How to pick Dom/mes

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

How to pick Dom/mes

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> How to pick Dom/mes

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

How to pick Dom/mes - 10/30/2008 2:15:25 AM

Motionflipotion

Posts: 65
Joined: 1/24/2008
From: City of depression
Status: offline

My secret is to get someone that sooths you with everything they do.
When someone can say a couple words and melt you, that's your Dom/me.

What's your secrets!?!

_____________________________

<Don Flip

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: How to pick Dom/mes - 11/1/2008 8:18:43 AM

redsorebum

Posts: 7
Joined: 10/21/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Motionflipotion

My secret is to get someone that sooths you with everything they do.
When someone can say a couple words and melt you, that's your Dom/me.

What's your secrets!?!

My secrets are :

I sell secrets to a foreign power,
I'm actually an OAP not a twenty something,
I used to be involved in the white slave trade for a while, but no one wanted to buy me.
To name but a few...

(in reply to Motionflipotion)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: How to pick Dom/mes - 11/1/2008 9:03:29 AM

kinkbound

Posts: 387
Joined: 9/15/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Motionflipotion

My secret is to get someone that sooths you with everything they do.
When someone can say a couple words and melt you, that's your Dom/me.

What's your secrets!?!

That's easy, and really not much of a secret. I simply follow the little brain between my legs instead of the bigger brain above my shoulders.

(in reply to Motionflipotion)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: How to pick Dom/mes - 11/1/2008 9:05:34 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

Nothing secret about it at all. I find someone who I am compatible with. Pretty simple really.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to Motionflipotion)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: How to pick Dom/mes - 11/1/2008 10:49:53 AM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

You gotta be careful with that, it is often the credit card that melts...

(in reply to Motionflipotion)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: How to pick Dom/mes - 11/1/2008 11:33:03 AM

moonvine

Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline

If I ever find one of the elusive critters, I will let you know.

(in reply to Motionflipotion)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: How to pick Dom/mes - 11/1/2008 12:50:11 PM

celticlord2112

Posts: 5732
Status: offline

quote:

What's your secrets!?!

Old Spice. Leather vest. My natural hunky good looks. Works every time.

And then reality set in......

_____________________________

(in reply to Motionflipotion)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: How to pick Dom/mes - 11/1/2008 2:59:45 PM

PsyVamp

Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

Old Spice. Leather vest. My natural hunky good looks. Works every time.

And then reality set in......

Forget the old spice... just wear lots and lots of leather...I'll be there in 5 minutes

Lady Jag

_____________________________

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. .
Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
~Owner of wolf~ (one of them, anyway)

(in reply to celticlord2112)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: How to pick Dom/mes - 11/1/2008 7:56:55 PM

AcademyForSlaves

Posts: 712
Joined: 2/24/2006
Status: offline

Hi.

If you have fetishes that are important to you it'll eventually never work out with anyone who doesn't share your interests, no matter how much you lie to them or to yourself. It'll only create topping for the bottom, unfulfillment, manipulations, and arguments. So I suggest finding someone who shares as many of your interests as possible (starting with the interests that are most important to you). The fetish interests that aren't so important to you can always get thrown in from time to time to spice things up, to make things more fun on special occasions, and for a reward.

Hope this helps.

_____________________________

Academy Mistresses
http://www.academyforslaves.com/home.html

(in reply to Motionflipotion)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: How to pick Dom/mes - 11/1/2008 11:30:10 PM

DMFParadox

Posts: 1405
Joined: 9/11/2007
Status: offline

I tend to somewhat disagree with Academy there; I've had as many problems with relationships where the girl shares most of my interests as in those where the girl shares very few. In fact, the girl I'm seeing now could be from Mars as far as common ground is concerned, yet it's been wonderful.

There are some traits to always look for. Reliability, flexibility, and smexy. If she's got those three then the rest of it is just spice in the soup.

_____________________________

bloody hell, get me some aspirin and a whiskey straight

"The role of gender in society is the most complicated thing I’ve ever spent a lot of time learning about, and I’ve spent a lot of time learning about quantum mechanics." - Randall Munroe

(in reply to AcademyForSlaves)

Profile

Post #: 10

RE: How to pick Dom/mes - 11/2/2008 1:11:54 AM

Daes

Posts: 246
Joined: 4/20/2007
From: Diamond Bar, SoCal
Status: offline

Patience.

Lots and lots and lots of patience. Youll need it.

Its like a relationship screening process - gotta go through email, instant messengers, phone calls, first meeting, a few dates, Maybe a session - then you figure out if you want them for a relationship. Most people drop off at the second step, the others usually become friends due to incompatibility. =P Strict as it may have been lol I knew what I wanted, what I was looking for, and didn't settle - I had learned from that the first time.

Thats how it usually went. Over and over and over again.

But, now Im happy and owned. Found someoe just for me. Still, it took patience! Not rushing into things, getting to know each other, getting to trust each other - and finally growing to love each other.

_____________________________

~*Estrellita*~
I want to be in surrender of His strength, of His power. Alone, I am nothing, but in His arms I am all things...

~His puppy~

(in reply to DMFParadox)

Profile

Post #: 11

RE: How to pick Dom/mes - 11/2/2008 1:47:31 AM

blackcat39

Posts: 62
Joined: 8/7/2008
Status: offline

I swear I thought this thread was about "how submissives pick their dom/mes" when I read the title. Not about Dom/mes advertising how they get picked. Based on alot of submissive/slave women on here bragging about how many messages they got (and still looking), I'm guessing few if any Dom/mes are getting picked from collarme. ;0

(in reply to Daes)

Profile

Post #: 12

RE: How to pick Dom/mes - 11/2/2008 2:03:00 AM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

charm is nice quality and it goes far with me

Otherwise, just write all the prospects names down on paper, tape it to a tree then throw some darts to pick he lucky winner(s) out.

< Message edited by ResidentSadist -- 11/2/2008 2:05:00 AM >

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to blackcat39)

Profile

Post #: 13

RE: How to pick Dom/mes - 11/2/2008 2:40:58 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

Melt? I've melted for totally wrong-for-me people. Common interests? While Master and I do have quite a few we also have many interests we don't share. My secret has been to look for common goals. In my opinion, you can only have a travel companion on your journey if you are travelling in the same direction.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to Motionflipotion)

Profile

Post #: 14

RE: How to pick Dom/mes - 11/2/2008 3:10:05 AM

moonvine

Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline

What kind of goals? Lifestyle, relationship, vanilla? If I have to wait for a dominant who also wants to open an animal sanctuary I have a feeling that may be a long wait.

(in reply to eyesopened)

Profile

Post #: 15

RE: How to pick Dom/mes - 11/3/2008 1:04:12 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

My opinion only but it would depend upon what you are seeking. Seeking lifestyle then a common lifestyle goal, a relationship then common relationship goals, etc. For example, one person seeking a committed play partner the other seeking a committed life partner, the relationship isn't going to last for very long. I'm sure there are Dominants who love animals and have thought about how nice it would be to have a sanctuary and expressing that goal is more likely to bring you in contact with someone who shares your feelings toward animals. Eh, I'm just saying what worked for me. I can honestly say I have had more peace, happiness, and lovely relationships when I've stayed focused on goals rather than focused on feeling all ooey gooey melty. That part is icing on the cake.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to moonvine)

Profile

Post #: 16

RE: How to pick Dom/mes - 11/3/2008 2:23:00 AM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

quote:

dominant who also wants to open an animal sanctuary

Would those not be findable in the vast realm of animal lovers? But I suppose it is then hard to ask all of 'em if they're dom, and looking.

Anyway, I am surprised we haven't talked. I've been meaning to set up an asylum for wayward bitches forever. I am a bit of an animal myself....

(in reply to moonvine)

Profile

Post #: 17

RE: How to pick Dom/mes - 11/3/2008 2:57:48 AM

candystripper

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AcademyForSlaves

Hi.

If you have fetishes that are important to you it'll eventually never work out with anyone who doesn't share your interests, no matter how much you lie to them or to yourself. It'll only create topping for the bottom, unfulfillment, manipulations, and arguments. So I suggest finding someone who shares as many of your interests as possible (starting with the interests that are most important to you). The fetish interests that aren't so important to you can always get thrown in from time to time to spice things up, to make things more fun on special occasions, and for a reward.

Hope this helps.

While I do agree with what you wrote, I thought when I read it, *for me* this places the cart before the horse. I am frequently asked by Doms to discuss my sexual fantasies, desires, etc. *For me*, there are very few people with whom I am comfortable revealing such things about myself. I never do so with my male friends, particularly if they are married, as part of the boundaries *I* need to invest in such men as friends. I never discuss such things with my UM or other family members, though I certainly love and trust them.

*For me*, the time to reveal my sexual fantasises and desires is usually when I sense I would be willing to get nakikie and see what happens, and that is not the first date....it may not be the third date.

I worked hard on just this matter when I wrote my profile, because I am submissive, but not a masochist, and I have come to realise that is generally unexpected. I reveal there that I enjoy bondage and a few other activities to try and give some information about what activties that might be considered 'kinky' are pleasurable to me, but the fact is, not every man is going to float my boat, no matter how profiicient he may be at bondage or anything else I listed.

*For me*, every initial contact offers up the possibility that a friendship may develop, and in fact, many have and some are as valuable to me as any I have with a vanilla person. I found D/s only a few years ago, and when I did, I was able to celebrate a fundamnetal part of myself I had always seen as flawed. It is a source of joy for me to feel accepted as a submissive woman, and that has given the friendships I have made with others into BDSM value in a unique and special way.

Will a friendship ever flower into a romance/collar/relationship for me? Who knows? What i can say is that, in the absence of friendship, I would not feel the level of desire *I* would need to move me to submit to a man.

I know not everyone into BDSM is just like me in this regard -- in fact I view myself as occupying a bit of niche.
candystripper

(in reply to AcademyForSlaves)

Profile

Post #: 18

RE: How to pick Dom/mes - 11/3/2008 3:09:09 AM

LydiaSciKitten

Posts: 43
Joined: 10/16/2008
From: Luxembourg, now in UK
Status: offline

As far as picking up Dom/mes goes, I found that what actually works is, when you meet in person a Dominant you are interested in, to axcuse yourself for being discreet, and then ask a couple of questions about the Dom/me's life. Usually they will enjoy presenting themselves, and will probably ask you a couple of questions back. Asking, so how are your subbies doing, is probably a great tactical mistake, as it sounds like, I hope you are fairly free because I am so desperate. Instead just make conversation, keeping it polite, and pleasant. If it seems to flow right, but the Dom/me makes no move whatsoever, you might want to try a compliment. Nothing cheesy or dishonest, probably just along the lines of 'you are a very attractive person'. If you still get no sign, He or She is not interested. They -are- the Dom/me after all, if they were interested they wouldn't really hesitate to let you know.

(in reply to Motionflipotion)

Profile

Post #: 19

RE: How to pick Dom/mes - 11/3/2008 11:08:30 AM

candystripper

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

They -are- the Dom/me after all, if they were interested they wouldn't really hesitate to let you know. (Excerpt.)

:Lydia

When I was younger, I used to wonder on a first date whether the guy found me attractive. Now I focus on whether I find him attractive. He'll be sure to let me know how he feels, but only I can decide how I feel.

Not every man who self-identifies as a Dom telegraphs that to me. Does not mean another person not might find them Domly as hell. It's pretty subjective stuff *to me*.

candystripper

(in reply to LydiaSciKitten)

Profile

Post #: 20