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RE: punishment - 8/25/2008 3:15:18 PM   
BKSir


Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline 		One thing that I discovered early on, at least in my situations, is that reward and kindness for proper behavior goes a lot farther than having to punish for transgressions.

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(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: punishment - 8/25/2008 3:25:07 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BKSir

One thing that I discovered early on, at least in my situations, is that reward and kindness for proper behavior goes a lot farther than having to punish for transgressions.


As is to be expected...however, there are times when it does not.  There are those who believe in the "No Punishment" mode and that's fine.  I am a very patient dominant myself but I've also found myself looking at the wrong end of "you're not strict enough...you are more like a "normal" guy than I thought you would be" and losing respect over not being willing to punish.  I use discipline first and foremost...and that IS loving, firm kindness in recognition of both proper and improper behavior. 
But when that fails, punishment is always on the table and that part of any D/s dynamic I am in is known.

(in reply to BKSir)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: punishment - 8/25/2008 3:25:15 PM   
MizSexyVixen


Posts: 137
Joined: 6/6/2008
Status: offline 		Although I like Dolf's "Never threaten what you are not willing to go through with. " comment, I tend to work from, "Never ask what you do not expect to receive."

If I don't get what I ask for, there is a breakdown. And it's MY job as the dominant to find where that breakdown is.

When using this mindset, disicipline may be needed quite often, in the beginning, but you should rarely have to resort to punishment.

As always, my never humble opinion.



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(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: punishment - 8/25/2008 3:40:25 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		I agree...which is why, as stated, I always use discipline first.  But as noted, and believed, by myself and others...at a certain point, even my best efforts are fruitless.  In addition, at a certain point, I begin to ask myself "How much of this is my failure and how much is hers through carelessness or neglect or having no fear of harsher corrective measures?"

(in reply to MizSexyVixen)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: punishment - 8/25/2008 4:21:01 PM   
BKSir


Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

quote:

ORIGINAL: BKSir

One thing that I discovered early on, at least in my situations, is that reward and kindness for proper behavior goes a lot farther than having to punish for transgressions.


As is to be expected...however, there are times when it does not.  There are those who believe in the "No Punishment" mode and that's fine.  I am a very patient dominant myself but I've also found myself looking at the wrong end of "you're not strict enough...you are more like a "normal" guy than I thought you would be" and losing respect over not being willing to punish.  I use discipline first and foremost...and that IS loving, firm kindness in recognition of both proper and improper behavior. 
But when that fails, punishment is always on the table and that part of any D/s dynamic I am in is known.


OOhhh, don't get me wrong, there have been punishments where they have been deserved, but, thankfully they have been few.  I'm not 'anti-punishment', I just prefer not to have to deliver them if there is a way to avoid doing so.



_____________________________

We'll begin with a spin, traveling in a world of my creation. What we'll see will defy explanation.

I am the voices in your head.

BiggKatt Studios

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: punishment - 8/25/2008 5:15:27 PM   
lronitulstahp


Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BKSir

Although effective, the ignoring, or removal of certain comforts such as touch or affection, even for a short time, is... how to say?  "A very fine line."?

It can only too quickly, go from an extremely effective punishment, to a sub feeling unsure as to whether they are loved any longer or not.

Thankfully I've only had to use the 'Follow me, observe me, but to me you do not exist.' punishment once.  And I highly doubt I'll ever use it again.  I swear he looked more than a tad green in skin tone by the time I finally turned around and pulled him into my arms and reassured him that despite my disappointment, he was still my adored pet and that he was loved.  Not to mention how difficult it was for me not to show how much it hurt me to see him like that the entire time.

I guess it is the same on both sides of the coin.  Often Doms don't realize how hard it really is sometimes to be a sub, and vice versa.

Well said. 
i find it hard sometimes to even know what to do in that sort of situation.  I begin to go into panic mode immediately.  And for me, as a submissive partner, it feels like i am expected to do the "work" all alone.  There is an absence of direction which causes me to focus less on the behavior that warranted the punishment....and more on the punishment itself, and what i imagine to be the "hidden" motivation behind it.  It can be like an emotional weight that drains all my strength.

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Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley

(in reply to BKSir)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: punishment - 8/25/2008 9:33:39 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		Well since I am uber-sub, I am sure I will never deserve punishment..so hence I guess this thread is a moot point for me.......Tempting

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(in reply to lronitulstahp)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: punishment - 8/25/2008 9:52:10 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		I'm not a master, but I'll answer anyway, cause I can.

If a partner is misbehaving and messing up so much that, a Dominant needs to pull out  a "most effective punishment"  more than once or twice or a handfull of times, then I begin to wonder about the partners willingness to behave and keep their part of the relationship up if they're continually needing punishment.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lostinlove85

Masters - Just a quick question. What are your most effective punishments?

(in reply to lostinlove85)
Profile   Post #: 48
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