rosanegra
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Joined: 1/1/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah
As for getting Sealed in the Temple I make this suggestion. Do you feel guilty going to Temple Now with what activities you engage in? If Not then you have no fear being Sealed in the Temple.
Steel
Actually, yes I would.. but not because of my sexual practices with my husband, nor our sexual desires.. more or less because currently I smoke, drink on occasion, and have not attended church, taken communion, or even really cared about religion for quite a while. It has been a very new thing, the feelings I've been having. I was pushed to this point by something that happened in my life that made me feel I needed to reach out to God for help again, and give faith another chance at helping me heal, as opposed to blaming God for everything that seemed to be going wrong. It was more or less a personal decision to attempt to seek out some answers for myself, followed by an absolutely mind-blowing experience that gave me a confirmation I never would have expected.
So I guess that sort of clears that up... but again, it's my husband I am worried about. He's got the Mormon faith.. but I swear his guilt is like that of a Catholic. He has trouble separating things that can be pure and beautiful from other kinks that really in no way fit into his moral values. The problem is that there are still things in those realms that he wants, even though he believes (or perhaps knows, in the assumption that there really are things that God does not want for us) that they are not right. Sinful temptations, I suppose you might say, that are blended with things that do not, at least in my opinion, seem to trample upon his idea of right and wrong.
I feel like his kinky side is like some deep dark secret he is afraid of, even though he knows it's what he wants.. rather than a part of him that I embrace and love about him, and wish he'd act on more. I think it is that he is afraid of the temptations it might put in his way, even though it is possible to have aspects of this lifestyle without being sinful in any way, shape, or form.
Of course.. I've only recently come to the point that any of this matters, and I have always had slightly more liberal views on just about... well.. everything, than he has. There are things I would have done even a week ago that I am rethinking as of now, because of this very fresh and recent experience that I had. Even kinky things... Things I still think about doing that on a moral level do not fit with some beliefs I have begun to see as truthful and beautiful.
I mean.. I've suppose I've always had a fairly strong moral backbone, but I also refuse to condemn others for the things that they do, because who am I to judge what is wrong or right for somebody else. I am one of those, 'freedom to choose in all things that allow others the ability to live their lives happily," types.
Like.. I would never have an abortion unless my life was almost certainly jeopardized by continuing with the pregnancy. But I am still pro-choice, because who am I to make that decision for someone else? The people who can't let it be up to an individual are harping on things that they don't have much, if any, power to change on any major level.. but even the Mormon church has adopted the philosophy that in cases of rape, incest, or danger to the life of the mother, abortion is an acceptable (even if not preferred) measure.
I don't know.. a lot of my ideas about life, and the way the world works, aren't really entirely in fitting with any church doctrine. Still.. I believe in so much of it at this point.. does that mean I need to change, or does it mean I need to just accept that I am who I am and the only thing I can do is live my life the way I feel God has directed me to?
And if I don't necessarily agree with or practice every single value of the LDS church, does that make me unfit to enter the temple? Perhaps my opinions on certain things will change as I progress spiritually but... for instance.. masturbation.
Right now, my husband is deployed. I am, admittedly, a fairly sexual person. Is it masturbation if I am pleasing myself while he is pleasing himself because we cannot do it for each other? Can the church really say it is wrong for us to do that? I mean, I understand the entire concept of lovemaking being meant for the purpose of procreation (although the church has taken a slightly softer stance on that in recent years because yes, it is also a bonding "ritual" of sorts), but let's just look at it from a scientific standpoint. A woman having an orgasm with her husband increases the odds of the act of lovemaking to result in conception. A woman who masturbates becomes more relaxed and better able to have that release during lovemaking.. Therefore, masturbation could, in theory, make attempts at procreation MORE successful, and makes that experience with her husband more enjoyable for both of them (because let's face it, what man doesn't enjoy being able to do that to his woman). In particular, lovemaking with my husband tends to be more enjoyable for both of us when he has masturbated too, because it lasts longer, enabling both of us to enjoy the experience longer.. That closeness and intimacy is definitely more fulfilling over a 30 minute period than it is over a 30 second period. Also, when he wants me to please myself and gives me permission to feel that physical ecstasy, it is emotional ecstasy for both of us. I enjoy the feeling of having my most intimate reactions in his hands, and he enjoys the fact that I am willing to allow him that control over me. He enjoys the sound of it, the look on my face, the completely overwhelming feeling of closeness that even that gives us.
The argument the church makes against masturbation is that it is selfishly seeking your own pleasure as opposed to seeking out the pleasure of your mate... I do not, however, see it as an entirely selfish act, though I do agree that to some degree it is. Yes, masturbating may make me feel good.. but it also makes my husband feel good to know that I feel good.. I'm not saying I wouldn't want to do it even if he didn't enjoy it so much... perhaps that is a bit morally misguided... but at the same time, I also have to ask.. why would God give us the tools and abilities to make ourselves feel that way if he didn't want us to use them? So far, he hasn't given me an answer on that one. Maybe that will change.
I don't know.. I guess that is just the example of some of the conflicts that I am beginning to feel. I get the word of wisdom.. that makes sense to me. I know I shouldn't do things that are BAD for my body for the sheer enjoyment of doing them.. but I have to ask myself where that line gets drawn. What is so sinful about wanting to enjoy certain things in life that are not in the slightest bit harmful to others OR myself.
I don't know.. I guess I have a lot of researching, reading, and soul-searching to do.. and yes, maybe some questions to ask, too. But a lot of you have given me a lot to ponder on and I appreciate it. I guess I'll find out over the next year, or couple of years even, whether or not this is the direction I need to be taking. Hopefully as I start opening up and praying more, I'll get more answers.
I'm really not trying to justify behaviors I have that are morally unacceptable.. I just figure if God gave me this brain, he wants me to use it, right? I don't think my logic is infallible, but I do think it is pretty solid. So I guess getting my brain and heart in the right place, and in agreement with each other, is a step in the right direction. Wish me luck, keep me in your prayers, or whatever it is that you personally do to attempt to help people get where they need to be. I appreciate it all.
- rosa
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"If it weren't for the gutter, my mind would be homeless."
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RE: Is it possible to be a good Mormon and be kinky? - 
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