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How vanilla lol - 9/2/2008 6:16:41 AM   
missturbation


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This is kind of a follow on from my thread 'starting over'. I was saying in there that it is hard adjusting from a non-emotional relationship to an emotional one. I'm still having a little difficulty with that but settling in pretty well in general.

Anyhoo this weekend we went on a 'kinky double date' with a couple of friends of mine. We had a great time, lunch on Canal Street, mancs, strolling round the shops hand in hand. Not very much D/s in sight at all unless you count a few nips, slaps, buying of blades and pegs etc. Oh and every shop we went in had some connection to fet / D/s.

Later i was talking to one of my friends and she mentioned she had said to her partner that she had never really been on a 'kinky double date' before. Her partner had replied that basically it was a 'nilla double date', all the hand holding, kissing etc.

This got me thinking and finding myself again in a place i haven't been for a long time. My previous 'relationship' was 100% D/s at all times. There was absolutely nothing nilla about it. I would go to his house for 24 hours and i was nothing more than chattel, a piece of meat.

Now don't get me wrong there is D/s present at all times in my new relationship, but its also more relaxed at times if that makes sense. I don't have to worry about protocol and rules all the time. This probably sounds silly but i can walk down the street with him just like any other ordinary every day couple does.

We spent Saturday night in a hotel, went for a meal, played poker, texas hold em for you dirty minded people lol. We didnt really do any play and on the sunday we went to Saford quays, had coffee, wandered around and then i came home.

I know a lot of you may be thinking 'so?, we do this kind of thing all the time'. But i haven't for such a long time and it's not something i want to start taking for granted and not appreciating. I want to keep the 'wow this is good feeling' for as long as i can.

The point of this thread? I'm not really sure. Maybe just to say appreciate and don't take for granted the little things, the times when we are just a couple wandering down the street hand in hand etc etc!

I don't know maybe i'm just a kid in a candy store right now  lol. I also accept before anyone says it that it is early days and may be all gone before i know it. But i tell ya experiencing the emotional side of things again, i'll never be sorry and i'll never regret it.
 

< Message edited by missturbation -- 9/2/2008 6:18:26 AM >


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RE: How vanilla lol - 9/2/2008 6:43:37 AM   
MistressStiletto


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Sounds like you're in a good place, so congratulations!

I know in my experience, relationships built on scenes, fetish wear, or other "D/s" things aren't that interesting. Those things are like icing on the cake, but not the cake. The mental aspects are much more intense. When I'm with a slave in public, holding her hand and walking around "like a normal couple" is great, but at the same time our relationship is 24/7, so we both know at all times where the boundaries are. That understanding between the two of us definitely puts a twinkle in our eyes.

(in reply to missturbation)
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RE: How vanilla lol - 9/2/2008 6:51:40 AM   
leadership527


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*laughs and laughs then says in his most evil emporer voice*  Yesssssss.... feel the love.... join me in the vanilla side...

... Kidding missturbation.  Honestly, I'm glad things are going so wonderfully for you.

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RE: How vanilla lol - 9/2/2008 7:04:09 AM   
DarkSteven


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I'd never be able to have a relationship that didn't have a mix of nilla and D/s.

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RE: How vanilla lol - 9/2/2008 7:27:58 AM   
WhiplashSmile2


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This is a refreshing post, if anything it expresses D/s without having to turn it into some uber D/s ordeal.   Really simple and pure.

Relaxed carefree moments of walking down a side walk together hand in hand, enjoying the sunny day, perhaps even a rainy day.  Regardless of what the weather is, you enjoy the beautiful moment.

So much is posted about pain, darkness and S&M that it's not funny.  What ironic these things can help on find an even deeper appreciation for the simple, pure and natural things, that many people take for granted in day to day living.

I myself, I'm a pretty sensory orientate kind of guy.  I enjoy a walk in the city, a hike in the forest.  A bit of an explorer by nature.  I enjoy having somebody who's my partner in crime to explore things with, and simply live.

Regardless of the type of relationship it is.  Fundamentally, this is part of who and what I am.  There are things I enjoy and moments I totally bask in.  Often things that many people take for granted in the hussle of day to day life.

For me, even in more extremes of D/s where it's M/s, I want somebody who is able, willing and totally into leaving the house.  D/s for me is about something far greater besides kink, sex and hanging around the house engaging in high protocol practices.   I have certain desires, wants and needs.  Getting out of the house and doing things is part of that.

In many regards, a lot of so called vanilla people keep secluded to their houses and don't venture out very often.  I'm not certain what I'm trying to fully express.

I have done things, visited places and explored the areas around me.  Adds more contrast to life.  To appreciate the sunny days, the rainy days.  To simply be as a human being. 

Sure Add hot rough kinky sex, and other things into the picture.  Still in a a D/s relationship, I am just assured that it's a D/s relationship.  Regardless if we are at the beach, a picnic, a park, a bookstore, the mall, a side walk cafe, a coffee shop, an out of the way pub, or wherever.  Life is a bit of an adventure, why not get out of the house and enjoy the adventure a little.

I have not use for a relationship partner that whats to stay at home or the house all the time.  This is regardless of their orientation (sub,slave,switch or Domme).

I don't know perhaps I'm one of those Heterosexual that have come along and watered down the so called "lifestyle".  My cultural roots are not connected with the Gay leather community.  I suspect one of my uncles was through.  He was an awesom man that passed away this last year.

My uncle, he was full of life, always doing thing, very social person.  Ironic he had both his nipples peirced, had some tattoos, and became very involved in the Gay community after his marriage of 15 years went to hell.  I don't know if he was Gay or Bisexual.  Hell, actually an area of conversation we never got into it.

However, my uncle was a firm believer in one doing things in life that make you happy.  He actually bought me a pair of Black Leather pants for Christmas one day.  But my uncle knew I was a bit different anyways.  He was supportive of my freakisms and of me playing Rock-n-Roll music and doing things I enjoyed in life.

In the last couple of years, I came out of the closest and told my mom, that I'm into BDSM and this crazy madness. She was very accepting and understanding of it.  I had thought about talking with my uncle some.  Because I suspected he was tied into BDSM in the Gay Leather or similar sub-culture.  There were a lot of ear markings there.  Things that well, people in our family saw, but nobody gave him a hard time about.  There is something that is to be said for the Quality of a person and the Quality of life that they are living.  Along with it comes respect.

None the less, this uncle was my most favorite uncle out them all.  Him and had some really great conversations regarding life, without getting into BDSM and kink.  It was about life and living.  There are still things he said to me, that echo in my mind to this day.

I'm sitting here thing about a BBQ, him standing there with his shirt off, nipple rings dangling, the beautiful tattoo work.  He was very comfortable with himself and who is was.   I do want to make it clear, that he did not dress all crazy on a day to day basis.  He did not walk around with the Leather Look 24/7, if anything he dressed very normal and well in day to day living.

I never pried into his relationships with so called guys that had lived with him. Roommates? Partners? Really it made no difference to me.  My Uncle was my uncle.   He was not thrusting his Kink and Sexual and relationship practices down anybodys throat or running around trying to show the world how much and this that or another thing he was.

I tend to believe in having a well rounded life and experiences. Perhaps to somebody out there, this might make me pretty vanilla.  But my life has been anything but ordinary, boring, dull, and rather diverse and well... well off the beaten path of things.

Even my vanilla life has not been really all the vanilla and boring.  I've not lived life as if I was having missionary sex while browsing the bookshops and such.  Instead, full of excietment at exploring, checking things out, trying out interesting flavors of coffee.  Meeting new people, talking about anything and everything.  Trying to keep an open mind and enjoy things,  Find Amazing amounts of small beauty in the sublime at times.

The only thing have to offer anybody in my own defense is that I'm a DOM and damn it, I'm going to leave my life as I so please, if you don't like it, kiss my fucking ass.  People trying to push me around and tell me what I should do, end up with a rude awakening.  LOL...

I try to take time out for those people I encounter, that are a little down and out. A simple conversation, try to share with them some positive thoughts, advice, even get them to see the truth that they already know.  I try to do these things for whatever reason at times.  Perhaps you say, I have my moments of being a White Knight. So what I have a White Knight Streak to my personality.  I know I have helped other people along my adventure in this beautiful and fucked up world.

I'm not perfect, and I ain't always right, but I'll take my time to live, I'll take my time to stop for a moment, take a deep breath in and enjoy the moments.  There is a slice of me that is a bit of a humanitarian.  I'm not a complete sadistic bastard.  OK, so I'm a little bit off the beaten path.  I'm an Aquarious, how else should any self respecting Aquarious behave, beside being the odd balls that we are.

Enjoy the moments while they are here.  Even if they all go to hell in the end, you can always find them again, with somebody else, somebody new.

Enjoy everything in the here and now, appreciate what you have now. What tomorrow brings in the end, who the hell really knows.  I don't own a crystal ball, but I feel more like I do own a Crazy 8 ball.  We all ask ourselves question and find amazing smart ass vauge answers inside ourselves, just like that Crazy 8 ball, that's what made Crazy 8 balls so popular after all, because of the truth in the answers.

Have a beautiful day, afternoon or night.

(in reply to missturbation)
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RE: How vanilla lol - 9/2/2008 7:28:20 AM   
pompeii


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I've had many a relationship that did NOT have BDSM mixed in. Most, in fact. Only the memorable special few, oh, those special few, had the D/s element mixed in, and even then, only behind a closed door in the bedroom. Oh, to try out a 24/7 situation! Nonetheless, I suspect it's vastly more common than not for someone of our ilk (may I presume to be in the BDSM category along with you) to have more friends, even more sexual friends, who are vanilla than who are not. It's just part of the inevitable mix.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
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RE: How vanilla lol - 9/2/2008 7:45:50 AM   
CreativeDominant


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You already know I am happy for you, misst.    And I have to admit, the ornery side of me you already know about is having a ball just sitting back and watching this, while the good side is keeping my fingers crossed so very tightly for you.

 amazing what perspective emotions can bring, isn't it?  Yet so paradoxical.

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RE: How vanilla lol - 9/2/2008 7:53:56 AM   
velvetears


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i'm very happy for you misst and hope it lasts a very long time, if not forever!  Thanks for a heartwarming post

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RE: How vanilla lol - 9/2/2008 7:54:21 AM   
RCdc


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Sometimes we aren't always aware of what is good for us, or what we need, until is slaps us in the face (or in this case, brings us flowers)
 
the.dark.

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RE: How vanilla lol - 9/2/2008 8:10:44 AM   
missturbation


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quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

You already know I am happy for you, misst.    And I have to admit, the ornery side of me you already know about is having a ball just sitting back and watching this, while the good side is keeping my fingers crossed so very tightly for you.

 amazing what perspective emotions can bring, isn't it?  Yet so paradoxical.


Ornery? huh?
 
quote:

Sometimes we aren't always aware of what is good for us, or what we need, until is slaps us in the face (or in this case, brings us flowers)

 
the.dark.

 
Very true
 
quote:

*laughs and laughs then says in his most evil emporer voice*  Yesssssss.... feel the love.... join me in the vanilla side...

... Kidding missturbation.  Honestly, I'm glad things are going so wonderfully for you.

 
Lol a few short weeks ago i would have screamed never and run



_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

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RE: How vanilla lol - 9/2/2008 8:22:38 AM   
WhiplashSmile2


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"If Love and Affection are too painful for you, I'll become your worse sadistic nightmare come true."

I had this posted on my profile at one time. :-)

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RE: How vanilla lol - 9/2/2008 8:26:36 AM   
missturbation


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quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile2

"If Love and Affection are too painful for you, I'll become your worse sadistic nightmare come true."

I had this posted on my profile at one time. :-)


Lol i'm coping right now but ya never know

< Message edited by missturbation -- 9/2/2008 8:27:47 AM >


_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

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RE: How vanilla lol - 9/2/2008 8:29:16 AM   
Daddyssweetpea


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I love the paradox of having the nature of my relationship with Daddy be a secret.  We are incredibly vanilla and conservative (not politically, but in terms of dress, etc) on the surface.  Most people we know would be absolutely shocked to know what we get up to behind closed doors. Having it be our little secret makes our own private universe that much more rarified and special to us.  I especially love when we are whispering things to one another right under the noses of people who would never suspect in a million years that he is telling me something like "when we get home, Daddy's belt is coming off" or something that is equally likely to have me melting in my panties. 

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RE: How vanilla lol - 9/2/2008 8:32:38 AM   
natasha66


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Sometimes "normal" is a good (hell, GREAT) thing....

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"If you bother me again I shall visit you in the small hours of the night and put a bat up your nightdress".
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Collared June 4th, 2008
Love is giving him the power to destroy you, but trusting him not to.



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RE: How vanilla lol - 9/2/2008 8:52:45 AM   
LadyHibiscus


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Sounds like a fun time to me! 

(emotional edge play woohoo!! )

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RE: How vanilla lol - 9/2/2008 9:55:51 AM   
Missokyst


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It all sounds lovely.  What I miss the most is not the beatings, the torment.. what I miss is trailing along behind him at the store, with my finger hooked through his belt loop like a little girl.
Enjoy your time, it is so much more than just kink.
Kyst

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RE: How vanilla lol - 9/2/2008 11:09:05 AM   
softness


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I think the key is that it is covert rather than overt D/s ... not that you are hiding anything .. but that it is under the radar.

I have been reviewing my ancient posts recently ... tracing the changes ... I posted once about wanting everything that a vanilla relationship has to offer ... with everything a BDSM focused relationship has to offer as an amazing exciting bonus ...not an either or

Think that is something I should get back to ... because relaxed gentle lunchtime double dates, being silly and being me ... were never something I really wanted to give up ...

and on that note ... curry, cake, wine and DVD at mine on saturday night Missturbation .... have saved half the doggie bed for you

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RE: How vanilla lol - 9/2/2008 11:20:21 AM   
missturbation


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quote:

I have been reviewing my ancient posts recently ... tracing the changes ... I posted once about wanting everything that a vanilla relationship has to offer ... with everything a BDSM focused relationship has to offer as an amazing exciting bonus ...not an either or

Think that is something I should get back to ... because relaxed gentle lunchtime double dates, being silly and being me ... were never something I really wanted to give up ...


Pretty much something we both seem to be getting back to at the moment. Weird we should discover this at about the same time lol. Not giving up my pain slut status though, no no no they aint having the PS union card back na ha!!
 
quote:

and on that note ... curry, cake, wine and DVD at mine on saturday night Missturbation .... have saved half the doggie bed for you

Yum yum yummy, can't wait.
*whispas* managed to lose the body stocking yet?




_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to softness)
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RE: How vanilla lol - 9/2/2008 11:27:50 AM   
LadyHibiscus


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<loves curry, envious of the UK crew>

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RE: How vanilla lol - 9/2/2008 11:42:45 AM   
softness


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From: Leeds, UK
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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation


quote:

and on that note ... curry, cake, wine and DVD at mine on saturday night Missturbation .... have saved half the doggie bed for you

Yum yum yummy, can't wait.
*whispas* managed to lose the body stocking yet?





am working on it .. honestly though .. the payback if I do would prolly be worse than you haveing to wear it!


_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio





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