RE: Feeling alone and mistreated in a relationship

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Feeling alone and mistreated in a relationship

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Feeling alone and mistreated in a relationship

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Feeling alone and mistreated in a relationship - 12/23/2008 1:50:30 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I can't imagine that she is suddenly asking why, I think she always has but only now is he blowing up. My first thought is that he doesn't want to be questioned about anything because he's feeling guilty. I do think he wants out but isn't man enough to tell you he's sniffing around someone else. And that he's drastically changed his response in order to manipulate you into being the one to leave.

No matter the cause, what you have is a situation where he won't talk about anything, where he refuses to accept that the relationship needs work. You can stay in it, as it now is, for a while or you can end it with your self respect still intact.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Icarys)

Profile

Post #: 41

RE: Feeling alone and mistreated in a relationship - 12/23/2008 1:58:34 PM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I can't imagine that she is suddenly asking why, I think she always has but only now is he blowing up. My first thought is that he doesn't want to be questioned about anything because he's feeling guilty. I do think he wants out but isn't man enough to tell you he's sniffing around someone else. And that he's drastically changed his response in order to manipulate you into being the one to leave.

No matter the cause, what you have is a situation where he won't talk about anything, where he refuses to accept that the relationship needs work. You can stay in it, as it now is, for a while or you can end it with your self respect still intact.

You forgot to throw in: He's planning to kill her.

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to DesFIP)

Profile

Post #: 42

RE: Feeling alone and mistreated in a relationship - 12/23/2008 2:51:27 PM

TheVoiceofOne

Posts: 58
Joined: 11/5/2008
Status: offline

When I have immaturely behaved as your Master in the past, it always meant one of two things... I felt a disconnect with my woman because I was doing something I shouldn't, or I was tired of dealing with her and her feelings.

To me, what you describe is an immature man, trying to push you away. He may not even be aware of what exactly he is doing, or why.

(in reply to naughtysub07)

Profile

Post #: 43

RE: Feeling alone and mistreated in a relationship - 12/23/2008 2:53:06 PM

TheVoiceofOne

Posts: 58
Joined: 11/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I can't imagine that she is suddenly asking why, I think she always has but only now is he blowing up. My first thought is that he doesn't want to be questioned about anything because he's feeling guilty. I do think he wants out but isn't man enough to tell you he's sniffing around someone else. And that he's drastically changed his response in order to manipulate you into being the one to leave.

No matter the cause, what you have is a situation where he won't talk about anything, where he refuses to accept that the relationship needs work. You can stay in it, as it now is, for a while or you can end it with your self respect still intact.

This woman knows immature men...

(in reply to DesFIP)

Profile

Post #: 44

RE: Feeling alone and mistreated in a relationship - 12/23/2008 3:32:06 PM

lateralist1

Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline

Sounds to me as if the D/s relationship has either broken down or was never really negotiated properly in the first place.
Submission is about handing over control to another person. Allowing them the authority to make the decisions. You are showing mistrust in your partners ability to make the right decisions for you both. He is probably irritated by your lack of trust in him. If his style of dominant behaviour is not right for you then the relationship is doomed. You are not being submissive to his will. Perhaps you never have been. It is up to you to decide if you wish to continue with the relationship or not If you decide to continue then you have to learn to be submissive. If not then you should ask for his patience and assistance to move on to independence. Whatever you decide I wish you all the best for the future.

(in reply to TheVoiceofOne)

Profile

Post #: 45

RE: Feeling alone and mistreated in a relationship - 12/23/2008 8:53:04 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: naughtysub07
I have been with my Master for almost 3 years. We had a wonderful almost perfect relationship until recently. In the last few months I feel like I can't talk to him without him taking it the wrong way and thinking I am questioning him. Then he gets frustrated and raises his voice with some smart comment. He knows it hurts me when he does that but he continues to do it and when I get upset or hurt he says its my fault for questioning him in the first place. Or if not that he says I need to grow a thicker skin, that I am too sensitive.

Prefect until recently??!!!

If this comment is actually true.. then there had to be something that occurred that has caused a drastic change in behavior that you seem to have suggest is occurring.... so what has occurred?

Or maybe it wasn't as prefect as you like to believe. It just might be that something has been eating below the surface that has untill recently been buried. However, the stress behind this issue or issues are finding ways to manifest outward in these newly demonstrated behaviors.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to naughtysub07)

Profile

Post #: 46

RE: Feeling alone and mistreated in a relationship - 12/24/2008 10:47:19 AM

Sub03

Posts: 600
Joined: 4/30/2005
Status: offline

deleted

< Message edited by Sub03 -- 12/24/2008 10:48:28 AM >

_____________________________

owned by painarranger

I am His loyal slave

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Profile

Post #: 47

RE: Feeling alone and mistreated in a relationship - 12/24/2008 10:52:17 AM

devotedinSD

Posts: 91
Joined: 11/30/2008
Status: offline

I think you need a conversation from person to person, not from slave to Master.

(in reply to naughtysub07)

Profile

Post #: 48

RE: Feeling alone and mistreated in a relationship - 12/24/2008 10:53:41 AM

devotedinSD

Posts: 91
Joined: 11/30/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheVoiceofOne

When I have immaturely behaved as your Master in the past, it always meant one of two things... I felt a disconnect with my woman because I was doing something I shouldn't, or I was tired of dealing with her and her feelings.

To me, what you describe is an immature man, trying to push you away. He may not even be aware of what exactly he is doing, or why.

I absolutely agree, his blaming her for his shortcomings really illustrates that well.

(in reply to TheVoiceofOne)

Profile

Post #: 49

RE: Feeling alone and mistreated in a relationship - 12/24/2008 12:13:26 PM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: agnostic
You cannot fix something he refuses to see. You cannot talk to him if he is unwilling to listen. You cannot change who he is. I'm sorry that that is not more pleasant news, but it's honest news. All you can do is decide what you want, and how it will affect you both. If you truly want his happiness above all else, and he's not happy with you, then let him go. If you want your happiness above all else, and you're not happy with him, then let him go. If you can accommodate your own behaviors to suit him (which I would never recommend, but to each their own), then stick it out. But what you cannot change are his expectations, desires, and attitudes toward you, the relationship, or anything else for that matter. You cannot change him.

Yep, yep, yep. So true. That last sentence is worthy of being a forehead tattoo for alot of folks

. It took me a lot longer to figure this out than it has you (at 20). Congrats!

...............luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to agnostic)

Profile

Post #: 50

RE: Feeling alone and mistreated in a relationship - 12/24/2008 10:51:19 PM

AristoCat

Posts: 14
Joined: 11/16/2008
Status: offline

I guess it just happens a lot, relationships go sour. Whatever change happened that triggered this, is not so important. The fact is, he does not care about your feelings. Nor talk about his, as you describe it. The respect is gone too. It is hard to go through something like this, but maybe a lot of us, if not all, have been there at some point. There is this long time - it feels like it never ends - where everything is confused, where you are sad, trying to fix things, searching for the reasons or the miracle clue to fix the relationship - and then there is a point where things will be clear to you. Counseling, or even reading books or talking to girl and women friends, will help with this.

If he sees nothing wrong, one would assume he won't go to counseling so you got to do it for yourself and the relationship. And for clarity. There is a slim chance though that he gets it, that this is a serious issue for you. That you are being unhappy, IS a serious issue.

Let me just say one thing clearly: He CHOOSES to disrespect your feelings, to blow up at you, to be aggressive instead of talking about the anger he feels, for example. Let me put it that way: If someone has a bad day, does that give them the right to yell at someone? Anger is an emotion, aggression is the action. The emotion is there, comes and goes etc., the action is what we are responsible for. So is he.

OK, if I were you (I am trying to make this short, and I feel sorry for you), I'd shut down myself. Not talk much, see how things go. Leave him alone. Think about where my boundaries are. And try to find someone, a friend or a counselor to confide in. I would do my own things, plan things alone, go out by myself etc.

In this time and age, it became more difficult for men who are not as used to talking about feelings as women generally are. Still, it does not give them the right to be aggressive, to say hurtful things, to be inconsiderate, and: to blame you.

And to everybody who wonders how much you should have asked why or that you should not have: Anybody is free to ask. What is wrong with that?? A nice answer from a Master who does not want to discuss an issue, could simply be: "Please trust me. We negotiated that and you accepted that decisions will be made by me." (If that is so in your relationship.)

Please try to be a bit cool, keep in contact with friends and watch how things go. Do something for yourself, and do not look for blame inside yourself. You would know it if you had done something wrong. It does not seem like it.

Quite likely, this will teach you something, and you will know more about relationships later. It is just the way things go which does not make it less sad. The more important are friends and co-workers. You have a life, girl. (I am saying that to myself too.) If you can't get counseling right away, simply do something that is good for yourself, like take up a class in pottery or yoga. He might not be nice to you but you can be nice to yourself.

Take care and good luck...

(in reply to slaveluci)

Profile

Post #: 51

RE: Feeling alone and mistreated in a relationship - 12/25/2008 2:42:02 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: naughtysub07

specifics......

Well lets take right now....he was making reservations for new years and after he got off the phone I was asking about it and I asked him what seats we got, they were different seats then what we got last time and I just asked him why we got different ones and he blew up at me and said I was questioning how he was doing it and he said that I am always questioning him and then I get upset when he gets mad about it. And then he just got up and left without saying a word and he has been gone for almost an hour.

I can only comment based on the information you provided. MAYBE you are always questioning him? Maybe you question every decision or most of his decisions and he no longer feels like he is Master of anything, and then you get upset if this bothers him so that now he is supposed to be slave to your emotions, needs, and wants..... I don't know how your dynamic started out but in this example, he told you what he thinks is wrong with the relationship and you refuse to hear it.

Most men don't hint, suggest, or dance around their words. He told you what he thinks is wrong with the relationship..that you always question his decisions and then get upset if he doesn't agree to your questioning his decisions. I'd say he communicated that very well. You say he refuses to see where YOU are coming from and what I see is that you are refusing to see where HE is coming from.

Counselling sounds like the best course because neither of you are working on this relationship from what little information you provided.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to naughtysub07)

Profile

Post #: 52

RE: Feeling alone and mistreated in a relationship - 12/25/2008 2:49:29 AM

E2Sweet

Posts: 649
Joined: 7/8/2008
From: TopLeftCornerOf, OH, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: naughtysub07
...How can I fix something he refuses to see?

Regarding inter-relationship matters, I honestly don't think that can be done. Sustaining a relationship takes two or more active parties.

quote:

How do I even talk to him about it when he just sees it as me being in the wrong, me being the sole cause of the disagreements?

If there is a complete communication breakdown, you are unable to re-start it, and he is not listening to you at all, there just aren't a whole lot of options left that I can think of. Perhaps it is time for you to introduce an ultimatum

Edited to add:

I'm not saying go hit him with an ultimatum. I'm only suggesting what came to mind when I read the OP. The decision is of course yours to make and you will have to live with the result.

Best of luck!

< Message edited by E2Sweet -- 12/25/2008 2:52:36 AM >

_____________________________

E2Sweet™
"If it doesn't make you smile then chances are you're not doing it right."

(in reply to naughtysub07)

Profile

Post #: 53