RE: Enhancing a Dominate's ability........

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RE: Enhancing a Dominate's ability........ - 12/11/2008 7:01:06 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: greeneyedreamer

I am always confused on the "I am not a natural Submissive" part. I mean, ok, I can't figure out why you would CHOOSE to be submissive if it's not in your nature. Am I wrong? You either are or you're not submissive. It's sort of like being gay. You either are or your not, you don't choose to be gay. It's who you are.

scratches head...

Dreamer

Maybe they think it makes them sound more special, more of a prize to a dominant, someone to be conquered. ....shrugs.....

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to greeneyedreamer)

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Post #: 41

RE: Enhancing a Dominate's ability........ - 12/11/2008 7:19:14 AM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: greeneyedreamer

I am always confused on the "I am not a natural Submissive" part. I mean, ok, I can't figure out why you would CHOOSE to be submissive if it's not in your nature. Am I wrong? You either are or you're not submissive. It's sort of like being gay. You either are or your not, you don't choose to be gay. It's who you are.

scratches head...

Dreamer

Maybe they think it makes them sound more special, more of a prize to a dominant, someone to be conquered. ....shrugs.....

No thats not it. No submissive says she doesnt submit naturally because she/he thinks it wins them points. Most submissives that say,"I am not a natural submissive", say it with shame. i think some submissives think if they are fiesty and outspoken, it means they are not a natural submissive. I use to think i was a bad submissive for this reason. Now I know, I just know how to express my feelings and communicate well with my Dominant. i do know that a submissive that is here who often says she does not submit naturally, also seems to have low self esteem and talks down on herself WAY too much.

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(in reply to LaTigresse)

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Post #: 42

RE: Enhancing a Dominate's ability........ - 12/11/2008 9:09:41 AM

urlittleprincess

Posts: 149
Joined: 12/18/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalista07

To submissive and slaves my question is this: is there anything that you do or say or whatever that you think encourages or brings out Your dominants ability to dominate you?
Kali
edited cause i forgot a couple of sentences..

good morningKalista07 and everyone!

what a very good question! ive enjoyed reading the responses, especially MadRabbit from the male Dom perspective.

i read a response or 2 that said from a sub perspective that they would do nothing as it is up to the Dom to get things back on track, and i disagree entirely! if there are 2 people in a relationship then there are 2 people responsible for the dynamic and how it might get off kilter, therefore, 2 people responsible for getting it back on track!

my relationship has always been push/pull, up/down and sometimes a literal fight between His dominance and my submissiveness. no one in vanilla life would ever think i was submissive and no matter how badly i wanted to behave the way He wanted me to, there was always a resistance...perhaps it was a mental roadblock...or something that kept me emotionally safe from giving it all to Him as we were long distance, and i have trust issues...we got to a point in the relationship where it was awfully vanilla, with a hint now and again of D/s...finally he told me he no longer wanted the D/s. considering how vanilla we were anyway it was more of a bother to coax it constantly from me. i was beside myself with upset! couldn't imagine how it would be without the dynamic!! but...decided to move in with Him anyway....the kicker is this...the more submissive i am, the more dominant he is. the more i try to please Him, the happier He is but also stricter He becomes...i can't explain it but i love it! so, despite Him saying no more D/s, there is constant D/s now. He is very loving most of the time, but sometimes gets that little gleam in His eye and is all serious Dom...my devotion to Him builds Him up in ways i dont understand, and He returns it to me also...

oddly enough, when living apart in a long distance relationship, i behaved as a brat....thinking it would force Him to think about me more...to discipline me etc...but in reality it just made for a 'topping from the bottom', annoying dynamic...He defintely values my obedience and praises me for it...holds me close and WANTS me close all the time...has a far greater interest in me now than when i was playing the brat. i can still act up at times but it isn't acting...it is legitimate and gets addressed immediately...

i guess in a practical manner though, i am responsible for most of the housework...i work 12 hour days but have alot of time off...it works for us...i do all the housework and laundry while He is at work....i do all the cooking (except when working) and have it ready for when He comes home unless He takes me out to eat...after dinner He will rinse His dinner dishes but i put them in the dishwasher (ugh)...i do the laundry, although He would if He had to...basically, when He comes home He arrives at the little sanctuary we have made together...clean home, good food...candles lit, cozy and comfy...i try to be relaxed and cheerful and He is normally so happy to see me it makes my heart happy! spending time with Him is my priority in the evening and weekends...we snuggle, wrestle and whatever else comes to mind!!! ;) He decides when we go to bed and He literally holds me close all night which i love! my obedience and submissiveness inspires His dominance and it works for us!

last night He called me into the computer room...and when i got there He spread His arms wide to hug me....we hugged with His face in my neck...He asked if i was happy to be living here with Him...i said yes, and He told me He is happy i am living with Him too...i guess that is what it all comes down to? for me anyway...btw...i LOVE when He gives me a look or the knee under the table thing...mmm

ok...ive rambled on and on...sorry for that, but hope i at least answered a smidgen of the question?? :) time to go finish up my xmas shopping!! have a great day!!

< Message edited by urlittleprincess -- 12/11/2008 9:32:22 AM >

(in reply to Kalista07)

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Post #: 43

RE: Enhancing a Dominate's ability........ - 12/11/2008 9:34:09 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: greeneyedreamer

I am always confused on the "I am not a natural Submissive" part. I mean, ok, I can't figure out why you would CHOOSE to be submissive if it's not in your nature. Am I wrong? You either are or you're not submissive. It's sort of like being gay. You either are or your not, you don't choose to be gay. It's who you are.

scratches head...

Dreamer

this slave often assumes they are hoping to increase their chances of scoring, on an intimate level...you know, like the guy who slaps a Dom label on themselves (in spite of no actual ability or natural inclination to dominate anything) in a desperate attempt at getting them the kind of "intimacy" they want...it might be a different kind of "intimacy" than the "un-natural" submissive is after, but it is basically using the same process.

the other thing this slave assumes when she hears/reads it, is that these folks are differentiating between the choice to submit to an intimate partner within a relationship, as opposed to being in posession of a submissive personality that is inclined to submit to others, in OR out, of an intimate relationship.

(in reply to greeneyedreamer)

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Post #: 44

RE: Enhancing a Dominate's ability........ - 12/11/2008 3:47:16 PM

greeneyedreamer

Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
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quote:

No thats not it. No submissive says she doesnt submit naturally because she/he thinks it wins them points. Most submissives that say,"I am not a natural submissive", say it with shame. i think some submissives think if they are fiesty and outspoken, it means they are not a natural submissive. I use to think i was a bad submissive for this reason. Now I know, I just know how to express my feelings and communicate well with my Dominant. i do know that a submissive that is here who often says she does not submit naturally, also seems to have low self esteem and talks down on herself WAY too much.

See I am feisty also, but I am still submissive! Many people would say I am dominant in my work life and they would never believe I have any submission in me. BUT really it's more nurturing than dominance and my Dom would agree. I am feisty, but never disrespectful and yes I have had low self esteem and it's something my Dom and I are working on together. So I agree with what you are saying totally. What we project to the outside world isn't always what we are in our fabric.

Dreamer

< Message edited by greeneyedreamer -- 12/11/2008 3:48:12 PM >

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I am still learning... Michelangelo, age 87

Maybe some women weren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they are suppose to run wild until they find someone just as wild to run with. Sex and the City

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

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Post #: 45

RE: Enhancing a Dominate's ability........ - 12/11/2008 5:18:29 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: greeneyedreamer

I am always confused on the "I am not a natural Submissive" part. I mean, ok, I can't figure out why you would CHOOSE to be submissive if it's not in your nature. Am I wrong? You either are or you're not submissive. It's sort of like being gay. You either are or your not, you don't choose to be gay. It's who you are.

scratches head...

Dreamer

Maybe they think it makes them sound more special, more of a prize to a dominant, someone to be conquered. ....shrugs.....

No thats not it. No submissive says she doesnt submit naturally because she/he thinks it wins them points. Most submissives that say,"I am not a natural submissive", say it with shame. i think some submissives think if they are fiesty and outspoken, it means they are not a natural submissive. I use to think i was a bad submissive for this reason. Now I know, I just know how to express my feelings and communicate well with my Dominant. i do know that a submissive that is here who often says she does not submit naturally, also seems to have low self esteem and talks down on herself WAY too much.

No, choosing to be in an M/s relationship isn't at ALL like being gay. Being gay generally means you're attracted to the same gender, in the same way that het's are attracted to each other.

Leaving that aside, choosing the MODEL of an M/s relationship doesn't mean you have to be *submissive* as a natural trait. It has a lot of very positive benefits, regardless of whether you're *naturally submissive* or simply * able to submit*.

I can't speak for other *subs* that express that they are not naturally submissive...........but for me there's not a SHRED of shame. It's a fact, and has nothing attached to it other than that. Without doubt I am more *special* to MY owner. There's not a dearth of submissive girls out there that represent a whole different world of issues. Mine were obviously more attractive, *submissive * or not.

He accepted me because of the person I am and my sincerity, not because of some inherent trait that I needed a docking point for.

It's not a special world that only *submissive* people go for. It's just a way of relating that can suit all SORTS of people for all SORTS of reasons.

agirl

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

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Post #: 46

RE: Enhancing a Dominate's ability........ - 12/12/2008 3:02:25 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalista07

Anyway, my question to the Dominants is this: is there anything Your submissive or slave does that encourages or enhances Your ability/willingness/desire to Dominate them?
Kali

Interesting question for me because I am exploring these issues right now because of well some issues right now. Just like I do my best to inspire submission, it is sure nice when someone inspires me. A pair of delicate wrists offered up for cuffs gets me going although SAM behavior does the opposite. Service with my dominance in mind gets me going when it is offered unexpectedly. Show me desire for my dominance and it will blossom, act indiferently and I will lose interest. I enjoy playing with force but if I always have to rape someone, at some point it is going to at least feel like they are bored and at worst, like I am actually forcing them. Domestic drudgery is the bane of any relationship. Figure out a way to offer as a treat some sort of escape. Perhaps it is a ticket for one (or two) to the latest James Bond flick while you stay home and deal with the crap, or that you arranged for a sitter to spend time. Or perhaps you are there naked on your knees with a note saying "Sir, take a hot shower and relax, use me when and where you please later" or whatever is the sort of opposite of the hard stuff in your life.

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