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Does your assertive/controlling personality manifest it... - 1/11/2009 1:47:39 PM   
lobodomslavery


Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline 		Do you find it impossible to relax your assertive/controlling personality with subs/vanilla men you do not own. Are you assertive in non bdsm situations, example a man is less than disrespectful to you in a bank, a shop etc or do you  reserve your dominance for scene only
kevin
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RE: Does your assertive/controlling personality manifes... - 1/11/2009 1:50:15 PM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		Im not a Dominant but that doesnt mean that I am submissive all the time. If someone is disrespectful to me I jolly well tell them so.

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to lobodomslavery)
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RE: Does your assertive/controlling personality manifes... - 1/11/2009 1:51:36 PM   
mc1234


Posts: 683
Joined: 10/4/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

Im not a Dominant but that doesn't mean that I am submissive all the time. If someone is disrespectful to me I jolly well tell them so.





_____________________________

** Owned by E **

(in reply to colouredin)
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RE: Does your assertive/controlling personality manifes... - 1/11/2009 1:56:06 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		Choosing the Dominant or submissive role in a BDSM style relationship does not mean that someone has a an overtly dominant or submissive personally trait.  Your thread should produce some interesting results.

For me, the answer is yes, I have an overtly and gregarious dominant personality streak and it manifests in all aspects of my life.  I am told I am even dominant while asleep and I will trap my partner in bed with a leg lock or arm lock.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to lobodomslavery)
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RE: Does your assertive/controlling personality manifes... - 1/11/2009 2:08:57 PM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lobodomslavery

Do you find it impossible to relax your assertive/controlling personality with subs/vanilla men you do not own. Are you assertive in non bdsm situations, example a man is less than disrespectful to you in a bank, a shop etc or do you  reserve your dominance for scene only
kevin



Wow this is a tough one as the adjectives you use are harsh---I am not assertive or controlling. I am confident, capable, secure and comfortable in many situations--those qualities just naturally put Me in the midst of things and just lets Me be what I am--if someone is disrespectful to My family, you bet I speak up. I also don't steam roll over others who may be shy, quiet or more introverted.
 
I don't scene, dominance is not a hat I put on or take off, its Me.

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to lobodomslavery)
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RE: Does your assertive/controlling personality manifes... - 1/11/2009 2:17:32 PM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		I am just me all the time.  There is no difference at work, at home, at the grocery store, or anywhere else.  Where ever I go, there I am.
 
I'm not sure what you are aiming at with that question.  It sounds as if you think that a dominant goes around bitch slapping every one who crosses their eyes at them.  Frankly, I don't behave  that way in any situation, ever.

_____________________________

Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


(in reply to lobodomslavery)
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RE: Does your assertive/controlling personality manifes... - 1/11/2009 2:21:41 PM   
StrictnSaucy


Posts: 363
Joined: 1/6/2005
Status: offline 		I am assertive. If a man or woman or a group of aliens were trying to queue hop, push by me, give me bad service, etc in a bank or shop hell would I speak up. However I am the first to step back and let someone elderly, disabled or otherwise get in front, have the seat etc

I dont see that this has anything to do with being Dominant though. Maybe I missed what you are trying to get at.

SnS

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
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RE: Does your assertive/controlling personality manifes... - 1/11/2009 2:50:09 PM   
SageFemmexx


Posts: 240
Joined: 1/2/2007
Status: offline 		I demand respect. I will not assert myself into situations I don't have any reason to be in unless it's called for. But, a medical emergency, making a decision for a client--telling someone what I think, you bet.

It has nothing to do with dominance though. I am an older woman, I am a professional and by Golly, when I speak there's a reason.

I will not tolerate prejudice, humiliation or bullying. I stand up for the underdogs, it's my personality.

Sage.

(in reply to StrictnSaucy)
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RE: Does your assertive/controlling personality manifes... - 1/11/2009 2:54:01 PM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lobodomslavery

Do you find it impossible to relax your assertive/controlling personality with subs/vanilla men you do not own. Are you assertive in non bdsm situations, example a man is less than disrespectful to you in a bank, a shop etc or do you  reserve your dominance for scene only
kevin



Standing up for yourself when someone is less than courteous to you, isn't a matter of being dominant.

It depends on the situation.

At work, I'm in a position of authority and this comes complete with responsibilities such as guidance, supervision and discipline where necessary.

With friends, I tend to be relaxed, laid back and a go with the flow type. Ultimately, I have no wish to dominate my friends - there really isn't anything in it for me, and I'd soon find myself with a severe shortage of friends were I to go down that road.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to lobodomslavery)
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RE: Does your assertive/controlling personality manifes... - 1/11/2009 2:57:38 PM   
greeneyedreamer


Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline 		My dominant has the capability to determine when dominance is needed. I think that's why I can respect him so much. And have admiration for him. He has not only the mental intelligence but the emotional intelligence to know when to stand up for something.

_____________________________

Dreamer, owned and ecstatically happy

I am still learning... Michelangelo, age 87

Maybe some women weren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they are suppose to run wild until they find someone just as wild to run with. Sex and the City

(in reply to lobodomslavery)
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RE: Does your assertive/controlling personality manifes... - 1/11/2009 2:58:40 PM   
SilverMark


Posts: 3457
Joined: 5/9/2007
Status: offline 		I am an Alpha Male everyday of my life....My personality is strong and it comes out no matter the situation....
I am a listner and decision maker....that never changes!

(in reply to NorthernGent)
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RE: Does your assertive/controlling personality manifes... - 1/11/2009 3:10:47 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I'm submissive and dominant depending on the situation involved.

If I need to take charge of a situation at home or at work then I pull my dominant traits to the forefront. I do what needs to be taken care of and lead or control.

If I am in a situation that calls for my submissive traits to come forward then I defer to the one that I need to submit to.

But I am never ever dominant with Master. He gets my me 100% submissive. I surrender only to him.


(in reply to SilverMark)
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RE: Does your assertive/controlling personality manifes... - 1/11/2009 3:15:29 PM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		I am a submissive and submit to Sir.  If someone treats my love ones or me in a wrong fashion I can  assert myself, without any qualms. It though really depends on the circumstances and what decision I make at that time to assert or to let it go. In my life I am the type though to take charge of things, when need be. I will step up to the plate, and get what is needed done, done.

oceanwynds

(in reply to SilverMark)
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RE: Does your assertive/controlling personality manifes... - 1/11/2009 3:34:36 PM   
Coupleofwhats


Posts: 280
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline 		I assert myself when I need to... but don't go around telling everyone what to do and how to do it. That's not being dominant: that's being a bitch.

_____________________________

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fm6JgZ35w8w

(in reply to oceanwynds)
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RE: Does your assertive/controlling personality manifes... - 1/11/2009 3:47:51 PM   
ShaktiSama


Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline 		My nature makes it much more difficult to swallow rudeness and bullying from others, when they have no legitimate authority--this is true of men or women.  I generally have no trouble treating others as equals unless they specifically wish me not to.

I will say, however, that my life experiences as a dominant have shaped my attitudes in some ways.  For example, I tend to watch the way other people handle responsibility and authority rather closely.  I often base my opinions very much on whether I see people using or abusing their power, and whether I feel they've taken the welfare and interests of those under their command into consideration.  There's no amount of charm or charisma that will persuade me to like someone who is not a responsible and thoughtful leader.

_____________________________

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

(in reply to Coupleofwhats)
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RE: Does your assertive/controlling personality manifes... - 1/11/2009 3:57:16 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I am myself everywhere I go.  I can be very passive and demure if the situation calls for it, but I am generally direct and courteous, and not tolerant of incompetence.  I have issues with authority figures, but I do respect the positions they hold, if not the actual person.  I am the go-to person because I am very confident, and confident people get stuff directed their way, especially when they show they can get the job done.

I can name MANY submissive women on these boards who show these same qualities. 

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to ShaktiSama)
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RE: Does your assertive/controlling personality manifes... - 1/11/2009 3:58:20 PM   
trealeon


Posts: 180
Joined: 4/7/2007
Status: offline 		I think my co-workers would say that I have a need to be in control and in charge and on top of everything when it comes to my job. Also it is often stated about me that once I determine what I believe to be right, I don't waiver (which I guess is a nice way of saying I am stubborn). In my job, I have to make and enforce decisions that lots of people don't like and at first people just thought I was "mean" but now they just realize I do my job, I'm a hard-ass, but I'm good at what I do. The same people who say I'm a hard-ass, are also the ones who when there's a problem will come to me and say, "well, I'm bringing this problem to you because I know you'll get it straight."

I know I kinda got off on tangent there, but I say all that to say, I think a lot of traits that make me dominant in a relationship also manifest themselves at work, and with friends and family.

(in reply to Coupleofwhats)
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RE: Does your assertive/controlling personality manifes... - 1/11/2009 4:06:13 PM   
MsFlutter


Posts: 1305
Joined: 11/12/2008
From: East Coast
Status: offline 		In every day life, I'm the organizer, the enforcer, the one in the hot seat. I prefer to accomplish through diplomacy. If that falls on deaf ears, I take the necessary steps. 

_____________________________

'Dont torture yourself, Gomez darling. That's my job' Morticia Addams

"The right data, filtered through an idiot, can yield a bad answer." einstien5201

(in reply to lobodomslavery)
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RE: Does your assertive/controlling personality manifes... - 1/11/2009 4:33:14 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		People tend to defer to him. I haven't figured this out. It isn't as though he has some special mind control ray but I say something and am ignored. He says it and gets immediate compliance.

We were visiting out of town family over the holidays and their young lab was doing what all young labs do: bouncing around, jumping, being very excited. I did all the right things and got ignored. He turned to the dog, said "Down" and the dog did. Then he turned back to what he was doing.

However, his speech is clear, concise and direct. Without apologies or talking around an issue. And that is effective. Although it shouldn't have worked on the damned dog any better than me saying "down".

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to MsFlutter)
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RE: Does your assertive/controlling personality manifes... - 1/11/2009 5:07:54 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I'm the same person regardless.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to lobodomslavery)
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