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RE: punishment - 8/24/2008 7:46:30 AM

BKSir

Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline

Although effective, the ignoring, or removal of certain comforts such as touch or affection, even for a short time, is... how to say? "A very fine line."?

It can only too quickly, go from an extremely effective punishment, to a sub feeling unsure as to whether they are loved any longer or not.

Thankfully I've only had to use the 'Follow me, observe me, but to me you do not exist.' punishment once. And I highly doubt I'll ever use it again. I swear he looked more than a tad green in skin tone by the time I finally turned around and pulled him into my arms and reassured him that despite my disappointment, he was still my adored pet and that he was loved. Not to mention how difficult it was for me not to show how much it hurt me to see him like that the entire time.

I guess it is the same on both sides of the coin. Often Doms don't realize how hard it really is sometimes to be a sub, and vice versa.

_____________________________

We'll begin with a spin, traveling in a world of my creation. What we'll see will defy explanation.

I am the voices in your head.

BiggKatt Studios

(in reply to Paulnz)

Post #: 21

RE: punishment - 8/24/2008 9:09:15 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

If him being upset or disappointed in me isn't enough, then no amount of corporal pain would work. Either I care about making him happy or I don't.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)

Post #: 22

RE: punishment - 8/24/2008 11:44:16 AM

MusicalBoredom

Posts: 620
Joined: 5/8/2007
From: Louisiana/New York
Status: offline

I am of the same mindset of several posters here. I do not use physical "punishment" to correct behavioral problems. I am an avid spanker and in most scenes where I am giving one there is talk of it being a punishment but it's really just a scene. Some scenes feel real and the emotions are there for both of us but it is still roles that we are playing.

Where I am in a relationship with someone who is submissive to me I still in a two way relationship. The temptation is there to try to control the other person so that I don't have to feel frightened, insecure or vulnerable but those are human feelings and I'm a human. To try to make a person behave in a certain way as to minimize my own issues is a sure way to wreck an otherwise great relationship. I do tell there what I feel about some things. I express what it is that I want and why I want it. I express where I think they did great and thank them and tell them where they fell short of what we agreed to. If I have a feeling about something they did I try my best to talk about what my feeling is and that it's mine and not theirs.

I also treat each one as an individual. I have people who are struggling with issues like only being worthy of being loved if they buy that love though some behavior. Ignoring that person when they do something only reinforces bad messages they got along the way. It would violate my number one goal of never causing harm.

I will give you a very personal real world example from last night. I am seeing someone much younger than me. We both go out together regularly (we live next to the bar that I am part owner of). She also like to go the younger dance clubs in town which doesn't appeal to me so much. She's young, hot and fun to be around. She wanted to go out last night and I wanted her to have fun. The rule is that I want to know what happens so that I can make my own choices based on the truth. She danced, drank and made out (kissed). I have my own insecurities about those things but the truth is she comes home to me and honors my request of telling me what happened. I did have a feeling about the making out part but she's young and I do want her to enjoy life as the age she is. I had to swallow my fears (Even though I did express them) since they were mine and not hers. She also drove home drunk. For that I was seriously angry. She will stand in the corner with her hands on her head for a bit then tell about why she did what she knew she shouldn't. That particular punishment works for her. She expects to be accountable for her behavior and thrives on boundaries being set. As far as the rest of, well I have to suck up my fears and (misplaced) pride and deal with it. It's part of the package. I'm not going to punish her for the feelings I have about being middle aged (and all that comes with that).

I do spank her regularly but it is part of the "dance" that we do for our mutual pleasure.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 23

RE: punishment - 8/24/2008 12:13:05 PM

subbisherri

Posts: 109
Joined: 5/28/2006
Status: offline

Being cold. Tub of cold water, hosed down with cold water, sit in a cold place... It's not comfortable, it's not stimulating and there's lots of time to reflect.

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)

Post #: 24

RE: punishment - 8/24/2008 3:46:11 PM

tammystarm

Posts: 3045
Joined: 7/26/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

quote:

ORIGINAL: lostinlove85
Masters - Just a quick question. What are your most effective punishments?

Death by punta! (old joke)

Seriously, its just "eye for an eye", "punishment to fit the crime" and etc. However, I have one whip that is sooooooo ouchy, it even inspired people to quit smoking. I don't force the slaves to quit. They just have to trade one lash for one cig. 1 cig is the still that standing record.

Holy freakin' whip, there Sadistic ..yikes

in all sincerity its ignoring me, once He did that, told me goodbye c-ya, (basically i was not listening---la de de da) ~gulp~ and then nothing afterwords one week. i took myself so far into hell i drowned myself.

_____________________________

~~Queen of duct-tape~~
~~Emotionally delusional~~

~~somebody pour me my nebuitol and hand me my drink~~

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 25

RE: punishment - 8/24/2008 3:53:00 PM

lostkitten2

Posts: 30
Joined: 7/1/2008
Status: offline

Disappointment goes both ways. Doms are very sensitive to their subs being disappointed in them too. And for me, being ignored is the worst punishment. It works great for kids and pets (the non human kind) too. It doesn't need to be long, but enough for them to notice.

(in reply to tammystarm)

Post #: 26

RE: punishment - 8/24/2008 4:47:21 PM

silkncarol

Posts: 318
Status: offline

This reminded me of a punishment, or perhaps behaviour modification that was used on me.....
Visiting friends for the weekend.....Dominant/Sadist said i could smoke...but He was gonna put out every cigarette on me, when i did! Knowing him, it was a distinct possibility!
Funny i made it the whole weekend without lighting up.......

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

quote:

ORIGINAL: lostinlove85
Masters - Just a quick question. What are your most effective punishments?

Death by punta! (old joke)

Seriously, its just "eye for an eye", "punishment to fit the crime" and etc. However, I have one whip that is sooooooo ouchy, it even inspired people to quit smoking. I don't force the slaves to quit. They just have to trade one lash for one cig. 1 cig is the still that standing record.

_____________________________

We attract hearts by the qualities we display. We retain them by the qualities we possess.

Shoes can change your life................. Cinderella

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 27

RE: punishment - 8/24/2008 6:28:08 PM

DomDolf

Posts: 363
Joined: 7/11/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lostinlove85

Masters - Just a quick question. What are your most effective punishments?

Quick reply-

I do not punish often, I tend to work the problem through discussion and behavior modification through explaining what punishment is like. Sometimes my explanations are accompanied with restrictions on the submissive at me.

Generally, what gets a submissives attention quickly is a threat of ignoring them. Never threaten what you are not willing to go through with.

Dolf

(in reply to lostinlove85)

Post #: 28

RE: punishment - 8/24/2008 7:10:11 PM

tammystarm

Posts: 3045
Joined: 7/26/2006
Status: offline

being unable to communicate with Him, its the worst nightmare i could have. Besides He's figured me out, damnit... ouch that hurts with a smile doesnt seem to work anymore.......sighs

_____________________________

~~Queen of duct-tape~~
~~Emotionally delusional~~

~~somebody pour me my nebuitol and hand me my drink~~

(in reply to DomDolf)

Post #: 29

RE: punishment - 8/24/2008 7:44:41 PM

WhiplashSmile2

Posts: 526
Joined: 6/11/2008
Status: offline

Are we talking about real punishment or play punishment here?

In terms of real punishment, the most effective is one that addresses the nature of the offense. Actually, believe it or not, your words can carry more weight compared to 1000 cracks of anything to the ass.

Regardless of what you do physically, make certain it's clear what the punishment is about.

It all depends upon your partner. Hell, I have punished somebody by denial of physical punishment and instead left it expressing my thoughts and words. That seemed pretty effective. The offense never happened again.

(in reply to lostinlove85)

Post #: 30

RE: punishment - 8/24/2008 7:44:51 PM

BKSir

Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subbisherri

Being cold. Tub of cold water, hosed down with cold water, sit in a cold place... It's not comfortable, it's not stimulating and there's lots of time to reflect.

Holy cow! I LIKE that one!

Sounds very effective, no actual pain, no striking (I truly do NOT believe in striking my pet), no damage aside from their pride, and some discomfort, but at the same time, certainly something that gets a point across.

_____________________________

We'll begin with a spin, traveling in a world of my creation. What we'll see will defy explanation.

I am the voices in your head.

BiggKatt Studios

(in reply to subbisherri)

Post #: 31

RE: punishment - 8/24/2008 8:07:17 PM

FlamingRedhead

Posts: 451
Joined: 3/4/2007
From: Georgia
Status: offline

I'm not a Master, but the most effective punishment to date has been good old-fashioned corporal punishment, i.e. a spanking. We normally enjoy spankings during play, but this was totally different. First, I was reminded of something I was supposed to do as I was being held down while bent over the bed, so I knew what was coming wasn't play. I acknowledged my error and begged mercy, but Daddy said I needed a reminder. *cringes* There was no warm-up or any of the usual pleasantries that accompany a sensuous spanking. This was hard and fast, and it continued regardless of my pleas until I was in tears. Once I was malleable, I received a lecture on trust and responsibility, etc. After he was done with his speech, he made sure I understood and was okay before telling me to get ready for dinner. I ended up putting my arms around his neck and sobbing on his shoulder as I apologized. He stroked my hair and wiped my tears away, telling me that it was all done, everything was okay, and I was still loved.

Due to insecurity, ignoring doesn't work well for me. I'm too worried about whether or not I've been abandoned and why what I did would cause such a harsh reaction. For me, it's impossible to trust a dominant who, when the going gets tough.....gets going. Being ignored for a short while in his presence, like corner time, would be effective, I think.

Lectures by themselves can be effective, but only if I don't feel it's a personal attack, i.e name calling. Rather than telling me I dress like a slut, which translates in my mind into "I think you're a slut and not good enough for me," Daddy told me that he worries about me when I'm traveling and to please wear panties, especially under a mini skirt, because he's not there to protect me. *ggls* I meant it as a surprise for him, but he has a point, which is that if I had to get out of my SUV for any reason on the way to his place.....it would be nearly impossible to do so without showing...well....what's his.

_____________________________

I'm so addicted to
All the things you do
When you're going down on me
In between the sheets
Or the sound you make
With every breath you take
It's unlike anything
When you're loving me

(in reply to lostinlove85)

Post #: 32

RE: punishment - 8/24/2008 9:12:16 PM

Paulnz

Posts: 411
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FlamingRedhead

I'm not a Master, but the most effective punishment to date has been good old-fashioned corporal punishment, i.e. a spanking.

It is and its effectiveness is often overlooked.

(in reply to FlamingRedhead)

Post #: 33

RE: punishment - 8/25/2008 1:34:26 AM

MistressRouge

Posts: 876
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Birmingham West Midlands UK
Status: offline

The point is, if CP/Whipping/Spanking is a regular form of punishment, how do you know that slave is simply be difficult to receive a good thrashing lol.

This is why it is imperative, to be creative with forms of punishment, by not only using physical practices only.

_____________________________

My Members Site.
http://mistressrougeuk.c4slive.com/

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(in reply to Paulnz)

Post #: 34

RE: punishment - 8/25/2008 9:19:23 AM

FlamingRedhead

Posts: 451
Joined: 3/4/2007
From: Georgia
Status: offline

It's imperative that you know your slave. For instance, I'm not what one would call a pain slut. Yes, I'm a bit of a masochist, but I have to relax and warm up for impact play. A punishment spanking begins with the highest level of pain I can usually take after warm-up and continues to build. Daddy also knows I have problems with authority and tend to not listen well if I get defensive. Spanking is the quickest way to get through to me but certainly not the only way.

_____________________________

I'm so addicted to
All the things you do
When you're going down on me
In between the sheets
Or the sound you make
With every breath you take
It's unlike anything
When you're loving me

(in reply to MistressRouge)

Post #: 35

RE: punishment - 8/25/2008 9:19:28 AM

AMaster

Posts: 814
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline

Proper punishment depends on the sub and the nature of the offense. Everyone is different. It is the Masters task to know what a sub likes and what she dislikes and even fears. For example: a spanking would not be punishment for a pain slut. Let the punishment fit the crime. Was the offense an honest mistake, a momentary laps, a test to see what she could get away with or an outright challenge to your authority?

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)

Post #: 36

RE: punishment - 8/25/2008 10:59:18 AM

Gleegal67

Posts: 218
Joined: 6/18/2007
From: Phoenix
Status: offline

Punishment due to my mistakes or transgressions...yeah...I never look for them, nor want them in any way shape or form!

But, alas, I am only human...and a goofy, giggly one at times too...that sometimes forgets the "small" things that are very important for Him. When punishment is dealt, it is swift, unrelentless and more than effective. It is painful and specific. There is begging and tears on my part. But, when He is done, He is quick to comfort and tell me that punishment isn't what He enjoys doing at all, but to be better for Him and myself, it is needed. I can honestly say, I don't believe there are any "favorite" punishments of His, just punishments that fit the transgression.

For the record, that Thingy that does that Thing that I hate...sucks the big pickle!

_____________________________

~always the gleeful one~

(in reply to AMaster)

Post #: 37

RE: punishment - 8/25/2008 11:45:15 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lostinlove85

Masters - Just a quick question. What are your most effective punishments?

Things that acknowledge I am displeased, which require a correction in behavior and a re-enforcement of the proper attitude and behavior.

It also happens once or two per problem and then never again either because the sub/slave has learned or I've learned they aren't an appropriate match for me.

We're all adults in my household and as adults they chose to serve me or they can hope the door doesn't hit their ass too hard on the way out.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to lostinlove85)

Post #: 38

RE: punishment - 8/25/2008 2:06:59 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

quote:

ORIGINAL: lostinlove85
Masters - Just a quick question. What are your most effective punishments?

Death by punta! (old joke)

Seriously, its just "eye for an eye", "punishment to fit the crime" and etc. However, I have one whip that is sooooooo ouchy, it even inspired people to quit smoking. I don't force the slaves to quit. They just have to trade one lash for one cig. 1 cig is the still that standing record.

That is so hot, my smoking would increase.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 39

RE: punishment - 8/25/2008 3:04:32 PM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

I consider the most effective punishment to be the one that works the best in teaching the submissive what I expect her to learn from the punishment.

I know there are those that don't believe in punishment but that isn't what your post is about and that subject has been covered on other threads.

The chances of a punishment being effective are increased by the submissive's understanding and agreeing to participate in a dynamic in which punishment takes place (original discussions), how well the dominant knows the submissive and what works with her and what doesn't in teaching methods outside of punishment, the nature of the "crime" that brought on the punishment in the first place, and the attitude of both the dominant and the submissive before, during and after punishment.

I rarely use physical punishment, partially because I like to utilize many physical aspects in play and don't like to mix/confuse the two in the girl's mind. I find it more effective in most cases to come up with a punishment that fits the crime...it tends to emphasize just what I saw as the "wrongness" of the crime and emphasizes consequences: this action brings about this (or similar) result.
Now, just because I use physical punishment rarely does not mean I will not. My submissives have quickly learned the difference between spanking/using my belt for fun vs. punishment...and there are times when, for whatever reason, nothing else seems to be getting through and the physicality of the punishment breaks through everything else.

(in reply to lostinlove85)

Post #: 40

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