Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

restraint


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> restraint Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
restraint - 9/20/2008 11:48:45 AM   
greeneyes600


Posts: 47
Joined: 9/16/2008
Status: offline 		Should a submissive be restrained to take what their master wants them to take?

I can see the point of the sub standing to take what's given, without movement, without a sound....but then it's the sub who has the power...over herself.

If she is retsrained, immobilised, then the restrainer is the one with the power, over her. He decides she isn't to move, he decides she stays there until he is finished with her.

My view only of course...what do you think?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: restraint - 9/20/2008 11:51:43 AM   
peppermint


Posts: 5175
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		There are no rules.  Restrained or unrestrained are equally suitable depending on the needs of the Master and the circumstances. 

(in reply to greeneyes600)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: restraint - 9/20/2008 11:52:35 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		I think they both have their place.  Why not....I like variety.

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to greeneyes600)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: restraint - 9/20/2008 11:54:24 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline 		Whether I'm moving or not.. he has the power. I happen to love love restraints and am lucky that he indulges me as often as possible. That he indulges me doesn't alter who holds the power either, it is simply that he is my owner and always holds the power no matter who is doing what.
It isn't the action that determines the power IMO but the mindset.


_____________________________


~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




(in reply to greeneyes600)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: restraint - 9/20/2008 12:00:28 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: greeneyes600
If she is retsrained, immobilised, then the restrainer is the one with the power, over her. He decides she isn't to move, he decides she stays there until he is finished with her.

My view only of course...what do you think?


Actually, it's the restraints themselves that cause her to be immobilized. What I mean by that is that the only power that the dominant has to wield is when to take off the restraints. The rest is done for him. If the sub is unrestrained and stays immobilized it is because of the power that he has over her in his instruction not to move. It takes far greater effort on the part of the sub to submit to his will when unrestrained than it does when she/he has no other choice due to physical restraints.

I like both ways...but I find it far more challenging and requiring me to get more in touch with the reasons for my submission when unrestrained.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to greeneyes600)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: restraint - 9/20/2008 12:05:31 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		~fast reply~

My preference for discipline is not to restrain... for me, it is part of the disciplinary process to accept and yield to that process. While I may restrain for enjoyment (mine or the one bottoming to me for a scene), I tend not to use restraints during discipline.

Acceptance of the consequences of one's actions is fundamental to a disciplinary path. In my mind, requiring a servant to accept the discipline under hir own self-restraint, and, in fact, requiring hir active participation, reinforces that need to face the consequences of one's own actions. If I restrain hir, it is an external act and xhe still has the opportunity to fight the disciplinary process and to fail to accept responsibility for getting to that point. Without that external 'crutch' the burden rests where the poor decision-making originated.

Calla Firestorm

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to camille65)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: restraint - 9/20/2008 12:05:32 PM   
greeneyes600


Posts: 47
Joined: 9/16/2008
Status: offline 		I understand totally all of the sides to this discussion.  Mistoferin I was interested in your sentence 'It takes far greater effort on the part of the sub to submit to his will when unrestrained'  that is exactly what i mean.  It's the subs power which makes her stay put...albeit because she wants to submit...whereas when bound it's because he says so...and therefore she has no choice in the matter.

I do agree with all the posts actually...that it's down to the moment....but like to understanbd the mentality behind actions in bdsm

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: restraint - 9/20/2008 12:05:50 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		There is a different mind game being played with each.  Both I find absolutely delicious.

Restrained, it is a matter of knowing there is no hope of escape.  Unrestrained, there is the fear of consequences and the delibrate focus on controlling one's own body for the pleasure of another. 

Control is an illusion for both always.  The submissive consented both to the activity and to be restrained, so had initial control.  Further, there is often a method for ending things that go beyond a certain level, so he/she also has final control.  During the space inbetween, the dominant has full whim as that is the purpose of the interaction.  That dominant can require whatever within the confines of the relationship and its dynamics and the submissive party has only two responses, accept it or leave the dynamic.

Maybe I stated this a bit strongly, but I tire of this idea that somehow the process of actually getting to a scene were meaningless.  It gave certain rights and responsibilities to each person.  What they are is completely in the realm of personal choices of the parties involved.  I do not wish to overstate, but there is a certain smack of reality one must not overlook.

lovingpet 

(in reply to camille65)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: restraint - 9/20/2008 12:06:47 PM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		Totally agree.  I just experienced this with a pretty hard spanking unrestrained over Milady's lap.  Our bodies will instinctively want to move away from the pain, but the D is holding us with their will alone.   A wonderful expression of submission.  

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: restraint - 9/20/2008 12:12:58 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: greeneyes600

My view only of course...what do you think?


I think you're overthinking.  When I'm restrained, I don't think "oh I can't get away", just as when I'm not restrained, I don't think "I am standing still because I want to" or even "I am standing still because he wants me to." 

The invisible bonds can be just as powerful as the visible ones.


Cali





_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to greeneyes600)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: restraint - 9/20/2008 12:15:29 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline 		There is no ‘should’ here.  The dominant writes the rules.  In fact, I love rope play, but the 2 men in my life find it tedious.  So, when I am put in bondage it is by other means.
I view physical bonds as symbolic of the relationship.  I am restrained by his voiced commands; the leather cuffs or spreader bar are simply icing on the cake!

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to greeneyes600)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: restraint - 9/20/2008 12:17:57 PM   
zakkan


Posts: 606
Joined: 4/15/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

The invisible bonds can be just as powerful as the visible ones.


Cali






_____________________________

Silence! I keel you!

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: restraint - 9/20/2008 12:22:09 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: greeneyes600
I understand totally all of the sides to this discussion.  Mistoferin I was interested in your sentence 'It takes far greater effort on the part of the sub to submit to his will when unrestrained'  that is exactly what i mean.  It's the subs power which makes her stay put...albeit because she wants to submit...whereas when bound it's because he says so...and therefore she has no choice in the matter.


Can you not see that it's the dominant's power and ability to control his submissive that keeps them there also? Yes, they do have a desire to submit...but in order to do so they have to override all natural instinct of survival and self preservation. I know that I draw the strength to do so from my Dominant. Yes, I am the one that has to be in charge of my reactions....but it is his will and his power that make that possible.

In restraints I don't find much "submission" except for the moment at which you consent to restraint. Beyond that moment it is a choiceless position.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to greeneyes600)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: restraint - 9/20/2008 12:26:21 PM   
greeneyes600


Posts: 47
Joined: 9/16/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin


Can you not see that it's the dominant's power and ability to control his submissive that keeps them there also?


Yes I do see that.....maybe i do 'overthink' but for me knowing and understanding the mental side of this life makes it far deeper.

< Message edited by greeneyes600 -- 9/20/2008 12:27:46 PM >

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: restraint - 9/20/2008 12:28:50 PM   
mbes


Posts: 465
Joined: 12/14/2006
Status: offline 		Standing still and "taking it" is an act of submission. Since I prefer activitiy to passivity, it's my preference. Just my nature.
Of course, either way, the sub performs an act, either by staying, or in allowing the bonds to be placed. But once the binding is done, passivity comes into play, and it's not my strong suit. I'm afraid that I would tend toward fighting the binding (not that there's anything wrong with that!)
The binding my other half uses tends to run more toward a reminder, than an incapacitating force. I CAN get out of it. My will to submit is tested. I like that, and he seems to as well.
So I'm not seeing any "shoulds" in any of that.

(in reply to catize)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: restraint - 9/20/2008 12:54:37 PM   
SirJohnMandevill


Posts: 546
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: greeneyes600

Should a submissive be restrained to take what their master wants them to take?

I can see the point of the sub standing to take what's given, without movement, without a sound....but then it's the sub who has the power...over herself.

If she is retsrained, immobilised, then the restrainer is the one with the power, over her. He decides she isn't to move, he decides she stays there until he is finished with her.

My view only of course...what do you think?


My submissive lady and I have played -- and immensely enjoyed -- both ways. Normally I restrain her with cuffs, chains and ropes. But we also had a very memorable scene where I whipped her front and back as she stood naked, unrestrained except for cuffs, and totally at my mercy.
 
Mmmmmmmmmmmmm...again, lover? Five more days....
 
Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)

Whatever the Dominant wants should be the rule.

_____________________________

Iam an eroticist
I am a fully eroticized being
No more neuroses
I found my strip naked soul soup
With the deviant ingredient
---The B-52s

(in reply to greeneyes600)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: restraint - 9/20/2008 12:59:36 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: greeneyes600

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin


Can you not see that it's the dominant's power and ability to control his submissive that keeps them there also?


Yes I do see that.....maybe i do 'overthink' but for me knowing and understanding the mental side of this life makes it far deeper.


Your mental side will be vastly different from anyone else's.  There is no right or wrong, just whatever works between the two unique people.

_____________________________



(in reply to greeneyes600)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: restraint - 9/20/2008 1:13:29 PM   
lizcgirl


Posts: 287
Joined: 4/13/2008
Status: offline 		I like both equally. When I'm not restrained I'm focusing more on holding still and behaving, which is what makes it submissive to me. When I'm restrained, I've handed Him the power to do what He wishes without being able to do anything about it- handing Him the power is what is submissive to me in that situation. Just because I can't move doesn't mean it's easier, it just means I submitted in a different way at that time. I wouldn't walk up to any joe-blow and let him restrain me, just like if some one randomly told me to hold perfectly still I wouldn't comply. Both are acts and signs of submission because you choose to do them for the One you serve. Still, I love to be restrained. The mentality of it, knowing He can do whatever He wishes I can't stop Him even if I wanted to, is hot as hell to me. It all boils down to mentality.

_____________________________

Never make some one a priority when all you are to them is an option.


(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: restraint - 9/20/2008 1:24:15 PM   
NormalOutside


Posts: 622
Joined: 1/8/2008
Status: offline 		Rope bores me, I have to admit it.  And yeah, I call myself a dominant.  :p
I'm not big into the kinky aspects of BDSM - the chains, the outfits, the roleplays.  I'm about reality.  If I want to hurt my girl, I can do it without ropes.  Punishment, same thing.  Pleasure, you guessed it, I can do it without ropes or cuffs.  I'm bigger, I'm stronger, and restraints or not I'm going to get what I want, always.

I don't really get the side I'm hearing in here, mostly the submissives, saying "I'm giving him the control to tie me up, I'm giving him the control to punish me, I'm in control of when it ends", etc.  To each their own, of course, but to me that wouldn't work.  If you're getting so much control out of this restraint/punishment, you're probably more bottom than submissive.

(there should be a profile option for bottom or top, not just submissive and dominant..... fetlife does it that way, they have 10 or so options for what you are)

(in reply to lizcgirl)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: restraint - 9/20/2008 1:35:33 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NormalOutside
I don't really get the side I'm hearing in here, mostly the submissives, saying "I'm giving him the control to tie me up, I'm giving him the control to punish me, I'm in control of when it ends", etc.  To each their own, of course, but to me that wouldn't work.  If you're getting so much control out of this restraint/punishment, you're probably more bottom than submissive.


I'm pretty sure only one person (not "mostly the submissives") said they are in control of when it ends.  As far as the rest of the "control" goes, it's given to him by being in the relationship.  I hardly find that makes any of us "more bottom than submissive."


Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to NormalOutside)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> restraint Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.125