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RE: I wanna know this too.... - 8/19/2008 6:51:53 AM

KnightofMists

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Should we have Sex before the Embellishment of BDSM?

Should we have oral sex before Intercourse?

Should we have making out before oral sex?

Frankly... BDSM to me is not an Embellishment any more than Oral sex is an embellishment to Intercourse.

I think a person should be consensual involved in what ever is going on... and if it involves BDSM so be it..

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RE: I wanna know this too.... - 8/19/2008 6:59:55 AM

missturbation

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~fr~

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

Do you think it is mentally healthy to have your first sexual experiences to be BDSM oriented or should they know the basics of sexual relationships first?

(For example, I see BDSM as an embellishment, not the meat and potatoes of sexual relations. JMO)

Thoughts?

Does 'nilla' sex really exist though?
I don't think i have ever had sex that hasn't involved some bdsm however mild.
So to answer your question i believe sex is best done however you feel best doing it. If you are kinky there is always going to be that elemnent in it. First time, second and so on.

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RE: I wanna know this too.... - 8/19/2008 8:29:05 AM

pixidustpet

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my first sexual experience (and many thereafter) was unconsentual. and as i was still in single-digit ages, i'd classify it as illegal, also. it was what it was.

it would have been no better had BDSM been involved. *shrugs*

kitten

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RE: I wanna know this too.... - 8/19/2008 10:10:26 AM

IvyMorgan

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

quote:

ORIGINAL: IvyMorgan

Is there any reason why it would be mentally unhealthy to have your first sexual experiences containing kink elements?

If that is all you "know".. how would you relate to the rest of the word you will encounter. Not many will take kindly to a nipple tweak as an introduction.

You learn, just like I did, societal conventions and "acceptable" ways to behave. In the same way someone with Aspergers learns to understand other people emotionally, for example.

I'd suggest there is a bigger issue wrt "realting to the world" for the child who was abused sexually than for the older teen who consented to a first sexual experience being kinky.

quote:

How do know when to separate the hormones from the humanity of it all? I see our young adults as getting more emotionally handicapped at the generations progress.

I'm not entirely sure kink is responsible for this. I mean, it's not like all the young adults are kinky now, are they? I'm more inclined to blame a lack of social interaction, period, for "emotional handicapping", talking via IM instead of face to face and so on. I'd even suggest that those who are self aware enough to know they're kinky are potentially more emotionally developed than their peers. But that's just a suggestions.

I've no idea what you mean by "separating hormones and humanity".

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RE: I wanna know this too.... - 8/19/2008 10:37:07 AM

MercTech

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I'm convinced that it is more mentally healthy when the first sexual experience is a respectful relationship between two people that actually give a shit about each other. Whether it is a kinky first time or not would be a bit irrelevant.

Being forced, or coerced, or convinced, into a physical relationship before one is ready for it can leave tons of baggage that get dragged around for a lifetime. First times are stressful enough without a ton of baggage to go with it.

Stefan

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RE: I wanna know this too.... - 8/20/2008 3:17:39 AM

SailingBum

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

Do you think it is mentally healthy to have your first sexual experiences to be BDSM oriented or should they know the basics of sexual relationships first?

(For example, I see BDSM as an embellishment, not the meat and potatoes of sexual relations. JMO)

Thoughts?

I am still scratching my balls trying to figure out what the hell your talking about.

BadOne

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RE: I wanna know this too.... - 8/20/2008 9:49:26 AM

FRSguy

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I would definatly say that they should have the basics of vanilla sex down especially for woman. The reason I say this is that from my observations female sexuality tends to be a learned response where if a strong orgasm is reached the woman tend to gravitate more to whatever type of method caused the orgasm through some method of association. This seems to have a really big effect on the development of sexuality and if the first sexual experiences are kind it seems to kind of lock them into it.

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RE: I wanna know this too.... - 8/20/2008 10:21:36 AM

LotusSong

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FRSguy

I would definatly say that they should have the basics of vanilla sex down especially for woman. The reason I say this is that from my observations female sexuality tends to be a learned response where if a strong orgasm is reached the woman tend to gravitate more to whatever type of method caused the orgasm through some method of association. This seems to have a really big effect on the development of sexuality and if the first sexual experiences are kind it seems to kind of lock them into it.

I tend to agree with the first experience response and future expectations. One doesn't know the sweet unless they experience the sour.

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RE: I wanna know this too.... - 8/20/2008 10:27:55 AM

DiurnalVampire

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Fox's first sexual experiences with me have all been within the BDSM realm. He will not have to worry about how he will relate to others sexually, since I will be keeping him permanently. He lost his virginity one night here, when he said to me "I dont think I want you to respect my limits tonight".
Angel has never had sex, but if he does it wil also be BDSM related. That is his choice, he has no interest in vanilla sex, unless he is with a vanilla woman who can and desires to be in charge.
DV

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RE: I wanna know this too.... - 8/20/2008 12:02:05 PM

LotusSong

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

Fox's first sexual experiences with me have all been within the BDSM realm. He will not have to worry about how he will relate to others sexually, since I will be keeping him permanently. He lost his virginity one night here, when he said to me "I dont think I want you to respect my limits tonight".
Angel has never had sex, but if he does it wil also be BDSM related. That is his choice, he has no interest in vanilla sex, unless he is with a vanilla woman who can and desires to be in charge.
DV

Now.. has his knowledge of "vanilla" sex comes from the expereience of it or what he has been taught/told/observed?

From your past posts I noticed that you combine both the vanilla and the domination equally as needed :) (Balance is good)

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RE: I wanna know this too.... - 8/20/2008 9:41:41 PM

DiurnalVampire

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong
Now.. has his knowledge of "vanilla" sex comes from the expereience of it or what he has been taught/told/observed?

When it comes to vanilla sex, he is clueless. He was a virgin when I got him, and he has never had a "vanilla" sexual escapade. Every time he and I are involved, it is always within the BDSM realm. Foreplay for us is S/M, even if it is fora quicky of sorts. It simply has never come up, he enjoys letting me be the agressor, and I love aggressive and very physical sex.

If you are asking about Angel's knowledge of vanilla sex, it comes from what he has learned from his friends and from a past porn addiction. Though he has never had any sort of sexual interaction aide from what he and I have shared, he cannot get into something that is not extremely passionate and physical. He needs to be restrained to get turned on, he doesnt get sexually aroused without certain fetishes... so it is unlikely that he will ever truly enjoy simple vanilla sex either.

In out every day lives, we mix both fluidly, just not in our sexlives.

DV

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VampiresLair

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