch slapping every one who crosses their eyes at them. Frankly, I don't behave that way in any situation, ever.[/size][/color][/font]

I agree and wonder about the reason behind the question as well.

I'm fairly laid back most of the time, but there are times at work, I take over if a situation is out of control. I hold back most of the time, since I don't want to make people uncomfortable, but especially because some men are threatened, and begin to behave in a contrary manner, if they feel a woman is telling them what to do. M

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The place to improve the world is first in one's own heart and head and hands.-Robert M. Persig

Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence Erich Fromm

(in reply to yourMissTress)

Post #: 34

RE: Does your assertive/controlling personality manifes... - 1/12/2009 12:54:23 AM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

People tend to defer to him. I haven't figured this out. It isn't as though he has some special mind control ray but I say something and am ignored. He says it and gets immediate compliance.

We were visiting out of town family over the holidays and their young lab was doing what all young labs do: bouncing around, jumping, being very excited. I did all the right things and got ignored. He turned to the dog, said "Down" and the dog did. Then he turned back to what he was doing.

However, his speech is clear, concise and direct. Without apologies or talking around an issue. And that is effective. Although it shouldn't have worked on the damned dog any better than me saying "down".

Oh I empathise! Even though I am Domme as well as sub, as far as Our 3 furries are concerned, they know who the REAL Dom is ... and it's Him! They'll obey Me if they can be bothered, they'll obey Him no matter what their mood! Even the CAT doesn't try to Top Him ... and I've been her loyal staff for 20 years, she's only known Him for the last 4!

As to the OP, I can be politely assertive any time, I very rarely let My capitals show in public. However, after killing My back in an airline queue for an hour at midnight just waiting to drop My bags having already done their online check-in (to save time haha!) ... My capitals did have Me biting the head off the presumptuous young fellow who called Me by the form of My first name that I hate! But then that was extenuating circumstances ...

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 35

RE: Does your assertive/controlling personality manifes... - 1/12/2009 1:22:25 AM

MizKris

Posts: 6
Joined: 8/4/2007
Status: offline

Oh, this reminds me of a funny story... I guess it takes me a while to come out of that 'dominant' headspace. I was recently training a new girl at work, and asked her a question to which she replied "yes." My head snapped around, and before I knew it, the words "Yes, what?" came out of my mouth. I was expecting a "Yes, ma'am" from her!

She looked at me like I was insane, and all I could do was laugh uncontrollably.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 36

RE: Does your assertive/controlling personality manifes... - 1/12/2009 2:30:28 AM

MRandme

Posts: 661
Joined: 9/24/2007
Status: offline

Master is naturally very Dominant. It is just the way He is. my kink friends commented on it immediately when they met Him and one gushes over it, lol. But when i mentioned it to Him, He was surprised, didn't see himself that way.

i used to be a doormat. i was not confident enough in any role (except that of 'Mom') to put myself forward and stand up for myself. Since i met Him, that has changed. Being His means that i only have to submit to One, not everyone in sight.

At work i am the only 'unskilled' worker, the rest are considered 'skilled', though i am in training. That means i am low man on the totem pole but i am also the 'go-to guy' that they bring stuff to when they want it done. It has required me to show my backbone at times, learning to say no when i already had too much to do, standing up to a guy who thinks that me being low man means i have to do his job as well as mine, and even pushing for training when they didn't seem inclined to bother with it.

i'd say that since i realized i was a submissive personality, a slave, i have become more confident and 'dominant' in other areas of my life. Ironic, eh?

g

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And thus i conclude with a wish you go well,
Sweet be your dreams, may your happiness swell,
I'll leave you here, for my journey begins
i've gone to be with Him again...

(in reply to MizKris)

Post #: 37

RE: Does your assertive/controlling personality manifes... - 1/12/2009 2:47:50 AM

allthatjaz

Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirRussellP

Dominance requires being in control of yourself, not physically forcing your will on others but being the person that is true control. Many times my dominance is very subtle and the others do what I want or expect without even knowing it. It is a look, a word spoken softly or an action that shows the way and others find themselves following.

This relates to me in my everyday vanilla life but it wasn't always that way. My ex husband was very unassertive and it used to just frustrate me and so I became what I would now term as a very 'Negatively assertive, Dominant wife'.
It was not until we had both moved on that I learnt to channel my dominance into something positive.

(in reply to SirRussellP)

Post #: 38

RE: Does your assertive/controlling personality manifes... - 1/12/2009 3:55:37 AM

MistressRouge

Posts: 876
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Birmingham West Midlands UK
Status: offline

I am courteous and quite a friendly, approachable & warm by nature. My Dominance is only a facet of my make-up, so I would not impose my Dominance in situations that would not appreciate it.

I am not an overly- assertive Dominant anyway, I would rather the cool, calm, approach

, in getting my point across in all situations.

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http://mistressrougeuk.c4slive.com/

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(in reply to allthatjaz)

Post #: 39

RE: Does your assertive/controlling personality manifes... - 1/12/2009 6:43:20 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

My personality does not undergo a change irrespective of where I am, who I am with or what I am dooing. Unless I am operating undercoiver in a foreign country, I am boringly consistanst as long as it suits me to be thus.

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Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to lobodomslavery)

Post #: 40

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