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Feeling alone and mistreated in a relationship - 12/22/2008 12:32:51 PM   
naughtysub07


Posts: 4
Joined: 9/13/2007
Status: offline 		I hate airing out private problems on message boards but I don't know where else to go for advice. I tried talking to my Master first but he refuses to acknowledge that their is any problems in our relationship.

I have been with my Master for almost 3 years. We had a wonderful almost perfect relationship until recently.  In the last few months I feel like I can't talk to him without him taking it the wrong way and thinking I am questioning him. Then he gets frustrated and raises his voice with some smart comment.  He knows it hurts me when he does that but he continues to do it and when I get upset or hurt he says its my fault for questioning him in the first place. Or if not that he says I need to grow a thicker skin, that I am too sensitive.

I feel like he never listens to me either, just with everyday mundane things. I feel like my opinion has come to be worthless.

I know your probablly thinking I need to talk to him about how I feel instead of coming here. But like I said I have tried more then once to talk to him about it and he absolutely refuses to see where I am coming from. He wont admit or acknowledge any of it. His response to it the other day when I brought up the fact that I feel like he dosent listen to me was to say whatever.

I dont know what to do anymore. How can I fix something he refuses to see? How do I even talk to him about it when he just sees it as me being in the wrong, me being the sole cause of the disagreements?
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RE: Feeling alone and mistreated in a relationship - 12/22/2008 12:48:07 PM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline 		It would be easier to help if you gave specifics. I would rather not throw out any advice unless I know as much as possible. I'd hope others wouldn't either.

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

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(in reply to naughtysub07)
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RE: Feeling alone and mistreated in a relationship - 12/22/2008 1:21:57 PM   
naughtysub07


Posts: 4
Joined: 9/13/2007
Status: offline 		specifics......

Well lets take right now....he was making reservations for new years and after he got off the phone I was asking about it and I asked him what seats we got, they were different seats then what we got last time and I just asked him why we got different ones and he blew up at me and said I was questioning how he was doing it and he said that I am always questioning him and then I get upset when he gets mad about it. And then he just got up and left without saying a word and he has been gone for almost an hour.

(in reply to Icarys)
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RE: Feeling alone and mistreated in a relationship - 12/22/2008 1:27:16 PM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ut like I said I have tried more then once to talk to him about it and he absolutely refuses to see where I am coming from.


your details are really sketchy, but it sounds like a total breakdown in communication. If you cannot talk out the issues in the relationship, you will soon have no relationship.

Have you considered counseling?


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RE: Feeling alone and mistreated in a relationship - 12/22/2008 1:33:22 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		One of the first signs of a possible impending end of a relationship is one partner constantly finding fault with the other.  This way, they are justifying, in their own mind, leaving the relationship for whatever reason.

Just one theory.

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RE: Feeling alone and mistreated in a relationship - 12/22/2008 1:46:05 PM   
RealSub58


Posts: 1073
Status: offline 		Well it all started with my first experience with a women about 2 years ago which was in a 3some setting with a former Trainer of mine.

Your profile has that information on it..... could you ask help from one of them?
There are always 2 sides.  We are only getting one side.
 
Talk to him, claim your own feelings and responsibility and respectfully, with trust and hope, share yourself.  Accusations that it is only his fault is pretty flimsy.

(in reply to windchymes)
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RE: Feeling alone and mistreated in a relationship - 12/22/2008 2:19:11 PM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: naughtysub07

specifics......

Well lets take right now....he was making reservations for new years and after he got off the phone I was asking about it and I asked him what seats we got, they were different seats then what we got last time and I just asked him why we got different ones and he blew up at me and said I was questioning how he was doing it and he said that I am always questioning him and then I get upset when he gets mad about it. And then he just got up and left without saying a word and he has been gone for almost an hour.

If everything out of your mouth was why why why then I would see that as annoying as well. It would also depend on how you asked. If it was snotty then I would agree with Him. If it was nice and sweet..He's an arse. I'm betting it was somewhere in the middle?:> The thing is..only you can determine if what he's doing is okay with you. I've gotten upset with slaves before for small things because I was stressed from having a lot on my plate. If you've been together for 3 years and your relationship (on both parts) can't handle a small slight then your best to move on. If this is happening all the time then maybe it's best you move on anyway. Most people who post things like this are only looking for validation in one form or another so pick the post that suits what you were thinking to begin with and make it happen. Good luck.


_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to naughtysub07)
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RE: Feeling alone and mistreated in a relationship - 12/22/2008 2:21:57 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Did anything happen several months back that would have caused a change in behavior?

Although I DO have to ask - why did you ask him why he had gotten different seats?  It sounds like a trivial matter to me that you BOTH are taking way too seriously.


_____________________________

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to RealSub58)
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RE: Feeling alone and mistreated in a relationship - 12/22/2008 2:24:05 PM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Did anything happen several months back that would have caused a change in behavior?

Although I DO have to ask - why did you ask him why he had gotten different seats?  It sounds like a trivial matter to me that you BOTH are taking way too seriously.


I'm betting she likes to ask why a lot.


_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Feeling alone and mistreated in a relationship - 12/22/2008 3:14:11 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I would bet money there is a loss of respect somewhere.  When you respect someone less... aren't you more likely to become impatient and less willing to listen?  I tend to go with the crowd that says it is a prelude to the end... unless both do something about it and a lot of the time it takes a mediator and from what you say... one is needed.

I do not go with the... what's wrong with him... is he okay... NO he is not friggin okay if he has changed how he treats her and enabling him or excusing it... won't fly with this bitch.  Both have something to do with this.  The key is figuring it out.  As for what to do... we can't know... but maybe a different approach from what you are used to doing.  It is clearly not working.  Whether that is your fault, his or both of you... don't do it especially when he walks in the door.  Good luck.

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RE: Feeling alone and mistreated in a relationship - 12/22/2008 4:10:28 PM   
NefertariReborn


Posts: 381
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Did anything happen several months back that would have caused a change in behavior?

Although I DO have to ask - why did you ask him why he had gotten different seats?  It sounds like a trivial matter to me that you BOTH are taking way too seriously.


I'm betting she likes to ask why a lot.



I'm seconding that emotion.  I know that it annoys Me no end when I'm "asked" why? If I wanted you to know I would have told you with the statement of fact.  If he buys seats just say "Thank you." and enjoy wherever he takes you.  Remember TRUST?  Yeah you're supposed to trust him to make decisions.  If you can't trust him to buy tickets, good lord, you  need to rethink why you're there or maybe he should.

(in reply to Icarys)
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RE: Feeling alone and mistreated in a relationship - 12/22/2008 4:16:09 PM   
Huntertn


Posts: 715
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline 		I wonder what kind of stress is he under? Or maybe your under stress as well?

(in reply to NefertariReborn)
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RE: Feeling alone and mistreated in a relationship - 12/22/2008 6:16:30 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		It could be at this point he's so tired and frustrated that ANY little thing will set him off.  Try to figure out what the core issue is here- the bad communication may just be a really bad cover up to the actual problem.

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RE: Feeling alone and mistreated in a relationship - 12/22/2008 7:04:04 PM   
shannie


Posts: 200
Joined: 1/26/2008
Status: offline 		Some pretty and perhaps-fitting words by the poet Ranier Rilke:

Lovers ... when you raise yourselves and press
your mouths together ... drink upon drink:
Strange how each of you drinks your way past the other.

Whenever we mean one thing, wholeheartedly,
another is right there, tugging on our feelings. Strife
is our closest companion. Don't lovers
constantly tread over each other's boundaries,
after mumbled vows about space, sustenance, and home?

Isn't it time to free ourselves, with love,
-- from the one we love, and,
trembling, endure?
For to stay is to be nowhere at all.

(in reply to naughtysub07)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Feeling alone and mistreated in a relationship - 12/22/2008 7:22:29 PM   
servantheart


Posts: 960
Joined: 10/26/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: naughtysub07
I tried talking to my Master first but he refuses to acknowledge that their is any problems in our relationship.


As others have said, there are always two sides to every story.  I don't know who bears the greatest responsibility for the problems in your relationship, but until He is willing to admit that there ARE issues and is willing to do the work together with you to correct them, things aren't going to get better. 

_____________________________

When you really trust someone, you have to be okay with not understanding some things.
~Real Live Preacher, Real Live Preacher weblog, 07-08-04; Anonymous author of RealLivePreacher.com

(in reply to naughtysub07)
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RE: Feeling alone and mistreated in a relationship - 12/22/2008 7:23:34 PM   
pompeii


Posts: 934
Joined: 1/4/2007
From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
Status: offline 		You had a fight just because the seats were different?
Sounds like there's more to this than that piddly difference.
Probably a LOT more.

(in reply to shannie)
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RE: Feeling alone and mistreated in a relationship - 12/22/2008 7:29:29 PM   
centexsub


Posts: 14
Joined: 12/12/2008
Status: offline
quote:

een with my Master for almost 3 years. We had a wonderful almost perfect relationship until recently. In the last few months I feel like I can't talk to him without him taking it the wrong way and thinking I am questioning him. Then he gets frustrated and raises his voice with some smart comment. He knows it hurts me when he does that but he continues to do it and when I get upset or hurt he says its my fault for questioning him in the first place. Or if not that he says I need to grow a thicker skin, that I am too sensitive.

I feel like he never listens to me either, just with everyday mundane things. I feel like my opinion has come to be worthless.
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

ut like I said I have tried more then once to talk to him about it and he absolutely refuses to see where I am coming from.


your details are really sketchy, but it sounds like a total breakdown in communication. If you cannot talk out the issues in the relationship, you will soon have no relationship.


Exactly.  Communication is the problem here.  If he refuses to acknowledge that a problem exists, that's a bigger problem.

(in reply to sirsholly)
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RE: Feeling alone and mistreated in a relationship - 12/22/2008 7:33:38 PM   
roughleather


Posts: 232
Joined: 11/11/2004
Status: offline 		You need a marriage counselor. Find one who's kink-friendly and go. 

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RE: Feeling alone and mistreated in a relationship - 12/22/2008 7:35:56 PM   
kittinSol


Posts: 16926
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Did anything happen several months back that would have caused a change in behavior?

Although I DO have to ask - why did you ask him why he had gotten different seats?  It sounds like a trivial matter to me that you BOTH are taking way too seriously.


I'm betting she likes to ask why a lot.



Generally, do you find natural curiousity or any expression of interest to be a reason to blow your top off at somebody? Just asking...

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RE: Feeling alone and mistreated in a relationship - 12/22/2008 8:07:35 PM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
quote:

Generally, do you find natural curiousity or any expression of interest to be a reason to blow your top off at somebody? Just asking...

Your assuming this was an innocent quest on her behalf for simple info. Maybe it was sincere and maybe not. Only she knows the honest answer to that and He may know more about it than we do..maybe not..you think?


_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to kittinSol)
Profile   Post #: 20
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