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RE: Enhancing a Dominate's ability........ - 12/7/2008 7:56:16 AM

CalifChick

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From: California
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Kalista knows the difference. She made an error. Can we stop beating her up about it?

Cali

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(in reply to MsFlutter)

Post #: 21

RE: Enhancing a Dominate's ability........ - 12/7/2008 8:41:19 AM

Kalista07

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Thanks to all who've responded it's been very enlightening......
MidMich, yes that does give me a lot to think about. IronBear.....You know me too well.

The handful of hair thing is always the one that lets me know where we are at....
Cali, thanks for the support. i do know the difference...And (brace Yourselves for this one) i am........human........oh my god, i must admit that i've actually made a mistake...
Someone on here gave me the idea (sorry, my memory sucks) to start giving Him choices in order to enhance his dominance over me. i started doing this last night and it seems to have helped slightly. i'd love more suggestions...
By the way, i can also relate to the knee thing as well as the hand on the back......
Kali

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(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 22

RE: Enhancing a Dominate's ability........ - 12/7/2008 8:53:03 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Physically: He'll steer me with his hand on the back of my neck. He'll just sort of stroke it and I get all melted. Coming up behind me and putting a forearm across my throat and yanking me up against him, same. Biting my neck.

Beyond that; he'll give me this look. Like he's amused by me, not quite a smile, slightly lifted eyebrow, makes me feel like a teen again and I get flustered and can't meet my eyes.

You would have to ask him what I do that works for him. I know that if I come out and perch on his knee, that works. If he's working on the computer he likes me to sit in a chair just behind him (I bring a book) so I'm available if he wants me for anything. And on those rare occasion when there's no kids around, me wandering out naked and draping myself across his lap always gets a good response!

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(in reply to MsFlutter)

Post #: 23

RE: Enhancing a Dominate's ability........ - 12/7/2008 9:53:31 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalista07

Anyway, my question to the Dominants is this: is there anything Your submissive or slave does that encourages or enhances Your ability/willingness/desire to Dominate them?

I going to break my answer into two parts since I think there is two different things here

I think the things that enhances my Willingness to dominate my girls hasn't change alot over the time of our relationships. As we developed into a relationship there was a steady show of affection, love and respect for me as a person with each day that got to know me. Even now it is there communicating of their love to me in a manner that I understand that they are open and desiring my dominance. In the same took, I try to always communicate to them my love and respect to them in a manner that they understand which only seems to maintain and increase their willingness to submit to me. It is our love of each other and communicating that love than opens the door of our innerselves to each other.

Now the things that Enhance my ability to dominate my girls is an entirely different thing than just having the willingness to dominate them. I may have the willingness but I may not be effective in actually giving them the feeling that I am dominating them or that I could of done things alittle different to increase or make more intense those feeling that occur when they feel dominated. To enhance those things it is only a question of them communicating to me their feelings. It is me listening to their opinions. I see my perspective of things, but until they share the thoughts and feelings in their mind, It is only a best guess based on past experiences. When past experiences are not consistent with the given moment, I expect them to communicate the change of thoughts and feelings. Sometimes we discover why there is a change and it often because of a small detail that was previously unnoticed by either and for some reasons it was noticed that time. Sometimes we dont have an answer to why.

In the end.. it always the communication of their thoughts and feelings of love that enhances and maintain my willingness to dominate. It is also the communication of their thougths and feelings of my dominance over them when I can enhance and maintain my ability to do so.

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Kalista07)

Post #: 24

RE: Enhancing a Dominate's ability........ - 12/7/2008 6:25:52 PM

Kalista07

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That makes perfect sense Knight....Thank You so much for Your assistance.

Kali

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~~Sweedish Proverb

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 25

RE: Enhancing a Dominate's ability........ - 12/9/2008 8:53:15 PM

leadership527

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quote:

Kali asked:
Anyway, my question to the Dominants is this: is there anything Your submissive or slave does that encourages or enhances Your ability/willingness/desire to Dominate them?

Fundamentally, my wife and I are very connected. We respond to each other pretty fluidly. When she wishes to reaffirm my role as Master, she becomes more evidently my slave herself. There's a zillion little ways she does that. I think it's mostly just a mental viewpoint that then gets communicated through her body language. It also should go without saying that if she needed specific dominance for some reason, that'd be strong encouragement for me to get motivated. In such situations, she comes and asks for whatever it is that she wants/needs.

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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
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(in reply to Kalista07)

Post #: 26

RE: Enhancing a Dominate's ability........ - 12/10/2008 12:53:30 AM

LadyPact

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For Me, I would have to agree strongly with the Crazy Bunny. (Sorry MadRabbit, it's late and insomnia strikes, so I think I'm funny.) A lot of that is tied up in protocol and ritual as a constant reminder of how one feeds off of the other. It keeps the constant exchange going. You really can't have one without the other. If I dominate and he does not submit, there's nothing. If he submits and I don't dominate, it's not going to do anything for him either.

The protocols and rituals that I've instilled all have purposes, but they are all tied into the dynamic. I've written a lot on the subject on these boards, but one thing I don't think I've mentioned is that I think rituals are more effective when both parties have an active participation. That participation may not exactly be equal in words or deeds, but it is similar to a communication. This leads Me to interject that in most situations, a form of two way communication tends to be more effective than a one way communication. In My view, rituals work the same way. It's one thing for clip to kneel, waiting for Me to enter the house in the evening. It's another thing for him to kneel as I come in the door and I kiss his forehead, smile down at him, and call him My little one.

This whole process takes but a matter of seconds. In fact, most of the rituals I keep are rather short. Why? Well, because I'm like most folks who also have a job, a household to run, laundry to do and bills to pay. For the most part, I don't have time for long, drawn out rituals, where everyone has to memorize some kind of script for twenty minutes; meanwhile there are things boiling over on the stove, the phone's ringing, the UMs need attention, or whatever else comes to mind. Yet, in that less than a minute, the D/s in reinforced, the energy that sparks the other comes to life, and each is reminded of their place in the dynamic.

I hope this has helped to answer your question, kali. It wasn't a silly question and I hope you find something in the answers that will work for you. Even if that answer wasn't Mine.

My best to you and to the person who is on the other side of your kneel.

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Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 27

RE: Enhancing a Dominate's ability........ - 12/10/2008 7:16:09 AM

BLGirl

Posts: 209
Joined: 10/17/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalista07

To submissive and slaves my question is this: is there anything that you do or say or whatever that you think encourages or brings out Your dominants ability to dominate you?
Kali

Kali,
There are times when Daddy is less than dominant with me, these aren't often, but do happen. If I am needing his attention or dominance I can go to him and tell him exactly what I need him to do (he will often ask me, especially if he sees that I am having an issue). However, I don't like to do that much because I feel like I am trampling on his ego/dominance/position. Instead, I usually go to him and press my body tightly against his and look up at him with surrender in my eyes. He always knows what I need and immediately falls away from what may have been occupying his mind or stressing him and into the dominant and Daddy that I love and need.
As for the guidance, I love it when he guides me in public and that hand on the back of the neck is fabulous!

Don't know if this helps, but it is what works for us.

Submissively,
BLGirl

(in reply to Kalista07)

Post #: 28

RE: Enhancing a Dominate's ability........ - 12/10/2008 8:02:40 AM

IrishMist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalista07

Recently we've been having some difficulty getting things in the M/s department going for various reasons. Being submissive (or slave) does not come naturally for me many times.
Anyway, my question to the Dominants is this: is there anything Your submissive or slave does that encourages or enhances Your ability/willingness/desire to Dominate them? To submissive and slaves my question is this: is there anything that you do or say or whatever that you think encourages or brings out Your dominants ability to dominate you?
Kali

No, nothing. If he didn't then I wouldn't.

If things go a bit off kilter it's up to HIM to set them back on course.

There are certain things that fall into my realm of responsibility and others that fall into his. And that's his.

There are consequences if I can't be bothered, or don't 'feel' like complying and consequences if HE can't be bothered to keep his hand on the reins or is distracted, depleted etc. but fair or not....it's up to him.

agirl

I was trying to think of an easy way to explain my thoughts on this, but agirl said it best.

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(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 29

RE: Enhancing a Dominate's ability........ - 12/10/2008 9:53:41 AM

BRNaughtyAngel

Posts: 1821
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quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

No, nothing. If he didn't then I wouldn't.

If things go a bit off kilter it's up to HIM to set them back on course.

There are certain things that fall into my realm of responsibility and others that fall into his. And that's his.

There are consequences if I can't be bothered, or don't 'feel' like complying and consequences if HE can't be bothered to keep his hand on the reins or is distracted, depleted etc. but fair or not....it's up to him.

agirl

My Master is a very laid back type of dominant. Unfortunately, this can go to the extremes from my standpoint and I start feeling like I am actively submitting to passive dominance. It can be very frustrating, especially considering we don't live together.

When that frustration continues for very long, I end up feeling like agirl in that, if He can't be bothered to dominate me, I can't be bothered to submit. I hate feeling that way. It makes me feel disconnected, unstable, uncertain and just plain blah.

And when I start feeling that disconnect, I start pulling away.

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 30

RE: Enhancing a Dominate's ability........ - 12/10/2008 10:14:17 AM

akisha

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I have a tendancy to agree with this strain of thought, but having been in a relationship that tends to slide out of a M/s realm.....

This vein alot of the time will kill the relationship. Both parties need to try, and both parties need to talk. Some Dominant people are not pushy and demanding. If you let it slide they let it slide and you see them letting it slide so you stop then they stop then no one is happy and 3 months later you are both looking for a new partner.

If you need more, ask. If you want more, discuss it with them. Try and work out a way together to achieve what you want.

MadRabbit's response actually turned a lightbulb on for me. You don't have to demand, maybe just showing that you are thinking of it and making sure you submit in the little ways to please, might be the best way to encourage him to spend more time Dominanting in the little ways you need as well.

It might not work either and you feel like you are the only one trying but atleast then you know you tried.

quote:

No, nothing. If he didn't then I wouldn't.

If things go a bit off kilter it's up to HIM to set them back on course.

There are certain things that fall into my realm of responsibility and others that fall into his. And that's his.

There are consequences if I can't be bothered, or don't 'feel' like complying and consequences if HE can't be bothered to keep his hand on the reins or is distracted, depleted etc. but fair or not....it's up to him.

agirl

< Message edited by akisha -- 12/10/2008 10:19:22 AM >

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(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 31

RE: Enhancing a Dominate's ability........ - 12/10/2008 10:51:32 AM

agirl

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The thing is, I didn't enter the relationship to submit, as such. I knew I'd have to but that wasn't my prime thought. I asked for enforceable control and if I'm not being controlled I go on my merry way doing what I want to, in my own way. I quite enjoy it, to be honest ..but if he gives an inch I will take a yard.

I don't get cross and bothered and he doesn't get cross and bothered. It's not as if it's an unexpected result, after all. After a short while, he metaphorically looks up, slaps a muzzle and leash on, watches while I kick and thrash about a bit until I trot back into the fold with a bit of a sweat on and a rueful look on my face.

agirl

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 32

RE: Enhancing a Dominate's ability........ - 12/10/2008 12:41:41 PM

LaTigresse

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agirl, I just love the visual I got from that!

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(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 33

RE: Enhancing a Dominate's ability........ - 12/10/2008 1:04:50 PM

ExSteelAgain

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From: Georgia
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I appreciate a submissive giving me advice no matter what it is if it is done right. When I notice her trying to be tactful and not saying so and so did it this way, I understand she is trying not to denigrate my ability and that impresses me. The very act that she is softly letting advice fall on me and not trying to set me right makes me feel more dominant with her. That soft falling advice sinks into me deeper and doesn’t leave with the next thing she says like with a gust of wind.

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Post #: 34

RE: Enhancing a Dominate's ability........ - 12/10/2008 1:11:12 PM

agirl

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He's a sadistic bastard.........lol. He knows damn WELL that I'm having a good time out there rampaging around. The most irritating part is the look of faint boredom he has as he does it. You know ..that 'Ho hum. Oh well' look. It's so much easier for him to grab the reins than it is for me to yield to them...lol

agirl

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 35

RE: Enhancing a Dominate's ability........ - 12/10/2008 5:52:22 PM

Skully7000

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Wow, I never noticed until now that I do the Knee grabbing thing under the table(or just about anywhere) ALOT...and it is quite effective.

to answer the original question: when I see anyone of my friends/partners etc Spiraling out of control, getting overwhelmed, having a bad day etc...walking up to them, politely but firmly ordering them to take a deep breath. then again, and "grounding" them even if just slightly so they can continue doing what needs to get done. Very Daddy Dom. but when that happens with submissives/playpartners it does encourage me to dom them more.

Also while i'm only good at it with a few very close friends/loved ones, I love reading their minds and having a 2 sided conversation (speaking their parts) so that they can't get a word in but I'm saying exactly what they would be saying if I allowed it. and its often followed by a "Get out of my head!" with that comforting glance that comes with the realization that I know and Understand them well enough to do that.

Cheers
Skully

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 36

RE: Enhancing a Dominate's ability........ - 12/11/2008 2:36:08 AM

ranja

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It is awful when i get frustrated because my Dom is not Dominating me right...which is my right obviously and what right really do i have as the sub? and i hate complaining...

There is somany ways i can respond to my 'failing' Dom and from experience i can say that hinting at things or ignoring the problem or getting uppety and smart-assed or worse even cynical and sarcastic or plain blatant angry do not work to solve my problem; i will get nothing i want from Him.

I have to stay polite and respectful, demure and clearly and nicely tell Him what i need, beg even. He is a very good man and will always give me what i need... eventually...in His time.

I suspect He very much enjoys watching me struggle to be so good for Him while really i want to twist His arm and make Him do what i think He should.
You see really i would like Him to be a clearvoyant and Mr perfect, preferably i would be flawless too....ah we live in the real world tho, things get so complicated at times with all our warts...

(in reply to Kalista07)

Post #: 37

RE: Enhancing a Dominate's ability........ - 12/11/2008 6:19:40 AM

lusciouslips19

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My Warden is of the laid back Dominant type too. Though he is rather macho and not passive. He doesnt demand, he makes suggestions. That is always how he has commanded even as a Desk Sargeant in the Airforce. When I try to enhance his dominance I will do submissive acts without being asked. Like asking him if he would like a drink, dinner etc. I take off his shoes and socks and rub his feet or kneel and kiss his feet. Sometimes I would like more direction but then again he reads me perfectly in BDSM and he makes me feel safe always. No one is everything that we dream of.

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Post #: 38

RE: Enhancing a Dominate's ability........ - 12/11/2008 6:23:44 AM

greeneyedreamer

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I am always confused on the "I am not a natural Submissive" part. I mean, ok, I can't figure out why you would CHOOSE to be submissive if it's not in your nature. Am I wrong? You either are or you're not submissive. It's sort of like being gay. You either are or your not, you don't choose to be gay. It's who you are.

scratches head...

Dreamer

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Post #: 39

RE: Enhancing a Dominate's ability........ - 12/11/2008 6:25:55 AM

camille65

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It confuses me too.

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Post #: 40

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