Friend or Foe

Friend or Foe (Full Version)

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MadRabbit -> Friend or Foe (8/27/2008 2:53:28 PM)
I've had the pleasure (and sometimes not so much) of meeting and getting to know roughly 20 something women in the last 2 years. Among those 20, 3 of them demonstrated the same kind of behavior of being overly hostile toward me and treating me like some kind of enemy or threat to them. They would be overly argumentative, aggressive in their communication style as if to put me on the defensive, respond defensively and closemindedly to anything I said that slightly disagreed with their opinions, unnecessarily difficult, and constantly challenging. Now from where I sit, such hostility is just a bad way to start off any relationship and even more so when you are supposedly interested in submitting, obeying, and being pleasing to a person. Personally, in all three cases, I was pretty quick to become turned off and lose interest. The fact that I have had this happen more than once shows that it's not solely a secluded issue. For the submissives out there, if you have done this before, why did you do it? Just being a brat? Insecurity? An attempt to test and make the dominant "prove" themselves to you? For the dominants, have you encountered this behavior? How did you handle it? Did you find it to be attractive or a turn off?

NeedingMore220 -> RE: Friend or Foe (8/27/2008 2:56:05 PM)
I have not behaved that way - there's no purpose, and that's not my normal demeanor. Other Doms I've spoken with have encountered something similar. I assume these are 'brat' type women. Perhaps some Doms enjoy the supposed challenge of taming them?

MAMandSlave -> RE: Friend or Foe (8/27/2008 3:02:50 PM)
What I have experienced most is that Dominants contact my slave, without reading the profile, and try to get her to submit to them. When I contact them, they then accuse me of being a fake. On guy even demanded that I do video with him to prove that we are a couple. That is the sort of inane behavior that bothers me most. Most of the submissives I have spoken to have been well spoken and respectful.

MadRabbit -> RE: Friend or Foe (8/27/2008 3:06:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MAMandSlave What I have experienced most is that Dominants contact my slave, without reading the profile, and try to get her to submit to them. When I contact them, they then accuse me of being a fake. On guy even demanded that I do video with him to prove that we are a couple. That is the sort of inane behavior that bothers me most. Most of the submissives I have spoken to have been well spoken and respectful. Well, let's pretend I am somewhat of a decent guy who treats women like human being, is respectful of other people's relationships, and isn't solely interested in getting my cock sucked. [:D]

colouredin -> RE: Friend or Foe (8/27/2008 3:07:56 PM)
I have behaved that way, I can be totally defensive and yet its not with everyone normally just with people who make me feel defensive, with some people I hate if their comments can be construed as belittling me or my opinions (especially and this is really arrogant but I dont see them as being that smart) fundementally then I wouldnt even want to submit to that person, normally we will both realise we simply dont click, or if not I do have a habit of taking advantage of people like that who put up with my less impressive side without comment (not so much now actually but I certainly used to) It is actually something I am trying to change at the moment, I could give you all the psychology behind it but i dont think there is much point really.

LaTigresse -> RE: Friend or Foe (8/27/2008 3:10:06 PM)
I've not had that experience, but then again I've not met that many women either.

mbes -> RE: Friend or Foe (8/27/2008 3:14:19 PM)
Are these women you are meeting with a mutually agreed-upon desire to explore a possible relationship? I will argue and enjoy it, I can be aggressive, and I have been known to be difficult and to challenge. And there are some d-types who seem to believe the press that they are somehow superior and all-knowing; those inspire me sometimes. [:D] I wouldn't be looking to pursue a relationship with one, though, so that may not be the type of thing you're asking about.

leadership527 -> RE: Friend or Foe (8/27/2008 3:17:17 PM)
shrugs I've sat at a friends party listening to her three girlfriends utterly and totally bash men (in front of me no less) for a good solid 2-3 hours with enthusiasm just before they went out to the bars cruising for men. Some people are idiots (and rude as hell in that case to boot). In my experience, the vast majority of people treat a relationship as a competition where the goal is to get the most out of the relationship for the minimum investment. As soon as it becomes a competition, then aggressive behavior becomes just one more strategy. Who knows, perhaps the "subs" in question feel that they were demonstrating that they weren't doormats with their assertive behavior? In general, I just quietly excuse myself from such gamesmanship since I don't see relationships like that and anyone who does is not a suitable lover OR friend for me.

MadRabbit -> RE: Friend or Foe (8/27/2008 3:18:31 PM)
Well hey, maybe it's just me rubbing people the wrong way. But the general impression I got was they were going out of their way to be exceedingly difficult and that's why I posted this.

NuevaVida -> RE: Friend or Foe (8/27/2008 3:18:50 PM)
I haven't behaved like that but I have seen others be that way. I can't say I understand it, either. Maybe they're afraid of something.

MadRabbit -> RE: Friend or Foe (8/27/2008 3:24:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: leadership527 In my experience, the vast majority of people treat a relationship as a competition where the goal is to get the most out of the relationship for the minimum investment. Yeah, no shit. quote: ORIGINAL: leadership527 Who knows, perhaps the "subs" in question feel that they were demonstrating that they weren't doormats with their assertive behavior? In one case, I would probably say so. After I made it clear she needed to "Shape Up or Ship Out", she chilled out a lot, became more doctile, and we had a pretty good time after that.

MistressOfGa -> RE: Friend or Foe (8/27/2008 3:24:41 PM)
~FR~ MR, Good post. I treat every email with the respect that it shows me. If I get an email from a sub who is genuinely interested in something I posted about, I am likely to discuss in length about what it is that caught his or her eye. If I get the one liner, I send back a one liner. Usually saying that I "am putting into this return email as much as you put into the original one". It usually shuts them up. I am always kind. I see no sense in making people feel any more uncomfortable than they already are. I teach my subs the same thing. They are an example of my training. If they do not have anything nice to say, no sense in saying anything at all. That's not to say it works all the time, after all they do have their own minds and speak it very plainly. But I try to get them to temper themselves. I don't understand why some Dominants feel the need to act with such bitterness and hostility. Are they that unsure of their dominance? I don't know the reasoning, I only know that I do not act that way. I am secure with who I am and what I want. <shrugs> Who knows?

UR2Badored -> RE: Friend or Foe (8/27/2008 3:28:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MadRabbit For the submissives out there, if you have done this before, why did you do it? Just being a brat? Insecurity? An attempt to test and make the dominant "prove" themselves to you? For the dominants, have you encountered this behavior? How did you handle it? Did you find it to be attractive or a turn off? Sounds like bad chemistry, boog-a-boo, or energy between two human beings and not an issue limited exclusively to submissives.

LaTigresse -> RE: Friend or Foe (8/27/2008 3:28:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MadRabbit Well hey, maybe it's just me rubbing people the wrong way. But the general impression I got was they were going out of their way to be exceedingly difficult and that's why I posted this. I would doubt that it's you. I hate playing the whole age card but are these women in a narrow age group that a certain immaturity and bad manners might explain some of it?

MadRabbit -> RE: Friend or Foe (8/27/2008 3:29:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse quote: ORIGINAL: MadRabbit Well hey, maybe it's just me rubbing people the wrong way. But the general impression I got was they were going out of their way to be exceedingly difficult and that's why I posted this. I would doubt that it's you. I hate playing the whole age card but are these women in a narrow age group that a certain immaturity and bad manners might explain some of it? Lol. Yeah, the age group I date in is pretty narrow and that's a really good point.

Mercnbeth -> RE: Friend or Foe (8/27/2008 3:32:11 PM)
quote: I am somewhat of a decent guy who treats women like human being, is respectful of other people's relationships, and isn't solely interested in getting my cock sucked. Now how can you expect anyone to be anything BUT hostile if when you talk to them you lie like you did in that quote? quote: Among those 20, 3 of them demonstrated the same kind of behavior of being overly hostile toward me and treating me like some kind of enemy or threat to them. How did you handle it? I hit them over the head with my club [sm=paddle.gif] and dragged them out of the restaurant by their hair and skull f--ked them in the parking lot, over by the dumpster. (Romantic huh!? )Well, it always worked for me. beth's loved me ever since; and the 'bitches' that didn't will never be found. Lots of lonely canyons in CA! [sm=biggrin.gif] [sm=evil.gif] (Sorry - I've been over on the political threads and needed a little levity break.) [sm=evil.gif]

IvyMorgan -> RE: Friend or Foe (8/27/2008 3:33:05 PM)
I have responded like that, in the defensive, borderline aggressive way. Usually if the "dominant" seems, for want of a better word, "fake", as if all there after is a quick and easy fuck and that's it, job done. Or if they are pushing and invading my space, for example in a club. I have had (and this sounds egotistical, it's not meant to) guys who won't take "no" as an answer. If they have seen me play casually with someone they think that have a right to play casually with me too. This has happened to the extent where I've been pinned against walls/in corners of rooms/against burning radiators, and I've had to get aggressive to get them to back off. Those experiences have lead me to be more aggressive, earlier, when I start to feel uncomfortable. I'm not saying you are doing either of these things, or that the women in question feel you are doing these things, but that this is how I respond, and why I respond like this.

WhiplashSmile2 -> RE: Friend or Foe (8/27/2008 3:33:39 PM)
I've encountered this a few times when meeting somebody and getting to know them in IM exchanges. If it happened a number of times in the IM's going on, it really turned me off. Basically, I talk to girls I meet online here just as I would anybody else. I'm respectful and I'm not into treating them any different just because they are a submissive. I really don't want to deal with anybody with an unjustified hostile chip on their shoulders. Not for a simple friendship, let alone for serious relationship. I could understand if I had provoked it somehow. Anyways, it just let's me quickly know they have deep issues that I don't want to deal with. NEXT!!

MadRabbit -> RE: Friend or Foe (8/27/2008 3:35:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth quote: I am somewhat of a decent guy who treats women like human being, is respectful of other people's relationships, and isn't solely interested in getting my cock sucked. Now how can you expect anyone to be anything BUT hostile if when you talk to them you lie like you did in that quote? You got me! I guess this would be a back time to mention my dead wife, huh?

LaTigresse -> RE: Friend or Foe (8/27/2008 3:37:17 PM)
I only ask that because, in working with the public in a college town, I see alot of the behaviour you are describing in that particular age of girl. I don't think they are all terrible, they just have a certain herd mentality and immaturity. Couple that with the fact that parents do not seem to be teaching their kids manners like a generation or so prior, AND don't forget the whole thing of "those big bad wolf guys that are going to drag you off and rape you.....or whatever"..........and you've got a recipe for a pretty annoying little twit. What I have seen in the past is once you get one alone(away from the pack of like drones), and past the hurdle of the initial meeting, SOME of them are pretty decent people. They just haven't learned that there is a better way to handle themself. I've hired a few that have worked out pretty well. They just need an attitude adjustment.

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