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candystripper -> RE: How to pick Dom/mes (11/3/2008 2:57:48 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: AcademyForSlaves
Hi.
If you have fetishes that are important to you it'll eventually never work out with anyone who doesn't share your interests, no matter how much you lie to them or to yourself. It'll only create topping for the bottom, unfulfillment, manipulations, and arguments. So I suggest finding someone who shares as many of your interests as possible (starting with the interests that are most important to you). The fetish interests that aren't so important to you can always get thrown in from time to time to spice things up, to make things more fun on special occasions, and for a reward.
Hope this helps.
While I do agree with what you wrote, I thought when I read it, *for me* this places the cart before the horse. I am frequently asked by Doms to discuss my sexual fantasies, desires, etc. *For me*, there are very few people with whom I am comfortable revealing such things about myself. I never do so with my male friends, particularly if they are married, as part of the boundaries *I* need to invest in such men as friends. I never discuss such things with my UM or other family members, though I certainly love and trust them.
*For me*, the time to reveal my sexual fantasises and desires is usually when I sense I would be willing to get nakikie and see what happens, and that is not the first date....it may not be the third date.
I worked hard on just this matter when I wrote my profile, because I am submissive, but not a masochist, and I have come to realise that is generally unexpected. I reveal there that I enjoy bondage and a few other activities to try and give some information about what activties that might be considered 'kinky' are pleasurable to me, but the fact is, not every man is going to float my boat, no matter how profiicient he may be at bondage or anything else I listed.
*For me*, every initial contact offers up the possibility that a friendship may develop, and in fact, many have and some are as valuable to me as any I have with a vanilla person. I found D/s only a few years ago, and when I did, I was able to celebrate a fundamnetal part of myself I had always seen as flawed. It is a source of joy for me to feel accepted as a submissive woman, and that has given the friendships I have made with others into BDSM value in a unique and special way.
Will a friendship ever flower into a romance/collar/relationship for me? Who knows? What i can say is that, in the absence of friendship, I would not feel the level of desire *I* would need to move me to submit to a man.
I know not everyone into BDSM is just like me in this regard -- in fact I view myself as occupying a bit of niche.
candystripper [sm=pole.gif]
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