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Posting on experience - 12/14/2008 1:54:20 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I've been wondering about this for a while now.  I think I've even brought the question to the boards at one point or another Myself.  If I did, I can't seem to find it by using the search feature and I can't imagine where it might be buried amongst the many things that I've written here on these boards.

My question is more about the curiosity that I have regarding the way people respond to threads, more than the motivation behind starting one.  I tend to think when threads originate, it's more often based on a question that someone has, rather than that person especially knowing the answer.  If someone comes here and poses a question about a particular type of play or a relationship situation, I genuinely think that they are attempting to learn more about whatever topic they have chosen to ask about.

It happens to be My personal opinion that none of us here have experienced every possible thing that can be considered a BDSM topic.  We have different interests, different skills, and different pursuits.  None of us have done absolutely everything and none of us know absolutely everything.  For an example, I have never been in a D/s dynamic with a female submissive.  Sure, I've been exposed to D/s dynamics between two females, but I've never lived that way.  I have no clue about what it's like to have that as My life and I have no experience to offer on the subject rather than what I might think it would be like.  I may have an opinion to offer, yet I could only base it on what I think, rather than what I know.

Which leads Me to My actual questions.  When considering responding to a thread, do you post an answer only if you have actual experience on the topic?  If you have no experience, do you skip the thread?  If you have an opinion on the matter, but no actual experience, do you state in your reply that it is your opinion only and not based on something you have actually done or had as a part of your life?  Do you state your opinion without the disclaimer that it is not something that you have participated in yourself?


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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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RE: Posting on experience - 12/14/2008 2:02:20 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I don't think you have to be in the exact same dynamic to know how you would feel, or have felt in a certain situation. And mostly what people ask are relationship questions, not strictly power related.

The question the other day about should you threaten to dismiss someone in order to motivate them didn't require that we've been in that exact situation. It's a management skill question, and one anyone could answer. We've all been in situations where people who have control over us have been emotionally abusive. Whether a teacher who took out frustrations on the students, a boss who did that, or a life partner. We've all had some such experience and could answer from the emotions.

And the emotions are the same. Sadness is sadness whether we're make, female, trans, sub, dominant or switch. Our human emotions are common to us all.

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RE: Posting on experience - 12/14/2008 2:08:04 PM   
kallisto


Posts: 1185
Status: offline 		I'll post if I have direct knowledge or an opinion.   If it's only my opinion, I usually state that it is only my opinion.   

(in reply to DesFIP)
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RE: Posting on experience - 12/14/2008 2:15:27 PM   
SunNMoon


Posts: 1058
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline 		It really depends on the subject of the tread if I will post if I have no experience. If the subject of the thread is more of how do I do a certain activity, in that case I won’t post unless if I have experience. Now if the subject of the thread is how do I deal with X aspect of my relationship, I’ll post my opinion. I hope that I normally state I have no experience with it, but I’m not sure if I have.

Now which threads I choose to post on, it’s normally something I find interesting and that I feel that I’ll be able to add something to the conversation.

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RE: Posting on experience - 12/14/2008 2:17:24 PM   
sparkyRBF


Posts: 157
Joined: 2/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

Which leads Me to My actual questions. When considering responding to a thread, do you post an answer only if you have actual experience on the topic? If you have no experience, do you skip the thread? If you have an opinion on the matter, but no actual experience, do you state in your reply that it is your opinion only and not based on something you have actually done or had as a part of your life? Do you state your opinion without the disclaimer that it is not something that you have participated in yourself?


What good questions.   What i consider when responding to a thread is if i think my idea, experience, or opinion can be of help in the situation.  I may not have experienced that very exact thing, but i may have experienced something with similar emotions, actions, results, etc.

It is nice to know however if the person who is posting has actual experience on the topic especially if it has to do with a technique or manuever.  Some are obvious they have no experience but others aren't and can give some potentially dangerous advice. 

sparkyRBF

(in reply to DesFIP)
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RE: Posting on experience - 12/14/2008 2:18:52 PM   
E2Sweet


Posts: 649
Joined: 7/8/2008
From: TopLeftCornerOf, OH, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

...When considering responding to a thread, do you post an answer only if you have actual experience on the topic?...


No. I generally respond to whatever posts interest me, or that I feel I have something of substance to offer, even if my reply is simply based on what I feel is 'common sense'.

Occasionally, I pop in and just try to be funny or gain the attention of someone who replied above me...That's rare though.

quote:

...If you have no experience, do you skip the thread?...


Sometimes yes.

quote:

...If you have an opinion on the matter, but no actual experience, do you state in your reply that it is your opinion only and not based on something you have actually done or had as a part of your life?...


I do try to squeeze that point into the wording somehow. I feel its wise to do, because it leaves an 'out' in case some part of my reply is found later to be inaccurate or just plain idiotic.

quote:

...Do you state your opinion without the disclaimer that it is not something that you have participated in yourself?


I try to not do that in each and every reply for the reason above...

In all seriousness, I don't really want a reply of mine to be the reason someone goes off and does something that turns out to be foolish, only because they were following my advise and thought it was given here from personal experience.  All in all, I just feel its a good idea to state where my views are actually coming from when I post.


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RE: Posting on experience - 12/14/2008 2:18:55 PM   
StormsSlave


Posts: 629
Joined: 2/6/2008
Status: offline 		Which leads Me to My actual questions.  When considering responding to a thread, do you post an answer only if you have actual experience on the topic?  Sometimes yes, sometimes no.  I generally try not to contribute if I have nothing constructive say, or find I sound like I'm being snarky. 
 
If you have no experience, do you skip the thread?  A lot of the time, yes.
 If you have an opinion on the matter, but no actual experience, do you state in your reply that it is your opinion only and not based on something you have actually done or had as a part of your life?  My opinion isn't worth much, so I do try to stick to actual experience, and contribute constructively.  Do you state your opinion without the disclaimer that it is not something that you have participated in yourself? I hope so.  I didn't go back through any threads to check, but I make it a point to stick to what I actually know, which is not much.  I try to ask a lot of questions.

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RE: Posting on experience - 12/14/2008 2:19:34 PM   
Aszhrae


Posts: 1030
Joined: 3/31/2008
Status: offline
When considering responding to a thread, do you post an answer only if you have actual experience on the topic?
If it is something experienced before, yes, of course. If the experience had consequences or benefits, such would also be stated.

If you have no experience, do you skip the thread?
No. Would stop and read the thread as it may be on a subject that girl has little to no understanding. Girl does like to stay informed but also it is about personal growth.

If you have an opinion on the matter, but no actual experience, do you state in your reply that it is your opinion only and not based on something you have actually done or had as a part of your life?
Yes. If my opinion counts for something.

Do you state your opinion without the disclaimer that it is not something that you have participated in yourself?
Girl may have or might not have within threads replied too.

We all have experiences and opinions on the great many threads here in CM. It is after all a community and the purpose of the threads is to discuss numerous subjects and interests. It is how those new to the lifestyle gain insight. Those of beginner, average or advance experience can share their own insights. To become better sub/slaves and dom/mes.

Girl has a questions for you LP.
Is there another reason for such questions instead of the reason stated in the introduction?
Are you trying to establish your own protocol concerning how subject, opinion and replies are stated to existing and future threads?

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Posting on experience - 12/14/2008 2:27:26 PM   
HerLord


Posts: 697
Joined: 2/14/2008
Status: offline 		Which leads Me to My actual questions.  When considering responding to a thread, do you post an answer only if you have actual experience on the topic?  I've generally adopted rules which determine whether or not I respond.  First, is somebody going to gain something from having read what I have to say?   Is what I have to say repetition of what somebody else has already said?  Did somebody piss me off enough just to go off on them? And, can I say it succinctly enough to make myself make sense?  If you have no experience, do you skip the thread?  Depending on the thread topic.  It does happen.  If you have an opinion on the matter, but no actual experience, do you state in your reply that it is your opinion only and not based on something you have actually done or had as a part of your life?  I generally only comment on what I have experienced myself.  Otherswise, it is what somebody preached to me, and how the hell do I know what they know?  Do you state your opinion without the disclaimer that it is not something that you have participated in yourself?  If and when anything I have to say is outside of my realm of experience.

The whole purpose of me posting here is to share these rules with you about posting.  Some of you could stand to adopt them.


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RE: Posting on experience - 12/14/2008 2:30:48 PM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		I do not have a lot of BDSM expericenes and i am upfront with that. There are many posts, that I will not respond too, because I have no concept of what is being talked about. I read those threads though, and sometimes ask Sir a question about it.

I will answer relationship questions, because a lot of the questons i do understand. I answer again letting people know this is my view.

I will answer questions on the mental , emotional and spiritual level as well, if i have experiences with them.

Very few threads that I do not read, but many I do not respond too because i have nothing of value to say.


(in reply to Aszhrae)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Posting on experience - 12/14/2008 2:52:53 PM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

 Which leads Me to My actual questions.  When considering responding to a thread, do you post an answer only if you have actual experience on the topic?  If you have no experience, do you skip the thread?  If you have an opinion on the matter, but no actual experience, do you state in your reply that it is your opinion only and not based on something you have actually done or had as a part of your life?  Do you state your opinion without the disclaimer that it is not something that you have participated in yourself?



There are certain topics to which I have no idea or knowledge of and those I will not post an opinion. Usually I reply to a post because I either had personal experience in a similar situation or I have some knowledge I had gained through personal association.

When I do relate my experience, I have worded my reply to directly indicate this is so, otherwise I somehow indicate it is something I have witnessed. The majority of time I have stated clearly that this is my opinion and it is up to the reader to consider what I said or ignore.

eta: I found that many times a person posts a query, even though it is framed within a BDSM context, it also applies to people in a general sense and not specifically kink oriented (just kink flavored!)


< Message edited by beargonewild -- 12/14/2008 2:57:07 PM >

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RE: Posting on experience - 12/14/2008 2:59:14 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		If I have something useful to add, I will.  Sometimes everyone has already said everything I had to say, so I don't have to!  

If I am on the edge, I look at who started the thread.  There are Certain Persons whose threads I don't even READ, let alone post in.  Otherwise, I might offer an opinion, or an observation of what I have seen others do.  There are a lot of questions that get posted that don't require any kind of specific experience, they are more LIFE experience, and heaven knows I have plenty of that. 

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RE: Posting on experience - 12/14/2008 3:03:31 PM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		When considering responding to a thread, do you post an answer only if you have actual experience on the topic?  If you have no experience, do you skip the thread?  If you have an opinion on the matter, but no actual experience, do you state in your reply that it is your opinion only and not based on something you have actually done or had as a part of your life?  Do you state your opinion without the disclaimer that it is not something that you have participated in yourself?
 
I reply if I feel I have something to add to the thread.  I usually don't have anything to add if I haven't experienced something similar in my life.  That being said, you don't have to be in "the" relationship being discussed to know the basics of relationships. 
 
If the subject matter is of no interest to me,  I skip it.  If the OP has demonstrated a propensity to start threads so that they may read their own text, or start arguments that are not productive, or any other reason that I don't read their threads, the subject doesn't matter, I skip it.



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"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


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RE: Posting on experience - 12/14/2008 3:07:43 PM   
mummyman321


Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
Status: offline 		Typically only post on the threads that I have first hand knowledge of what the poster is asking. My motivation is to share the knowledge that I have with others.

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Life - Its not about where you are but about the journey to get there - I prefer to choose the road less traveled

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RE: Posting on experience - 12/14/2008 3:21:40 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aszhrae

Girl has a questions for you LP.
Is there another reason for such questions instead of the reason stated in the introduction?
Are you trying to establish your own protocol concerning how subject, opinion and replies are stated to existing and future threads?


It is something that I wonder about from time to time.  I do bring a lot of My life and My experiences to the boards (I hope).  If there is a topic that I don't have a particular skill in, I tend to read out of interest, but I might not have anything to contribute other than I enjoyed the thread.  A good example of this is that I don't make My own floggers and know very little about the subject.  I don't think My advice on how to make one would be worthwhile.

As for establishing My own protocol, please make sure that reads My protocol and not anyone else's, no I wouldn't say so.  I'm sure I'll chirp in even when I just think something is funny or interesting.  I've been known to have a good laugh at certain things or say something was exciting to Me.  I'll also get on board and try to help folks if I think I have anything to offer (depending on the post) and I've also been known to tell people a time or two that I think they are full of crap. 

What I'm really thinking of here is, I appreciate when people do say whether what they write is coming from a perspective of experience or opinion alone.  As someone pointed out, it may not have to be the exact same experience, but I do like to know what people are basing their more serious answers on.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: Posting on experience - 12/14/2008 4:01:57 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I post if I feel I have something relevant to add.  Personal experience isn't necessarily a factor in that.

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RE: Posting on experience - 12/14/2008 4:29:56 PM   
SlaveIndigochild


Posts: 272
Status: offline 		Dear LadyPact
i post mostly on threads that:
1. ask for advice/answers i think i have some/more experience of
2. threads where i have a personal opinion where i would put IMO. i'd have to say that i also base my opinions on what i have experience on and or problems with myself
3. i post on threads where i have an anti-opinion and or downright disagree with
4. i post on threads whuch i consider downright stupidity in which case i can simply be judgmental and or sarcastic
5. i post on threads where i need advice and or need to feel supported
That's more or less it really except to say i will also post on a thread where a buddy is posting to give a wave or seal of approval
So i guess this falls into the category of an IMO


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RE: Posting on experience - 12/14/2008 5:48:05 PM   
mc1234


Posts: 683
Joined: 10/4/2008
Status: offline 		I usually post within my experience.  If it's, say, a relationship/common sense type question wherein I post my opinion, I try and state such. 

I have posted on threads where the OP is posing a question which I can relate to, and would like to seek answers to and thank posters for their responses if they've helped - kind of a 'been there/done that/wondered that too' kind of support post for the OP.  It takes a lot of nerve to post at times, and when someone is being sincere, I like to give them kudos for having the courage to ask and to seek answers for him/herself.

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RE: Posting on experience - 12/14/2008 5:58:19 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		If I see and read an OP which interests me, irrespective of my personal experience, I will post something. I’ll often comment if my post is experience based or not. I am more likely to do multiple posts and posts in-depth if I have a reasonable degree of experience and especially if I am either currently involved with that same situation or if it falls with in my professional experience and training of counseling, psychotherapy and hypnotherapy. Otherwise I’ll post seeking more information..  Some threads I skip after a cursory reading and the rare thread I skip because who the poster is. Mostly if something interests me as I read the thread list, I’ll look and otherwise I just move elsewhere even to another site.

_____________________________

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Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

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RE: Posting on experience - 12/14/2008 6:14:22 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		When considering responding to a thread, do you post an answer only if you have actual experience on the topic?
 
Usually, unless its a philosophical topic, then I'll toss it around in my head awhile and express what I come up with.
 
If you have no experience, do you skip the thread?
 
Some threads that seem really outa my realm of experience I won't even look at...unless Ive been wondering about it.
 
If you have an opinion on the matter, but no actual experience, do you state in your reply that it is your opinion only and not based on something you have actually done or had as a part of your life? 
Do you state your opinion without the disclaimer that it is not something that you have participated in yourself?
 
I cant think of a posting Ive done that would apply to these questions.

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