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I wanna know this too.... - 8/18/2008 4:38:32 PM

LotusSong

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Do you think it is mentally healthy to have your first sexual experiences to be BDSM oriented or should they know the basics of sexual relationships first?

(For example, I see BDSM as an embellishment, not the meat and potatoes of sexual relations. JMO)

Thoughts?

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RE: I wanna know this too.... - 8/18/2008 4:41:12 PM

yourbytch

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I'm not sure. For me, I'm looking to have a BDSM relationship before vanilla sex. Whether sex is involved or not doesn't matter too much to me.

Edit: Maybe thats mentally unstable to start with ;p

(in reply to LotusSong)

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RE: I wanna know this too.... - 8/18/2008 4:43:11 PM

CallaFirestormBW

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

Do you think it is mentally healthy to have your first sexual experiences to be BDSM oriented or should they know the basics of sexual relationships first?

(For example, I see BDSM as an embellishment, not the meat and potatoes of sexual relations. JMO)

Thoughts?

I think that if one knows oneself, having ones first experience be a combination of sexual and BDSM overtones is fine. Doing it that way doesn't necessarily mean that the parts won't be taken separately as well and enjoyed -- it's just one way of starting off.

Calla Firestorm

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RE: I wanna know this too.... - 8/18/2008 4:47:13 PM

RumpusParable

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

Do you think it is mentally healthy to have your first sexual experiences to be BDSM oriented or should they know the basics of sexual relationships first?

(For example, I see BDSM as an embellishment, not the meat and potatoes of sexual relations. JMO)

Thoughts?

I can't see how it matters... people tend to have a first and future sexual experiences as fits their life and personality, short of abusive situations. Not to mention, most people's first partnered sexual experiences occur so young they have little or clear memory of it as adults so it's nearly impossible to say what effect they have on them.

Additionally, it's not as though the distinction between "vanilla" and "bdsm" actually exists other than as a class/subculture discussion boundary, much of it being more a matter of opinion than anything else.

< Message edited by RumpusParable -- 8/18/2008 4:48:42 PM >

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RE: I wanna know this too.... - 8/18/2008 4:47:28 PM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

Do you think it is mentally healthy to have your first sexual experiences to be BDSM oriented or should they know the basics of sexual relationships first?

(For example, I see BDSM as an embellishment, not the meat and potatoes of sexual relations. JMO)

Thoughts?

I think it can be. My first sexual leanings were *always* oriented towards BDSM and so were my first sexual encounters. I had plenty of "vanilla" ones too and enjoyed them as well. If your first sexual experiences are healthy probably depends a great deal more on if they were completely consentual and if you were personally ready for them than if they were BDSM related or not.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 8/18/2008 4:48:48 PM >

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(in reply to LotusSong)

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RE: I wanna know this too.... - 8/18/2008 4:49:39 PM

softness

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The night I lost my virginity it was with an older guy, who charmed the pants clean off me, dragged me into the back seat of his car, and screwed the senses out of me. I loved every single hair pulling, arm pinning, aggressive damn second of it.

I have never had a heterosexual vanilla relationship ... ever. (unless you count the boy I dated for a year when I was 10 - but we only ever kissed, and it ended when he threw my pencil case in the lake on a field trip because I wouldn't share my monster munch) ... I just about managed to maintain a vanilla relationship with my ex-girlfriend ... but at least once a month I had to get her to tie me to the bed during sex.

I think I have managed to pick up the basics of a sexual relationship along the way.

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RE: I wanna know this too.... - 8/18/2008 4:55:51 PM

Pyrrsefanie

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I think it depends on the person.

Myself, I had several relationships as a younger person that were not D/s related at all. I mean, I've always liked it kind of rough and adored dressing up and the like, but as far as my relationship with the person involved? Equals on every level. It was nice at the time, but always still felt like something was missing. D/s just kind of filled that hole for me. However, I'm still nuts despite the premier experience in normalcy!

God forbid anything should happen to my current relationship, either its dissolution or a change in dynamic, I think I'd still be able to be in a healthy and happy relationship just because I truly am in love with my boy no matter what... but it'd be just a teeny bit less fun.

< Message edited by Pyrrsefanie -- 8/18/2008 4:56:34 PM >

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RE: I wanna know this too.... - 8/18/2008 4:59:15 PM

IvyMorgan

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Is there any reason why it would be mentally unhealthy to have your first sexual experiences containing kink elements?

(in reply to softness)

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RE: I wanna know this too.... - 8/18/2008 5:02:39 PM

Gleegal67

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My first sexual experience was..."Can you please tie me to the log on the beach next to the fire, then pop my cherry?"

Honestly, it was totally great - even for a first time! Sex is healthy in all it's glorious forms!

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RE: I wanna know this too.... - 8/18/2008 5:03:27 PM

mistoferin

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Hard to answer as I've never had a "vanilla" relationship. I don't think that damaged my mental health in any way though. It's hard to be objective about it because while I have certainly had sex that would seem to be on the vanilla side I have never had it without coming from a submissive perspective. Sweet gentle love making is a wonderful thing sometimes...but when we do that I am still submissive and he's still dominant.

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RE: I wanna know this too.... - 8/18/2008 5:09:17 PM

NuevaVida

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I can't see why it wouldn't be. But then I see BDSM as a way of expressing oneself, rather than embelishment.

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RE: I wanna know this too.... - 8/18/2008 5:23:35 PM

SimplyMichael

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Hickies are a form of endorphine play, a vacuum is applied to the skin causing an endorphine rush...just like firecupping...

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RE: I wanna know this too.... - 8/18/2008 5:39:32 PM

blacksword404

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I think this is an interesting topic. If you have a bdsm sexual experience first is it possible for a normal sexual relationship to be fine for you? Now you just can't come right if someone isn't choking you. I talked to this one girl and she was forced the first time. It involved toys and such. I had to ask myself if she had never been raped would she be into bdsm anyway or not?

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RE: I wanna know this too.... - 8/18/2008 5:40:31 PM

Abaddon2u

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The bottom line ,(no pun intended), would appear to be if you are wired that way, then yes. If one has identified with BDSM as part of one’s sexuality, then by all means the first sexual experience should be sought to include it.

Do those whom identify as gay seek out a first sexual encounter with the opposite sex?

Abaddon

“Behold the turtle. He only makes progress when he sticks his neck out.” - James B. Conant

< Message edited by Abaddon2u -- 8/18/2008 5:41:46 PM >

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Post #: 14

RE: I wanna know this too.... - 8/18/2008 6:06:08 PM

azropedntied

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wait hu did i read that correctly BDSM is not the meat and taders of sexual relations ? for some it is for others it is not and still others would never dream of anything but missionary positions .It all depends on who you are and if your on that bdsm path then hell yes, by all means , but if your being talked into it and its really not your thing and doing it to please another then no .
I knew from a very young age who and what i was ,"at least sexually and bdsm wise" and there are many out there that feel the same ,its in our genetic make up , for those , by all means go forth and enjoy .
For those just experimenting with a lifestyle prob not ..

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RE: I wanna know this too.... - 8/18/2008 6:11:17 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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For me that's like asking if a homosexual male should have sex with a woman first.

Gee, should I start out having fulfilling, enjoyable sexual experiences? Or should I just go for what everyone else is doing and waste our time being bored and unfulfilled?

I happen to have always enjoyed vanilla sex, but I was trying to get my partners to "force" themselves on me from the get go. If we all agree that bdsm and Ds is a normal healthy type of relationship, why shouldn't we encourage youngins to explore that as much as any other normal healthy type of relationship?

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RE: I wanna know this too.... - 8/18/2008 6:11:27 PM

LotusSong

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quote:

ORIGINAL: IvyMorgan

Is there any reason why it would be mentally unhealthy to have your first sexual experiences containing kink elements?

If that is all you "know".. how would you relate to the rest of the word you will encounter. Not many will take kindly to a nipple tweak as an introduction.

How do know when to separate the hormones from the humanity of it all? I see our young adults as getting more emotionally handicapped at the generations progress.

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Post #: 17

RE: I wanna know this too.... - 8/18/2008 6:16:23 PM

LotusSong

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

For me that's like asking if a homosexual male should have sex with a woman first.

Gee, should I start out having fulfilling, enjoyable sexual experiences? Or should I just go for what everyone else is doing and waste our time being bored and unfulfilled?

I happen to have always enjoyed vanilla sex, but I was trying to get my partners to "force" themselves on me from the get go. If we all agree that bdsm and Ds is a normal healthy type of relationship, why shouldn't we encourage youngins to explore that as much as any other normal healthy type of relationship?

Younguns are drawn to "kewel" things without knowing how to get the most of it. Here's another question.. would you appreciate BDSM as much had you not known vanilla sex?

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 18

RE: I wanna know this too.... - 8/18/2008 6:21:47 PM

NuevaVida

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong
Here's another question.. would you appreciate BDSM as much had you not known vanilla sex?

Yes. "Vanilla" sex always had me feeling like something was lacking. From my very first experience.

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Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 19

RE: I wanna know this too.... - 8/18/2008 6:25:10 PM

azropedntied

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From: Phx AZ
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i think that should be an offical way of greeting from Dommes to me " the nipple tweak hello " As for know the nilla side first last or at all again it depends on the person , i know i have had my share of straight plain sex , i find it cold with no connection when compared to bdsm with or with out the sex .So i guess i would have to say YES i value BDSM way more knowing the alternitives.

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 20

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