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RE: Friend or Foe - 8/27/2008 11:22:11 PM

girlivy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterWilliam55

I would not normally respond to a post of this sort, but for the sake of new people to the lifestyle I will. First, in "real life" no submissive in my world has ever treated me with any disrespect, nor I them. If she decided I was not the kind of Dominant she was seeking, we parted company in a dignified manner. If it was on-line, leading towards a real relationship, any reasonably intelligent person would know within the first few e-mails whether or not the relationship would work. I know, I've been there.

After 10 years on-line and 20 more before that in the real-life community, I've never met a submissive who was disrespectful to me or I to her. Yes, a very few have suddenly "disappeared", and this was rude, but non have "attacked" me or shown any lack of civility. Most though would simply say "nice to meet you, Good bye", or I to them.

Do most of you live in some sort of fantasy, looking for the perfect Dom or sub? When you find a potential candidate do you "shit" on them, and if so...why? I would like to think you treat them seriously and if they don't work out, you take a pass trying to keep the dignity of both in-tact.

Bitterness leads many people into exagerating their "issues". I doubt the sincerity of the OP's issue and many of the responses. Life and people just don't work this way....

I would think because they are into that sort of play..... All kidding aside, I do believe in the golden rule theroy, be it in any dynamic/lifestyle, etc....

< Message edited by girlivy -- 8/27/2008 11:24:48 PM >

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RE: Friend or Foe - 8/27/2008 11:36:43 PM

MasterWilliam55

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"do unto others as you would have them do unto you" My parents taught me that, and it has served me well.

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RE: Friend or Foe - 8/27/2008 11:38:38 PM

girlivy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterWilliam55

"do unto others as you would have them do unto you" My parents taught me that, and it has served me well.

Exactly, we are all humans first... then assume our "roles" ....

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Post #: 43

RE: Friend or Foe - 8/27/2008 11:39:45 PM

Leatherist

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I dunno, encountering someone with enough baggage to overflow the grand canyon is sort of "special".....

I leave that challenge to the "Superman Uberdoms" those sorts of "domissives" seem to prefer.

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RE: Friend or Foe - 8/28/2008 3:16:59 AM

ExSteelAgain

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Heh, 20 in the past 2 years. You’re probably going to meet a few who would be somewhat hesitant with you just because of those numbers.

But to answer your question, over the years, I distinctly remember two cases like that. I reacted quickly and firmly once I realized what was going on. I told both of them I didn’t have time for games and good bye.

One emailed me and apologized 2 weeks later (that’s a long time) and we ended up having some great times for a few years. The other did the same thing a couple of days later and we ended up together for a couple of years, too.

I’m not presenting this as a way to overcome that problem always. It may not work all the time, but it did for me.

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RE: Friend or Foe - 8/29/2008 11:48:34 AM

CreativeDominant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

I've had the pleasure (and sometimes not so much) of meeting and getting to know roughly 20 something women in the last 2 years. Among those 20, 3 of them demonstrated the same kind of behavior of being overly hostile toward me and treating me like some kind of enemy or threat to them.

They would be overly argumentative, aggressive in their communication style as if to put me on the defensive, respond defensively and closemindedly to anything I said that slightly disagreed with their opinions, unnecessarily difficult, and constantly challenging.

Now from where I sit, such hostility is just a bad way to start off any relationship and even more so when you are supposedly interested in submitting, obeying, and being pleasing to a person. Personally, in all three cases, I was pretty quick to become turned off and lose interest.

The fact that I have had this happen more than once shows that it's not solely a secluded issue.

For the submissives out there, if you have done this before, why did you do it? Just being a brat? Insecurity? An attempt to test and make the dominant "prove" themselves to you?

For the dominants, have you encountered this behavior? How did you handle it? Did you find it to be attractive or a turn off?

I've encountered it and it IS a turn-off for me. I'll do what I can to show you that I am the man I say I am and the dominant I say I am but I'll be damned if I will jump through hoops for you. I make that clear along with the idea that if they want games, there is probably a Dave and Buster's close by.
There IS a difference between the first two and the last one. I don't do brats and I sooooooooooooo don't do SAMs. I find playfulness and a bit of spirit delightful but again, there is a line...and it is a pretty heavy one in my opinion...that divides playful and spirited from brats and SAMs.

< Message edited by CreativeDominant -- 8/29/2008 12:23:48 PM >

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RE: Friend or Foe - 8/29/2008 2:23:45 PM

lizcgirl

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I try to be as respectful to others as they are to me. I don't want to come right out and insult any one, so if I get a decent email that maybe asks for more than I can give, I politely tell them no. If I get an email demanding something from me, whether it's to cam, send pics, whatever, I usually just tend to ignore it. Every once and a while though, after repeated attempts to politely tell them to back off, I get very aggressive. In my eyes, at that point, there's no reason to respect them since they've done nothing but disrespect me. I don't know why some people come off rude from the beginning, but I do have to agree about the age thing. I have younger friends who can't swallow a simple respectful act like calling some one 'Sir', and older ones who do the exact same thing without thought. A lot of general manners have been lost with each generation and it's just kind of sad really.

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RE: Friend or Foe - 8/30/2008 1:13:18 AM

DesFIP

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Why do you assume this is some kind of pretend response? It would seem to me that it is a defense mechanism to incompatibility.

I'm submissive but I'm only submissive to one. If I met someone I didn't feel submissive towards, I would become defensive and indeed hostile if they pushed aggressive dominance at me.

But if only 3 out of 20 acted this way, then that speaks well of your ability to weed out incompatible partners. Accept the fact that not everyone you meet is going to want to be your playtoy and move on.

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RE: Friend or Foe - 8/30/2008 8:53:08 AM

stella41b

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In the absence of physical beauty and a complete gender I base my life on the following three things - my personality, my personal integrity and my sense of responsibility. I am aware that I am in control of everything I think, say, do, how I behave and everything. When someone communicates with me I am also in control, I may read and I may listen but I decide what I accept and what I reject. I am also aware that there are times and circumstances when I get the wrong end of the stick, when I misunderstand, make the wrong decisions, say something inappropriate, or make the wrong choices. This is the only thing I have in common with everyone else here, I have a choice. I accept the consequences of those choices. I am not perfect, I am individual, I am human.

I accept that this is also the case for everyone else. All of the above are my primary interests in anyone I meet or have contact with, irrespective of whether it is here, out on the street, in the pub, on another site, someone I'm working with, and so on.

Here I accept everybody. I really do. I cannot think of anyone I have come across here or on the other side that I genuinely dislike, reject or refuse to accept. However when it comes to forming some sort of relationship with me or coming into my life as a friendship, acquaintance or even a relationship my primary interests are in the opening paragraph and I use more discretion.

I receive messages on a daily basis. Discounting those from people who know me and people here most others either do not read my profile or consider it. A very common problem among most of the dommes who contact me is that usually by the second message they have already worked out how the relationship is going to look. They get very upset when I attempt to question this. I usually respond by writing 'I wish you well in your search and hope you find the happiness and fulfillment you are seeking.'

I'm not pushing it. In fact I've given up looking and accepted that through living those who wish to be close to me will find me. I don't have any expectations any more. I'm not here to score points, play games, compete or prove myself. Nobody will ever find my submission by telling me who is in control and who isn't. The only way is by telling me about you and interacting with me. Nothing else matters.

Nothing at all.

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RE: Friend or Foe - 8/30/2008 9:38:00 AM

velvetears

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FR

The agressive ones you have met that have been distasteful to you are only 15%... that's pretty good in my opinion. You seem very capable of speaking your mind, i have to ask you.... why not just call them right then and there on their behavior. Ask them - "why are you acting like a brat? You aren't gaining points with me acting like this, in fact i find it a turn off". Now she will either smirk cause she's been called on her behavior she's aware of or she'll act surprised and offended and you know it's just part of her personality. Either way you will have more information to make a decision with.

< Message edited by velvetears -- 8/30/2008 9:48:05 AM >

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RE: Friend or Foe - 8/30/2008 10:27:34 AM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

For the dominants, have you encountered this behavior? How did you handle it? Did you find it to be attractive or a turn off?

Yes both in RL and online.

I think it is fueled by envy and jealousies myself usually from an imaginary connection the other person thinks they have with you.

The very odd part is that while I am apparently quite important to those people who felt the need to attack me or my family, in one case going so far as to tell folks that I was her "great enemy" -- those people were barely on my radar at all. I couldn't tell you much about any of them other than they proved to be very weird people with odd illusions about some "relationship" between us.

It happened in high school too I found out. A cousin of mine (come from a big family) was dating a woman in college who had been in my high school class. When she found out she told him that she and I had been rivals. Rivals to what? Other than being in one academic honor program together we ran in different circles - I in the art/theater/politics and she in sports/country club set. I laughed so hard when my cousin told me this because the moment I graduate from high school, that woman had disappeared from my memory to be honest until he mentioned her. I can't even be certain I know her name now and it was a small class (107 graduates) while I made this huge impact on her.

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RE: Friend or Foe - 8/30/2008 12:43:44 PM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterWilliam55

I would not normally respond to a post of this sort, but for the sake of new people to the lifestyle I will. First, in "real life" no submissive in my world has ever treated me with any disrespect, nor I them. If she decided I was not the kind of Dominant she was seeking, we parted company in a dignified manner. If it was on-line, leading towards a real relationship, any reasonably intelligent person would know within the first few e-mails whether or not the relationship would work. I know, I've been there.

After 10 years on-line and 20 more before that in the real-life community, I've never met a submissive who was disrespectful to me or I to her. Yes, a very few have suddenly "disappeared", and this was rude, but non have "attacked" me or shown any lack of civility. Most though would simply say "nice to meet you, Good bye", or I to them.

Do most of you live in some sort of fantasy, looking for the perfect Dom or sub? When you find a potential candidate do you "shit" on them, and if so...why? I would like to think you treat them seriously and if they don't work out, you take a pass trying to keep the dignity of both in-tact.

Bitterness leads many people into exagerating their "issues". I doubt the sincerity of the OP's issue and many of the responses. Life and people just don't work this way.

Really? You must be meeting a whole lot of people coming from the society I used to come from. I see caustic, rude, "I won't put on a "false" veneer of civility for anybody" types almost every day. In my experience, it has tended to be more the younger set (20 - 30) but I've seen it amongst some of the older set also. Is it everyone? No, not by any means. But aare there a few? Yes. Has it been present in the couple of instances I noted with a couple of submissives? Yes.
It must be a nice world you inhabit...I envy you that world...but of course, in your world I bet the submissive that dropped my bag by my head while telling me "You've got 10 minutes to clear out or the police will be here" after an intense night of play/pleasure for both of us doesn't really exist, does she?

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