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Enhancing a Dominate's ability........ - 12/6/2008 6:58:39 PM   
Kalista07


Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline 		i've been thinking about this for a while, and have been very hesitant in posting this question due to some people's potential responses.  However, i decided screw it and am going to post this question anyway. We live a real life, you know the kind.....where two people have to go to work everyday, where two people have to do laundry and clean and dishes and eat and change the litter box.  i'm aware that we would face a great deal of reticule because i do not 'automatically' do all these things.... Frankly, i am okay with that. What we do works for us, and if it doesn't meet anyone else's approval........well...........screw 'em. Recently we've been having some difficulty getting things in the M/s department going for various reasons. Being submissive (or slave) does not come naturally for me many times.
Anyway, my question to the Dominants is this: is there anything Your submissive or slave does that encourages or enhances Your ability/willingness/desire to Dominate them? To submissive and slaves my question is this: is there anything that you do or say or whatever that you think encourages or brings out Your dominants ability to dominate you?
Kali
edited cause i forgot a couple of sentences..


< Message edited by Kalista07 -- 12/6/2008 7:04:27 PM >

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RE: Enhancing a Dominate's ability........ - 12/6/2008 7:08:21 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline 		Certainly. The psychological aspects of it and the symbols that bring out those psychological aspects work both ways. I certainly don't come up with rituals and protocol for solely the benefit of my girl's mentality.

It's a personal question though and one that can only be answered by an individual. Hence, what draws out desire in me won't be applicable to your own Dominant.

For me, it's seeing her wear my collar, her kneeling and kissing my feet, her laying at my feet while I am on the computer and cuddling up against them, being responded to with a "yes,sir", having her kneel, having her crawl, spooning up against me while cuddling and burying her head in my chest, a general sense of "physical clingness" that comes when she wants to hold on to me for feelings of safety and security, her averting her eyes when I stare directly at her are just some examples.

However, all and all, when you have someone who is sincerely devoted to you (and I mean sincerely devoted to you), the way she looks at me trumps all of them.

To me, that "look" is a look that shakes me to the core of who I am and pushes me to be a better man so I don't ever abuse the honor I have been given.

Reflecting on past experiences of being looked at that way makes me shiver as I think about it and the human language fails miserably in trying to convey the power behind it.

< Message edited by MadRabbit -- 12/6/2008 7:11:59 PM >

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RE: Enhancing a Dominate's ability........ - 12/6/2008 7:10:09 PM   
trealeon


Posts: 180
Joined: 4/7/2007
Status: offline 		Interesting question. I'm not sure if this is an answer to it but...

When I met my girl, I was at a point where I wasn't really looking for anything long term or any sort of "permanent" relationship. When she finally told me that she wanted to date and then later opened up about her desire to be a "submissive little girl" and then later "a slave" she really awakened my desire to dominate in a way that hadn't been there in a while. It was her complete openness and willingness to explore her darkest desires that really energized me. She definitely changed my mind about wanting a long term relationship

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RE: Enhancing a Dominate's ability........ - 12/6/2008 7:26:11 PM   
Kalista07


Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline 		Thanks all for Your answers they  are greatly appreciated...And MR, i know that look from the other side of the knee.

Kali


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RE: Enhancing a Dominate's ability........ - 12/6/2008 7:33:49 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


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Status: offline 		When they express to me frustration they have with my dominance and come to me with a few clear actions we can immediately inset into our relationship which they feel will help bring more security.

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RE: Enhancing a Dominate's ability........ - 12/6/2008 7:49:21 PM   
Kalista07


Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline 		Lucky,
That makes a lot of sense to me.  i suppose that's part of where i'm frustrated with myself. i have no idea how to figure out why or how i'm 'frustrated' (for lack of better words) with his dominance...
i seriously have no clue if i'm making any sense or am talking greek.
Kali


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RE: Enhancing a Dominate's ability........ - 12/6/2008 8:01:38 PM   
MsDonnaMia


Posts: 95
Joined: 6/30/2007
Status: offline 		"Enhancing a Dominate's ability........"

Dominant

DOM-IN-ANT

DOMINANT.

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RE: Enhancing a Dominate's ability........ - 12/6/2008 8:11:41 PM   
Kalista07


Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline 		uhm....okay, thanks for that....

Kali

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RE: Enhancing a Dominate's ability........ - 12/6/2008 8:16:11 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
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From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		*snickers*

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RE: Enhancing a Dominate's ability........ - 12/6/2008 8:42:50 PM   
bluepanda


Posts: 328
Joined: 12/12/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalista07 To submissive and slaves my question is this: is there anything that you do or say or whatever that you think encourages or brings out Your dominants ability to dominate you?


When I'm in a relationship with someone, I accept her exactly as she is, love her unconditionally, and never - ever - judge her, even if I disagree with her. She's free to be herself, without ever having to worry about whether what she's doing is meeting my expectations of her.

Whatever she does, or does not do, I love her just for who she is. In my experience, that tends to help create an environment where a woman feels free to explore her dominance to whatever extent her imagination takes her. Generally speaking.


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RE: Enhancing a Dominate's ability........ - 12/6/2008 8:58:05 PM   
MarsBonfire


Posts: 1034
Joined: 3/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsDonnaMia

"Enhancing a Dominate's ability........"

Dominant

DOM-IN-ANT

DOMINANT.


Dang. Beat me to it. (God that annoys the shit out of me. That, and people who pronounce "Domme" as Dom-MAY. Ugh.)

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RE: Enhancing a Dominate's ability........ - 12/6/2008 9:05:43 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Well, for us, When I go out of my way to show him consideration, like stocking the mini fridge CHALK FULL of soda's so he'll have drinks when he gets home, or when I make the bed and fold and sort his laundry for him, Well then he feels a bit more like Dominating me, since my bits of kindness have recharged his giveing battery.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalista07

To submissive and slaves my question is this: is there anything that you do or say or whatever that you think encourages or brings out Your dominants ability to dominate you?
Kali
edited cause i forgot a couple of sentences..


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RE: Enhancing a Dominate's ability........ - 12/6/2008 9:45:09 PM   
Jeptha


Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline 		My partners generally identify themselves as feminists, and when I first started exploring D/s relationships I thought that they might just be interested in playing with those roles in the bedroom.

Then I had a partner who showed me in little ways that she was thinking of D/s outside of the bedroom by asking me if I would prefer her to do this or that in any certain way, or just offering me options and choices in the simple little day to day things that we did.

That showed me that it was on her mind a lot and that she enjoyed it and it made me think about it more, too.

And I became comfortable with the fact that feminism and D/s are not at all mutually exclusive (it's not that I assumed otherwise, exactly... but I think it was just one of those things that I had to see for myself back then).

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RE: Enhancing a Dominate's ability........ - 12/6/2008 9:50:17 PM   
MidMichCowboy


Posts: 665
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline 		Well Kali, I guess I read a little something different into what you said. A few years ago, a young lady and I were very involved. But, she was a full time grad student, I worked, had my ummms and trained horses. So time and the real world would interfere. In such an hectic environment, it's hard to find the time for everything to work out.
In public, we did little things, like I'd "steer" her as we walked (hand on back etc), I'd order for her when out with friends, If she got bitchy with others,s pressure on her knee under the table, she would lower her eyes, take a deep breath and regroup (I love a feisty woman). She would kneel at my feet as we visited at others homes (never enough chairs .. ).
The bedroom was always ours. If we were dead tired, we'd sleep, but at some point ... my choosing, I'd take her.
It's hard, but you find little ways.

She is now doing research in Texas, but when I last talked with her, she often wonders if her decision to pursue academia was correct. It's been hard for both to find someone who knows that, in a busy, "real" world, it's the little things.

Does that answer your question?

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RE: Enhancing a Dominate's ability........ - 12/6/2008 11:09:25 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		That knee-pressure-under-the-table thing speaks to a lot of us.  It was the first thing that a certain person did to me that spoke clearly of his influence.


Cali




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RE: Enhancing a Dominate's ability........ - 12/6/2008 11:31:58 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

That knee-pressure-under-the-table thing speaks to a lot of us.  It was the first thing that a certain person did to me that spoke clearly of his influence.


Cali





Yeah...those subtle, little, public influences really put the brain in meltdown.

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RE: Enhancing a Dominate's ability........ - 12/7/2008 12:00:33 AM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		I think with new or casual relationships, dominating and submitting can be hot, fun, kinky.
In long term relationships, after the honeymoon is over, i think it would get a bit tiring for a dominant to continually have to remind a slave/submissive of their role in the relationship or vice versa really. They might just stop trying and just relax into a vanilla type of relationship if they still liked/loved the person anyway. All good, to each their own.
Just sitting down and re-defining what the relationship is might work a treat and remind both of you why you got together in the first place.


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RE: Enhancing a Dominate's ability........ - 12/7/2008 1:39:54 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Sometimes it is just some open and basic dialogue. Mostly for me it is the instant melting into a slave puddle before me when I hake a hand full of hair.. Always for me it is knowing how we stand in our relationship and knowing that she will come to me with even the seemingly most stupid problem .. 

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RE: Enhancing a Dominate's ability........ - 12/7/2008 2:09:12 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalista07

Recently we've been having some difficulty getting things in the M/s department going for various reasons. Being submissive (or slave) does not come naturally for me many times.
Anyway, my question to the Dominants is this: is there anything Your submissive or slave does that encourages or enhances Your ability/willingness/desire to Dominate them? To submissive and slaves my question is this: is there anything that you do or say or whatever that you think encourages or brings out Your dominants ability to dominate you?
Kali




No, nothing. If he didn't then I wouldn't.

If things go a bit off kilter it's up to HIM to set them back on course.

There are certain things that fall into my realm of responsibility and others that fall into his. And that's his.

There are consequences if I can't be bothered, or don't 'feel' like complying and consequences if HE can't be bothered to keep his hand on the reins or is distracted, depleted etc. but fair or not....it's up to him.

agirl








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RE: Enhancing a Dominate's ability........ - 12/7/2008 6:57:52 AM   
MsFlutter


Posts: 1305
Joined: 11/12/2008
From: East Coast
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsDonnaMia

"Enhancing a Dominate's ability........"

Dominant

DOM-IN-ANT

DOMINANT.


I was exercising restraint. MsDonna posted my exact thoughts so..Yes - what she said !!

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